What is our Christian Duty

[ZaidaBoBaida]

We bought our house 10 years ago. Two doors down from us are two elderly sisters who - as far as we can tell - have no other family. Now, they both claim that they worked for many years in NYC - shouldn't they have pensions? I know they have social security, and the one sister still works!

Because they've got no one, we and another neighborhood couple, have tried to look out for them. We give them rides, we have loaned them money, my husband mows their grass and shovels their walk. But, it's gotten out of hand - it is non-stop drama with these two and they don't respect boundaries. I've asked the one sister to not call us during our work hours - because she massively disrupted an important work call calling over and over and over. She hasn't respected that boundary.

When we had a snow storm recently - we all knew it was going to snow. Hubman and I went out and made preparations to not have to go out for a couple of days. This ding bat decides going shopping in a snow storm is a good idea. Then, calls us crying for a ride because the roads are so bad the buses have stopped. We're supposed to risk wrecking our car because she hasn't got the sense God gave a goose?

A few months ago, she told my husband she needed to "borrow" $50. He said fine. She said she needed a ride to the grocery store, so he took her. She proceded to ring up $300 in groceries and then got my husband to pay for it. All told, she owes my husband $400. She's made no effort to repay even part of it. Because of this, we got behind in some of our bills which caused late fees and so on and so forth. Then, yesterday she starts blowing up my husband's phone. She wants to "borrow" another $100. I just blocked her number from calling his phone. I said, "Don't listen to any voice mails from her. I'll listen." One thing I learned in almost 18 years as a social worker is you have to have boundaries, and sometimes you have to be hard hearted. I sent her a text telling her 1) We don't have a spare $100 because of the financial difficulty she caused us by not repaying any of the money she already owes us, 2) One of our dogs is sick and we had a vet appointment that we'll have to pay for. They let us use a parking space behind their house since they don't drive. So, I said, "We will pay you $50 a month for the parking space, and Hub will continue to mow your grass, but we cannot loan you any more money..." I also said Hub will not be giving them any more rides. I will take them to the store IF I am able to - because that grocery store stunt wouldn't have happened with me. I'd have been like, "Why'd you let them ring up $300 in groceries, if you knew you only had $50?" Apparently, when you block a number it just goes to voice mail. She completely filled Hub's voice mail crying for him to call her - it's important! So, Hub didn't park behind their house tonight.

This is what we've struggled with - what is our duty to them as Christians? We've tried really hard to be good neighbors and look out for them. As far as we know they either have no family, or whatever family they have want nothing to do with them. But, we're just exhausted. Hub feels like they've been using him as an ATM. I keep coming back to their claim to have worked many years in NYC - so I'd think they've got some sort of pension, they've got SS, and one of them still works part-time. What are they doing with their money that they're constantly having to run to us (and our other neighbors) asking for "loans?"

 

[seeker2122]

Wow, I think what you've done or are doing is more than enough! You've shown them care, concern, and love. If they are going to misuse or abuse your generosity and kindness, then I think you are well within your rights to step back and maybe draw a line and detach yourself from them a bit if not completely.

I've often asked this question myself, especially of the church. Jesus spent time with sinners and he sought them out. He didn't spend his time just in a Christian huddle and that is unfortunately what the majority of Christians and churches do today. As a Christian myself, I've visited many churches and found this to be true. There are many good people who do the will of God of course, but I was astonished at how closed or lack of caring most churches and church leaders show to visitors, guests, and even their own members. The fact they don't even call, visit, check up on me, or ask me why I've been missing from church for months like not a care at all saddens me to know the state of most churches and christians. It's not my responsibility attitude or why should I take initiative mentality. They think that the outsider should reach out to the church if they feel lonely or need support or want help.....christians will be comfortable staying in their own walls and christian circles and expect the lost and the sinner to come to them and beg for attention or help, rather than the other way around. Jesus says he came to seek out the lost and save them. He doesn't stay huddled up in a comfy church and play church and expect others to come to him if they have a problem. He goes out to seek them.

So I definitely appreciate what you guys have done for your neighbors. You've taken the initiative and done more for these strangers than my own pastors and church leaders have done for me as a member/so-called part of the family.

 

[ArmyMatt]

stop giving them money. if they have pensions and at least one still works, they need to pay for their own stuff. it does them no good to take advantage of others.

 

[Lukaris]

The Lord expects us to treat each other as we would want to be within the understanding to love God & neighbor. He also says that we should not cast pearls before swine. Those are tough words and I would only consider the understanding on the level of not having to accommodate those who will just drag you down.

See Matthew 7:1-12, Matthew 22:36-40

 

[Light of the East]

One of the hardest things I have had to do, and more than once, is to cut of people who wouldn't stop pestering me for money after I had been fairly generous in helping them. I'm sure that you, like I, have worried with thoughts of "Ohmigosh! If I stop helping them, they might die." (Or something else bad). For those of us who actually have a conscience, this can really weigh on our hearts. Yet there has to be a point where you simply can't do anymore because you are destroying your family time, your finances, and in a sense, your peace and equilibrium.

Right now, I'm dealing with a similar situation and after telling this person over and over that my finances are exhausted, I simply stopped responding to his requests for money. And *Surprise surprise!* he somehow magically found the funds he needed to get done what he wanted to do!

I think this is appropriate to a lot of the cases where people approach us:

I'm not saying that everyone who needs help is in this situation or will use us in this manner. There are legitimate cases of need in the world. But we have to be discerning as to when we are being played. (Unfortunately, I have not been that discerning in the past, but I have learned from my mistakes.)

