What Is Going On?

[exitstageright]

Would someone please tell me WTH is going on? Do women usually do this?
I have never heard of a man doing this.

Here is the scenario. Last week,one lady ,from a meet up group e-mailed me.She said that she liked my profile,and that she wished our paths would cross. She told me that she was going to meet me at the next meet up. After I asked her,”What do you value in a relationship?” We found out that we wanted the same things in a relationship.
Well,she was a no-show.

I e-mailed her the next day to set up a coffee date.She said,”Yes!” And,she e-mailed me her phone number as well.Well,one would assume that she really wanted to meet me. I called her. I gave her directions. We confirmed the time and the date.

Well,this morning,she e-mailed me this.


S

I have to take a rain check - I am so sorry

I need to take my dog back to the vet - I assume all the vaccines he received yesterday did not agree with him

pls do not be mad

c

Now,what in the name of the Sam Hill Moses is this supposed to mean? I thought that she was pursuing.... me?

If she did not want to see me,why is she playing these freaking games? I am 59 years old.From her picture,she seems to be about 62 years old. Now,she knows better!

Now ladies, please tell me the truth,is this just some female B.S.?

It seems that, the ladies who want to talk to me, are just like politicians.

In other words,I am just getting to the point that I just cannot trust anyone

With two X chromosomes anymore.L

P.S. She wrote,”Pls do not be mad” Well,That is just like me hitting someone on the arm, with a baseball bat ,and telling that person,”Please to not say ouch and be mad.” That would be silly,because pain ....hurts!!!

On the positive side,I did have three dates lined up for today.
Well,one flaked out on me today,the above mentioned lady. This morning's date e-mailed me when I was in Ohio.She told me that she missed me.Yet,she refused my offer to give her a massage.That has never happened to me before. This evening date told me last week that I am no longer in her "friend zone". We argreed that we will not be dating each other exclusively.Yet tonight,after we watched the new "Star Trek" movie,at the end of the date,she offered me a handshake. Huh?, I hugged her and we said,"Good night".

Well,with all of that bad luck,I am glad that I did not go to Las Vegas today. No,I did not pick up a hooker afterwards. But I surely was very,very......tempted. Yesterday was payday.Maybe things are looking up.

 

[blackribbon]

After a date, he asked "when can we get together again?"...I said "either Friday night or Sun afternoon"...he picks Sunday afternoon and we talk about visiting a local park...days go by and I hear nothing...cleared my schedule for Sun afternoon...still nothing...text him to see if we are still going...he states, "I didn't realize that we had made solid plans?" Me, I said "never mind then".

Months later, I get a text from him and he asks "when can we get together?"...I said "you tell me"...he said "Saturday night"...I said, "Works for me"...this is on Thurs...Saturday afternoon he calls me and says he is too busy working on his house (a house he has been working on for 6 months trying to get it ready to rent out...).

Trust me...I hadn't bothered to clear my schedule that time...

...so see, it isn't just women...and yours wasn't really a no-show because she did let you know...and if she did take the dog to the vet, then you should get over it...coming home to a dead dog is not really the way you want to end a first date...and it hurt like being hit with a baseball bat?...you have got to be kidding, you hadn't even met the lady yet...

 

[exitstageright]

After a date, he asked "when can we get together again?"...I said "either Friday night or Sun afternoon"...he picks Sunday afternoon and we talk about visiting a local park...days go by and I hear nothing...cleared my schedule for Sun afternoon...still nothing...text him to see if we are still going...he states, "I didn't realize that we had made solid plans?" Me, I said "never mind then".

Months later, I get a text from him and he asks "when can we get together?"...I said "you tell me"...he said "Saturday night"...I said, "Works for me"...this is on Thurs...Saturday afternoon he calls me and says he is too busy working on his house (a house he has been working on for 6 months trying to get it ready to rent out...).

Trust me...I hadn't bothered to clear my schedule that time...

...so see, it isn't just women...and yours wasn't really a no-show because she did let you know...and if she did take the dog to the vet, then you should get over it...coming home to a dead dog is not really the way you want to end a first date...and it hurt like being hit with a baseball bat?...you have got to be kidding, you hadn't even met the lady yet...

I am sorry that you had to deal with a flake,also.

