What happens if you married the wrong person?

[guitarintro]

I remember my mentor once told me that God doesn't necessarily prepare one person to be your significant other. There are many out there who can become your significant other; however, there are those who are better suited for you than the rest. Of course, in the end, we should only marry one and not have multiple spouses. Because of this, it requires us to have wisdom in discerning who is the right one. This makes me wonder, what happens if you married someone that is not according to God's Will?

(1) If you married someone not according to God's Will, would you be living in a constant state of sin as long as you are with that person? Would that lead to hell?

The follow-up question would be (2) Would you be expected to divorce her/him in order to be even with God?

*I am unsure if this topic is Christian Apologetics, so moderators feel free to re-locate if necessary.*

 

[jellybean99]

To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? 1 Cor. 7:10-16

 

[homewardbound]

I remember my mentor once told me that God doesn't necessarily prepare one person to be your significant other. There are many out there who can become your significant other; however, there are those who are better suited for you than the rest. Of course, in the end, we should only marry one and not have multiple spouses. Because of this, it requires us to have wisdom in discerning who is the right one. This makes me wonder, what happens if you married someone that is not according to God's Will?

(1) If you married someone not according to God's Will, would you be living in a constant state of sin as long as you are with that person? Would that lead to hell?

The follow-up question would be (2) Would you be expected to divorce her/him in order to be even with God?

*I am unsure if this topic is Christian Apologetics, so moderators feel free to re-locate if necessary.*

Let's get the easy question out of the way first. The only thing that leads to hell is failure to repent and place your trust in Jesus Christ as your only Hope of salvation.

Your mentor was correct in that there are thousands of women who could be a good spouse. The notion of that one special person waiting out there for you is a Hollywood myth. What makes a spouse special is the result of what God does when he joins two people together.

Which brings us to the heart of your question. My question back to you, though, is what do you think constitutes a marriage that is not in accordance with God's will. I need to understand that before I can answer further.

 

[Sketcher]

(1) If you married someone not according to God's Will, would you be living in a constant state of sin as long as you are with that person? Would that lead to hell?

Generally speaking, no. I'm an eternal security guy, so I don't believe it would lead to hell. We've got 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 as has been quoted, and verses 17-27 speak to this too. We've also got the story of the Gibeonites in Joshua 9-10, where Israel wrongly made a treaty with them, but in order to honor their oath before God, they had to honor the treaty. The only exception would be if you've divorced and remarried someone else, according to what Jesus preached in Matthew 5:31-32 and 19:9. Then he calls that adultery, and if you remain in the adulterous relationship, you haven't stopped committing adultery.

The follow-up question would be (2) Would you be expected to divorce her/him in order to be even with God?

Only in the case of adultery.

 

[aldar]

If you mary someone who you shouldn't have married, that person becomes the person you are supposed to be with. You should love and cherish each other and both learn to follow in the will of God for the future and allow him to direct both of your paths, but it won't be to divorce unless serious betrayal takes place, like adultery.

 

[drich0150]

(1) If you married someone not according to God's Will, would you be living in a constant state of sin as long as you are with that person? Would that lead to hell?

"God's will" is that you spend an eternity in heaven with him. That's it. God doesn't micro manage our lives. If he did, what would be the point of free will?

Your Mentor sounds to be a very wise man, according to his view on marrying "The One."

So if you except his Idea that marriage to certain people may be easier for us, than what life could be with others, then your question should be:
What should one do when they realize that they have married someone who will make life more difficult rather lessen the burden?

First I don't believe that there is a "Wrong person" you could marry unless they are not keeping there vows. Second anything after that will only serve to show you a percentage of how your relationship with God probably is from his perspective.

We often times aren't the spouse we claim to be during the engagement/salvation. So what does God do? does he divorce us because we are not good enough? or because we make life easier? No he sticks by his vow, and so long as we continue to come home to him he is faithful to us.. It is only when our self righteous behavior takes us to a place where we think we don't need God, or when we think to profit from God's mercy through not forgiving others as we have been forgiven, do we commit spiritual Adultery..

We do this when we put ourselves, or our needs in our hearts before God. The same example is ready to be lived in a marriage to someone in whom you may not be completely compatible with. Also know that one of you at least for a while will be the transgressor, and the other will be the forgiver.. Chances are if your not living in a situation (Post-honeymoon) Where your spouse is in constant need of forgiveness or work.. Then it is you, who is the burden.

