What's "love" Got to do with it?

[seeker2122]

What's "love" (Romance) got to do with it?
First off, I want to say that I absolutely love romance. I've always loved it. I'm a romantic at heart. I'm in my 40s and I still
cry and sob at romance flicks from the 90s and 00s...some of my favorites like Serendipity, The Family Man, The Note Book, Titanic, The Time Traveler's Wife, Notting Hill,
and more.

But my mentor once said that what does love (romance) have to do with marriage? It is not Biblical based or founded. Yes there were people in the Bible who were probably romantically in love (I suppose Song of Songs and stuff like that) but for the most part, marriages and being in love had nothing to do with romance. If the Bible doesn't say romance is important or even part of what a marriage and loving relationship should be, then I guess romance (love) is really not relevant. However, since we live in the modern/post-modern age, we have made love and marriage out to be a "romantic" thing as the most important and key ingredient to love.

So my question is, just to put it to the test, how many of you or do you know anyone that married someone that they were NOT romantically attracted to, but married SOLELY for the purpose of being Christ-like to your wife, just as Christ loved the church. In other words, is there anyone out there that can fully admit that they never married someone because of romance but they married someone simply because God commands us to love one another and honor, serve, care for, sacrifice, sanctify, edify, and bring someone to faith? This would mean that we literally shouldn't have any preferences as to who we marry because we should pretty much be able to love ANYONE and marry that person for the sake of Christ and modeling a marriage that glorifies Christ and raising and godly family. It sounds all perfect and peachy, like agape love, supreme love, but I don't really believe people operate in this way at least initially. Maybe after being married for 20, 30, 40 years and you no longer had have any romantic interests in your partner, but you simply love them with the love of Christ and have that "mature" love that everyone actually should have or attain to that level one day.

So then, why, even amongst Christians, are we still being judged and evaluated based on "romantic" compatibility (ie. he has to be tall, beautiful eyes, good skin, strong, great head of hair, smart, charming, confident, etc). instead of simply being chosen based on your love for Christ, your wisdom, your servant heart to the church and to other people, your characters and values all grounded in Christ? Why isn't that good enough for some Christian women still?

 

[Maria Billingsley]

What's "love" (Romance) got to do with it?
First off, I want to say that I absolutely love romance. I've always loved it. I'm a romantic at heart. I'm in my 40s and I still
cry and sob at romance flicks from the 90s and 00s...some of my favorites like Serendipity, The Family Man, The Note Book, Titanic, The Time Traveler's Wife, Notting Hill,
and more.

But my mentor once said that what does love (romance) have to do with marriage? It is not Biblical based or founded. Yes there were people in the Bible who were probably romantically in love (I suppose Song of Songs and stuff like that) but for the most part, marriages and being in love had nothing to do with romance. If the Bible doesn't say romance is important or even part of what a marriage and loving relationship should be, then I guess romance (love) is really not relevant. However, since we live in the modern/post-modern age, we have made love and marriage out to be a "romantic" thing as the most important and key ingredient to love.

So my question is, just to put it to the test, how many of you or do you know anyone that married someone that they were NOT romantically attracted to, but married SOLELY for the purpose of being Christ-like to your wife, just as Christ loved the church. In other words, is there anyone out there that can fully admit that they never married someone because of romance but they married someone simply because God commands us to love one another and honor, serve, care for, sacrifice, sanctify, edify, and bring someone to faith? This would mean that we literally shouldn't have any preferences as to who we marry because we should pretty much be able to love ANYONE and marry that person for the sake of Christ and modeling a marriage that glorifies Christ and raising and godly family. It sounds all perfect and peachy, like agape love, supreme love, but I don't really believe people operate in this way at least initially. Maybe after being married for 20, 30, 40 years and you no longer had have any romantic interests in your partner, but you simply love them with the love of Christ and have that "mature" love that everyone actually should have or attain to that level one day.

So then, why, even amongst Christians, are we still being judged and evaluated based on "romantic" compatibility (ie. he has to be tall, beautiful eyes, good skin, strong, great head of hair, smart, charming, confident, etc). instead of simply being chosen based on your love for Christ, your wisdom, your servant heart to the church and to other people, your characters and values all grounded in Christ? Why isn't that good enough for some Christian women still?

