What Would YOU Do If . . .?

[JustMeSee]

What, in your mind, constitutes "acting gay?"

Girls acting like boys.
Boys acting like girls.

Camp =/= Gay

What does that mean?
What is camp?

 

[cantata]

Girls acting like boys.
Boys acting like girls.

You seem to be conflating gender identity and sexual orientation.

 

[JustMeSee]

You seem to be conflating gender identity and sexual orientation.

Yes, I guess you are right.
I suppose I really don't know how I would be able to tell if one of my children was gay.

 

[geekgirlkelli]

Girls acting like boys.
Boys acting like girls.

No offense intended, but I think you might have gay confused with transgender. Just because someone has an attraction to the same sex doesn't make them act like the opposite sex. I know many gay people whom you would never know were gay if they didn't tell you.

Now if your boy wanted to play with girls and do all girl stuff, I might be inclined to say he could be transgender. But really there are so many variables, it's hard to tell anything unless they come right out and tell you how they feel. The unfortunate part is when kids feel like they can't talk to their parents because they fear the reaction their parents might have. In fact when I came out to my parents it wasn't until I was 36, and it took so long because of my parents' reaction to something fairly insignificant that I did when I was really little. From that point on I strove to try to act as "normal" as possible so as not to upset anyone and I was pretty miserable. So the story goes for many in the LGBT community.

 

[cantata]

May I just say, I know plenty of straight people and cisexual people who were a bit gender non-conformist as children (and often, who still are).

 

[JustMeSee]

What would really distress me if one of my children was gay would be how society would treat him/her.

I went to a pretty liberal high school and the gays and lesbians were still often ridiculed.

 

[cantata]

What would really distress me if one of my children was gay would be how society would treat him/her.

I went to a pretty liberal high school and the gays and lesbians were still often ridiculed.

Yes. If anything would bother me about having a non-heterosexual child, it would be this; not so much the school stuff, as children can bully one another for all sorts of trivial reasons, but because of the denial of basic civil rights.

 

[geekgirlkelli]

May I just say, I know plenty of straight people and cisexual people who were a bit gender non-conformist as children (and often, who still are).

I agree, which is why I said "...inclined to say.... could be..."

 

[geekgirlkelli]

What would really distress me if one of my children was gay would be how society would treat him/her.

I went to a pretty liberal high school and the gays and lesbians were still often ridiculed.

What better reason to be supportive of your child, as a parent?

My friend Andrew co-wrote and produced this video last year. His mom is so loving and supportive of him and I know she's a big reason he does as well as he does. He is an honors student and very artistic, to the point of being nominated to display a project in Washington.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N97GTvSrRLw

 

[cantata]

Fair enough.

I'd also be loath to hop in and suggest transgenderism as opposed to possible transvestism or even just plain old not-gender-binary-ness.

I know it's an issue close to your heart, kelli. No hard feelings.

 

[keith99]

No offense intended, but I think you might have gay confused with transgender. Just because someone has an attraction to the same sex doesn't make them act like the opposite sex. I know many gay people whom you would never know were gay if they didn't tell you.

Now if your boy wanted to play with girls and do all girl stuff, I might be inclined to say he could be transgender. But really there are so many variables, it's hard to tell anything unless they come right out and tell you how they feel. The unfortunate part is when kids feel like they can't talk to their parents because they fear the reaction their parents might have. In fact when I came out to my parents it wasn't until I was 36, and it took so long because of my parents' reaction to something fairly insignificant that I did when I was really little. From that point on I strove to try to act as "normal" as possible so as not to upset anyone and I was pretty miserable. So the story goes for many in the LGBT community.

Most of the Gays I know are Leathermen. Generally very much manly men.

Most of the rest are players for either the Los Angeles Rebellion or the San Diego Armada Rugby clubs. Generally fairly manly also. And the Armada hosts their receptions at a bar that has Newcastle on tap. It does happen to be a Gay bar, but in my part of the Rugby world what beers they have matters far more.

My parents were never ones for 'normal' kids. For which the whole family is glad, as I am now the one who gets the best results in for a couple of family favorite deserts. (I am Het BTW, but kinky enough that straight does not fit).

 

[geekgirlkelli]

re

Fair enough.

I'd also be loath to hop in and suggest transgenderism as opposed to possible transvestism or even just plain old not-gender-binary-ness.

I know it's an issue close to your heart, kelli. No hard feelings.

We're not in disagreement. Transgender is not exclusive of cross-dressing. Transgender, which is the term I used, is an umbrella term covering anything that breaks that gender binary. Transvestite is a very outdated term we in the community do not use.

So yeah, when I said what I did, I was covering anyone/anything under the transgender umbrella, including cross-dressers and genderqueers.

 

[angellica]

Just to answer previous questions - if the kid in question was 13 or 14, I wouldn't kick them out because they couldn't get a job to support themselves yet, and they are too young. I'd pray for them and get help from my pastor and, of course, there would be no homosexual activity of any kind in my house.

 

[cantata]

re

We're not in disagreement. Transgender is not exclusive of cross-dressing. Transgender, which is the term I used, is an umbrella term covering anything that breaks that gender binary. Transvestite is a very outdated term we in the community do not use.

So yeah, when I said what I did, I was covering anyone/anything under the transgender umbrella, including cross-dressers and genderqueers.

I'm sorry, I think we just had a terminology mix-up. I've never heard "transgender' used to refer to genderal genderqueerness or cross-dressing. (Incidentally I know some people who self-identify as transvestites.) Could be a British/American thing? Divided by a common language and all that!

 

[angellica]

Well, it would be your fault. There are very few ways a homeless teenager can make money; basically it's steal, beg, or sell your body. As the person who put them in that position (and, if they're under the age of the responsibility in your country), you are, infact, responsible absolutely morally, and perhaps legally aswell.

They can get a job, so it would not be my fault if they failed to do so and turned to prostitution for money.

 

[cantata]

Just to answer previous questions - if the kid in question was 13 or 14, I wouldn't kick them out because they couldn't get a job to support themselves yet, and they are too young.

Well, I guess we should be grateful for small mercies.

I'd pray for them and get help from my pastor and, of course, there would be no homosexual activity of any kind in my house.

What about in other people's houses?

 

[cantata]

They can get a job, so it would not be my fault if they failed to do so and turned to prostitution for money.

Yeah, because getting a first job when you have no home and no one to support you, and you've just suffered the severe emotional trauma of being disowned by your family, is really easy.

 

[angellica]

Again, respond to people as if they're individuals rather than part of the Borg.

Unless they're Unitarian Universalists...they are the Borg. UU of 8! You will be assimilated! All your religion are belong to us!

Reps to anyone who gets that incredibly obscure reference...

All your base are belong to us!
-CATS

 

[angellica]

Yeah, because getting a first job when you have no home and no one to support you, and you've just suffered the severe emotional trauma of being disowned by your family, is really easy.

I never said it would be easy.

 

[angellica]

Most of the Gays I know are Leathermen. Generally very much manly men.

Most of the rest are players for either the Los Angeles Rebellion or the San Diego Armada Rugby clubs. Generally fairly manly also. And the Armada hosts their receptions at a bar that has Newcastle on tap. It does happen to be a Gay bar, but in my part of the Rugby world what beers they have matters far more.

My parents were never ones for 'normal' kids. For which the whole family is glad, as I am now the one who gets the best results in for a couple of family favorite deserts. (I am Het BTW, but kinky enough that straight does not fit).

By definition of gay sex, men who are gay and have gay sex are not manly IMO.