So the question then should be, if your completely happy living with your beautiful wife, who cares for your every needs, should she divorce you because there maybe someone out there that may be a better martial fit for her?

The answer to your OP is that both of you being "Equally yoked" should strive to build a marriage based on what a solid Christian relationship with God looks like.. If both of you work toward this Goal with God as the head of your family then, no matter who you marry they will have blessed your journey or life in that they will have helped you understand the nature of God just a little bit more.. This understanding should be what marriage is all about!

(2) Would you be expected to divorce her/him in order to be even with God?

If you do you will have missed what Grace, understanding and forgiveness is all about.. And like the Servant who owed his Master a great debt and had it forgiven, but looked to collect a smaller from his fellow servant.. You too will be shown the grievous nature of that sin. Hopefully your heart is ready to except it, and you have time to correct it. Because the other time when you can be made aware of that sin is before our Master.

 

[wonderwaleye]

I remember my mentor once told me that God doesn't necessarily prepare one person to be your significant other. There are many out there who can become your significant other; however, there are those who are better suited for you than the rest. Of course, in the end, we should only marry one and not have multiple spouses. Because of this, it requires us to have wisdom in discerning who is the right one. This makes me wonder, what happens if you married someone that is not according to God's Will?

(1) If you married someone not according to God's Will, would you be living in a constant state of sin as long as you are with that person? Would that lead to hell?

The follow-up question would be (2) Would you be expected to divorce her/him in order to be even with God?

*I am unsure if this topic is Christian Apologetics, so moderators feel free to re-locate if necessary.*

GOD didn't make us robots. HE left us HIS law on the decision we make. So this ends up to b a very important decision on our part. Go forward on FAITH:



" Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.


Matthew 19:


5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?



Matthew 19:


6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.



Mark 10:


8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.



1Corinthians 6:


16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.



Ephesians 5:


31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. "






ALWAYS REMEMBER:

JESUS IS RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE AT!!! EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T SEE HIM!!!

( left click and hold over the above to see your personal message )

 

[Bellicus]

If God wants married couples to stay together, then obviously there is no "wrong person".

 

[l0v3n]

jellybean sums it up nicely.

 

[guitarintro]

To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? 1 Cor. 7:10-16

Thanks for the responses everyone. So this is what I am getting from Biblical Scripture. Divorce should only occur if you are an unbeliever who wants to leave, or adultery has occurred within the marriage. Otherwise, believers are told to make the marriage work. So from a believer's perspective, whoever you marry, you should do your best to stick with this person and make the marriage work.

It somewhat answers my question, but perhaps I should illustrate it further. I guess I am wondering if it is it possible to marry someone against God's Will and how do you know?

If it is possible to marry someone against God's Will, are we still expected to stay with our spouse and not divorce them, in order to show that we have faith in God and to accept His Grace and Forgiveness?

I realize I am being complicated, but I want to marry someone God approves with and I don't want to live in a constant state of sin.

 

[JCFantasy23]

You would not be living in a constant state of sin by accidentally marrying "the wrong person". People can be foolish and run into things too quickly, therefore having an unpleasant marriage, but this is more of a consequence to their hasty actions. The best thing would be to try and make the best of the situation if at all possible.

 

[Sketcher]

I guess I am wondering if it is it possible to marry someone against God's Will and how do you know?

Yes. If you're a believer and she's not, that is marrying against God's will. However, you're still married in God's sight, and it is your responsibility to stay with her, even after you've come to your senses, in accordance with the Scriptures that have already been shared in this thread.

In the case of divorce and remarriage, from what I've read in Scripture, that is not a true marriage, but an affair. Thus, people who get mixed up in that marry in the sight of man, but I don't see how God would recognize that as a marriage. And I don't really see how apologizing to God would make it into a marriage.

I realize I am being complicated, but I want to marry someone God approves with and I don't want to live in a constant state of sin.

If you want to keep it simple, as I do, don't marry a divorced woman, and don't get divorced yourself. Then you'll have a valid union. All the other commands make marriage easier. Breaking them is still wrong, but it won't invalidate the marriage.

 

[X=?]

A little OT but still in place with the theme is that.

Whoever we marry, are they only borrowed to us and us to them. Do marriages carry on into heaven?

 

[Prizm]

is it possible to marry someone against God's Will and how do you know?

