What would you give up to gain a spouse?

[PaulDavid]

What would you be willing to change about your life for marriage? Would you change jobs? Move across town...out of state... another country? Be willing to totally start over? Just how far would you go for "the one"?

Recently in a private conversation I mentioned to someone that my lifestyle would not currently accomodate a spouse. That what I do is too intensive and stressful - I would not wish this life or its burdons upon any lady. I was then if I thought I would slow down, or just wait for someone who could fall in line behind me.

That has been going through my mind since it was asked. My answer is this, when my time comes, I would leave all I own if it meant being together.

The reason simply being this, I have much, but it was all from God, and if He gave it to me once.. He could do it again. I would take that step in total faith.

Am I alone? How far would you go for your spouse?

 

[Blank123]

i'd give up my singleness

As for that other stuff, couldn't tell you. It would have to be an issue of crossing that bridge if and when i get to it. Its easy to say now that I'd give up everything for love, but it may be a different story entirely when/if the situation does present itself.

 

[PaulDavid]

You know you razz about giving up your singleness but thats giving up a lot more than many married folks.

 

[kevlite2020]

Interesting thread. For me, I think the only things I'd be willing to give up are things that are selfish or self-serving, and things that are unhealthy (or pick up healthier habits). As far as careers, personality, etc, I wouldn't change any of that. Location... probably not, but that's one I'm not really sure about.

 

[Inkachu]

I don't feel like I'd be giving up anything, but that I'd be gaining immeasurably.

 

[Im_A]

What would you be willing to change about your life for marriage? Would you change jobs? Move across town...out of state... another country? Be willing to totally start over? Just how far would you go for "the one"?

Recently in a private conversation I mentioned to someone that my lifestyle would not currently accomodate a spouse. That what I do is too intensive and stressful - I would not wish this life or its burdons upon any lady. I was then if I thought I would slow down, or just wait for someone who could fall in line behind me.

That has been going through my mind since it was asked. My answer is this, when my time comes, I would leave all I own if it meant being together.

The reason simply being this, I have much, but it was all from God, and if He gave it to me once.. He could do it again. I would take that step in total faith.

Am I alone? How far would you go for your spouse?

I moved across the other side of the country once for a woman. The engagement I had, we were constantly trying to figure who went where which meant someone was going to move to another country (she's from Canada). We almost had it set for me to move to a state that would make it closer for her and I to be together until the process would be done with trying to move into the country.

The first move ended horribly and the plans for moving or whatever went straight to hell.

So I don't know how far I'll go to be with someone. I've done the extreme show of desire. I've planned for the extreme show of desire and it got me no where positive. There were good things to those two situations but the end result is the judge of everything in my eyes. I've also been very selfish and wouldn't budge for anything. So it would be best that no one makes a bet on what I'd do.

I'll judge it the best I can when I meet someone that her and I have a good relationship.

Addition:
Its easy to say you would do this and that when emotions are high and desire is high. Just because those things are there, when you look at the reality of what you'd be doing, it isn't so picture perfect after that and becomes a burden, or a big bridge to cross and burn.

 

[127.0.0.1]

What would you give up to gain a spouse?

I'd be willing to give up loneliness. Can't give up being a guy though. Sorry, witty remarks come first.

 

[PaulDavid]

No need to apologise for humor around me, I get enough of being serious at work

 

[Wren]

I already would like to relocate, so I wouldn't have a problem doing that for a fiance/spouse. There are certain places I can not imagine ever moving to, but I probably would for the right guy. Changing jobs and starting over would not be an issue for me. I'm in school to have a new career and start over.

 

[IDDQD]

Nothing. Considering how happy I am in my life now, giving up something/anything would be a waste to me. I'm not talking material things, of course. I'm talking about my autonomy. I know who I am and I have my identity. I'm me and I know what makes me me. Giving any of that up would make me not me, but someone else.

 

[BarelyBreathing]

That has been going through my mind since it was asked. My answer is this, when my time comes, I would leave all I own if it meant being together.

The reason simply being this, I have much, but it was all from God, and if He gave it to me once.. He could do it again. I would take that step in total faith.

Am I alone? How far would you go for your spouse?

I don't believe that anyone should give up all they have. I think that if things are meant to be between two people, then both will find a way to make things work and will both be willing to give and compromise. One might compromise where they live, another might compromise their time, for example.

The only time God has asked us to forsake all is for Him. Even down to our children. VERY difficult to think of ever losing a child, or giving one up.