In the 80's I got married because of a pregnancy. It did not last. No romance.
Blessings.

 

[Soyeong]

If a person married another person for their money, their money got used up, and there is no longer a reason for them to stay married, then they didn't actually get married to the other person, but rather they just got married to their money. In that regard, getting married to someone because of romantic love is not any better than getting married to someone for their money. While it is good to like a lot of things about the person someone to get married to, we should get married to the person themselves and the person that they will become, not to the things that we like about them. While Christian principles are so strong that I think that any two people who stick to following them can have a successful relationship, it is still good to have compatible personalities.

I did not physically touch my wife until after I got married to her, not even to shake her hand. That is not to say that a romantic love is not important, just that we planned to hold off on developing that aspect of our relationship until after we got married.

 

[Aussie Pete]

What's "love" (Romance) got to do with it?
First off, I want to say that I absolutely love romance. I've always loved it. I'm a romantic at heart. I'm in my 40s and I still
cry and sob at romance flicks from the 90s and 00s...some of my favorites like Serendipity, The Family Man, The Note Book, Titanic, The Time Traveler's Wife, Notting Hill,
and more.

But my mentor once said that what does love (romance) have to do with marriage? It is not Biblical based or founded. Yes there were people in the Bible who were probably romantically in love (I suppose Song of Songs and stuff like that) but for the most part, marriages and being in love had nothing to do with romance. If the Bible doesn't say romance is important or even part of what a marriage and loving relationship should be, then I guess romance (love) is really not relevant. However, since we live in the modern/post-modern age, we have made love and marriage out to be a "romantic" thing as the most important and key ingredient to love.

So my question is, just to put it to the test, how many of you or do you know anyone that married someone that they were NOT romantically attracted to, but married SOLELY for the purpose of being Christ-like to your wife, just as Christ loved the church. In other words, is there anyone out there that can fully admit that they never married someone because of romance but they married someone simply because God commands us to love one another and honor, serve, care for, sacrifice, sanctify, edify, and bring someone to faith? This would mean that we literally shouldn't have any preferences as to who we marry because we should pretty much be able to love ANYONE and marry that person for the sake of Christ and modeling a marriage that glorifies Christ and raising and godly family. It sounds all perfect and peachy, like agape love, supreme love, but I don't really believe people operate in this way at least initially. Maybe after being married for 20, 30, 40 years and you no longer had have any romantic interests in your partner, but you simply love them with the love of Christ and have that "mature" love that everyone actually should have or attain to that level one day.

So then, why, even amongst Christians, are we still being judged and evaluated based on "romantic" compatibility (ie. he has to be tall, beautiful eyes, good skin, strong, great head of hair, smart, charming, confident, etc). instead of simply being chosen based on your love for Christ, your wisdom, your servant heart to the church and to other people, your characters and values all grounded in Christ? Why isn't that good enough for some Christian women still?

I'm 71. I married my widowed friend in October last year. We first met 40 years ago. I get your point about spiritual qualities. I also believe that there must be natural attraction. Marriage should be enjoyed, not just endured. Marry your best friend! Even Jesus had friends - John the disciple and Lazarus, for example. We are human still.

 

[seeker2122]

I'm 71. I married my widowed friend in October last year. We first met 40 years ago. I get your point about spiritual qualities. I also believe that there must be natural attraction. Marriage should be enjoyed, not just endured. Marry your best friend! Even Jesus had friends - John the disciple and Lazarus, for example. We are human still.

Thank you very blessed by your answer!

 

[seeker2122]

there are some people who want to be married, haven't found anyone , & will marry even if they don't love them
my parents were in a group of Christian couples & I heard one women say she never loved her husband

the man I married was not tall with dark hair (the type I dated & was attracted to)
I worked with him & when he asked me out, I couldn't think fast enough of reason to say no, so I said yes

two months later he asked me to marry him & I said yes
I said yes because I liked him & he was a gentleman, always opening car door for me, we were only a year apart in age so had lots in common, he was kind to me

now years later, I still like him....he has never raised his voice to me & is still thoughtful & kind

marriage is hard....it's good to marry someone you like & can get along with

God bless you! May your lives together be a blessing to yourselves, to others, and pleasing to God!

