What happens in a divorce?

[Goodbook]

You cant have two wives or two husbands. Well, i think thats against the laws, in most countries.

 

[Goodbook]

You can only marry someone else if your first husband or wife has died right?

 

[BFine]

Is there like a judge or someone who says I now pronounce you no longer man and wife. You may unkiss each other. And return your rings.

*The judge usually says something like the evidence presented shows that the marriage is irretrievably broken and declares the couple divorced.

It's all business like...in most cases only the party seeking the divorce has to be present... that's how it was for me in North
Carolina, when my divorce case came up, I wasn't present in the courtroom--my husband and his soon-to-be wife were present.
After the judge declared the marriage over and divorce was stamped on the legal papers my ex and his gf got married within 10 minutes of the divorce being established.

We didn't have any children.
Our possessions were divided between us,
he got his clothes, books/movies, his cars.

I got the mobile home because I bought it
from him and I got all the bills since my ex
was working "off the books".

 

[Goodbook]

Otherwise ppl would would get confused, not to mention the children.

 

[Goodbook]

Hmm bfine in that case it seems like your first husband committed adultery. Im sorry to hear that. .what does God do for those whove been cheated on? He lets you marry again?

 

[Goodbook]

I really feel for those whove been cheated on. It must be horrible. And then Divorce and marry the one they cheated with. Its like...rubbing in your face and your marriage was a lie or something.

 

[BFine]

You cant have two wives or two husbands. Well, i think thats against the laws, in most countries.

*Many people have two spouses...if they have been through divorce and married someone else.
You can't easily separate your "ties" to your mates(former or present) no matter how nasty you were treated.

Your tie(s) to your ex maybe via children, business, finances etc.

It's especially hard when you have children, as I've been a "counselor" for MANY folks who have called it quits over the years... all of them had children and let me tell you it wasn't pretty when the exs started fighting over the children...ugh!

 

[obadehin owolabi]

In western world's when husband and wife fight court will separated them for a while so that hey would not harm each other, for them to realize their mistake, to see if there is a genuine reason for divorce at this point both of them must perform their role .

 

[Goodbook]

Hmm well I dont really know much about all that. I do know that someone whos been married before and divorced the ex will still be in their lives somehow. So its not a good idea to marry a divorcee, but ppl do.

With my flatmate, apparently there was a court order or even a restraining order which meant her ex wasnt allowed to set foot on her property, even his children from another partnership. She also NEVER referred to him by his name..it was always the kids father. I notice a lot of divorcees talk this way, so I dont even know the names of their exes.

 

[BFine]

Hmm bfine in that case it seems like your first husband committed adultery. Im sorry to hear that. .what does God do for those whove been cheated on? He lets you marry again?

*People marry whether God allows it or not...
not much has changed since King Herod in the bible married his brother's Philip's wife, Herodias... John the baptist lost his head because he comforted the king about it being unlawful for him to have his brother's wife for his own (the brother was still living.) Herodias held that against John and when she got the opportunity to have John killed, she seized it via
the wish granted to her delightful dancing daughter.

Divorce:
Matthew 5:32 (Jesus speaks on this here)
"But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

And here: Matthew 19:9
"And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

Another possible exception clause:
1 Corinthians 7:15
"But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace."

I guess my situation would come under two exception clauses?

 

[BFine]

Hmm.

Do people only divorce and go through all the paperwork if they want to be free to marry someone else?


I looked up the website and said there is a fee like about a hundred bucks.

*Divorces can be expensive depending upon what's involved.

Some divorces are done to protect one spouse
from the other, especially in the case of: fraud /or pilfering accounts, continuous adultery, abusive etc.

 

[Goodbook]

I guess so.
And you don't have children, so I suppose its alright.
God wouldn't really allow believers who are both married to each other to divorce though. This makes me kinda question if my neighbour is really saved. Why would she commit adultery?! They have four children together.

 

[Goodbook]

I was really shocked. And the one she was with, he was married too and went to the same church. So I don't know. Its all a mess. I did discern though, something wasn't quite right in their marriage. I know some just grow up in church, marry a believer, but actually don't truly believe themselves. They may think marrying a believer and having children is just as good as having faith themselves.

