What can I do?

[peterparker]

WARNING: Only read if you are a faithful Christian. I don't want to make anyone else stumble.

I had had a hard time finding a good job that required my college experience. With the economy being what it is I was in a rut. I finally found a good job. It was a small business, but I was going to get payed well (up to 25$/hr. in a few months). But then I found out my employer uses pirated software for his business.

Tomorrow I'm going to call him and tell him I can't work for him. Not because I strongly feel convicted that it's wrong, but because I'm afraid of God's wrath ( I still don't know how salvation works).

I felt bad on the way home, but when I got home my parents made it worse. "God understands that sometimes you can't be perfect in this world", "God wants you to have a good job, and be happy", they said to me.

I don't know what to do. I'm so angry at God right now, it borders on hate. I don't want to be angry at God, and much less hate him, but I don't understand him. I have been in what some might call the desert for some time. Anger and fear dominate my life, and God seems to make it worse. I hear God loves me but that is so beyond my understanding. How many people does God love that he's still going to punish ETERNALLY. How can God's love be any comfort to me? I still don't understand Jesus's role, and how salvation works. I'm so tired of this.

And my life has been like this for over a year now. One thing after another. It seems like a losing battle. I thought God wouldn't test me beyond my limits, but I'm close to a breaking point.

I sometimes feel like my parents don't truly understand God (well, it's not like I do), and like I have to move out on my own. But through all the fear, anger, and anxiety the only thing that I see has kept me from snapping and hurting myself or others has been the love for my family. What does God think about this? Sometimes I imagine God saying "Your parents are not real Christians, you must leave them behind", and I become so enraged, after all didn't God say to leave everything behind for him? Sometimes I wonder if God even knows what real love is (yeah, that's stupid).

Today, to try to get some help from God I tried to read the Bible (even though it gives me anxiety), I happen to land on the page where God is warning to not trade our salvation for worldly possessions, like that guy traded his birthright for lentil soup. It also says that too not become too bitter to repent or it may be too late one day. In that state those words only hurt me more. Thanks for making it worse God. Fear really helps. I really feel the love now.

So what can I do now? I'm trying to calm myself down now, but how much longer can I last? Will I need to be strapped down for the rest of my life to contain the insanity? I have asked God for the holy spirit so that I want to do what's right and not be feared into it, but I'm still the same. I can ask God for help when I'm calm, but when I'm angry it is so difficult. I don't have too much hope. I thought Jesus would help, but am I too bad for him in my anger. I don't know what to do.

 

[Flibbertigibbet]

Hello again, PeterParker.

I'm going to address the part of your post that really jumped out at me - which is that you don't understand Jesus' role and how salvation works. I'm going to copy a prior post of mine in another thread and I'll post it just a minute.

 

[ForHisGlory2008]

OK, well, as far as the job ... the pirated software, if you are sure it is pirated, is not your sin. I think you can use it as part of your job as you are not doing anything to encourage the use of pirated software. That is on your employer's head, not yours.

 

[Flibbertigibbet]

I'm a fairly new Christian, having been an atheist/agnostic for the first 43 years of my life.

My 24 year old son, having been raised by me, is also an agnostic. He and I were having a conversation the other evening about what Christians believe, in a nutshell, and I shared with him the basics of my own belief. I'll share it with you as well:

Those who believe in Christ and try to follow his commands want to ensure that everyone has the opportunity to hear the basics of the gospel. God is holy (set apart) and as such finds all sin (missing the mark) to be offensive. Not just sexual sin, or any other number of so-called "major" sins - all sin. The penalty for sin is spiritual death (eternal separation from God) Because we humans are unable to be holy on our own (none of us. Even on our best day, best behavior, doing all the good we can think of to do, the Bible says our good works are as "filthy rags"), God sent a part of himself, his Son Jesus, to live a sinless life and die on our behalf, paying the debt for our sin - past, present and future. This was a gift, given because of God's love for us, that has only to be accepted. You don't have to be sinless to accept it and be forgiven of any wrongdoing. You don't have to live a perfect life thereafter (as nobody is capable of that) in order to continue to have the gift of eternal life. You just have to confess your sins to be cleansed of them and seen by God as clothed in the righteousness of Christ.

Confession = agreement with God that whatever you are confessing is sin in the eyes of God, and your earnest vow to turn from it (repent). It doesn't mean that if you agree that something is sin and you repent that you will never again have the urge to commit that particular sin, or even that you won't commit it again. It's called "grace" for a reason. We shouldn't deliberately choose to sin knowing that we can yell "grace" like yelling "uncle!". But those who tell you, or have told you, that once you believe in Christ you should live a morally perfect life are, imo, misguided and twisting the entire meaning of the gospel.

