What makes sex so great?

[Yoona86]

What makes sex so great in a marriage? Obviously I've never done it and I'm not married, so what do I (possibly) have to look forward to?

it is hard to describe until you experience it yourself, but the feeling of oneness with someone you love.

 

[Inkachu]

It probably bears mentioning that marital sex isn't ALWAYS great, or even close to it lol. Sometimes it's painful, sometimes it's awkward, sometimes you just can't get into it, sometimes it sputters out and you just give up, sometimes it's messy, sometimes one of you wants it and the other doesn't, sometimes your body just won't cooperate... You have to learn to laugh off the awkward moments, and reassure your partner if it just isn't stoking your furnace for some reason, and learn to be OK with the non-events that WILL sometimes occur lol.

Just wanted to say that. Some people think that married sex is constant fireworks and exploding rockets and novel-worthy swooning. And sometimes.. it's NOT lol.

 

[Johnnz]

It probably bears mentioning that marital sex isn't ALWAYS great, or even close to it lol. Sometimes it's painful, sometimes it's awkward, sometimes you just can't get into it, sometimes it sputters out and you just give up, sometimes it's messy, sometimes one of you wants it and the other doesn't, sometimes your body just won't cooperate... You have to learn to laugh off the awkward moments, and reassure your partner if it just isn't stoking your furnace for some reason, and learn to be OK with the non-events that WILL sometimes occur lol.

Just wanted to say that. Some people think that married sex is constant fireworks and exploding rockets and novel-worthy swooning. And sometimes.. it's NOT lol.

That's a necessary comment, very realistic. Sex is part of a relationship, and good relationships change and develop over time. There can be time of 'routine sex' where a couple have plateaued. Then, some creativity, reflection and communication will be necessary.

John
NZ

 

[Purge187]

It probably bears mentioning that marital sex isn't ALWAYS great, or even close to it lol. Sometimes it's painful, sometimes it's awkward, sometimes you just can't get into it, sometimes it sputters out and you just give up, sometimes it's messy, sometimes one of you wants it and the other doesn't, sometimes your body just won't cooperate... You have to learn to laugh off the awkward moments, and reassure your partner if it just isn't stoking your furnace for some reason, and learn to be OK with the non-events that WILL sometimes occur lol.

Just wanted to say that. Some people think that married sex is constant fireworks and exploding rockets and novel-worthy swooning. And sometimes.. it's NOT lol.

Well-said.

The church has propogated the notion that sex is like wine--the longer you keep it bottled up, the better it will be. Not true. Intimacy has its own complications just like any other aspect of life.

 

[LinkH]

I remember hearing on TV or reading about some of the problems with American soldiers in the UK during WWII. In the US, it was the girl's responsibility to put up boundaries so the boy with raging hormones wouldn't take advantage of her. In the UK, men were supposed to show more restraint. Then there was the problem of American men getting the women pregnant and not marrying them, which was more expected of British culture. (I don't know if this was accurate or not.)

In the US, I think we have historically asked way too little of young men when it comes to the issue of sexual purity. On the day of judgment, "She let me do it." is going to be a valid excuse for the sin of fornication. If you watch American TV or Hollywood movies, the idea seems to be that it is normal that a man would accept sex from a beautiful woman, be it fornication or adultery. Nowadays, women aren't expected to show much restraint either.

 

[Inkachu]

So true, Link. We hear so many excuses. "Boys will be boys". "That's just how guys are." "Men have needs." Etc, etc, etc. No accountability. And you're right on the dwindling value of female purity these days, too. It's still there in some places and some families, but it's fast disappearing.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

It really is about parental involvement and knowing your child inside and out (t....

So true. Growing up homeschooled almost EVERY parent thought the kid was an angel, especially as teens. They weren't' sexually active. They knew their kids well! And yet before I graduated I'd say more then half of the teens I knew (especially the guys) had sex or at the least "messed" around in one way or another. Of course this isn't even counting the other things they did like looking at inappropriate content.

