What if there are no interesting christian to date ? Dating unbelievers

[Curiousmind]

Just imagine, if you will - a man raking hot coals into his bosom.
Do you have that image in mind?

Now imagine yourself as an Israelite, and God is instructing Moses, in the tent.
Moses addresses the people.
You shall not intermarry with them, giving your daughters to their sons or taking their daughters for your sons, for they would turn away your sons from following me, to serve other gods. Then the anger of the LORD would be kindled against you, and he would destroy you quickly. Deuteronomy 7:3, 4

Would this be you, in your camp, talking to others - "I know Moses said... but..."?
Think again of that man raking hot coals into his bosom.

Now, imagine yourself in the first century congregation, and Paul is giving this instruction:
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said:
“I will dwell in them
And walk among them.
I will be their God,
And they shall be My people.”

Therefore
“Come out from among them
And be separate, says the Lord.
Do not touch what is unclean,
And I will receive you.”
18 “I will be a Father to you,
And you shall be My sons and daughters,
Says the Lord Almighty.”

Would you be returning to your home discussing with your fellow brothers - I know Paul said... but...?
You know what I am going to say next. Think again of that man raking hot coals into his bosom.

Paul says, 1 Corinthians 7:3
A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

We have to realize that these instructions are coming, not from mere men, but from God.
If we see mere men, we will rationalize disobeying instructions. If we see the one who is invisible, we will be obedient, even though some of the counsel may seem difficult.
Isaiah 48:17, 18 tells us God is instructing us for our good. We see that eventually.

It's better when we see it, before experiencing the consequences of disobeying.
Take Solomon for example.
1 Kings 11:4 reads, For when Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and he was not wholeheartedly devoted to the LORD his God, as his father David had been.

How sad that was.
Solomon was a good man. He really was, but because he disobeyed - likely by rationalizing, he fell victim to his treacherous heart. Jeremiah 17:9
We do well to learn from these examples, and not follow their unwise course.

If we do, it will turn out well for us.
Deuteronomy 30:19-20
19 I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; 20 that you may love the Lord your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days; and that you may dwell in the land which the Lord swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give them.”

It's a fight, yes, but it's better to do this:
“Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to. Luke 13:24

Than do do this:

"Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?
Proverbs 6:27​

Regarding Solomon, what he did wrong is, he was already married and still he had concubines, so he actually commited adultery towards his wife.

 

[CoreyD]

Ok so you are suggesting to die single or you marry someone you are not attracted to.
Or you could try to tell them the gospel and see how they react, are they open, are offended ? If they are offended by the gospel, do not proceed. If they are open proceed.
I have seen examples in my church where they tried missionary dating, it worked out good for some, not so good for others.
Important is the no sex, no holding hands, no kissing, no hugging rule, as you know the non-christian world do the opposite.

When you say attracted to, what comes to mind, are two things:

1. Inner attractiveness
2. Outward attractiveness.

Which of the two would you say are better?

I did not know which to choose between these translation, so I posted all three.
Proverbs 31:30
New Living Translation
Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised.

English Standard Version
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Berean Standard Bible
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.


1 Peter 3:4
New Living Translation
You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.

English Standard Version
but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

Berean Standard Bible
but from the inner disposition of your heart, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in God’s sight.


If we are attracted to persons, because they love God, and are faithful to him, is that not the best attraction?
In God's eyes, it is.
Recall 1 Samuel 16:6, 7
6 So it was, when they came, that he looked at Eliab and said, “Surely the Lord’s anointed is before Him!”
7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have [c]refused him. For[d] the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

Something to think about.
If we ourselves are not spiritual - that is, we are fleshly - focused more on the physical, we are not attractive to God, and a spiritual woman is not going to find us attractive.
We will end up then with a person who is not in the Lord, anyway. Whether that person is in the Christian congregation, or outside of it.
It's important then, that we work at our spirituality.
Only then, will we see the attractiveness of our Christian sisters, whether they are outwardly attractive, or not.

 

[CoreyD]

In some cases, it may be God calling you to help convert that person!

Wouldn't he be ignoring scriptures? Is that a good thing, which God approves?

 

[Curiousmind]

When you say attracted to, what comes to mind, are two things:

1. Inner attractiveness
2. Outward attractiveness.

Which of the two would you say are better?

I did not know which to choose between these translation, so I posted all three.
Proverbs 31:30
New Living Translation
Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised.

English Standard Version
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Berean Standard Bible
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.


