What happens in a divorce?

[Goodbook]

Well, at first I thought the husband was neglecting his wife....but then it could have been the other guy stealing the wife away. Thats not on either.

I dont mean to say divorce is alright I mean that you married again Bfine. Since your first committed adultery, it wasnt that you were meant to be alone and single after that.
If your first husband had just left you for some other reason, it might be something you could both try and work out I suppose.

 

[Goodbook]

In my cousins case I dont think it was adultery, so theres still hope.

 

[Goodbook]

Btw I dont think my cousin is a believer, not sure about his wife, I dont remember them professing any faith, they didnt marry in church. So I cant talk to him about God and what He thinks...

With my neighbour well obviously she must know its the wrong thing to do so...Im not sure what to say if anything. I mean I still see her round but she doesnt come to church anymore.

 

[Goodbook]

I thought maybe her husband could win her back somehow...remind her if their first love, he was always oh so serious...but..who am i to say? I was just their wedding guest.

But I do remember at her sisters wedding all of us pledged to help the couple stay together in case they had a fight....

 

[Goodbook]

Which one asks for divorce? The one who cheated? Obviously the one who didnt wouldnt. So, the one who cheated has to face God about their actions.
I guess the other party would need to consent though, you cant have three in a marriage. That just makes it horrible and abusive. Better off apart.

 

[ValleyGal]

Divorce is a controversial subject, and I disagree with a lot here on the issue. Marriage is a covenant (legal agreement) between a man and woman. Legal agreements can be broken. As for "one flesh" even most conjoined twins can be separated and still survive. God divorced Israel for her idolatry and he pursued Judah. Having decided against relationship with Judah, he returned to Israel. Moses permitted divorce for people's hardened hearts... humans have not changed; we still have hard hearts. As for divorce in the Bible, more than half of the English versions interpret certain Hebrew and Greek words as "divorce" when they are more accurately translated as "separated." Only a careful biblical study can tease those apart to figure it out. People who have been divorced can certainly marry someone else. Here is a link that goes into detail on divorce and remarriage:
http://www.divorcehope.com/

Hopefully it will answer your questions.

Divorce is not always the best option, but it is also necessary in many cases. But other people's divorce is between them and God. All I can say is to support your friends and family members who are going through divorce because it is a very painful time.

 

[Goodbook]

How to support them?
What do you mean by support?
To be honest, im really tired of propping up friends who have been divorced. And listening to their troubles.

 

[Goodbook]

Hmm a covenant means a vow. As far as I know, vows meant to be honored and taken seriously. If one party breaks it, then I think the other party cannot continue to honor it...I dont know if its the man or woman or if that makes any difference.
But..it be really hard if that person that knowingly broke that vow married AGAIN I mean why would you vow again if you couldnt actually honor it the first time. IMHO. But i suppose if you married and then get divorced you have to just get over your first marriage somehow and not ever entertain the thought of going back. Cos if you marry again to someone else and still in love with your first spouse, thats not fair to your second.

 

[Goodbook]

Thanks for the link will have a read of it when got time.
Just thinking that God does desire mercy over justice. But I suppose if marriage has been abusive then its best to be apart.
The ones I know havent been abusive as far as I know, but then thats just me looking on the outside. I just think they ought to forgive each other and sort it out. Especially cos children involved.

 

[ValleyGal]

Hmm a covenant means a vow. As far as I know, vows meant to be honored and taken seriously. If one party breaks it, then I think the other party cannot continue to honor it...I dont know if its the man or woman or if that makes any difference.
But..it be really hard if that person that knowingly broke that vow married AGAIN I mean why would you vow again if you couldnt actually honor it the first time. IMHO. But i suppose if you married and then get divorced you have to just get over your first marriage somehow and not ever entertain the thought of going back. Cos if you marry again to someone else and still in love with your first spouse, thats not fair to your second.

