What is okay before marriage?

[Horselight]

The question I asked was never answered/addressed by anyone. I will not be revisiting this thread. There is absolutely no point for anyone to post here anymore.

 

[wonderwaleye]

So what is okay (physically) before marriage??? I know what I am totally against, but otherwise I want to know what is the best for a relationship and for marriage. My boyfriend and I have definitely decided that sex, being naked together, and living together are absolute "no no's" and we've decided that hugging, kissing, and cuddling are not an issue. Otherwise we are trying to draw the line between what is too intimate to keep our relationship (and our possible future marriage) healthy, and what is intimate and healthy. We both have agreed that the physical stuff is the least important in our relationship, and we are willing to leave that on the side until marriage if it's not a good idea. We are trying to decide this and he agreed for me post this and find some other opinions. So any opinions, statistics, and insights that you guys have would be very very helpful. Thanks so much.

If you were to have sexual intercourse you would be as married as you can get in GOD'S EYES:







Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.







Matthew 19:5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?







Matthew 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.







Mark 10:8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.







1Corinthians 6:16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.






Ephesians 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.



So to go any further than you already have will make it much harder to stop. If the pressure builds up beyond your ability to stop there are other means to release your own pressure that will allow you to stay away from that final act.






Lust is not an evil feeling. It is a GOD given feeling that brings us to procreate. If it were not for lust there would be far less babies in this world.






Webster's dictionary defines lust as:



Pleasure, delight, wish, craving



All GOD given feelings that has power over us to procreate:





1 Corinthians
Chapter 7



9 but if they cannot exercise self-control they should marry, for it is better to marry than to be on fire.



Here you can see the extreme feeling we have. GOD understands your weakness to lust and tells you what you must do to get a release of this pressure.




So now you know what you must do.



When your lust drives you into sin the only thing we can do is lay it at the FEET of JESUS and ask for forgiveness.




But you must know If you are going to be part of the KINGDOM of ALMIGHTY GOD you MUST GIVE IT ALL TO GOD.



GOD demands that you give HIM your WHOLE heart, mind, strength, and soul. That means you go in prayer and tell GOD that you will do this and from that moment on seek GOD in all your decisions. After this is complete GOD will know. For HE searches the heart. HE will then send HIS HOLY SPIRIT ( ANOINTED-BORN AGAIN- SAVED ). For it is then that you shall receive the MISSION GOD has for just you and supply all your needs, even what you have not the ability to have.



Pick up GOD'S ROAD MAP to the KINGDOM of ALMIGHTY GOD ( BIBLE ) and start reading the NEW TESTIMENT till the next time you read it you will already know what IT'S going to say. For then it's locked in your heart to draw from for the rest of your life. You will NEVER be sorry you did.



Do yourself a BIG FAVOR and Start right now!!!



LOVE


steven

 

[Horselight]

I'm not sure I understand what you are saying. Both me and my boyfriend are virgins and we are both very committed to keeping ourselves virgins until marriage. I'm more curious if doing some things (not sex, as I said we have both decided against that. I'm talking about other things) will affect our relationship. Self control is not an issue for us. Especially for my boyfriend. He's been tested and tried and he's very strong about this.

 

[Snyder45]

So what is okay (physically) before marriage??? I know what I am totally against, but otherwise I want to know what is the best for a relationship and for marriage. My boyfriend and I have definitely decided that sex, being naked together, and living together are absolute "no no's" and we've decided that hugging, kissing, and cuddling are not an issue. Otherwise we are trying to draw the line between what is too intimate to keep our relationship (and our possible future marriage) healthy, and what is intimate and healthy. We both have agreed that the physical stuff is the least important in our relationship, and we are willing to leave that on the side until marriage if it's not a good idea. We are trying to decide this and he agreed for me post this and find some other opinions. So any opinions, statistics, and insights that you guys have would be very very helpful. Thanks so much.

Edit : I've read some stuff already, and a lot of it just says not to start the fire in the first place because it will end up in sex...I tend to disagree, because I know some people who decided that they were not going to have sex, but they did do other things, and they never did have sex before marriage. That seems more of a self control issue and if that person actually decided to stick to that decision or not (or how seriously they made that decision). What I'm really asking about here is does doing some things before marriage affect the relationship, and the marriage later on, or not?

