Medical training jeopardizing future marriage

[trevjelinek]

Hello I have never done a forum before but here it goes. My fiance and I are set to get married in December, but lately it seems like we won't even get there because of aspects of my medical training that make her extremely uneasy. In my training lately we have had to be paired with classmates of the opposite gender and touch around intimate areas such as the buttocks to learn adjustments of the pelvis and such. If anyone is aware this is called Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine and is part of DO (pretty much same degree as a MD) training. My fiance has said that because she is uncomfortable with this I have to find a way to avoid this and avoid aspects of my training that will hinder the sanctity of our physical relationship. She insists that a Godly husband would not let his future wife feel this way and that I should be willing to show sacrificial love to choose her wellness over my profession. I was just hoping to find any sort of guidance or perspective on this if anyone has any because I am super lost.

 

[YeshuaFollower]

Hello I have never done a forum before but here it goes. My fiance and I are set to get married in December, but lately it seems like we won't even get there because of aspects of my medical training that make her extremely uneasy. In my training lately we have had to be paired with classmates of the opposite gender and touch around intimate areas such as the buttocks to learn adjustments of the pelvis and such. If anyone is aware this is called Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine and is part of DO (pretty much same degree as a MD) training. My fiance has said that because she is uncomfortable with this I have to find a way to avoid this and avoid aspects of my training that will hinder the sanctity of our physical relationship. She insists that a Godly husband would not let his future wife feel this way and that I should be willing to show sacrificial love to choose her wellness over my profession. I was just hoping to find any sort of guidance or perspective on this if anyone has any because I am super lost.

Do your training as planned, there is no reason for you not to. She is manipulative and she is making you uncomfortable! it is just part of your training nothing more. Stand your ground.

Blessings brother,

JFF

 

[BobRyan]

Hello I have never done a forum before but here it goes. My fiance and I are set to get married in December, but lately it seems like we won't even get there because of aspects of my medical training that make her extremely uneasy. In my training lately we have had to be paired with classmates of the opposite gender and touch around intimate areas such as the buttocks to learn adjustments of the pelvis and such. If anyone is aware this is called Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine and is part of DO (pretty much same degree as a MD) training. My fiance has said that because she is uncomfortable with this I have to find a way to avoid this and avoid aspects of my training that will hinder the sanctity of our physical relationship. She insists that a Godly husband would not let his future wife feel this way and that I should be willing to show sacrificial love to choose her wellness over my profession. I was just hoping to find any sort of guidance or perspective on this if anyone has any because I am super lost.

Do you have the option as a doctor of having zero female patients?
Do you have the option as a medical student of not studying female anatomy ? No cadavers? nothing but text?

Maybe part of your training is to train your wife as to what to expect when it comes to doctors. I know that there is usually a third person in the room when a doctor does any sort of physical on a patient of the opposite gender -- is that possible in the scenario you are describing?

 

[PloverWing]

If this kind of manipulative medicine is going to be part of your practice as a physician, then it's something that the two of you should work through and decide about before you marry. I can't tell your fiancee how to feel; she feels how she feels. But if the kind of medicine you practice is going to make her feel bad all the time, then you might be a bad match for each other.

I'm not that familiar with the details of osteopathic medicine, but it sounds similar to the situation of a male ob/gyn. Nonsexual intimate touch is just part of the job. If your fiancee can't live with that, then there's nothing wrong with her or with you, but she would have a happier situation if she married someone in a different line of work.

 

[Paidiske]

I agree with PloverWing. But I would add, it sounds as if your fiancee's hang ups have a religious component; she thinks it's going to impact the sanctity of marriage etc. Would it be worth the two of you sitting down with your priest to talk through the issues, and perhaps give her some alternative Christian perspective?

 

[Soyeong]

Hello I have never done a forum before but here it goes. My fiance and I are set to get married in December, but lately it seems like we won't even get there because of aspects of my medical training that make her extremely uneasy. In my training lately we have had to be paired with classmates of the opposite gender and touch around intimate areas such as the buttocks to learn adjustments of the pelvis and such. If anyone is aware this is called Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine and is part of DO (pretty much same degree as a MD) training. My fiance has said that because she is uncomfortable with this I have to find a way to avoid this and avoid aspects of my training that will hinder the sanctity of our physical relationship. She insists that a Godly husband would not let his future wife feel this way and that I should be willing to show sacrificial love to choose her wellness over my profession. I was just hoping to find any sort of guidance or perspective on this if anyone has any because I am super lost.

Sometimes the things that are taught in the classroom are not the same things that you will be doing once you graduate and find a job in this field, so if you think that might be the case, then you could try talking with your instructor about how that is making your fiancé feel to see if any accommodations could be made. However, if this is the sort of thing that you will regularly being doing once you find a job in this field, then seeing a counselor with her might help you work through these issues, but if it doesn't, then you'll have to choose between her and your career. Sacrificial love can works both ways, where she could sacrificially choose to love you even though this makes her feel uncomfortable, so that issue should be resolved together without one party demanding it of the other. If she has a habit of saying that if you love her, then you will do such and such, then that would be being manipulative.

 

[turkle]

It sounds to me that your fiance really needs to be mentored by a godly wife of a practicing physician. Her demands are unreasonable. Women need doctors. It was only recently that women came into the profession. Male MDs have been taking care of gynecological issues for centuries. Including godly physicians. Luke was a physician.

Your profession is vital to the community, and if she cannot accept that this is part of your job, and that you, as a professional, are able to perform without any sexual intentions, then she is not the wife for you. You have invested in your profession for years, and she needs to decide if she can be the wife of a osteopath or not. I pray that you can both work this out.

 

[msufan]

It could be as simple as reassuring your fiance over and over again that what you are doing in class is not sexual in nature, and reminding her that you are attracted to her and her alone. This could just be insecurity talking -- help your fiance to feel secure as best you can.

 

[PsaltiChrysostom]

I'm not a clinician but I've spent 10+ years working with clinicians in hospitals. You might be doing procedures on 20 year old women to 90 year old men. It's part of the profession and there is a mental detachment from your personal side. My "moment" was standing in a dementia ward talking to a nurse when I felt a hand holding mine. I turn and there is a 60+ year old guy naked as a jaybird holding my hand. I just said to myself, "well, I'm a part of the clinical profession now". You shrug it off and move on. I'm sure you know that already.

You might want to find a doctor or nurse who can help explain that to her. It's part of your training and part of your clinical "personality".