Because people still have sinful thoughts and/or actions does not mean they haven't been "saved." Sanctification (growing closer to God and less like the world) is a process. The closer you become to God, through learning his Word and through prayer, the more your desires in life change. It's not a "force of will" kind of thing, as that is rarely successful and certainly not enjoyable.

Regardless of how you feel about God at this time, he loves you. There is nothing you could do that would cause him not to love you or that would cause you to be unable to claim the gift that is freely offered. Should you choose not to accept said gift, God is not pleased and rubbing his metaphorical hands together gleefully in anticipation of destroying you. He is grieved and saddened.
___________________
Live your life, PeterParker and stop worrying so much about losing your salvation or being angry with God. The changes are gradual and you don't have to "white-knuckle" your way to them.

Much love and prayer for you,
L

 

[drich0150]

Young brother I do see alot of anger and hate, but it's ok... I see it focused on the choice you have to make between: The things of this world that you think you need/love like: Money, Parents, security, and the Plans you have for your life. But,on the other hand there is God and all of the uncertainty that can come from a seemingly silent Lord...

There is a choice to be made here, I can't tell you what to do, and really neither can anyone else.. This decision needs to be made by you, because the deciding factors are lock up in your life's/spiritual experiences up to this point.. (It depends on how much faith you have in the lord)

Just know he will not test you beyond your limits, but it doesn't say he won't test you beyond what you are comfortable with.
He will never leave you, but that doesn't mean if you stand up for your convictions you will have a better job waiting somewhere else..
And if your Parents don't have a true relationship with God it probably means they chose not to have one.. Just like the decision your faced with right now will impact on your ablity to have a true relationship with God.. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying: if you don't choose correctly now it means you will be lost for ever, nor are your parents (if that's the case). It just makes it a little harder to make the right choice next time, and the time after that, and on and on.. By the end of a long misspent life, There will be little room for a heart felt "death bed confession"..

Tell God your angry at the decision he making you make (he already knows) Ask him to help you make the best decision your able to make. It's ok to also ask him to take some of the sting off making these tough decisions too.. Really the best way to make Righteous choices in life almost every time is to have a constant and open line of communication with him always.. If you don't have one ask him to help you make one (Ask him to: Open your ears to his words, your eyes to his hand, Your heart to his will.. "Thy will be done on earth, and in my heart as in heaven")

 

[gabrielListens]

Peter,

Please please please read one of the gospels. They are not long at all. The gospel of Luke is a good one. John's is the shortest. Each is an account of Jesus' life here on earth. Once you read one you will then understand Jesus but if you do not read at least one then you might never understand him no matter how much others try to explain him to you. Believe me when I say that all of his teachings are easy to understand and show the incredible goodness of his heart. Please please please read one. If you have already read them read them again, and again until you finally feel that you are understanding Jesus. It may be the most important thing you ever read in your life.

As for your employer, we must accept that others, like ourselves are sinners and although it was a very noble thing for you to do, it may not have been necessary in the eyes of God. Instead of quitting you probably should have taken youir employer aside and told him about what you know and tell him that he should stop doing it. Remember, Jesus came here to seek sinners, not the righteous. He does not expect us to only keep the company of righteous but to help others who have fallen or are falling. A pastor once said "We are are the salt of the earth but what good is salt if it never leaves the salt shaker?"

 

[Jayangel81]

.

 

[bsd13]

WARNING: Only read if you are a faithful Christian. I don't want to make anyone else stumble.

I had had a hard time finding a good job that required my college experience. With the economy being what it is I was in a rut. I finally found a good job. It was a small business, but I was going to get payed well (up to 25$/hr. in a few months). But then I found out my employer uses pirated software for his business.

Tomorrow I'm going to call him and tell him I can't work for him. Not because I strongly feel convicted that it's wrong, but because I'm afraid of God's wrath ( I still don't know how salvation works).

I felt bad on the way home, but when I got home my parents made it worse. "God understands that sometimes you can't be perfect in this world", "God wants you to have a good job, and be happy", they said to me.

