What to do when you are beyond repentance?

[FutureAndAHope]

So I made a post a few weeks ago looking for wisdom about whether I had become like Esau or whether I am under discipline/spiritual warfare.

If you care to read the post, here it is:
Spiritual Warefare, Discipline or Non Believer?

I have come to determine with a great level of certainty that my heart has hardened past the point of repentance due to continued sin. I feel no brokenness or conviction over my sin nor do I have the desires of the Lord anymore. I find no ability to turn away from sin from a heart level like I once did. All that I am left with is severe fear of my future condemnation. As I read Hebrews, I see that my life now matches up perfectly with Hebrews 6:4, as well as Hebrews 10:26. I have spent time consulting with my pastor and other believing friends. They seem to believe that I am still a believer, but I sincerely disagree. I think they are coming around though.

As I have come to the conclusion that I am beyond repentance, my question is what is the best thing for me to do next. I cannot spend my life walking in apostasy creating greater condemnation for myself upon my death. Life is too much to live apart from Christ. There is no meaning to life other than Christ and there is no joy apart from him. I cannot continue with life apart from Christ. However, I see no other way to handle the situation other than suicide. Does anyone have any better suggestions or wisdom to give?

I know some of you may land in a more reformed camp like I once did, but there is no denial that someone can become like those mentioned in Hebrews. I have become one. What then do I do now?

The fact is that while you live you can have repentance. Our judgment does not come until we die.

Heb 9:27-28 And as it is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment, so Christ was offered once to bear the sins of many.

Hebrews 6 speaks of "crucifying Christ again", but we see above the cross covers a lifetime of sins. To actually fall into the category of Hebrews 6 a person must walk back into their sins, and die in unbelief. For any person who has known Christ, the following verses are applicable:

1Jn 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Jas 5:19-20 Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.

 

[carllundin]

You said you went through this, can you elaborate more on your experience?

I came to faith two years ago, and dropped everything at hand that I knew was wrong - it just struck my heart how evil I had been in my life, and Jesus revealed to me how I was blaming God for everything. I was a child of wrath and disobedience.
Then I joined a church, and I quickly learnt that the common belief was that one could never stop sinning,
and it was pointless to even try. I joined prayer groups where people considered very godly would confess every week how
they constantly fell back into sin, but were forgiven on a repeated basis. This was Christianity for the people in church.

I can only blame myself, because when we sin, we always know that it is wrong, but long story short, I started sinning again,
with lust and other things, and thought that this was ok, that Jesus know we will always be sinners etc.
Within a year I found myself drinking beer and smoking cigarrettes at a bar, talking about Jesus, sure, but in my mind I was
"there to evangelize" and did Jesus a favour. I was completely in the dark, and my sins had given me over to a depraved mind,
just like scripture says.

I started to feel so distant from God, and slept many hours in the night, feeling miserable, but kept praying and singing hymns, going to church etc. But one day I finally understood, that NOTHING about the sin-repent, sin-repent never-ending cycle has anything to do with Jesus. This is false religion and leads to hell.
Once again I knelt down before God, confessed and knew in my heart I deserved hell for my actions, sinning willfully against my knowledge of His Truth, that he had given to me. I went through a season of godly sorrow, couldn't look up to the sky because of shame and I started to fear God.

Now I understand that God is calling us FROM THE BONDAGE OF SIN, setting us free from the world. It is possible to stop sinning if you want to, and more important - it is the narrow path. Whoever the Son sets free, he is free indeed - FROM SIN. That is the purging of the soul and crucifiction of the old self that MUST take place, otherwise we will never be right with God.
We are called to be holy, take every thought captive under the obedience to Christ, and becoming pure at heart. NOT letting the works of the flesh, which is lust, rage, pride, the world's opinions, media etc, take hold of us.

In short, sin must stop.

 

[Fervent]

For me, determining I had committed the unforgiveable sin was liberating. Knowing that there was no changing my fate, I no longer needed to concern myself with eternal destination. Eat and drink, for tomorrow we die. But even more so, my seeking after Christ was no longer about myself but about His value. Being beyond salvation, I was free to love Him because He is lovely not because He would reward me. Now, I am no longer under the belief that I have committed the unforgiveable sin but if you have why hasten your torment? Live for today, whatever your fate is fretting over it will avail you nothing.

 

[SunshineHollyDay]

For me, determining I had committed the unforgiveable sin was liberating. Knowing that there was no changing my fate, I no longer needed to concern myself with eternal destination. Eat and drink, for tomorrow we die. But even more so, my seeking after Christ was no longer about myself but about His value. Being beyond salvation, I was free to love Him because He is lovely not because He would reward me. Now, I am no longer under the belief that I have committed the unforgiveable sin but if you have why hasten your torment? Live for today, whatever your fate is fretting over it will avail you nothing.

You would suffer even more in hell? By sinning?

 

[Fervent]

You would suffer even more in hell? By sinning?

Where did I say that? I was set free because I no longer had to question whether I was sincere in my affections to Christ, because there was no more reward for me. If I had committed the unforgiveable sin, my fate was unchangeable and would come eventually. Why fret over what can't be changed? So while I guess I could have looked at it as free to sin, the freedom I found was to live my relationship with Christ without concerning myself with the hamster wheel of self-accusation.

 

[SunshineHollyDay]

For me, determining I had committed the unforgiveable sin was liberating. Knowing that there was no changing my fate, I no longer needed to concern myself with eternal destination. Eat and drink, for tomorrow we die. But even more so, my seeking after Christ was no longer about myself but about His value. Being beyond salvation, I was free to love Him because He is lovely not because He would reward me. Now, I am no longer under the belief that I have committed the unforgiveable sin but if you have why hasten your torment? Live for today, whatever your fate is fretting over it will avail you nothing.

So what made you think you committed the unforgivable sin?

 

[Fervent]

So what made you think you committed the unforgivable sin?

Long story short, I became convinced that everyone I knew and loved(or at least all of my immediate family and my wife) were hellbound because none of them behaved as if Christ were real or seem to take faith seriously. The thought that they were going to hell troubled me so much that one night I prayed that I would reject Jesus if I could go to hell in their stead. I was immediately struck with horror at my prayer because of the hubris of thinking my going to hell would accomplish something not accomplished on the cross. To explain how I arrived at the conclusion that that was the unforgiveable sin is a bit more than I'm willing to get into on here, but for a while I was convinced that I was going to hell for it and after the initial period of distress and anguish over it I came to the conclusion that I did not want to rush to my torment with suicide and would rather spend my life preaching the gospel to prevent others frrom my fate.

 

[Lost Witness]

This is really hard for me to admit and I’ve been pushing it down for these past two years. I know that with my head I have been trying to return to Christ but with my heart I find myself uninterested and resistant. Like from a heart level, I don’t want to repent of sin and I see no need for Christ. I don’t know why my heart would be like this other than loss of salvation. My heart resists when I try to repent. It seems as though my saving faith has evaporated and I don’t believe anymore. Will he overcome my heart and bring it back to repentance or is this the end?

You need to stay in prayer and ask the LORD to let you cry, till he does.
Believe it and he will.
i turned my back on him for over 6yrs and he forgave me (hallelujah)

 

[Aldebaran]

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