Parents as you said need to talk more to their kids. Get to know them. Get to know the REAL them because its not like your childs going to openly say "Yes mom I am having lots of sex!". Their horny teens, they aren't going to tell the parents that, especially christian ones.

It probably bears mentioning that marital sex isn't ALWAYS great, or even close to it lol. Sometimes it's painful, sometimes it's awkward, sometimes you just can't get into it, sometimes it sputters out and you just give up, sometimes it's messy, sometimes one of you wants it and the other doesn't, sometimes your body just won't cooperate... You have to learn to laugh off the awkward moments, and reassure your partner if it just isn't stoking your furnace for some reason, and learn to be OK with the non-events that WILL sometimes occur lol.

Just wanted to say that. Some people think that married sex is constant fireworks and exploding rockets and novel-worthy swooning. And sometimes.. it's NOT lol.

Indeed. If sex was always amazing and perfect then I doubt the divorce rate would be as high as it is (not that people divorce simply because of bad sex). My wife certainly found out on the honeymoon sex while great, had other things you cannot explain that will happen like messiness, things not always working...etc.

One important thing to learn to is what to do in situations like the other half doesn't want it, things don't work and so on. Because being immature during these times will destroy your marriage.

In the US, I think we have historically asked way too little of young men when it comes to the issue of sexual purity. On the day of judgment, "She let me do it." is going to be a valid excuse for the sin of fornication. If you watch American TV or Hollywood movies, the idea seems to be that it is normal that a man would accept sex from a beautiful woman, be it fornication or adultery. Nowadays, women aren't expected to show much restraint either.

I remember somewhere on these boards someone mentioned they lost their virginity but it was the womans fault because she let him. I said thats not an excuse because it takes two for sex to happen. You have a choice. I then mentioned my ex-fiance at the time slept with me in bed, then she got frisky and we had sex. She did lure me into it BUT (i told him) I still choose to let it turn into full on sex. Lure or not. So no one can say "Its the womans fault!".

I think young men see it as "Well she technically initiated it so therefor I didn't sin!" I'm sure God will think thats a legit excuse. lol. In another topic some months ago a guy said "I masturbated her and we did oral things too. But it wans't sex so we did not sin!" Its like um... sex is not just full on contact where a man penetrates a woman.

But still many young men will "mess around" because they really believe sex is one particular way for it to qualify as sex.

 

[DreadWarrior]

it is hard to describe until you experience it yourself, but the feeling of oneness with someone you love.

There really isn't a way to describe it.

 

[iambren]

Sex is fun! It feels good. I can't remember once in my life when it was not pleasurable. I doubt there are many women that could say that. Relational issues can sneak into the "garden of delights" and taint it. There can be positive magnifying closeness that enhances it.

In my 20s I was married to my ex-wife who required that I make love to her 2X a week minimum. I always respected her for that. She wasn't a nympho, just had a healthy perspective on sex.

I was thinking about this on my way to work this morning. I wondered and was in awe of God putting the natural sex drive in people. But God's first commandment going out was to be fruitful and multiply. Also what POWER of creation in procreation there is in the sexual act! Two little cells merging possibly to lead to a person discovering a cure for cancer. It makes sense that God would institute great pleasure to bring this all about.

 

[musingsofacac]

What makes sex so great in a marriage? Obviously I've never done it and I'm not married, so what do I (possibly) have to look forward to?

Sex is the defining act of marriage(as a Christian book on sex was rightly called "The Act of Marriage").

Think of it this way, you can do anything with your girl friends you can do with your husband except one thing. You can share your feelings with friends, you can share your hopes and dreams with your friends. Your friends can come over and keep you company. You might even share an apartment with a girl friend. But there is some things that your girlfriend cannot give you, and that is sex, children and a family.

I know modern American values say marriage begins with love. But my Indian friends who have gone home to India for a vacation and come back married(arranged marriage by their parents) would beg to differ. Biblically marriage begins with a commitment to the covenant of marriage and this is sealed by the act of sex. Sex continues to be a defining aspect of that marriage and helps to produce children. In time it can also produce love.