Yes,when someone lies to me,it hurts! When somone tells a lie on me,it hurts! When someone does me wrong,it hurts!
Now,if there is a remote chance that she did have a sick dog,I am sorry for doubting her. If you had people lie to you most of your life,I wonder if you would be leary of what people tell you. So,I am not supposed to have any feelings? If you tickle me,would I not laugh? If you cut me with a knife,will I not bleed?
Yes,we christians are supposed to be like Jesus. But,we....are......not.....Jesus!!!!!
That is what frustrates me!!!! I am doing the right thing,by not picking up hookers. But......I still get no results! It does not really matter what I do,does it not?

I know a therapist,who is a christian. She has been faithful to God.She is getting bummed out by the fact that she is 47 years old,single,and with no children. She always had dreams of being a mother.She has prayed and believed God to provide her with a spouse.

Sometimes,yes somtimes, I feel that God does not really care about christians doing the right thing by being equally yoked. Maybe we all are just part of some sadistic cosmic game being played by God and Satan!

Whoever gets the most souls,wins the game!!!!!!!!!

I got this idea from the Book of Job.

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

I sometimes feel like life is some sort of cruel game and the game is played at one's expense. If you try to be a decent person and do the right thing, the world will go out of its way to slap you in the face.

 

[blackribbon]

If she had been instigating this meeting, WHAT reason do you have to doubt that she has a sick dog other than your own jaded expectation? She is someone you shouldn't have any expectation about since you do not have a relationship on any level at this point.

And what kind of affection did you expect from the other date? How long have you been seeing her? Early dates are for getting to know each other...not seeing if your lips fit. If she is interested in you, then I think she is wise in taking her time. Nothing like hearing about the people who cry because they have been "dumped" after 3 weeks of dating...that isn't dumped...that is "figuring out that we are not a good match". Dumped is after months and months and we were talking about this becoming a long term thing.

 

[dayhiker]

1st I would accept that her dog was having a reaction to the shots.

People today seem to back out of a lot of commitments they make today. Its just part of life. The meetups here plea with people to cancel reservations so others can sign up, still almost 20% and sometimes close to 50% don't show for meetups. Now I make it a point to not be this way, but I know that others do this, so if they cancel I have other things I can do.

I intentionally graciously accept every excuse given. I stay at peace within myself if I do that. I don't like being mad at people, so this works for me. Of course a couple broken commitments and I don't ask anymore. I'm finding a lot of lonely ladies out there and some are coming my way. We have having a good time together. So I say be gracious, meet lots of people, let each one feel us out as we feel them out and it will happen.

 

[exitstageright]

I sometimes feel like life is some sort of cruel game and the game is played at one's expense. If you try to be a decent person and do the right thing, the world will go out of its way to slap you in the face.

Amen,brother,Amen! You got that right!

 

[exitstageright]

If she had been instigating this meeting, WHAT reason do you have to doubt that she has a sick dog other than your own jaded expectation? She is someone you shouldn't have any expectation about since you do not have a relationship on any level at this point.

And what kind of affection did you expect from the other date? How long have you been seeing her? Early dates are for getting to know each other...not seeing if your lips fit. If she is interested in you, then I think she is wise in taking her time. Nothing like hearing about the people who cry because they have been "dumped" after 3 weeks of dating...that isn't dumped...that is "figuring out that we are not a good match". Dumped is after months and months and we were talking about this becoming a long term thing.

Well,the morning date I have known since 2007,six years.I answered her online ad.She is a guitar player and a singer in a band. I just love artistic and smart women.That is all.

The evening date,I have known for about 12 years.She goes to my church. Us singles go out to lunch after every Sunday service. Since last year,she has been telling me,while we are at lunch,that my suits look nice.Two months ago,she started to rub her hand on my suit. I just love that kind of attention. Now,why should I deny that fact? The following Sunday,I asked her out. As a matter of fact,one single woman,in our lunch group,last month,asked me,"Are you and G boyfriend and girlfriend?" I told her that we are not. She said,"Well,you two really get along good together!"

Now,about the kissing part. I used to wait until the third date before I would kiss someone.But,some women would go out with me only once.My dating coach said that is because I do not make her feel like a woman,when she is with me.A few women have advised me that if I wait that long,and if I do not make a move on her by the second date;then she would feel that I am just not into her. I will then be forever bannished to.......The Friend Zone!

So for now on,I will make my move on the second date.(If I can get a second date LOL) Therefore, I have a new paradigm. You see? I do listen to women.

 

[exitstageright]

1st I would accept that her dog was having a reaction to the shots.