Yes, vows are part of the covenant. Actually, the word “covenant” describes a contract made not only with man, but with God, so yes, it should be taken very seriously. The thing is, I don't know anyone who is divorced who ran to divorce court at the first sign of marital distress. Every divorced couple I know has a husband and wife who both believed they worked at it with all their heart before deciding to divorce. Believe me, divorce is never an easy option. It does not matter who broke the covenant - in fact, both broke it. The Bible beautifully demonstrates the truth that even God's chosen was incapable of living up to the covenant. In his relationship with Israel, God knew that she would never be able to fulfill a bilateral covenant (that is, take full responsibility for her part in breaking covenant by atonement). So God entered a unilateral covenant where he took responsibility for her sin - and eventually fulfilled this by sending Jesus to atone for Israel's sin and bring her back into a reconciled relationship with God. See - a biblical study is necessary to fully understand the whole concept of marriage covenant, divorce and remarriage. The point is, in a marriage, both spouses will break the covenant.

People remarry after divorce for a lot of reasons. Most of us know that just because it did not work with an ex, doesn't mean it won't work with someone else. My current husband is nothing like my first husband, and this marriage is by far more fulfilling and a better reflection of Jesus' love relationship with the Church. My first marriage was simply not a good match. This one is. Also, people are meant to live in community. God never intended for people to divorce, but just because we do divorce, he provides the legal dissolution of covenant (just as he divorced Israel for a time), which frees people to admit failure and move on to try again. However, most people wait to remarry so that they don't bring their baggage into another marriage. A lot don't wait, but mature believers who want to honor God will wait so that they do not enter a new marriage while they still have an attachment (good or bad) to their ex.

 

[ValleyGal]

Thanks for the link will have a read of it when got time.
Just thinking that God does desire mercy over justice. But I suppose if marriage has been abusive then its best to be apart.
The ones I know havent been abusive as far as I know, but then thats just me looking on the outside. I just think they ought to forgive each other and sort it out. Especially cos children involved.

You ask some very good questions - deep questions. There is no justice without mercy. After all, it is an injustice to ignore mercy. Mercy completes justice. Mercy is God not punishing us for our sins. When we sincerely take responsibility for our sins and go to him in repentance, he extends mercy through Jesus. Jesus died and rose again to pay for our sins - that is justice. So both justice and mercy happen through Jesus, and it is Jesus who reconciles us. In the same way, since both spouses are guilty of violating the covenant in marriage, there must be the safety of the marriage where we can be vulnerable enough to mess up and know that our spouse will be merciful. Unfortunately, that often does not happen, and a breeding ground for resentment (hard hearts) is born.

As for abusive marriages, they should divorce. God wants us to love and care for and protect his creation - our bodies. Subjecting ourselves to a spouse who slowly beats the body and kills the spirit is not God's intention. Ever. Especially when children are involved. Anyone in an abusive marriage needs to honour their body and treat it like the Temple that it is, and take steps to protect self. That is a whole other topic, though.

 

[Mister_Al]

Being one flesh is nothing like being conjoined twins. It means that God joins you together in the same family line (i.e. Jane Smith marries John Jones and becomes Jane Jones--she is now one flesh with her husband John Jones). That's how salvation comes to us through Jesus. The Holy Spirit joins us to Jesus and the two become one flesh and we are now in God's family line.

A marriage covenant is not at all like a contract. A contract is an agreement between two parties and can easily be made with a handshake and broken with little more penalty than a fine of some sort. Whereas a marriage covenant is a lifelong promise made between two people and to God. God then seals the covenant by making the two into one flesh.

Here is what Jesus had to say about Moses allowing divorce:

Matthew 19:8-9 Amplified Bible

8 He said to them, Because of the hardness (stubbornness and perversity) of your hearts Moses permitted you to dismiss and repudiate and divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been so [ordained].

9 I say to you: whoever dismisses (repudiates, divorces) his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Even if you use Moses as an example to allow divorce, when Jesus said "I say to you" you'd have to accept what Jesus said over what Moses said because Jesus is God and Moses isn't. You will also notice that Jesus said you can't remarry unless you were divorced because your spouse had been unfaithful to you.