I think you have to answer the "why" about sex before you can answer the "what you have to look forward to" about sex.

The "what you have to look forward to" about sex is that if you marry a Christian man who committed to love you he will try and make sex a mutually pleasurable experience. As others have said here, if done right sex can be a great stress reliever.

Also sex keeps your relationship fresh. Sex when done correctly is many times more about anticipation of the event then the actual event itself. The entire book of Song of Solomon is about the anticipation of marital sex.

In short if done correctly this can be a wonderfully pleasurable experience for you and the love and commitment of marriage when glued together by a great sex life is probably God's greatest gift to mankind, second only to sending his Son Jesus Christ to die for us.

 

[abacabb3]

It's good, but "overrated." People destroy their families over it, flagrantly break God's commands over lust, spend money on it and lose jobs over it...and for what? It's really not that great [to lose a job over, family over, salvation over, etc.] So, if you are a virgin, don't imagine you are missing out on this earth shattering reality that is so great that it will change your whole life. The only reality that I know of that is like that is knowing God through j\Jesus Christ His son.

 

[musingsofacac]

It's good, but "overrated." People destroy their families over it, flagrantly break God's commands over lust, spend money on it and lose jobs over it...and for what? It's really not that great [to lose a job over, family over, salvation over, etc.] So, if you are a virgin, don't imagine you are missing out on this earth shattering reality that is so great that it will change your whole life. The only reality that I know of that is like that is knowing God through j\Jesus Christ His son.

This is a wonderful experience, and for people who do it under the right circumstances within a loving marriage framework this can be an earth shattering reality! As I said previously, the only thing more spectacular then sex(where you emotionally, spiritually and physically connect with that other person, when done under the right circumstances in a loving marriage relationship) is what you said about coming to saving knowledge of Jesus Christ and having a relationship with him.

You seem to take the view of some Christian ascetics of the past(and some present) that sex is a necessary evil, that it is more harmful than good. It is not a necessary evil, but a gift from almighty God, and just because man has perverted it like the rest of God's creation does not diminish it in the least.

 

[abacabb3]

You seem to take the view of some Christian ascetics of the past(and some present) that sex is a necessary evil, that it is more harmful than good. It is not a necessary evil, but a gift from almighty God, and just because man has perverted it like the rest of God's creation does not diminish it in the least.

I am married, so I am not making that argument. However, I find an unhealthy emphasis in our society of glorifying sex and being obsessed about it in general. If you take the topic of sex in Scripture, it is maybe 5% of the Scripture, approximately. But, it is not the 5% emphasis of most of our lives. In fact, it is much higher. This greater emphasis than what is due I think is a little immoderate to say the least.

So, yes sex is good, but from experience and from Scripture, I think the correct mindset is not to be obsessed with it and think about it all the time.

 

[musingsofacac]

I am married, so I am not making that argument. However, I find an unhealthy emphasis in our society of glorifying sex and being obsessed about it in general. If you take the topic of sex in Scripture, it is maybe 5% of the Scripture, approximately. But, it is not the 5% emphasis of most of our lives. In fact, it is much higher. This greater emphasis than what is due I think is a little immoderate to say the least.

So, yes sex is good, but from experience and from Scripture, I think the correct mindset is not to be obsessed with it and think about it all the time.

I agree that sex when it becomes an obsession can become sinful. I also agree with we are living in a sex-saturated society.

But while I think modern society has moved to one extreme(sex-saturation) I believe for many centuries the religious elites made sex into a necessary evil. It was taboo to speak of and if people had sexual issues in their marriage they had no place to go to talk about it. So I am grateful for all the great Christian literature today, and the ability to speak about having a good sex life within marriage.

Marriage(instituted by God himself) forms the foundation for family and society at large, and sex is a defining aspect of marriage. In fact all throughout the Old Testament we see God using sex(specifically adultery) as symbol of the violation of the relationship he had with Israel and himself. We see that God places a great attachment to not only the symbolic importance of sex in marriage, but the physical act itself.

Sex is to marriage, what communion is to the church. It is the symbolic representation of the two becoming one.