 

[seeker2122]

If a person married another person for their money, their money got used up, and there is no longer a reason for them to stay married, then they didn't actually get married to the other person, but rather they just got married to their money. In that regard, getting married to someone because of romantic love is not any better than getting married to someone for their money. While it is good to like a lot of things about the person someone to get married to, we should get married to the person themselves and the person that they will become, not to the things that we like about them. While Christian principles are so strong that I think that any two people who stick to following them can have a successful relationship, it is still good to have compatible personalities.

I did not physically touch my wife until after I got married to her, not even to shake her hand. That is not to say that a romantic love is not important, just that we planned to hold off on developing that aspect of our relationship until after we got married.

Wow! Huge respect to you! That is very admirable!

 

[seeker2122]

In the 80's I got married because of a pregnancy. It did not last. No romance.
Blessings.

Thank you for sharing. Did you end up finding someone else and marrying ?

 

[seeker2122]

This also reminded me of the same thing for a church to belong to.

Is there really such a thing as a "right" church for you? Isn't that just like dating around trying to meet your preferences and not focusing on what God wants you to do?

Why is it that if someone attends and serves at Church A, they are doing what is right and if they served in church B, God would be displeased? I don't believe that there is such a thing as finding the right church for you. Any church is the body of christ. Technically, we shouldn't be choosing preferences in churches as it would just be like choosing preferences in people. I should be able to love any church equally and meet God there and do his will there. But of course the reality is, we do choose churches based on our own tastes, preferences, and then we decide that this is where God will bless us and be pleased with us. I'm not so sure about that. I figure that God doesn't look at it that way. He would want us to worship Him in the Spirit and in truth no matter which church I was at.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Thank you for sharing. Did you end up finding someone else and marrying ?

I plan to get married within the next year!

 

[seeker2122]

I plan to get married within the next year!

Me too! But I don't know yet with who LOL. I believed God was convicting me and it was going to happen this year or May 2024. I just don't know who she is yet. 0.0

 

[Bobber]

An interesting OP. Thought about it much through my life.

So can marriage work without the romantic feeling and one went with just a covenant relationship that one honors? I think so although I did have and do have romantic feeling for my wife. We've been married over 43 years. But what exactly is romance anyway? I suppose it's true one will know it when they experience it.

Question what involvement does God really have or do we let him have when it comes to who our spouse will be. The Bible does say God gives us the desires of our heart. If we pray for a spouse and let him bring it about I tend to believe you one will have the romance feelings strong.

I met my wife at a home bible study. When she walked into the room I KNEW that I knew that I knew she was going to be my wife. It had nothing to do with feelings though. She was and still is a very pretty woman but that wasn't it. It was a supernatural revelation I just knew that I knew that I knew and she did too, even before she spoke a word to me or I her that we would be married.

Now what if one didn't experience this and married for whatever reason. Don't worry about it. God is still involved in your marriage and the Bible doesn't really insist you have to have the strong romantic feelings. Plus with some who have the strong romantic sense to start off....that can actually leave them as well for if you live with someone for a period of time some have asked what did I ever see in them. Many divorces have been with people who once had the strong romantic feelings. When they're not backed up with walking in love from day to day with that person that whole feeling can collapse. One really should want stability of character with a spouse. It's hard to tell that to young people they really don't get it until later in life but it is true.

 

[Diamond7]

It is not Biblical based

The husband is to love the wife and the wife is to respect the husband. Older women are to teach younger women how to love their husbands.

 

[seeker2122]

The husband is to love the wife and the wife is to respect the husband. Older women are to teach younger women how to love their husbands.

Loving someone is not romantic love...the meaning of the Bible (agape vs eros). I love eros love. I'm a huge romantic at heart. But since my dreams of romance never came true and never will at this point in my life...it seems I need to just skip that part and go straight to the mature love of the Bible which is "agape" love. Romance really has nothing to do with loving someone according to the bible and that sort of depresses me because my nature is eros more than agape or phileo. I've been consumed with eros love since I was in grade 4. I dreamed all day and night about my first romance which was with a gr 1 girl when I was in gr 4. I always saw her at recess time but never got to talk to her obviously i was too shy and we dont have any classes together since she was in gr1 and I was gr4.