I don't know what to do. I'm so angry at God right now, it borders on hate. I don't want to be angry at God, and much less hate him, but I don't understand him. I have been in what some might call the desert for some time. Anger and fear dominate my life, and God seems to make it worse. I hear God loves me but that is so beyond my understanding. How many people does God love that he's still going to punish ETERNALLY. How can God's love be any comfort to me? I still don't understand Jesus's role, and how salvation works. I'm so tired of this.

And my life has been like this for over a year now. One thing after another. It seems like a losing battle. I thought God wouldn't test me beyond my limits, but I'm close to a breaking point.

I sometimes feel like my parents don't truly understand God (well, it's not like I do), and like I have to move out on my own. But through all the fear, anger, and anxiety the only thing that I see has kept me from snapping and hurting myself or others has been the love for my family. What does God think about this? Sometimes I imagine God saying "Your parents are not real Christians, you must leave them behind", and I become so enraged, after all didn't God say to leave everything behind for him? Sometimes I wonder if God even knows what real love is (yeah, that's stupid).

Today, to try to get some help from God I tried to read the Bible (even though it gives me anxiety), I happen to land on the page where God is warning to not trade our salvation for worldly possessions, like that guy traded his birthright for lentil soup. It also says that too not become too bitter to repent or it may be too late one day. In that state those words only hurt me more. Thanks for making it worse God. Fear really helps. I really feel the love now.

So what can I do now? I'm trying to calm myself down now, but how much longer can I last? Will I need to be strapped down for the rest of my life to contain the insanity? I have asked God for the holy spirit so that I want to do what's right and not be feared into it, but I'm still the same. I can ask God for help when I'm calm, but when I'm angry it is so difficult. I don't have too much hope. I thought Jesus would help, but am I too bad for him in my anger. I don't know what to do.

Who told you that God wouldn't test you beyond your limits? That's totally un-biblical. Nowhere does it say anything of the sort. It says when you are tempted he will provide a way out.

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it - 1 Corinthians 10:13

And the way out...

Turn to me and be saved,
all you ends of the earth;
for I am God, and there is no other - Isaiah 45:22

Being saved is more than "just" eternal salvation. It is being saved in our day to day life because we turn to God and seek his counsel and wisdom.

As to the problem at hand you need to pray and listen closely to the voice of the Lord. Ask him if it his will that you quit your job. I have a feeling that you'd serve his purpose better by staying and becoming a character witness for Christ so that your boss will in due time come to realize that using stolen software is immoral (and illegal).

See, sometimes God uses us as Christians in bad and immoral situations to bring about good and if we just go off half-cocked running away because we're trying to earn our proverbial wings we screw things up.

But like I said pray to God as to what you should do. And like others have said read the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke or John) and get to know the God you serve as he really is. Not a wicked task master, but full of grace and love.

Edit: Forgot to mention Jesus' role -

God is a perfectly just God and therefore crimes (sins) require punishment. But because God is also a loving God he doesn't want us (sinners) to be punished if that can be helped. So the choice was either everyone is punished (hell) because we are all sinners of God finds someone to take our place and be punished instead of us.

So God the Father sends God the Son to live as a human being, and take our place of punishment so that we wouldn't have.

That's salvation in a nutshell. "God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten Son..." Jesus was the stand-in for our punishment. That was his role. Because God couldn't find anyone else to take the punishment he had to come himself and be scourged, and bolted to a tree.

 

[Jayangel81]

Who told you that God wouldn't test you beyond your limits? That's totally un-biblical. Nowhere does it say anything of the sort. It says when you are tempted he will provide a way out.

I agree.. I was shattered to a million pieces to get where I am today..of coarse God built me up, and He will build you up as well.

 

[Where]

You are a sinner with no way to appease God for your sins...

Now here is the Good News...

Christ's death on the cross pays that penalty for you. He lived a perfect life that you couldn't live. He was offered as the perfect sacrifice for the sin of mankind. He makes everyone who believes in Him "right" in God's eyes.

All you must do is accept this. He gives his as a free gift. If you accept that He paid for your sins, you are on your way to heaven. It is really that simple!

It took me years to realize that there is nothing I can do to get to heaven. I could never be good enough, I always sinned. Then I realized that I didn't have to earn it, I just had to accept that Christ had already done all the work for me.

It is interesting...Christianity as a religion stands out among every other religion because it is based on one's faith, not one's work.