Take from people what you can.

On marriage, my wife and I got married after living together for ten some odd years (I always considered myself married to her, as Jesus said, and she also). But we made it "official" just to please people, basically -- not to offend anyone.

We skipped all of our wedding plans. We can always invite everyone to something later on.

We had put off marriage actually because her family was "JW"s and of the massive expense. Finally decided that was dumb and just went and paid - what 75 dollars or something, maybe even less - and did a civil ceremony without waiting anymore.

Now she goes by my last name, which has always been a pain for us with people.

Hrrrm.

Anyway, I would think, if you two burn for each other, do not put it off -- go get married now. You can always have a wedding banquet later on.

 

[wonderwaleye]

I'm not sure I understand what you are saying. Both me and my boyfriend are virgins and we are both very committed to keeping ourselves virgins until marriage. I'm more curious if doing some things (not sex, as I said we have both decided against that. I'm talking about other things) will affect our relationship. Self control is not an issue for us. Especially for my boyfriend. He's been tested and tried and he's very strong about this.

I did understand your first post and recognized you are virgins. It is the " OTHER THINGS " that I addressed:




" So to go any further than you already have will make it much harder to stop. If the pressure builds up beyond your ability to stop there are other means to release your own pressure that will allow you to stay away from that final act. "




Strike a match against a match box long and hard enough, IT WILL IGNIGHT!



Don't count on what you heard from others. Were you there, Did you see, or do you just take their word for it?



I am 65 years old and experienced life and the lives of others. I am a retired Private Investigator and I can tell you that thing the man carries around has no conscience!



I hope that's plain enough that maybe you and your friend will go bowling, golfing, swimming, movies, dancing, dining, touring, and any other activity you both would enjoy, but stay away from the FIRE of LUST.



Besides if you do those things together and enjoy them you will build a much greater relationship. And remember it years after you are married.



LOVE


steven

 

[Horselight]

So given the situation, if two people had enough self control not to have sex, would it be okay for their relationship and future marriage to do some things? That's my real question.

 

[Snyder45]

So given the situation, if two people had enough self control not to have sex, would it be okay for their relationship and future marriage to do some things? That's my real question.

Truth is God set up my marriage between my wife (Martha) and I. Do we always have sex or is that what makes our love? Do you really want me to answer that question?

I do not burn at all.

And I spent my twenties celibate, until the Lord God - our Father - took that gift away from me. Now, I have an immediate family (besides my much bigger one).

If you both genuinely do not burn, then you do not make out nor anything else.

I am hearing something else.

So, get married while you still have time to do so.

Because no one knows the Day - not even the Son - and when that Day comes such passions will no longer exist.

And you have to pass through fire to get there.

Get married and then no longer worry about it. Simple.

Keep it simple.

 

[Snyder45]

So given the situation, if two people had enough self control not to have sex, would it be okay for their relationship and future marriage to do some things? That's my real question.

Yes. There is no sin in hugs nor affectionate kisses.

Romance is what matters in a marriage, not the things of the world which is quickly perishing.

Romance and genuine friendship. That is what lasts.

 

[Rhombus]

Hi HorseLight. I've been in your situation for at least a year and a half now. Me and my girlfriend have been together but have agreed not to have sex, we are completely solid on this decision. Over the past year and a half we have engaged in the "other activities" you talk about, such as foreplay. I'm also unsure whether it is okay to do these things in our relationship before marriage. What I can tell you is that after a year and a half of doing this, we have had the self control to not have sex, or not come any closer to have sex. I would like an answer to this question as well. I know where you're coming from. We have personally tried to stop because everytime we do one of these "things" my girlfriend feels extremely guilty.

 

[Horselight]

Yeah. I'd really like an answer to this, and it's nice to know that there are other people out there that are in similar situations. It's not a matter of guilt for us, it's more that I'm curious/concerned if it will affect our relationship not later on or not. For now we have decided not to do anything until we decide what would be best for us.