I would also like to point that the Law was a covenant between God and Israel and the gentiles had no part in it. However, What Jesus said about divorce/marriage is echoed throughout the New Testament writtings and we should follow that.

And it isn't both parties that break the marriage covenant. Usually it's just one party forcing the other into the divorce.

Blessings,

Alan

 

[ValleyGal]

As I said, divorce and remarriage is a controversial subject. I have done my studies and have worked with couples; however, everyone is entitled to their opinion and interpretation of scripture. So to the OP, I suggest you dig deeply into scripture and come to your own conclusions between you and God.

In addition, research the whole concept of biblical covenant. It is indeed a legal contract - cultural studies of OT times will show that a marriage covenant is a contract between two spouses and God.

 

[Mister_Al]

Mercy is God not punishing us for our sins. When we sincerely take responsibility for our sins and go to him in repentance, he extends mercy through Jesus

The Bible says that we shouldn't continue in sin just because we know that we can be forgiven for it. We can be forgiven, but intentional sin (disobedience) has punishment and God will not be mocked by the pretense of holiness. For whatever we sow we will reap a reward of some kind from.

Blessings,

Alan

 

[ValleyGal]

The Bible says that we shouldn't continue in sin just because we know that we can be forgiven for it. We can be forgiven, but sin (disobediance) has punishment and God will not be mocked by the pretense of holiness. For whatever we sow we will reap a reward of some kind from.

Blessings,

Alan

God sent his son to die for the punishment. Mercy is God withholding the punishment because Jesus paid for it. That does not absolve us of experiencing natural consequences of sin. But the punishment (sin debt) has been paid. However, this is an advice forum, not a theological discussion forum and I will not engage further in derailing the thread.

 

[Mister_Al]

The wages of sin is death. God has removed us from the condemnation of Adam's sin by putting us in His family. Just because we are free from condemnation doesn't mean God won't punish us if we sin.

Hebrews 12:5-7 Amplified Bible

5 And have you [completely] forgotten the divine word of appeal and encouragement in which you are reasoned with and addressed as sons? My son, do not think lightly or scorn to submit to the correction and discipline of the Lord, nor lose courage and give up and faint when you are reproved or corrected by Him;

6 For the Lord corrects and disciplines everyone whom He loves, and He punishes, even scourges, every son whom He accepts and welcomes to His heart and cherishes.

7 You must submit to and endure [correction] for discipline; God is dealing with you as with sons. For what son is there whom his father does not [thus] train and correct and discipline?

Please forgive me for getting off topic.

Alan

 

[Goodbook]

Hmm well thanks for your responses everyone. I do know its controversial and. Everyone got their own views and experiences.

I think the deciding factor in most ppls divorces is adultery or unfaithfulness. I cantthink any other reason why you would not want to ever live again with the person you chose to marry.
Any other thing you can work out..whether its sickness or finances or snoring or collecting too many teddy bears...love can cover all these.


But betrayal is very hard...

 

[Goodbook]

You wouldnt want to stay married to someone who really loved someone else.

 

[markvs]

You are correct, I did not really want to stay married to the wife who fell for our eldest daughters boyfriend. Yet I would have forgiven her and tried to make it work. However, she made the choice to leave.

 

[TheDag]

You can only marry someone else if your first husband or wife has died right?

There is plenty of evidence to suggest that has been mistranslated. Some will say it is watering down the truth but the inconsistency in translating same word with same tense as well as different views at the time Jesus was asked the question. We must also not forget the question was a trap.
The most interesting thing is that if we accept that Jesus said there is only one reason for divorce then the bible contradicts itself. Now I don't know about you but my view is if the bible appears to contradict itself then the understanding must be wrong as the bible does not contradict itself. See Paul gives another reason for divorce. So after Jesus says there is only one reason Paul says no Jesus got it wrong! Just does not make sense.

In the Jewish culture a woman who was divorced had rights. She was entitled to the price paid for the marriage. Often what happened was they were sending the woman away but not giving the bill of divorce meaning she did not gain access to that money and did not have any means of support.

If God hates divorce so much it is strange that he divorced Israel when he speaks of the relationship as a marriage.