1 Peter 3:4
New Living Translation
You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.

English Standard Version
but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

Berean Standard Bible
but from the inner disposition of your heart, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in God’s sight.


If we are attracted to persons, because they love God, and are faithful to him, is that not the best attraction?
In God's eyes, it is.
Recall 1 Samuel 16:6, 7
6 So it was, when they came, that he looked at Eliab and said, “Surely the Lord’s anointed is before Him!”
7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have [c]refused him. For[d] the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

Something to think about.
If we ourselves are not spiritual - that is, we are fleshly - focused more on the physical, we are not attractive to God, and a spiritual woman is not going to find us attractive.
We will end up then with a person who is not in the Lord, anyway. Whether that person is in the Christian congregation, or outside of it.
It's important then, that we work at our spirituality.
Only then, will we see the attractiveness of our Christian sisters, whether they are outwardly attractive, or not.

So you are gonna marry someone you do not find attractive physically ?

 

[CoreyD]

Believe me no matter how attracted you are to her now the feelings will fade with time. Marriage is about confirming us to the image of Christ. We find ourselves growing the most when we have a partner that has different interests and a different personality and we put our self-interest aside and love her.

I was thinking of Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

9 Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor.
10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.
11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

If God is the third strand in the marriage, it's unbreakable.

 

[CoreyD]

I prayed so long so long, I am really getting old, still a virgin because fornication is a sin, still haven't met christian women where there is mutual attraction, but I have met many non christian women where there is mutual attraction, I dont even have to try so hard to get her to like me. Marrying someone you are not attracted to, is not a piece of cake, in the end you will hurt her, woman want to be cerished, recieve compliments etc, how are u gonna do that if you are not attracted to the person right ? Look if a christian woman that I am not attracted to, keep chasing me, yes this is not reality, usually the man most do the chasing, I would give her a chance, because she then knows I am not really interested in her, she is then ready to be rejected anytime, but this is just fantasy, no woman will keep chasing a man. Now I understand why some brothers or sisters in my church did the missionary dating thing, they were getting old and they didnt want to marry some christian they are not attracted to.

God won't stop us from doing what is in our heart. He only warns us, for our own benefit, but our choices, and the consequences from those choices, are our own.

 

[Curiousmind]

Wouldn't he be ignoring scriptures? Is that a good thing, which God approves?

We were all once unbelievers, someone told us the gospel to make us think.

 

[Curiousmind]

God won't stop us from doing what is in our heart. He only warns us, for our own benefit, but our choices, and the consequences from those choices, are our own.

Again are u gonna marry someone u dont find physically attractive, it seems people are avoiding this problem.

 

[Lost4words]

Wouldn't he be ignoring scriptures? Is that a good thing, which God approves?

God also sent His Son to save people!

 

[CoreyD]

Again are u gonna marry someone u dont find physically attractive, it seems people are avoiding this problem.

I did go through the entire thread, reading all the posts, and I have not found any person avoiding this.
What I saw though, was Curiousmind focusing on physical attraction being the important thing in marriage, for him - throughout the entire thread.

I have already answered your question, in the post where you seem to have gotten sidetracked y something that wasn't even related to the subject, or what I said. Did you notice that?
So, you missed the important bits, and the whole point, really.

I'll see if I can help you see them.

• The first part of my post, basically says, It's better to obey God, than insist on what we want, regardless of what God says.
• The last part of mp post, basically says, when we obey God, it turns out well for us, because he knows what's best for us. Thus we avoid sad consequences of getting 'burnt', for pursuing our own interests.

In the other post, which followed closely behind that, it basically says what is attractive to the spiritual person, is not outward beauty, but inner, which is of great value in the eyes of God.
So, in other words, while the physical man is focused on the outward appearance, the spiritual person is focused on inner qualities of the heart - the person on the inside.

I hope you see the answer there, but I will expound on it a bit more, and give you a bit of background of myself. Then I will give a direct answer.

Someone said, physical attraction differs from person to person, and this is true.
For example, when I was going to school, at about the age of 13, I was attracted to a girl, who was ordinary in appearance. It wasn't her face that attracted me. It was her voice. She had a husky voice. Sort of like when you wake up on a morning, and you are too tired to get up.

Another girl I was attracted to, was quiet, and dressed very neat and tidy. Never looked unkempt. In other words,
Those too, are physical attractions.

