What would you do?

[DZoolander]

Maybe I missed something, because like Odetta said I've started to find your drama unbearable and I'm only 1/8th paying attention (beyond the "hey that crazy person has a new screen name" part), but what happened to your six figure per year media job? Just a month or two ago you were the breadwinner in this whole situation, with your ex-husband living off of you.

If your story is legit - then like she said above very eloquently - you're a hot mess. I mean, you're worse than any Springer episode I've ever seen. Just the litany of things that you've said have gone on in your life over the recent time that I've been aware of you is incredible. Like I said - I'd be shocked if someone I knew had ONE of those things happen to them. But - you've got 'em all...and it just runs off your back like it's something normal.

I feel like I need to preface everything I say with "if your story is legit" - because I simply cannot envision how someone can walk through life with that degree of nonsense going on. But, if it is legit, you don't need to be with anyone. You need to sit down and start looking at what normal people go through. Normal people have disagreements. Normal people may argue. But normal people do *not* have the stuff you're talking about happen to them.

...and until you can find whatever balance you need in your life in order to get some semblance of sanity within it...I agree that your son probably is better off not witnessing your dysfunction.

I mean - do you have any concept of how crazy your life sounds? Is there ever a time when you're sitting there recounting your nonsense when you sit back and go "Whoa - this is truly nuts!" and start to consider what your role in that may be? Like I said - I'd be amazed if anyone I knew came to me with one thing from your list. But - you got 'em all with your ex-husband...and now it looks like you're all primed to get them with the next guy. That's two unbelievable levels of drama in a row. You're batting 1000.

That either means it can't be true - or else it means you've got some serious internal problems to figure out.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Help me out with the timeline here:

11/26/2014 - You are asking about your husband's behavior in the car with his driving.

12/6/2014 - You call him your ex, talk about how your dating life is a mess, and his going to court to keep your son away from you and your boyfriend and how he demands to be there for mediation because you're getting married, and that he can't be with you and your son during his birthday.

12/9/2014 - He's the love of your life and you've lost custody, so you want to move to be with the boyfriend.

12/11/2014 - You broke up with him

12/22/2014 - He's your boyfriend again, you're newly divorced, but with no parenting plan (?!). You entertained flirty texts fro your ex and another man. Then an incident you said happened on 12/6 apparently happened again... But you're fine. And your ex doesn't want your son around the boyfriend, but you spent Christmas week with your son and the boyfriend.

12/23/2014 - You revel you're sexually active with this guy, also you need to finalize the divorce you said you got already. Also, you're independent and love making money and the independence it brings. Boyfriend blows up on your son because you don't know if you should stay at the boyfriend's mansion or the ex's mansion...

12/24/14 - He abuses you in the presence of his family and your son, and you "think" you "might" have to leave him... But...

12/25/2014 - You just love him so much and want to know if you can make it work.

12/31/2014 - You guys had a few good days and you're so happpeeeeyyyy and everybody is trying. Except for he blew up on you for unwrapping gifts with your son and your son is so immersed in this he broke down into tears. But, you're happpppeeeeeeeyyyy!

1/13/2015 - He may or may not have been acting inappropriate with a 15 year old girl, and he is telling a girl who's like a daughter to him that she needs to come bring her "gorgeous face" around. Now you question things again.

Then... This thread, where you're getting ready to run down the aisle for the man.

So... First thing we need to address... You were having an affair, if we were to follow the timeline that had you married on 11/26, but divorcing and with a boyfriend you're going to live with 10 days later. So... There's the shining light on his trust issues, your trust issues, and why things are so rocky with your ex-husband after the marriage ended. It also explains how in less than a month, you go from married, to dating, dating and sexually active, to divorced, to un-divorced, to maybe divorced again.

Second thing to bring up... In every. Single. Thread. Every one. You've been told that he's acting mental, you're acting mental, and you need to get out. Yet every thread, you ask "what should you do?"

Third thing... There's a kid involved here that it seems that nobody can put first, save for maybe the father who has the presence of mind to want to keep the boyfriend away, but loses major points for shipping him off over Christmas to watch his mother become humiliated and abused by somebody who will be his stepfather (if the boyfriend has his way). Considering you have him weekends, he gave your son to you for Christmas 3 hours away, and he makes your son available to see you for dinner 5 days a week, plus weekends... He's not trying to limit your access to your son. Only limit your ability to yank him away to a household with a guy who is a physical, mental, and emotional danger to him.

There is absolutely zero reason a child should be falling apart into tears over what's going on. There is absolutely no reason he should know "daddy and mommy's boyfriend are at war." There is no reason he should be involved in this at all. Heck, there's not even a reason that, less than a month after leaving the marriage, this kid should know mom has a boyfriend.

