What happens in a divorce?

[Goodbook]

Well yes, but ppl talk about their wife and husband in those terms. So i get confused. Is she your wife or not? is he you husband or not? Please clarify, first or second.
They are still the mother or father of your children you had together. Just cos you divorced does not change that and you still BOTH have to look after them.

I was thinking this and think well they still need to talk about stuff and i do not enjoy acting as a subsutute husband or wife and go between...its tiring. jesus called us to be peacemakers but Im just wonderring if he meant between warring couples.

 

[TheDag]

2 happy households..ok.
Actually thats not true. They just split between two bitter and resentful parents. Cos, if they were in the same room together, they may end up hating each other...but when they apart, they hate each other even more. I had to counsel lots of divorcees and all they talk about is either their exes or how they cant afford anything and how horrible it is to be solo.

Would you appreciate it if I looked at pedophiles who infiltrated the church and judged you according to that? So don't judge everyone according to the bad cases. I know plenty of cases where things were very polite. Just because you do not see those does not mean you should judge them.
There is nothing wrong with people talking about their situation. That is exactly what you were doing when you started this thread. Married couples talk about financial struggles as well. It is the leading cause of marriage breakdown after all.

 

[Goodbook]

Huh?
Im sorry.
I dont get what you trying to say. Im not judging everyone, just the ppl i know about. Im not in a position to judge you. Love of money is the root of all evil, so, you just have to check your heart. Some ppl do marry just for money...then find out when thats gone, they dont have a marriage.

Sad but true.

 

[Goodbook]

I think my cousin loves money more than his wife.

 

[Messy]

Huh?
Im sorry.
I dont get what you trying to say. Im not judging everyone, just the ppl i know about. Im not in a position to judge you. Love of money is the root of all evil, so, you just have to check your heart. Some ppl do marry just for money...then find out when thats gone, they dont have a marriage.

Sad but true.

You can't just judge them and if you do you're not really a peace maker.

 

[Goodbook]

Anyway, i havent spoken with his wife, so i dont know her side of it. I tried to few months ago but got busy. Shes still family, even though they going through this separation. Its tough on their son. But of course, children dont know much different, they dont have any say what goes on usually.

 

[Goodbook]

I thought jesus said to judge righteously. You cant do that if you dont know both sides of the case. But..if you close to them and you can see their hearts not right, you can make a judgement. Its like with anything.

 

[Goodbook]

Both would be in the wrong if their marriage not working. Like the husband neglecting his wife, and the wife falling into temptation.

 

[Goodbook]

The important thing is both repent of their wrong and forgive each other.
But be very hard to do if they not willing to humble themselves, and one thinking they right all the time.

Im not the one that destroyed their marriage here. They both must take responsibility.

 

[Goodbook]

The parents of the other couple said their daughter in the wrong. I know the husband though, had been super busy with all his church responsibilities and that they never even had time for any date nights ever. So, he needed to admit his part in her turning from him.

 

[Goodbook]

Im really sad they split up. I dont think its a good thing, divorce, do you? They are NOT happier apart.

All the couples I know that split up are not happy.

 

[Messy]

I thought jesus said to judge righteously. You cant do that if you dont know both sides of the case. But..if you close to them and you can see their hearts not right, you can make a judgement. Its like with anything.

Well you still can't if you know both sides and there's the judging that something is sin and condemning someone, that's what you shouldn't do.
Half of the church took my side, other half took his side. Then a year later when we asked each other forgiveness I met one who was on my side and told her a bit of what really was going on. It wasn't just his or only my fault. You can't even tell everything though.

 

[Messy]

Im really sad they split up. I dont think its a good thing, divorce, do you? They are NOT happier apart.

All the couples I know that split up are not happy.

No and I hope they're not so stupid to look for someone else and go rebounding. If you have to see each other 4 times a week for the kids and both aren't remarried they can maybe reconcile later. Just pray for them.

 

[Goodbook]

You can judge someone but thats no the same as condemning. Only God truly has the right to condemn someone.
Also, there is no condemnation for those who are walking in the spirit. Those that have chosen to walk away from God, their own hearts condemn them and what they said. So, it will be obvious whos in the wrong, the party that didnt repent.

Both need to seek reconiciliation, you cant have a marriage if only one wants to make it work and the other doesnt.

 

[Goodbook]

Jesus did judge things as sin, but guess what, his blood paid for it!
That is why couples especially christian married couples, have to look to Him! To reconcile!

Didnt Jesus say he loved his church as a bride, like a husband loves his wife???

 

[Goodbook]

I always thought The Parent Trap was a cool movie.
I dont know if things like that happen in real life though, the children see their parents fighting and then convince them they being foolish and get back together.

I once pet sat for this church ladies daughters dog and rabbit, we stayed at her place while their family went on holiday. Anyway apparently the family was going through a separation, and the daughter they had together was really traumatised. But when I met the couple, they pretended everything was fine! I even asked them how they got together and they were laughing and joking away, serving bbq..but her mum told me they had split up, she had moved to this house we were staying in, he to an apartment, and Im like ok.

Weird.
And then spoke to one of her daughters friends, she said..she thinks the mum might have met someone else. When I asked the grandma about it she just said, 'difficulties with finances'. It was the second marriage.

Am I judging when I think..ok weird family?! Then met the daughter of the mums first marriage, asked about their family and holiday, she just said 'complicated'. Lol

 

[Goodbook]

Went to the mums mums funeral, the two husbands of the daughter were there.
It was kinda awkward for them I suppose, but no fights happened.

 

[Goodbook]

With the church couple im not taking anyones side. i still talk to them both and their daughter who is friendly with me.
Its just, its good to know what to say or what not to say if I know what really happened.

 

[Goodbook]

The wife left the church though..so..I only see her outside of it. I dont know if shes going to stay with the guy she cheated with, as her work makes it impossible for her to, plus she stull livng with her husband. So hoping that she will see the error of her ways and realise dicorce will NOT be a good thing, and it was only a passing attraction to someone who SHOULD KNOW BETTER.

The really sad thing? This guy was best mates with her husband, best man at his wedding.

 

[Goodbook]

Thats weird when people say dont judge and then they go to the divorce court where they actually pay someone to judge for them.


I dont get it.