Maybe facing that physical attraction does not make a marriage or a physical/intimate relationship. I couldn't help noticing when someone questioned whether your wife resembled the illustration of the person at a certain BMI, your first response was to laugh and a "yeah, right".
The issue here is that you've no idea what contributes to intimacy in your marriage. You've latched on to this idea that your wife isn't physically attractive (I don't know, all we have is your word...), and drawn a conclusion that physical intimacy is impossible for that reason. That's called A ---> C reasoning. Something happens - an "
Activating event" (e.g. you see your wife), and a "
Consequence" or outcome (the thought "I'm not turned on because
she isn't attractive"). And that's a losing bet every time, because the consequence really has nothing to do with the event. You being turned on or not has
nothing to do with her. It has to do with your
Beliefs about her. And that's the only thing that's in your power to change - your beliefs about her and the situation you're in. From what I've gathered reading this thread so far is that the belief you have is "physical intimacy is not possible unless my partner is attractive to me". Where and how you've learned that, it's stuck with you and it's being projected onto your wife. But it's not your
wife's belief, it's
yours.
So that changes the equation a bit: A ---> B ---> C
You see your wife (activating event) ---> "Physical intimacy is not possible unless my partner is attractive to me" (belief) ---> "I'm not turned on" (consequence)
Now, it has
everything to do with you and
nothing to do with her. Now the question becomes what changes you want to make about the beliefs that are getting in the way of physical intimacy with your wife.
Make sense?