I would have trouble giving up a lot of things for a future spouse. Not because those things are more important than a spouse. Not one bit. In fact, I would hope that he would share in all those things with me, as my partner. I don't believe in "yours" and "mine" and all that is mine would be his. He can have my all, my 100%. All my love, my heart, my soul, my body, my possessions, etc. Everything I am and own is his and his alone.

And I would trust that he would be a wise and loving husband. My spiritual head.

There are reasons why I live where I do, and almost all of those reasons have nothing to do with me personally. They are for my children. That is why I couldn't give that up for a man, anymore than I would give up one of my children for a man. My children are the most valuable things I have in this world. Their welfare is above my own, their safety is above my own, their everything is above my own. If I married a man who had children, I would expect no less from him and his relationship with his own children.

But as the two of use joined as one, the overall dynamics would change, as now he would be the head, and I would be his support. Being that I would expect him to understand what it means to put the children above us, then I would expect that as a loving husband he takes their needs into consideration when he makes wise decisions. And if he had children of his own, I would expect ALL of our children to be treated fairly and like..... I would say equal, but equal is not always what is fair or best..... to me, there would be no distinction between mine and his and I would never think of ever asking him to put me above his children, nor would I ever think of treating his children any differently than my own. I would love them all the same.

Anyhow, I hope some of this makes sense. Sometimes I have difficulty explaining well what I mean.

 

[septemberskies]

It depends on where I am in life. If I am pursuing a relationship that is out of my norm (another state, career, lifestyle, etc), I guess that means I have already mentally began giving up some things and trying to prepare myself for change.

 

[Starcradle]

I am currently selling 99% of my belongings and leaving my family behind in order to move to my beloved's country. In comparison to his love, I am sacrificing nothing.

 

[mina]

hmmm, I don't think I'd think of it as giving something up rather than gaining something or moving into a different phase of life. Mina time would be "given up" but it would have to in order to maintain a healthy and good relationship. Moving or relocating and what that would entail would likely be mutually decided by both of us, or at least i hope so. I might have to give up my house, but I would be gaining a home with someone i loved so it wouldn't be that big of a loss.

I do think when you reach the point in a relationship of committing in marriage, then it becomes less about "you" and what you are giving up and more about the "us" and "working together" and what you are facing together. Any decsions made about moving or whose house to live in or how your lives will now work together are best made together with both persons considering the other. No one person should have to give up everything to please the other. If so, there's something very wrong in the relationship. Of course people will be giving up time that they used to spend on themselves; that's just part of it.... But it doesn't need to be considered a loss, but a gain or upgrade.

 

[Ruckhard82]

99.99% of people that make a bunch of scrafices for relationships end up resenting it. You're never going to do any of that without idealizing the relationship. Nothing you idealize to that extent is ever going to live up to expectations and in the end it's just a formula for resentment.

 

[white dove]

I don't feel like I'd be giving up anything, but that I'd be gaining immeasurably.

Pretty much what she said.


In addition, I don't think it's very honest to list things you would and would not do, considering you are not in that situation at the moment (except for Star who is actually in that situation right now). It's one thing to say it; it's another to actually do it. Love is a very powerful force. It is oftentimes unpredictable.

 

[K9_Trainer]

Probably not a lot, being honest.

I'm one of those people who doesn't need a significant other. My goal in life is not to find someone and get married and have a family. While finding somebody and getting married would be nice, I would also be quite happy on my own.

That being said, I'm not going to do backflips to please somebody. When it comes to somebody who's interested....Well, this is me, this is how I am. Either love me for who I am, or forget it.

I am absolutely willing to make some sacrifices for the man I love, but I'm not going to change the core of my being to gain a significant other.

 

[Im_A]

Pretty much what she said.


In addition, I don't think it's very honest to list things you would and would not do, considering you are not in that situation at the moment (except for Star who is actually in that situation right now). It's one thing to say it; it's another to actually do it. Love is a very powerful force. It is oftentimes unpredictable.

When you've been in those situations before though, one can honestly make either one a statement of what you would or wouldn't do, or two the chances of what one would do or not do.

 

[sister4mercy]

Pretty much what she said.


In addition, I don't think it's very honest to list things you would and would not do, considering you are not in that situation at the moment (except for Star who is actually in that situation right now). It's one thing to say it; it's another to actually do it. Love is a very powerful force. It is oftentimes unpredictable.

Agreed.

 

[white dove]

When you've been in those situations before though, one can honestly make either one a statement of what you would or wouldn't do, or two the chances of what one would do or not do.

Things can change though... people change, situations are different.. the people involved are different. Time sometimes causes people to re-evaluate things, as well. And again, love is unpredictable.