But that's what you agreed to play in the divorce decree... You can't say that you agree to pay that, but then decide later you're going to pay that and it counts as child support. Again, I have first hand knowledge of how this works... My husband granted his ex things in the divorce... The non-personal property in their residence, a portion of his retirement, and a huge chunk of money for her to pay off some debts. None of that meant anything to lowering how much he paid per month or week in child support. He paid his child support, plus that. That's how property and asset division works. You don't agree to pay those things in lieu of child support.
And, having watched a divorce in your home state, the settlements for property division and child custody/support aren't even handled by the same branch of the court. Property division, division of bills, assets, and property is all one court division that is totally separate from family court and child support. The decree from one does not dictate the decree from the other.
The fact that you pay $2300 to your ex's bills as is outlined by the divorce paperwork you drew up and then forged means nothing to child support. You still need to pay it.
He has been abusive to you in the presence of your son. That isn't OK. And being exposed to your being abused is an abusive behavior committed against your son.
No... No. You've just proven my point as to how totally detached you are.
Your boyfriend made you choose between him and your son. You chose your boyfriend over your son. Your son doesn't have to be told to be upset over his mother choosing her abusive boyfriend's wants on Christmas over time with him on a significant personal and religious holiday. He just is. Because that's a hurt. And when he gets older, he'll remember his first Christmas trying to navigate his new post-divorce family dynamic was spent crying over mom saying no to him and yes to the man who verbally and physically abuses her in the room next to his.
That's not the husband poisoning the well. That's you choosing a boyfriend and sex and staying on the abuser's good side over the well-being, emotional needs, and feelings over him, and the poor kid fully realizing it.
Most rational people would have had a discussion away from the boy that told the boyfriend to pound sand, told the ex husband you're staying for 3, 4, 5, whatever hours to watch and be a part of the most important part of the holidays to the child, and then gone back to do exactly that. Not square off with the ex in front of the kid, square off with the boyfriend in front of the kid, then leave the kid in tears.
Ask yourself, you expect your child who's not even in a double digits age bracket, to understand why you can't be there with him for Christmas... But your boyfriend, who is 5 times older than him with, who has three kids of his own, can't accept not being with you? Why are you expecting a 9 year old to understand something that's outside of what he can process and accept, but not expecting the boyfriend to accept your role as a mother when he's not only old enough to understand it, but he's in the same position himself?
Guess what's none of his business?
That.
If you guys were together for years, everybody got along, and you're in a healthy, long-term relationship with the guy, going through a holiday that you've done post-divorce numerous times, then he can start making these kinds of requests.
Post-divorce, my husband spent most of the day alone with his ex and the kids on Christmas. Once they got settled into the post-divorce dynamic, they started coming here too. Even then, we've been together for years now and this Christmas, he still spent about 20 minutes watching them unwrap gifts at his ex's house while I was at home. It's not a big deal. He could have taken three hours and it wouldn't have been a big deal. In a relationship where there are kids from a previous relationship, this is business as usual. It's what you do to make sure the kids are taken care of.
You wanted to honor the boyfriend... Not your son.
That says it all.
You need to break from the boyfriend, take time away from your son, get your act together.
Yes, something weird was going on. A virgin birth yielded the savior of your soul on the holiest day of the year as per your faith and you wanted to celebrate this religious and personal holiday with the child you created and gave birth to, because said child has been in your life for a decade and you love him and understand this is a difficult time of year for a child after a divorce.
A that bond didn't vanish just because your ended your marriage 6 months ago and those years you've shared with that child mean more than the boyfriend you've been dating for a year and his babyish demands.
When you become involved with a person who has kids from a previous relationship, you enter into a relationship with that person, the child, and their ex. A guy who's this small of a man and this insecure, who'll abuse you in front of your son and will cause you as a mother to turn your back on your own crying child on Christmas and walk right out the door to go "honor him"... He's a skeeze and you shouldn't let him do it to you and your son.