Marriage is not out of the question at all, it's just that we both know that now is not the right time. We aren't going to rush into anything, even a decision about this physical stuff. We want to do what's best for us, even if it means laying aside the physical things. Our love and relationship are the most important.

 

[wonderwaleye]

Yeah. I'd really like an answer to this, and it's nice to know that there are other people out there that are in similar situations. We haven't felt "guilty", it's more that I'm curious/concerned if it will affect our relationship not later on or not. For now we have decided not to do anything until we decide what would be best for us.

Marriage is not out of the question at all, it's just that we both know that now is not the right time. We aren't going to rush into anything, even a decision about this physical stuff. We want to do what's best for us, even if it means laying aside the physical things. Our love and relationship are the most important.

James
Chapter 4
​

17 So for one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, it is a sin.



So when you consider these acts just ask yourself:




WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?



Because HE will be there with you.



LOVE



steven

 

[Snyder45]

James
Chapter 4
​

17 So for one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, it is a sin.



So when you consider these acts just ask yourself:




WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?



Because HE will be there with you.



LOVE



steven

Not if you do not have the Holy Spirit. Man presumes to know Jesus, but does he?

Only those with the Holy Spirit are the called and chosen.

There is *no guilt* in the Spirit of Jesus. Born again Christians are free.

They tremble in fear of the Lord and present for Him right sacrifices from a purified heart.

Not the words of mere men who think themselves God.

 

[wonderwaleye]

Not if you do not have the Holy Spirit. Man presumes to know Jesus, but does he?

Only those with the Holy Spirit are the called and chosen.

There is *no guilt* in the Spirit of Jesus. Born again Christians are free.

They tremble in fear of the Lord and present for Him right sacrifices from a purified heart.

Not the words of mere men who think themselves God.

*PURPOSE OF CA: For Christians to come to other Christians, seeking advice of a Christian nature.


* Only post responding back to the OP
* No debate or arguing

 

[wonderwaleye]

Christianforums was cut off when I wanted to reply to this, I see the OP has already answered this, but I will agree with her: they do not feel guilty.

Guilt means she is sinning. You two need to get married.

This is different for the OP.

Because one sins, this does not mean they should presume that everyone else is like them. Sin is a matter in the heart hidden from those who are not born again. Such people need to seek forgiveness for their wrong judgements and then they may have their prayers answered.

*PURPOSE OF CA: For Christians to come to other Christians, seeking advice of a Christian nature.


* Only post responding back to the OP
* No debate or arguing

 

[Coptic.Ray]

mmm easier said than done!
It seems that you trust your bf very much, and that is awesome for your relation
But what if he, in a moment of weakness, lost control? (Remember David slept with his friends wife and conspired against him in a moment of lust).
God forbids, if this happens, will you be able to trust him again? will his image in your mind will be the same?
Why risk this wonderful relation by this act?
Men function differently from women, they have much less control when the fire burns in them.
Don't bank on the fact that he was tested before and refused to sin. May be he didn't love those girls as he loved you. May be his love to you will break his will!
Finally, he must have some physical attraction to you, else why would you marry. You don't know what his love and attraction to you would lead to. Do you really want to risk them?

My Dad always used to tell me the verse from proverbs "Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched? So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; none who touches her will go unpunished." ( Prov 6:27-29)
As I started I finish.
easier said than done!

 

[Horselight]

^Perhaps. We did talk about it, and he's positive that he wouldn't lose control...if anyone it would lose control it would be me, and he's said that he would definitely stop it. He said for him that the idea out of the proper situation would just shut him down. But, if we did happen to make that mistake it would not change how much we love each other. It would just be something to get over, make sure didn't happen again, and we'd move on. As I said, we are very carefully thinking about this, and not rushing into anything. I'm going to weigh everything I hear, and weigh each thing against it's opposing opinion. It's better safe then sorry though, and I am definitely keeping that in mind, and not plugging my ears to any opinion.

Thank you all by the way...the more opinions I hear the better I will be able to decide.

 

[iamjcs]

Don't do anything that you'd be embaressed to be seen doing.

REMEMBER: God sees all, hears all, knows all, & is always there whether or not anyone else is.

Not knowing specifically what you are thinking, this is these best truthful blanket statements I can make.