-Where

 

[hsilgne]

A man was ship wrecked on an island for months. He was a faithfull man and prayed earnestly and often for his rescue. While marooned, he had salvaged enough of his boat to build a stable hut to live in. One day a tremendous storm came about and lightning hit his hut and caused it to burn. He survived this storm but came to realize everything he had stored up was lost. His hut was destroyed. He was fed up. He cursed God and hated God for not providing his rescue and allowing this storm to destroy his only hope of survival. Later that day, he noticed a ship in the distance heading towards the island. He frantically waved and the boat came in to rescue him. He asked the captain how it was that he came to this island. The captain said, "we were sailing past the island last night and noticed your smoke signal".

Even though we may not understand or see it, God is faithfull.

Keep the job. You will never find a job where the boss/owner is not a sinner. Worry about your own sins.

 

[drich0150]

BDS13

Who told you that God wouldn't test you beyond your limits? That's totally un-biblical. Nowhere does it say anything of the sort. It says when you are tempted he will provide a way out.

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it - 1 Corinthians 10:13

Test:

1. A procedure for critical evaluation; a means of determining the presence, quality, or truth of something; a trial: a test of one's eyesight; subjecting a hypothesis to a test; a test of an athlete's endurance. A series of questions, problems, or physical responses designed to determine knowledge, intelligence, or ability.
2. A basis for evaluation or judgment

Tempted:

1. To try to get (someone) to do wrong, especially by a promise of reward.
2. To be inviting or attractive to: A second helping tempted me. We refused the offer even though it tempted us. See Synonyms at lure.To provoke or to risk provoking: Don't tempt fate.
3. To cause to be strongly disposed: He was tempted to walk out.

Is it fair to say from these two American Heritage Dictionary definitions that Temptation generally speaking is a "Test" of right or wrong with a promise of a reward??

In the OP original thread he mentioned a Job that could lead up to 25 dollars an hour (the reward) but his employer uses Pirated software.. (The Test)

With his parents, The love that has sustained his way of living, the same love is what he sees as his only source of support and security. (The reward) But, his parents are telling him to do something contrary to God's will for him... (the test)

It is very easy, and not a complete biblical stretch to compare what Spidey calls tests, and what 1 Co 10 says about God not allowing you to be tempted beyond what you can bear. I know some may read that passage and see the way out as the reason you can never be tested/tempted more than you can bear, and others read that you will never be tested/tempted that harshly period. And when you are tested\tempted in any manor you will always have a way out.. Either way there is a great underlined truth you have brought to this topic, in that there is always a way out.. That was really good advise!

 

[peterparker]

I appreciate the help guys, but let me explain some things:

I think I know what a conviction feels like. I am convicted that I did something wrong when I watch porn, I am convicted that I did something wrong when I am rude to my parents, I am convicted when I lie to my brother. I believe this is NOT a conviction. I'm just afraid of God, nothing more, nothing less. I really couldn't care less if my boss uses pirated software, heck I would if I didn't feel God had a gun to my head. Unless God specifically changes me, I won't be some beacon of light that helps him see the error of his ways. I just don't care.

As for pulling him aside and telling him what I think? "Uh, I'm afraid of what God will do to me, so please stop using pirated software and spend several thousand dollars on legit copies". When you were a kid were you ever forced to apologize, but you didn't really mean it? Well this is kinda like that. I hope you guys finally understand by know that this whole thing isn't from some deep down feelings of right and wrong, it's purely from fear of God. It's hard enough for me to call him and tell him I quit for something I don't feel, but now you want me to take an extra step and give him some lecture on the wrongs of pirating software? Something I don't feel, or really don't care about?

Another thing. I have read the gospels... twice. I'm reading through Luke for the third time. I admit my view on Jesus has improved a little, but I'm still afraid. I'm still feel like I'm told that while believing in Jesus won't make you perfect, you'll desire to be perfect (the holy spirit in you). Not for me. Sure I've changed my view on lust, and some on lying, but there's just so many other things that I feel are too much. I've asked God for the holy spirit many times. I really don't know if he's in me. I've been asking God for the minimum. I just want to be saved, I don't care about extra rewards in heaven, I have no desire to be perfect, it's too much.

And repentance.... don't get me going on repentance please. Seems like people here think everyone naturally repents for every bad thing they do. I know I don't. I'd want to repent for every single bad thing I do, it's make my life easier, but I don't. So please don't tell me that if I repent and go humbly to God everything will be alright. Because what if I don't repent, and what if I'm angry at God?

 

[LilLamb219]

Have you thought about just having a discussion with your boss on this? Don't start off with accusations, but instead let him know that you've discovered the pirated software and that you are concerned because of it. Things might work out if you go to him...which is what we are to do biblically when we have a problem with someone, we go to them first.