I hadn't been attending this church for a while so really not sure what happened while I was away. I know that other family left the church..and they were a bit odd. As the wife of the cheating guy also went off with someone else.

 

[BFine]

Yes thats the part I dont get. Cos I know many that separated i.e living apart from their spouses but still raising children, and I have to talk to them about their husbands not just say the father of their children...cos they are STILL husband and wife are they not? Just not living together.

*Yes, they are still married(husband and wife)...I know many who do that too... they
play with words...but I still say your husband or your wife depending on the situation(or which one I'm talking to.)

Many live in the same home because of money
situations...I know couples who divided up the house (it's a large home) and each spouse has
his her own space...locks on doors or security
system to define their space. Each child has his/her own cell phone to talk to their parents
since they live with one more than the other...
in the same home...separate lives.

I know some who still live together, share the same bed but their lives outside the home are different.
I picked up on this when I happened to bump into a certain couple and they were outside by their car and he reminded her to pay for her part
of the shopping. She told me later they were staying together until the children were finished with school, after that, they would go their separate ways.

 

[Goodbook]

I don't really know what to say to either of them when I see them.
I don't bring up the topic..but it must pain them cos I just always think of them as married and with each other. And since they not officially divorced, well, they still are, just not talking to each other.

 

[Goodbook]

Well this couple are upstairs/downstairs.

Three of the children are with their dad, the youngest, the daughter, is with her mum. It just seems kinda crazy to me. But all the children still come to church with their dad.

 

[BFine]

I guess so.

And you don't have children, so I suppose its alright.

*Having a failed marriage is never alright...
and it's something that's ever before me... like what King David said about his sin.

God wouldn't really allow believers who are both married to each other to divorce though. This makes me kinda question if my neighbour is really saved. Why would she commit adultery?! They have four children together.

* Are we talking about God's permissive will here?
Bible.org explains that:
" This is what God allows, even though it is sin. God allowed Joseph's brothers to betray him, and to deceive their father, so that He might bring the Israelites (few in number) to Egypt, where God would spare them, and they would greatly multiply (Genesis 50:20).

Women who commit adultery? from what I've come to find over the decades, the most mentioned reason was due to "neglect"...didn't matter if there were children or not.
Just because there are children don't automatically assume their marital life is all sunshine and smiles.
I know many wives/women who have children but are miserable in their marriages because their spouse(s) don't know how to love them, they know how to make a baby but they don't know how to romance their wives or sadly some men don't want to romance their wives, they just want the sex.

There are some other reasons wives or husbands
cheat but I will not go off into that because it's
not something I like discussing in open forum.

 

[BFine]

Goodbook, it sounds like all of them need
a lot of prayer and agape.

 

[Mister_Al]

The problem with divorce is that when you get married God joins you to your mate and you become one flesh. You can get a divorce in court but you will still be one flesh. It's kinda like two brothers having problems between each other and deciding not to be brothers any more. It's just not possible because they will always be the same flesh and blood, regardless of any legal determinations, or if they each live on different sides of the world. Even if a different family adopts one of the brothers he will ALWAYS be the same flesh as his brother. Death is the only thing that can separate them.

Also, marriage vows are a covenant promise not only between husband and wife but between them and God, and God doesn't respond favorably when people break their covenants with Him. The only way God will release anyone from their marriage covenant is if their spouse is unfaithful (adultery) to it. And since divorce isn't something God wants anyone to do it is a sin to do it.

The Bible not only says that God hates divorce, it also says that He hates marital separation. I believe that God looks on separation like He looks on divorce.

I don't think I answered the original question but I just felt like I needed say this.

Blessings,

Alan

 

[Messy]

You don't always stay married. Jesus said you had 5 men and the one you have now is not your husband. He didn't say you're still married to the first and the rest was adultery and you need to go back to him. If a woman married another man in the O.T. because her first husband sent her away and the second died she couldn't go back to the first. That was big sin, the land spit the inhabitants out because of that.