People today seem to back out of a lot of commitments they make today. Its just part of life. The meetups here plea with people to cancel reservations so others can sign up, still almost 20% and sometimes close to 50% don't show for meetups. Now I make it a point to not be this way, but I know that others do this, so if they cancel I have other things I can do.

I intentionally graciously accept every excuse given. I stay at peace within myself if I do that. I don't like being mad at people, so this works for me. Of course a couple broken commitments and I don't ask anymore. I'm finding a lot of lonely ladies out there and some are coming my way. We have having a good time together. So I say be gracious, meet lots of people, let each one feel us out as we feel them out and it will happen.

Thanks for the encouragement. I just have to keep learning to treat meeting someone as I do an audition. If I do not "get the part",it does not mean that I am not a good actor. It just means that I am not what the Casting Director is looking for. I feel that I am just not the type of man,that most lonely women are looking for. Therefore,like AVIS,I will just have to try harder to be attractive.

 

[miss-a]

All I can say Exit is that if my kitty were sick and I had a date I would have to cancel if she need to go to the vet or be watched. It would have nothing to do with the guy, but rahter with the cat. A girl really doesn't want to come home to a dead kitty no matter how nice her date is.

I think the dog was ill. Nothing more, nothing less. Sounds like this lady had a life and things going on, and that's not a bad thing. I can understand why it might feel like a brush off, but I'm not certain that assumption can be made.

Hope that helps.

 

[blackribbon]

But you seem upset that all you were offered was a handshake on that first date...like you were deprived of something that you expected...And although it doesn't hurt to try to kiss her, keep your antennas up for signs that it is too soon for her...and don't take it personally if she wants to go a bit slower...

If you don't get a second date, why take that personally? I'd rather know up front if someone didn't consider me a good fit. It saves a lot of time, money, and heartache.

I wish that you would quit talking about the "friend zone" like it was an awful place to be. Friends are good. You can learn a lot from opposite sex friends because they tend to be more honest. And almost ever guy I ever dated long term came from my friend zone. It was in the friend zone that I learned about the "real" him and learned to trust him.

And in both cases, you do not have a "relationship" or even a "friendship" yet...you are still acquaintances...don't get in too big of a hurry to have expectations...dating is the time where you start to develop them....

 

[dayhiker]

I agree with you on that one, black

 

[exitstageright]

All I can say Exit is that if my kitty were sick and I had a date I would have to cancel if she need to go to the vet or be watched. It would have nothing to do with the guy, but rahter with the cat. A girl really doesn't want to come home to a dead kitty no matter how nice her date is.

I think the dog was ill. Nothing more, nothing less. Sounds like this lady had a life and things going on, and that's not a bad thing. I can understand why it might feel like a brush off, but I'm not certain that assumption can be made.

Hope that helps.

Yes,it does help ,thanks. It is just that I have been burnt so many times.Do you remember that saying,"Once burnt,twice shy"?

 

[exitstageright]

But you seem upset that all you were offered was a handshake on that first date...like you were deprived of something that you expected...And although it doesn't hurt to try to kiss her, keep your antennas up for signs that it is too soon for her...and don't take it personally if she wants to go a bit slower...

If you don't get a second date, why take that personally? I'd rather know up front if someone didn't consider me a good fit. It saves a lot of time, money, and heartache.

I wish that you would quit talking about the "friend zone" like it was an awful place to be. Friends are good. You can learn a lot from opposite sex friends because they tend to be more honest. And almost ever guy I ever dated long term came from my friend zone. It was in the friend zone that I learned about the "real" him and learned to trust him.


And in both cases, you do not have a "relationship" or even a "friendship" yet...you are still acquaintances...don't get in too big of a hurry to have expectations...dating is the time where you start to develop them....

Well,in over 40 years,I have never went from a friend zone to a lover zone.All of the women that I have met,have never told me that they wanted us to go from being freinds to being lovers.

Don't you get it? If a woman tells me that let's be friends first,I would be patient and understand. But,the way that women have told me,"Let's be friends",gives me the impression that I am only going to be looked at as a friend,nothing more,nothing less. That is one hint that I do not have trouble reading from a woman. Maybe,because this senario has happened so....many.....times!

 

[blackribbon]

Have you ever had a female absolutely "just friends" meaning that neither of you expected or even remotely hoped for "more"? I think knowing how to have this kind of friendship IS the basis for a good long-term relationship/marriage...because ultimately, you have to like each other and respect each other as people in order to make it last. The physical is just the icing on the cake...but the friendship is the meat of a marriage.

