What if there are no interesting christian to date ? Dating unbelievers

[Curiousmind]

Hi,

Would like to discuss this topic, yes the advice is, don't date unbeliever.
But thing is what if there are no interesting christians to date, what then ?
I have waited so long, I still haven't met an interesting christian female to date untill now.
Or if I am interested in the christian female, they are not interested in me, so I cannot force her to be attracted to me, can I ?

Thing is in my years of waiting, I have met many unbelievers that I wanted to date and they were also interested in me,so there was mutual interest, but decided to skip them because they were not christian, but now I kinda regret this, maybe I should have given them a chance, tell them the gospel and see if they are open to become christian.

I have seen in my church that some have tried the date the unbeliever way, some seems to have succeeded converting the other.
I would judge them in the past, but now I understand why, because they havent met any interesting christians to date, it is hard to force yourself to be attracted to someone who you dont feel any attraction.

I mean it is hard to force yourself to be attracted to someone who you are not attracted to, even if she is a christian, it is hard.
I mean you gotta be attracted to her somehow before asking her on a date right ? What is the point then right ? Force yourself to be attracted to her ?

Br,

 

[BobRyan]

Paul said it is better to stay single.
In this world we are at war against Satan according to Ephesians 6 -

If you think that inviting someone who chooses to be on Satan's side , to live with you day in and day out - is "better" then living for Christ and having peace at home - then remember this "decisions have consequences".

My daughters ask the same thing about not finding Christian men - and I tell them the same thing - it is better to live at peace without inviting a servant of the opposing forces to live with you day and night.

 

[Curiousmind]

Paul said it is better to stay single.
In this world we are at war against Satan according to Ephesians 6 -

If you think that inviting someone who chooses to be on Satan's side , to live with you day in and day out - is "better" then living for Christ and having peace at home - then remember this "decisions have consequences".

My daughters ask the same thing about not finding Christian men - and I tell them the same thing - it is better to live at peace without inviting a servant of the opposing forces to live with you day and night.

Ok so you are suggesting to die single or you marry someone you are not attracted to.
Or you could try to tell them the gospel and see how they react, are they open, are offended ? If they are offended by the gospel, do not proceed. If they are open proceed.
I have seen examples in my church where they tried missionary dating, it worked out good for some, not so good for others.
Important is the no sex, no holding hands, no kissing, no hugging rule, as you know the non-christian world do the opposite.

 

[Curiousmind]

Paul said it is better to stay single.
In this world we are at war against Satan according to Ephesians 6 -

If you think that inviting someone who chooses to be on Satan's side , to live with you day in and day out - is "better" then living for Christ and having peace at home - then remember this "decisions have consequences".

My daughters ask the same thing about not finding Christian men - and I tell them the same thing - it is better to live at peace without inviting a servant of the opposing forces to live with you day and night.

By the way, I have heard, church have a lack of masculine men, it seems to be true if I observe the churches. It shouldn't be like this I suppose, in the old testament time when the men in the army of Moses or Joshua were masculine, they had to because of war. Maybe also in the men in Israel because everyone has followed one or two years of military training to defend Israel. As you know, women in general love masculine men, not emotional feminine men.

 

[Curiousmind]

Paul said it is better to stay single.
In this world we are at war against Satan according to Ephesians 6 -

If you think that inviting someone who chooses to be on Satan's side , to live with you day in and day out - is "better" then living for Christ and having peace at home - then remember this "decisions have consequences".

My daughters ask the same thing about not finding Christian men - and I tell them the same thing - it is better to live at peace without inviting a servant of the opposing forces to live with you day and night.

I am telling you, this is a serious problem in small countries, not so in big countries like USA, lots of people there.

 

[com7fy8]

What makes someone attractive to you?

Here is what makes a person pleasing to God >

"rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4)

So, are you attracted by and interested in a person who is gentle and humble like Jesus?

 

[Curiousmind]

What makes someone attractive to you?

Here is what makes a person pleasing to God >

"rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4)

So, are you attracted by and interested in a person who is gentle and humble like Jesus?

So you don't want to marry someone who you find physical attractive ?

 

[lanceleo]

Ok so you are suggesting to die single or you marry someone you are not attracted to.
Or you could try to tell them the gospel and see how they react, are they open, are offended ? If they are offended by the gospel, do not proceed. If they are open proceed.
I have seen examples in my church where they tried missionary dating, it worked out good for some, not so good for others.
Important is the no sex, no holding hands, no kissing, no hugging rule, as you know the non-christian world do the opposite.

I have many such couples and more often than not instead of the unconverted being drawn to love Christ more it's the Christian partner that becomes more like the world. Have you searched beyond your church or even country?

 

[Lost4words]

In some cases, it may be God calling you to help convert that person!

 

[Curiousmind]

I have many such couples and more often than not instead of the unconverted being drawn to love Christ more it's the Christian partner that becomes more like the world. Have you searched beyond your church or even country?

I belong to a minority group so other churches have none, small country few people, other country is not that easy especially if u are from 3rd world country if you know what I mean. So I either stay and die single, virgin forever, marry someone unattractive christian or I missionary date. It is kinda hard to marry some christian you dont find physically attractive, this is a punishment life long.