As an adult, I was attracted to many girls - some pretty; some average, but guess what. It wasn't their physical appearance I was attracted to. I just liked being with them.
The girl that I really loved, and wanted to marry, though was less physically attractive than all of them.
So, why did I love her, so much, and wanted to be with her, for life?

Have you ever felt you connected with someone, but you just don't know exactly what it is. You two, just "hit it off" so to speak?
People call it "a chemistry"
Well that's how it was, with me, and her. There was this attraction between us, that made us want to be together.

Physical? I don't know, but what I do know, is that love is not something we can make happen, because someone looks the way we like.
I think, if you continue the way you are going, and you do meet your beauty queen, you will be finding this out sooner than later.
You may have the beauty, but what's beauty, without love.

Proverbs 31:30
Charm is deceptive/deceitful, and beauty is vain/does not last/is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised.

So, my encouragement to you is to remember that love does not insist on its own way/seek its own benefit. 1 Corinthians 13:5

My answer to your question is,:
I would obey God, even when it may be difficult to do so, and not insist on my own way, knowing that God's way always works out for the better, and knowing that because I am trusting and obeying God, he will grant me the desires of my heart - a wife I am attracted to.

 

[CoreyD]

God also sent His Son to save people!

Yes. God's son. Not us.
God commands us to obey his commands, and Jesus said, if we do, we show that we love him, and the father, and in turn will be loved by them.
To obey is better than a sacrifice, God says.

 

[CoreyD]

GOD THE BEST PORTION OF THE CHRISTIAN.​

Psa. lxxiii. 25.

Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire besides thee.

IN this Psalm, the Psalmist (Asaph) relates the great difficulty which existed in his own mind, from the consideration of the wicked. He observes, ver. 2 and 3. “As for me, my feet were almost gone; my steps had well nigh slipt. For I was envious at the foolish, when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.” In the 4th. and following verses, he informs us, what in the wicked was his temptation. In the first place, he observed, that they were prosperous, and all things went well with them. He then observed their behaviour in their prosperity, and the use which they made of it; and that God, notwithstanding such abuse, continued their prosperity. Then he tells us by what means he was helped out of this difficulty, viz. by going into the sanctuary, ver. 16, 17. and proceeds to inform us what considerations they were which helped him, viz.—(1.) The consideration of the miserable end of wicked men. However they prosper for the present, yet they come to a woeful end at last, ver. 18-20.—(2.) The consideration of the blessed end of the saints. Although the saints, while they live, may be afflicted, yet they come to a happy end at last, ver. 21-24.—(3.) The consideration, that the godly have a much better portion than the wicked, even though they have no other portion but God; as in the text and following verse. Though the wicked are in prosperity, and are not in trouble as other men; yet the godly, though in affliction, are in a state infinitely better, because they have God for their portion. They need desire nothing else; he that hath God, hath all. Thus the Psalmist professes the sense and apprehension which he had of things: Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire besides thee. 89

In the verse immediately preceding 90 , the Psalmist takes notice how the saints are happy in God, both when they are in this world, and also when they are taken to another.

That's a great Psalm. Not that the others aren't great, but this Psalm is really beautiful.
Thanks for sharing it.

 

[Curiousmind]

@CoreyD , let me try to explain it this way, think of someone you do not find physically attractive at all, now Imagine you marrying her and be with her for the rest of your life, why would you put yourself in such a tough situation ?

 

[Curiousmind]

So conclusion after waiting for so long,
If u dont meet interesting christians to date, u have 3 options, all involve suffering, choose ur suffering
A- marry a christian you are not interested in at all, this is suffering. Not only you will suffer, the other will suffer also. But will women marry someone they know who isnt really interested in them ? I dont think so. Some say it is better to suffer then to be the cause of suffering.
B- missionary dating, try to convert the person, this is suffering , the person could convert or not convert.
C- die single, this is also suffering

Choose your suffering, it seems B is worth trying to suffer for, thing is only you will suffer for this it seems, the other will not really suffer.
Option C, die alone single seems like a waste of ur life, only regrets in old age, u could have tried option B.

No one gonna marry someone they are not physically attracted to a bit.