The only time you marry against God's will is to an unbeliever. II Cor. 6:14 (don't be unequally yoked). Other than that, you just need to be wise. 'Unequally yoked' can go further than just being married to an unbeliever. If you both have opposing views of doctrine then that will cause problems as well. Also, if one is not as committed to spiritual growth as the other. You can also ask others in church how they feel about you marrying that person. They may see things you don't.

If it is possible to marry someone against God's Will, are we still expected to stay with our spouse and not divorce them, in order to show that we have faith in God and to accept His Grace and Forgiveness?

Yes. II Cor. 7:12-13 "If anyone has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her."

Whoever we marry, are they only borrowed to us and us to them. Do marriages carry on into heaven?

Jesus said marriages are not carried on in heaven (Matt 22:30). We're going to relate to people differently in heaven, and just won't have certain desires that we have on earth. We'll be able to relate to all with a pure Godly love without being taken the wrong way, or feeling lust, jealousy, or other things that we're so accustomed to on earth.
Personally (and this is just my own opinion) I don't think we'll have a sex drive in heaven, and I don't think we'll miss it either. Things will just be totally different, and yet still completely fulfilling.

 

[X=?]

Ah reminds me 'till death do us part', marriages are earthly bound but heaven ordained (something like that).

On a lighter note at least theres no nagging in heaven, thats a blessing.

 

[homewardbound]

It somewhat answers my question, but perhaps I should illustrate it further. I guess I am wondering if it is it possible to marry someone against God's Will and how do you know?

If it is possible to marry someone against God's Will, are we still expected to stay with our spouse and not divorce them, in order to show that we have faith in God and to accept His Grace and Forgiveness?

These are actually very good questions. Some of the others here may know of other instances, but I only know of two situations where the bible clearly says a marriage would be against God's will. One is when a believer knowingly marry's a non-believer, and the other is when a divorced person remarries while their former spouse is still living.

If you marry someone against God's will, yes, you are to repent of your sin, stay with that person (remember, God hates divorce -- see Mal 2:13-16) and walk in obedience to God's word.

 

[guitarintro]

Thanks for the responses and ongoing PMs. So it would be against God's Will to marry a non-believer or a divorced spouse (who was not originally with you).

My follow-up questions are: (1) Does Romans 14 apply to marriage? (Romans 14: if you think it is wrong, for you it is wrong).

(2) Specifically, what happens if your conscience tells you not to marry the spouse, but you still marry her? However, she is Christian and never experienced divorce.

The part that Romans 14 confuses me is that, sometimes I am unsure if it is my conscience telling me something is wrong or whether it is the OCD symptoms (intrusive thoughts) I am experiencing.

(3) For example, say if I thought it may be wrong to marry someone (although she is Christian and not divorced), but I classified it as an OCD thought, ignored the thought and went on to marry her. What happens if it was actually NOT OCD and it was my conscience telling me not to marry someone/her?

(4) Would I be living in a constant state of sin as long as I am with her because I went against my conscience (or what God is telling me) in the beginning?

I hope this makes sense. Sorry I have a lot of questions, but I need to know the truth. Thanks in advance.

 

[drich0150]

Romans 14 would apply to Marriage in general, in this specific situation. Not to an individual person... Like meat offered to Idols.. Paul's example shows an objection to the practice in general, not to a specific idol.

If you were a catholic priest and secretly married someone then yes you'd be in sin, just because of what you believed. It has nothing to do with loving that person. Or thinking a specific person is right for you.

If you believe that marriage is a lawful act, then who you marry makes little difference. Remember when this was written not all who were legally married before God knew or loved each other before hand. (Arranged marriages) There isn't a provision in scripture for people who get married and then have second thoughts.

 

[nu_cre8tion]

I believe if you said "I Do", you married the right person. The Bible says not to be un-equally yoked with unbelievers. God hates divorce. It is only by unfaithfulness (adultery) or physical abuse that divorce is acceptable in God's eyes. I believe the Lord would have you try and work this out. Seek some good godly marital counseling. However, if your mate doesn't want to stay with you, the Bible says let them go; this wouldn't be held against you.

 

[guitarintro]

Thanks for the comments and responses everyone. I really appreciate the advice and input.

I came back from retreat a few days ago and I had some time to think about the situation. I think I realized she isn't interested in me. From what I gather, I don't think she is interested in a relationship and I don't want to force anything and make it awkward. Although she is about 2 years younger, I feel she is not interested in me. So yeah, I guess I will be moving on. I think it's best I leave it at that.