Praying for you both.

 

[wonderwaleye]

^Perhaps. We did talk about it, and he's positive that he wouldn't lose control...if anyone it would lose control it would be me, and he's said that he would definitely stop it. He said for him that the idea out of the proper situation would just shut him down. But, if we did happen to make that mistake it would not change how much we love each other. It would just be something to get over, make sure didn't happen again, and we'd move on. As I said, we are very carefully thinking about this, and not rushing into anything. I'm going to weigh everything I hear, and weigh each thing against it's opposing opinion. It's better safe then sorry though, and I am definitely keeping that in mind, and not plugging my ears to any opinion.

Thank you all by the way...the more opinions I hear the better I will be able to decide.

If it did happen you are then married in GOD'S EYES so it wouldn't make any difference how often you do it latter.



LOVE


steven

 

[ThinkPlox]

Ok, first of all, I'm not sure about the idea of, "If you have sex, you become married in God's eyes." Yes, it's supported by Genesis, but remember that Adam and Eve's marriage was in the Garden of Eden, before sin. The two of them had absolutely no evil intentions, no ulterior motives. God clearly told the two of them to be together.
Now, after the Fall, lust clouds our judgment and drives us to places where God doesn't want us.
Also, the fact that that kind of relationship could cause so much discontent among loved ones should be reason enough to avoid it. God calls us to treat each other with love, and that kind of marriage seems to me like something a person would do to spite their traditionally-minded parents. Why not just avoid all the hassle, all the controversy, and have a church wedding?

Second of all, Horselight, it seems to me that there's a flaw in your reasoning--you don't seem to be considering the possibility that you and your boyfriend might break up. You want to "keep your relationship (and your possible future marriage) healthy." But what if you two decide that God doesn't want you together anymore? Consider the implications of your behavior for future relationships if this one doesn't work out. It sounds kind of worst-case-scenario, but you really don't seem too confident about where your relationship is headed. Don't think of your current relationship as "before marriage," but rather as "outside of marriage."

As for appropriate behavior itself, remember that God is not as concerned about our exact actions, but rather the heart behind them. Making a checklist of, "Ok we can make out, but not have sex, we can cuddle, but not get naked," is legalistic, and probably won't help much. You should consider the intents, the desires behind your actions with your boyfriend.
For example, a lot of people kiss their parents on the lips. It's a reassurance of their love, its perfectly alright. They don't do it for the physical pleasure. People hug friends and family all the time. In these situations, the intention is usually pure.
But in a girlfriend/boyfriend situation, that intention tends to get distorted. A quick kiss becomes a prolonged make-out session because it feels good. A hug turns into cuddling because it feels good to cuddle with someone, to have that reassuring closeness and security of the potential mate.

What I'm trying to say is, keep a pure heart and your actions will become pure as well. Listen for God's voice in all you do, and remember that God gave you a conscience for a reason. Hopefully this helps you out a little =)

 

[Idratherstayanonymous]

In my personal opinion, I even wanted to have my first kiss with the girl I wanted to marry with. Unfortunately, this didn't really work out. I DO see kissing and cuddling as something you do only with ones you love though, but I don't think you can limit it to one person. What if you break up? Your next partner will know you've kissed and cuddled with someone else as well. I think that is a horrible thing, now that I say it. Which is why I want a girl that has no experience in love or what so ever, so we can build a relationship,and both learn how things work. But like I said, unfortunately it didn't go the way I planned it to go. I've cuddled and kissed with a girl who has betrayed me. Now I will think of her every time I kiss with someone, or even when I cuddle with them.

So the point I'm trying to make is; be careful with what you do! Kissing and cuddling is your own choice yes, I recommend to do it because it shows you love each other, but keep it limited. Don't spend hours and hours straight for kissing; it'll come back at you when you break up. Same goes for sex. Just don't do sex before marriage. Just don't. You'll feel sorry when you have, and when you break up, you might have your heart broken by your next friend if you tell him you've already had sex. At least; when I have a girlfriend, and she told me she has had sex before; I'd show her the door. That is NOT something I appreciate. I hope you make the right choice.

Love, Nick