Also, the reality of this is that you approach every relationship expecting to get rejected and hurt...that kind of attitude will show in how you interact with a woman and maybe is part of your problem. How about quit assuming that each woman you go out with is "just like" the ones in the past and freaking out when they do something perfectly normal like have a personal issue that makes them bow out of a date? That has to give off some vibes that freaks women out and makes them pull back to reassess the situation.

 

[exitstageright]

Have you ever had a female absolutely "just friends" meaning that neither of you expected or even remotely hoped for "more"? I think knowing how to have this kind of friendship IS the basis for a good long-term relationship/marriage...because ultimately, you have to like each other and respect each other as people in order to make it last. The physical is just the icing on the cake...but the friendship is the meat of a marriage.

Also, the reality of this is that you approach every relationship expecting to get rejected and hurt...that kind of attitude will show in how you interact with a woman and maybe is part of your problem. How about quit assuming that each woman you go out with is "just like" the ones in the past and freaking out when they do something perfectly normal like have a personal issue that makes them bow out of a date? That has to give off some vibes that freaks women out and makes them pull back to reassess the situation.

Yes,I had a friendship with a woman.We were friends,nothing more nothing less. We were both unemployed.There would be nights that she would call me and ask me to come over. I only lived six miles from her.We would watch old movies,and DVD's of some old TV shows together.We would watch shows like "The Rockford Files", "Hawaii 5-0",and "M*A*S*H".
I indroduced her to the Rockford Files.Even though we were just friends,she would often ask me to give her a foot massage.One night I asked her if she wwould like a nice foot massage. I told her that I was good at giving a massage.I only refused to give her a massage one time. Because,she did not wash her feet one day.Her feet were smelly.I was then glad that she did not want to get romantically involved with me. I refuse to kiss a woman anywhere on her body if she does not keep herself clean. Anyway, we really enjoyed watching those shows together until 6:00 am the next morning. I would then drive home.

On day,while looking on my computer at home,I showed her some pictures of Maui.We both got a wild idea at the same time. I booked a trip to Maui.
When we got to Maui,it was her idea to stay at a B&B. Well,somehow the sleeping arrangements got messed up. There was only one bed.We had to sleep in the same bed! No,we did not.We did not have sex. We stayed on our side of the bed. One night,she asked for a massage. I gave her a massage.She was still a 43 year old virgin,when we left Hawaii to go back home to California.
Now,how about that for us being just friends,nothing more,and nothing less?

P.S. There is another female friend that goes to my church.I have known her for about only 8 years.We are not dating,.Yet everytime that we see each other,we give each other a big hug. She is a very fun lady to spend time with. She is also a cancer survivor. I guess we always give big hugs to each other, because with our diseases,we appreciate life more. We have went to a couple of dances together. She wants to go on the Singles Cruise this November with me.She wants to share a cabin with her sister.

 

[blackribbon]

Yah know exit. I don't even THINK about sex when I think about my friends...male or female. And yeah, I've given and got massages from friends of both sexes.

You had cancer? .... or are you talking about your ex and comparing your diabetes to her cancer...

 

[mjmcmillan]

Something forgotten in the one with the dog: She had stood him up twice. The first time was a plain out no-show. No dog then, just plain no-show.

The second time she had to take her dog to the vet. Hmmmm... and she's pursuing Exit????

Third time--- well, if it's me she's pursuing there just might be a problem. Once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, third time she's a game player.

 

[Life2Christ]

When we got to Maui,it was her idea to stay at a B&B. Well,somehow the sleeping arrangements got messed up. There was only one bed.We had to sleep in the same bed! No,we did not.We did not have sex. We stayed on our side of the bed. One night,she asked for a massage. I gave her a massage.She was still a 43 year old virgin,when we left Hawaii to go back home to California.

I'm going to file this one under "what the heck??"

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

First of all, I have to say "here we go again, down the same rabbit hole".

EXIT, you said you had a friendship with "a" woman? Meaning one? one time? and that's it?

Your desparation can be smelt from miles away. You may think you are a good actor, but I don't think so when it comes to real life. JMHO.

And for you to insinuate that God is playing some sick game with you is offensive to me. You only seem to care about your sexual needs and getting someone to fulfill those. I never hear you talk about how God is leading you to do this or that. God is not some Genie that grants wishes for good boys and punishes the rest and unless and until you change your attitude, you will continue to go down the same rabbit hole.

My suggestion (although I know you won't take it) is to NOT search and actually just get to know some women JUST to be friends with them.