 

[Neogaia777]

So conclusion after waiting for so long,
If u dont meet interesting christians to date, u have 3 options, all involve suffering, choose ur suffering
A- marry a christian you are not interested in at all, this is suffering. Not only you will suffer, the other will suffer also. But will women marry someone they know who isnt really interested in them ? I dont think so. Some say it is better to suffer then to be the cause of suffering.
B- missionary dating, try to convert the person, this is suffering , the person could convert or not convert.
C- die single, this is also suffering

Choose your suffering, it seems B is worth trying to suffer for, thing is only you will suffer for this it seems, the other will not really suffer.
Option C, die alone single seems like a waste of ur life, only regrets in old age, u could have tried option B.

No one gonna marry someone they are not physically attracted to a bit.

D- pray about it and be patient and wait and if you make your prayers specific God will eventually send someone across your path or into your life that is also a Christian and is one that you are also physically attracted to if that is really what you want.

In the meantime, concentrate on growing as a single person so that you will be that other person's right person when they do come into your life, because you also might not be ready yet and that also might be part of the reason for the delay, as God doesn't want to curse that other person with someone who is still yet immature yet.

If you can't handle being single for a little while, and haven't mastered that yet, then I 100% guarantee you you are not ready for this other person yet.

You will both just wind up in hell in that relationship, and most of it will be your fault.

So, concentrate on your own personal growth as a single person in the meantime and while you wait.

And also pray about it in the meantime also, but also be patient, and wait.

But concentrate on your own personal growth as a single person in the meantime, and master that first while you are waiting, etc.

God Bless.

 

[Curiousmind]

D- pray about it and be patient and wait and if you make your prayers specific God will eventually send someone across your path or into your life that is also a Christian and is one that you are also physically attracted to if that is really what you want.

In the meantime, concentrate on growing as a single person so that you will be that other person's right person when they do come into your life, because you also might not be ready yet and that also might be part of the reason for the delay, as God doesn't want to curse that other person with someone who is still yet immature yet.

If you can't handle being single for a little while, and haven't mastered that yet, then I 100% guarantee you you are not ready for this other person yet.

You will both just wind up in hell in that relationship, and most of it will be your fault.

So, concentrate on your own personal growth as a single person in the meantime and while you wait.

And also pray about it in the meantime also, but also be patient, and wait.

But concentrate on your own personal growth as a single person in the meantime, and master that first while you are waiting, etc.

God Bless.

I prayed so so long, I observed others in my church they choose the missionary dating method because they were getting old, some succeed, some don't, fact is u cant wait forever, we are not immortal, our bodies ages etc.

 

[Neogaia777]

I prayed so so long, I observed others in my church they choose the missionary dating method because they were getting old, some succeed, some don't, fact is u cant wait forever, we are not immortal, our bodies ages etc.

How old are you?

Have you mastered the single life yet?

What do you have to offer a maybe young, and very beautiful Christian girl/woman/lady, who is not already married yet?

Are you physically attractive?

Do you make a lot of good money, or have a good career?

What is your credit like?

Do you see yourself as a responsible person?

Just what do you bring to the table exactly?

 

[Neogaia777]

So conclusion after waiting for so long,
If u dont meet interesting christians to date, u have 3 options, all involve suffering, choose ur suffering
A- marry a christian you are not interested in at all, this is suffering. Not only you will suffer, the other will suffer also. But will women marry someone they know who isnt really interested in them ? I dont think so. Some say it is better to suffer then to be the cause of suffering.
B- missionary dating, try to convert the person, this is suffering , the person could convert or not convert.
C- die single, this is also suffering

Choose your suffering, it seems B is worth trying to suffer for, thing is only you will suffer for this it seems, the other will not really suffer.
Option C, die alone single seems like a waste of ur life, only regrets in old age, u could have tried option B.

No one gonna marry someone they are not physically attracted to a bit.

If you are wanting this because you are miserable right now, and you think this is going to be the solution to all of your problems, then it's really no surprise that God hasn't brought this across your path yet, etc.

Because you still need to grow up beyond that or past that first still, etc.

 

[Curiousmind]

How old are you?

Have you mastered the single life yet?

What do you have to offer a maybe young, and very beautiful Christian girl/woman/lady, who is not already married yet?

Are you physically attractive?

Do you make a lot of good money, or have a good career?

What is your credit like?

Do you see yourself as a responsible person?

Just what do you bring to the table exactly?

Assume u have all that, what if there still arent interesting christians to date, what next than ? Except we cant all be chad.

 

[Neogaia777]

Assume u have all that, what if there still arent interesting christians to date, what next than ? Except we cant all be chad.

I'm not going to "assume" anything.

Do you have any of those, or don't you?

And please don't tell me that you still live with your parents, etc.