You need to stop the nonsense and focus on your son. For absolute real. You've been with this guy for less than two months, you're living with him, you have no place to go if it's not his house, you have no money, and he wants you to move three hours away to live with him. THIS IS NOT NORMAL OR OK.

That's not even touching on the fact that you pay child support... If you have no job, how will you pay it? Simple answer is you won't... So you've just totally abandoned a child you gave birth to for a man. Or, better yet, the boyfriend will pay it so when you break up, he can take you to court and petition for either the money back or partial custody.

The "love addiction" thing, I'm just not buying it. You are just a person who's making bad choices, who is severely co-dependent, and seems to enjoy the drama. You need to say to yourself "I'm a mother. I'm not in high school. I need to act like an adult here."

 

[whatdoido2]

I understand ...but I am seriously going through these experiences -- and I do believe in some ways...that the situation I went through with my ex husband was partially my doing....


As for my work --yes I was the breadwinner -- and had great job. However, when I attempted to move with my BF 3 hours away...I took a short leave of absence...to see if it was the correct decision. So I went unpaid -- and when things went south with him -- he cut off my money supply -- and told me to come back to his house -- or he would not help me.

He was not willing to even give me gas money etc....because I left the house....

I guess that's why you wait until you have ring before you give up a job for someone --

Now, I still have this job that pays well -- but it is currently shakey -- because I looked like really unstable...asking for a leave of absence. Although, I'm back and trying to get secure -- but it's scary....

edit: I divorced in June -- 2 weeks before I met my BF -- so we have been together for 8 months now.

THe current divorce issue is because my EX husband re-opened the divorce by claiming he didn't fully understand the decree because he didn't have an attorney. AND -- he wanted child support.

I did not have affair.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

I guess that's why you wait until you have ring before you give up a job for someone --

No, wrong lesson there... The lesson is that when you pay child support, you need to maintain a job.

Now, I still have this job that pays well -- but it is currently shakey -- because I looked like really unstable...asking for a leave of absence. Although, I'm back and trying to get secure -- but it's scary....

But why would you be on shaky ground for a LOA? I'm pretty sure if it's termed an LOA, as long as you have the vacation time to do it, and if you don't, you take it as unpaid for under the maximum allowed, you're fine. Like my husband is allowed 6 weeks LOA unpaid on top of his 9 weeks of vacation. He could, without penalty, take 9 weeks of vacation and then dip into unpaid LOA afterwards due to a family emergency and still have a job.

edit: I divorced in June -- 2 weeks before I met my BF --

THe current divorce issue is because my EX husband re-opened the divorce by claiming he didn't fully understand the decree because he didn't have an attorney. AND -- he wanted child support.

I did not have affair.

But in Nov, you called somebody your husband. 10 days later, you had a boyfriend. Your other profile says you were divorced, but then it said that everybody thinks you're a wh*re, but I'm not sure why. What's the scoop? Is that other profile yours as well?

And you can't "reopen a divorce." You can contest points on a divorce afterwards, but there is no way you can go through the process of getting a divorce twice.

AND -- He should want child support. He is entitled to it. I don't know how it's even possible to get a divorce without having no decree ordering support and custody. In our state, we weren't even ALLOWED to go before a divorce judge without passing through family court and settling that first.

 

[whatdoido2]

It's called a "bill of review" and my ex husband had it granted it because he got a lot of family money to pay for a very, very good attorney. And me? I gave him all the money I had -- and paid all of his bills.

We did have a parenting plan -- but my initial attorney had me put something in the decree that stated we would be flexible. But, I was the primary parent and I designated where my son would live etc. Well, my ex contested that ASAP too and it was granted.

THAT is why I am still fighting him-- and why I will most likely have trouble having anything other than -- every other weekend. My hours at my current job are not good for an elementary aged child.

No, wrong lesson there... The lesson is that when you pay child support, you need to maintain a job.



But why would you be on shaky ground for a LOA? I'm pretty sure if it's termed an LOA, as long as you have the vacation time to do it, and if you don't, you take it as unpaid for under the maximum allowed, you're fine. Like my husband is allowed 6 weeks LOA unpaid on top of his 9 weeks of vacation. He could, without penalty, take 9 weeks of vacation and then dip into unpaid LOA afterwards due to a family emergency and still have a job.



But in Nov, you called somebody your husband. 10 days later, you had a boyfriend. Your other profile says you were divorced, but then it said that everybody thinks you're a wh*re, but I'm not sure why. What's the scoop? Is that other profile yours as well?

And you can't "reopen a divorce." You can contest points on a divorce afterwards, but there is no way you can go through the process of getting a divorce twice.