 

[Bobber]

Would like to discuss this topic, yes the advice is, don't date unbeliever.

Nope wrong. It goes way beyond just advice. It is the clear instruction from God. 2 Cor 6:14

But thing is what if there are no interesting christians to date, what then ?

You could consider you could go out with another of the opposite sex with having no inclination either one of you will become romantically involved. You can have a good time together attending social events or even going to a mall......it's a date of a sorts but everything doesn't have to be considered some type of romance.

Or if I am interested in the christian female, they are not interested in me, so I cannot force her to be attracted to me, can I ?

LOL. Well I'd hope not. Even by using force you become less attractive.

Thing is in my years of waiting, I have met many unbelievers that I wanted to date and they were also interested in me,so there was mutual interest, but decided to skip them because they were not Christian, but now I kinda regret this, maybe I should have given them a chance, tell them the gospel and see if they are open to become Christian.

I'm sure there's been cases like this....Christian shares with a non Christian and they get saved......then that couple get married some day. Problem with this though.....that's quite a risk and would you truly be able to discern their true level of devotion without seeing them for a few years. in how they develop....how committed are they really. They put on an appearance yes they've joined with you in the faith......you both get married but where's it go from then? Do they really, I mean really develop a prayer life? Do they really have a hunger for God's word? Or was it all put on for you?

I have seen in my church that some have tried the date the unbeliever way, some seems to have succeeded converting the other.

I'm 66 years of age, been a Christians since 17. I could say I've seen that happen but more times than not one marrying one they win to the Lord.....doesn't always end up too good. Then the person can become a drag on them effecting their own level of devotion in not such a good way.

I would judge them in the past, but now I understand why, because they havent met any interesting christians to date, it is hard to force yourself to be attracted to someone who you dont feel any attraction.

If I told you God wants to give you the desires of your heart if you leave it with him BUT....you must thank him every day that he's bringing that one across your pass as long as you doubt not.....would you embrace that as fact?

I mean it is hard to force yourself to be attracted to someone who you are not attracted to, even if she is a christian, it is hard.

But you better keep this in mind. You might not know the definition of hard but you might if you compromise with settling with an unbeliever.....oh she may look fine and wonderful and you find her so interesting.......but then later discover your life turns into a living struggle.

I mean you gotta be attracted to her somehow before asking her on a date right ?

No you don't. Remember this too you may acquire a liking after one which possibly can take time.

What is the point then right ? Force yourself to be attracted to her ?

A force in you may change even what you're thinking about her.

 

[lanceleo]

It is kinda hard to marry some christian you dont find physically attractive, this is a punishment life long.

Feelings can be cultivated.

 

[Curiousmind]

You could consider you could go out with another of the opposite sex with having no inclination either one of you will become romantically involved. You can have a good time together attending social events or even going to a mall......it's a date of a sorts but everything doesn't have to be considered some type of romance.

What is the point if you are not attracted to her physically ? Shouldn't we date to marry ? I mean before going out on dates, nowadays u first chat online,why would I chat with someone I am not physically attracted to ? It is a waste of time. For non romantic stuff I got my dudes.

 

[Curiousmind]

Feelings can be cultivated.

Yes maybe, but if u are not physically attracted to her ,why would u interact with her ? What is the goal ? It is a waste of time. Ofc for work and so u interact with everyone with respect.

 

[lanceleo]

Yes maybe, but if u are not physically attracted to her ,why would u interact with her ? What is the goal ? It is a waste of time. Ofc for work and so u interact with everyone with respect.

Believe me no matter how attracted you are to her now the feelings will fade with time. Marriage is about confirming us to the image of Christ. We find ourselves growing the most when we have a partner that has different interests and a different personality and we put our self-interest aside and love her.

 

[Curiousmind]

Believe me no matter how attracted you are to her now the feelings will fade with time. Marriage is about confirming us to the image of Christ. We find ourselves growing the most when we have a partner that has different interests and a different personality and we put our self-interest aside and love her.

Ok so u are going to marry someone you are not physically attracted you ?

 

[lanceleo]

Ok so u are going to marry someone you are not physically attracted you ?

I don't see why not. I know of a couple that started off on not very friendly terms. But they were forced to work together and with time they slowly developed feelings for each other. Today they are happily married but not in the sense they are free from problems but they love each other.

 

[Curiousmind]

I don't see why not. I know of a couple that started off on not very friendly terms. But they were forced to work together and with time they slowly developed feelings for each other. Today they are happily married but not in the sense they are free from problems but they love each other.

So they worked together, so no choice, so u would force urself to date someone a few months you are not physically attracted to ?

 

[lanceleo]

So they worked together, so no choice, so u would force urself to date someone a few months you are not physically attracted ti ?

I don't mind giving it a shot. You never know. Don't write off someone so soon.

 

[Curiousmind]

I don't mind giving it a shot. You never know. Don't write off someone so soon.

Ok how would u handle this ? U tell her:" I am not really attracted to you physically but I am trying to force myself ? Shall we try ? "
I mean it is an insult somehow, she will think u are crazy.
Usually u ask a women on date you are somehow physically attracted to or not ?