 

[seeker2122]

One of the hardest things I have had to do, and more than once, is to cut of people who wouldn't stop pestering me for money after I had been fairly generous in helping them. I'm sure that you, like I, have worried with thoughts of "Ohmigosh! If I stop helping them, they might die." (Or something else bad). For those of us who actually have a conscience, this can really weigh on our hearts. Yet there has to be a point where you simply can't do anymore because you are destroying your family time, your finances, and in a sense, your peace and equilibrium.

Right now, I'm dealing with a similar situation and after telling this person over and over that my finances are exhausted, I simply stopped responding to his requests for money. And *Surprise surprise!* he somehow magically found the funds he needed to get done what he wanted to do!

I think this is appropriate to a lot of the cases where people approach us:

View attachment 342717

I'm not saying that everyone who needs help is in this situation or will use us in this manner. There are legitimate cases of need in the world. But we have to be discerning as to when we are being played. (Unfortunately, I have not been that discerning in the past, but I have learned from my mistakes.)

I agree. We've often heard the saying, give a man fish and he'll eat for the night, but teach him how to fish and he'll eat for the rest of his life. It would be best to help people out of their struggles rather than to just give them a free handout. I wonder what Jesus would say about it. On the one hand, I understand that we should just give and not worry about how that money is going to be used because God is in control and as long as He knows you gave with a pure heart, it is valid. But on the other hand, wouldn't it be irresponsible of us to just blindly give out of faith in God that He'll somehow make sure that money is used properly? More often than not, we know that just giving can lead to more problems than not. You give homeless people money and they just buy more drugs and booze. Of course, God would not count it against us for funding the continuation of their sins or increasing it. We wouldn't have blood on our hands unless we knew that is what we were helping them to do with our money.

I just feel like it's more wise for us to not just throw money at situations and hope it fixes it, but that we actually help the situation directly by correcting it or something like that. I wonder what Jesus would say. He'd probably say to me, O you of little faith!

 

[Yeshua HaDerekh]

We bought our house 10 years ago. Two doors down from us are two elderly sisters who - as far as we can tell - have no other family. Now, they both claim that they worked for many years in NYC - shouldn't they have pensions? I know they have social security, and the one sister still works!

Because they've got no one, we and another neighborhood couple, have tried to look out for them. We give them rides, we have loaned them money, my husband mows their grass and shovels their walk. But, it's gotten out of hand - it is non-stop drama with these two and they don't respect boundaries. I've asked the one sister to not call us during our work hours - because she massively disrupted an important work call calling over and over and over. She hasn't respected that boundary.

When we had a snow storm recently - we all knew it was going to snow. Hubman and I went out and made preparations to not have to go out for a couple of days. This ding bat decides going shopping in a snow storm is a good idea. Then, calls us crying for a ride because the roads are so bad the buses have stopped. We're supposed to risk wrecking our car because she hasn't got the sense God gave a goose?

A few months ago, she told my husband she needed to "borrow" $50. He said fine. She said she needed a ride to the grocery store, so he took her. She proceded to ring up $300 in groceries and then got my husband to pay for it. All told, she owes my husband $400. She's made no effort to repay even part of it. Because of this, we got behind in some of our bills which caused late fees and so on and so forth. Then, yesterday she starts blowing up my husband's phone. She wants to "borrow" another $100. I just blocked her number from calling his phone. I said, "Don't listen to any voice mails from her. I'll listen." One thing I learned in almost 18 years as a social worker is you have to have boundaries, and sometimes you have to be hard hearted. I sent her a text telling her 1) We don't have a spare $100 because of the financial difficulty she caused us by not repaying any of the money she already owes us, 2) One of our dogs is sick and we had a vet appointment that we'll have to pay for. They let us use a parking space behind their house since they don't drive. So, I said, "We will pay you $50 a month for the parking space, and Hub will continue to mow your grass, but we cannot loan you any more money..." I also said Hub will not be giving them any more rides. I will take them to the store IF I am able to - because that grocery store stunt wouldn't have happened with me. I'd have been like, "Why'd you let them ring up $300 in groceries, if you knew you only had $50?" Apparently, when you block a number it just goes to voice mail. She completely filled Hub's voice mail crying for him to call her - it's important! So, Hub didn't park behind their house tonight.

This is what we've struggled with - what is our duty to them as Christians? We've tried really hard to be good neighbors and look out for them. As far as we know they either have no family, or whatever family they have want nothing to do with them. But, we're just exhausted. Hub feels like they've been using him as an ATM. I keep coming back to their claim to have worked many years in NYC - so I'd think they've got some sort of pension, they've got SS, and one of them still works part-time. What are they doing with their money that they're constantly having to run to us (and our other neighbors) asking for "loans?"

Give to everyone who begs from you; and if anyone takes away your goods, do not ask for them again. Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you lend to those from whom you hope to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return. Give to everyone who asks of you. However, we need to make sure we are also not allowing the other person to sin. Are they stealing from you? are you allowing them to be lazy? Be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.

 

[Wildflower3]

Wow, you have gone above and beyond! What more can you do? Now you can't afford your own bills. What will happen if you have no more money for yourself or them? They will likely move on to the next person.

If by chance you are in contact with them again, I would direct them to go the nearest senior or social services department in their town or county. There is a lot of help out there in the US for those alone, old, poor or struggling.

Also, here is a website that has a ton of resources for just about every state and county in the US, for financial aid and any other kind of assistance you can think of. I offer this to anyone I hear of who is struggling.

Help with paying bills

If these sisters refuse to seek any aid from the government or from local senior or social services and only want to harass you and the neighborhood then something really fishy is going on. It's on them, not you guys.