AND -- He should want child support. He is entitled to it. I don't know how it's even possible to get a divorce without having no decree ordering support and custody. In our state, we weren't even ALLOWED to go before a divorce judge without passing through family court and settling that first.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

It's called a "bill of review" and my ex husband had it granted it because he got a lot of family money to pay for a very, very good attorney. And me? I gave him all the money I had -- and paid all of his bills.

We did have a parenting plan -- but my initial attorney had me put something in the decree that stated we would be flexible. But, I was the primary parent and I designated where my son would live etc. Well, my ex contested that ASAP too and it was granted.

THAT is why I am still fighting him-- and why I will most likely have trouble having anything other than -- every other weekend. My hours at my current job are not good for an elementary aged child.

You know, I just read the whole other post... The forgery, the fact you probably should be arrested for some really questionable stuff in the process of getting the divorce, the fact that I think your ex-husband is right to suspect you had an affair with the boyfriend, that the boyfriend is right to think you had an affair with the ex (especially after you let him check for wires and such in your lady regions)...

This is all just too weird for me.

I feel awful for the child lost in this as I really think he's the pawn in the middle of some waaaaaay too adult stuff...

You need to cut ties with the guy, focus on your son, and stop with the crazy behavior and the baloney. If you worried half as much about your son as you did the crazy boyfriend and the crazy but maybe not actually crazy ex who's possibly only acting crazy because you're the grand marshal of the crazy parade... you wouldn't be in this situation.

 

[Messy]

Or reconcile with my EX husband -- for the sake of stability and the child...despite the fact that he, in fact, tried to ruin me -- post divorce filing... in a very public way.

You know why he does that? He's mad that you left him for an idiot. Your story sounds a bit similar to mine, except for the private investigator.
I got my kids back when I cut it off with the guy and told him I was sorry, then he said he was sorry too.

 

[abysmul]

You are a parent, you made the baby, now you must be a parent to the child. For normal people, the child comes first... your work, your fun, your "boyfriend", your anger towards your X, all comes second.

I strongly suggest getting on your knees and giving your life over to Christ, and putting all of this drama out of your life entirely. If you are incapable of getting your life together and putting your child first, and you are compelled to continue your "hot mess" (as others have called it) of a life... get out of your boy's life now, so you do drag him down in that nightmare of a reality TV like production you are building around yourself on a daily basis.

 

[Messy]

If you decide to go back I'd first get some very good inner healing and marriage counselling together, perhaps at that church from Larry Stockstill, if that other topic is also yours.

 

[Annessa3]

I think you should leave the poor kid with his dad and get your sh--stuff together.

You. Alone. With Jesus.

 

[whatdoido2]

Leave my son with his dad... Like never see my son again?

What do you mean?

 

[Tropical Wilds]

I agree. Until you figure your stuff out and dump the guy, don't see your son.

 

[whatdoido2]

So, I shouldn't see my son -- take him lunch -- or see him in any form - even alone?

Doesn't that sound extreme?

I agree. Until you figure your stuff out and dump the guy, don't see your son.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

So, I shouldn't see my son -- take him lunch -- or see him in any form - even alone?

Doesn't that sound extreme?

No. Not until you get your crap together.

 

[abysmul]

So, I shouldn't see my son -- take him lunch -- or see him in any form - even alone?

Doesn't that sound extreme?

"Doing lunch" is something you do with a friend or coworkers...

Being a parent is a full time thing, not for when it is convenient to you... or when it's fun for you. It appears you are more interested in finding your own pleasure in life than you are in being a Mother. That's why it is being suggested that get your priorities and life in order, out of the utter chaos that it is, before you try and be a parent. Mental health counseling and parenting classes should be in order as well.

 

[whatdoido2]

Well, I think I have here yet another reason why my thread (and my life) sounds psychotic.

My BF just messaged me that he had a FBI style background check done on my ex husband and that he found that my EX had filed bankruptcy 3 times and that we were not legally divorced.

ALL of that is completely wrong. I haven't responded to him yet -- but what in the world?!?

I know this sounds like more of a reality show -- but I'm struggling ... I just can't understand it all... he really is psychotic...isn't he?

 

[Annessa3]

psychotic? who knows.
controlling? fer sure

then again, as he finds out more about YOU, he may feel the need to protect himself and his assets......

show him the completed divorce decree signed by the judge. If you have one.....

 

[whatdoido2]

Yes I have one and he's already seen it

And why in the world would he need to do a FBI "style" background check on my ex husband?

The type of backgroubd he did... Is illegal. He is not a cop etc.

 

[Annessa3]

all those background checks are available to anyone of the internet for a price.

 

[whatdoido2]

no -- he said he hired a military "friend" ...who also worked as a private eye -- (who also followed ME) ... to run this...and even called extended family ?!? and pretended they needed info for a job reference.

This is not just public data...