I would argue that it is very important. I could make the same 5% argument about communion(its mentioned little in Bible) but that would make it no less important.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

While I agree we shouldn't obsess over it, it is important in marriage. Many marital problems tend to branch from sex. While it may not be in the bible alot I think Song of Solomon pretty much makes it clear that God wants us to enjoy (embrace) it when married.

 

[iambren]

My momma let us kids in the kitchen to have our way. I baked cookies and cakes,mostly from scratch. Often the recipe called for a dinky little teaspoon of vanilla extract,reminds me of sex:

It's no big deal to put it in,ya don't sweat it...yum!

OR if you minimize it,ignore it's power, you end up with a very blah cookie.


So it's great when it's there,but joyless when it's not.

 

[tenderheart1]

Sex within a marriage is WONDERFUL and BEAUTIFUL. It is the opportunity to lavish your spouse with all the love that you feel inside for them. It is an opportunity to serve them by giving of yourself for their pleasure. Never make it about being selfish for in learning to give, you receive. And... it is great fun and very pleasurable. I'm so glad God created our bodies to enjoy one another!

 

[Dave-W]

I know this is an old thread and has had a lot of great answers. I think it is a point that singles should be curious about and is very important.

I will give you what I have found from personal experience and from a LOT of study - in the bible and from believers who have also studied this area from medical and psycological perspectives.

First off - every one of you singles SHOULD be frustrated in this area - most should be VERY frustrated. Sex is for marriage. Masturbating can take the edge off, but really does not satisfy the drive the way intercourse can.

In couple sex you not only have the powerful release of [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]; but there are emotional and spiritual links forged with your partner. At times it is like your minds and spirits are as intertwined as your bodies are.

ON a more physical level, you now have someone who is as interested and invested in keeping you satisfied as you have been for yourself all these years. And you for them as well. It is a powerful experience to give someone you love an [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].

TO the degree that this image has been distorted early in life due to bad church or home teaching (sex is evil); or if there was abuse or assault, huge blockages can come up to hinder the creation of those links. So if you have experienced some kind of trauma or abuse, get that dealt with BEFORE you say your "I DOs." If you have fears or inhibitions about certain activities, get that dealt with as well. Be free to give yourself COMPLETELY to your spouse, ready and EAGER to do anything and everything they may want (as long as it is within the bounds of biblical morality) to do. And expect the same from them as well.

 

[pittsflyer]

I dont understand how it could cause you to loose your job? How would you loose your salvation over it (short of sleeping with temple prostitutes)? Loosing your family, I suppose but only if the relationship was sour to start with.

I suppose God can do what ever he wants but not everyone has such ideal situations to enjoy sex in the context of marriage but they still want sex. Thats just the realities of life for some people. It makes the matter more complicated because sex is not inherently wrong (like stealing or murder) so if someone wants it but struggle to enjoy it in its "proper" context it can create quite the conumdrum.

It's good, but "overrated." People destroy their families over it, flagrantly break God's commands over lust, spend money on it and lose jobs over it...and for what? It's really not that great [to lose a job over, family over, salvation over, etc.] So, if you are a virgin, don't imagine you are missing out on this earth shattering reality that is so great that it will change your whole life. The only reality that I know of that is like that is knowing God through j\Jesus Christ His son.

 

[pittsflyer]

Sex is like air, its not a big deal unless your not getting it. From what I know of the bible and ancient times there were mechanisms (legally enforced) to ensure that very few were left out in the cold sexually (unless they so chose). That is VERY different from todays society.

The only people that hyper focus on sex are those that cant easily get it.

I am married, so I am not making that argument. However, I find an unhealthy emphasis in our society of glorifying sex and being obsessed about it in general. If you take the topic of sex in Scripture, it is maybe 5% of the Scripture, approximately. But, it is not the 5% emphasis of most of our lives. In fact, it is much higher. This greater emphasis than what is due I think is a little immoderate to say the least.

So, yes sex is good, but from experience and from Scripture, I think the correct mindset is not to be obsessed with it and think about it all the time.