As for God punishing you, Jesus took all of your punishment at the cross. Trust in that! You still might suffer consequences here on earth for your actions, but it will NOT be God punishing you.

 

[JTLauder]

Why is your solution of trying to avoid God's wrath by running away from the problem? I've got bad news then, because there is NO WHERE you can go in any civilization where you can run to that you won't find people committing some kind of sin the proximity of which you may find yourself being afraid of God's wrath.

For your job scenario, you're going to have a really, really, really hard time finding a company where people aren't engaging in some kind of infraction, usually minor, just as taking home office supplies, negligent in their work, taking "sick days" just because they're available, etc. Some things you will see in the work force will absolutely sicken you.

But this is the world in which we live. God does not want us to remove ourselves from society. No, it's an unrealistic expectation to be an unwavering "beacon of light" in a dark world, but we are called to be in the world representing God. We are called to be witnesses of his glory. Not that I'm saying this is the way you should look at it, but if you do have the fear of God quaking in your boots, I would think you would also be afraid of God for not being willing to be his witness.

Not I nor anyone else can tell you what to do--that is completely your decision. But if you do decide to stay at your job, I would present the problem to your boss.

Don't approach it from your prospective of being afraid of God, but present the situation in light of how it affects the company so they will take it in more serious consideration of their business practice. First of all, I would not be at all surprised if they were absolutely clueless that pirated software was a legal crime--they may not have even heard of the term "pirated software".

Try to explain that in the long run, the penalties they would receive plus the negative press affecting their reputation is no where near the cost of purchasing the software. There are news articles you can find reported on companies discovered with pirated software and penalized heavy fines you can show them.

You're thinking that you really don't care what they do and what happens to them. But remember that you have a problem of God's anger on you for your association with this company. Pray and listen to what God will have you do. Then it's just a matter of following God's will for you, regardless of what you feel about the company, its employees and business practice. At least you can have the assurance in your heart that you are not disappointing or angering God if you are obedient and follow his will.

 

[JTLauder]

This reminds me of a similar story from the Bible. Have you ever read the Book of Jonah? If not, I'm sure you've heard the story of Jonah being swallowed by a whale.

Anyway, God commands Jonah to warn the city of Nineveh to turn from its wicked ways or God will destroy it. Jonah doesn't care at all about this city or what happens to it, so he runs away. That's when he falls into the sea and a big fish swallows him. When Jonah is spit back out, God commands Jonah to go once again, so he does so grudgingly. They eventually turn from their ways, and God spares the city.

Read the Book of Jonah, and see if there's any similarity to your situation.

 

[AllTalkNoAction]

. . . my employer uses pirated software for his business.

Tomorrow I'm going to call him and tell him I can't work for him. Not because I strongly feel convicted that it's wrong, but because I'm afraid of God's wrath ( I still don't know how salvation works).

If the law says he would be liable for prosecution not you, and you are not endangering anyone you needn't have a guillty conscience:-

Luke 16:9 - Make to yourselves friends of the mammon of unrighteousness

Many businesses are "unrighteous", they avoid tax, break health & safety rules etc.

1Cor. 5:9: I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators:
:10: Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world.

Paul acknowledging that we have to work with unrighteous people.
Otherwise, as a Christian you would become even more bound up with conscience-affecting laws than you were before.

How can God's love be any comfort to me? I still don't understand Jesus's role, and how salvation works. I'm so tired of this.

Have you received the Comforter, the Holy Spirit?
the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. (Romans 5:5)

Here's what to expect:-
they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance . . the promise is unto you, and to your children, and to all that are afar off, even as many as the Lord our God shall call. (Acts 2:4, 39)

He will lead you into all truth, reveal God's nature to you and through you:-
1Cor. 2:9: But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.
:10: But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God.
:11: For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him? even so the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God.

Then LIFE will be a blessing to you and you will be a POSITIVE influence on the sinners around you.
Instread of reading the LAW to them, you will be showing them GRACE, something they have probably never seen before.

Then you will begin to understand this verse:-
James 2:12: So speak ye, and so do, as they that shall be judged by the law of liberty.

i.e. God only wants you to get free and believe you are free from sin, even though you dwell in a sin-laden world.

I'm off to Zambia for a couple of weeks so I'll be incommunicado, but you are not the first to go through this struggle, you can be sure Jesus Christ has an answer that works.

 

[peterparker]

Have you thought about just having a discussion with your boss on this? Don't start off with accusations, but instead let him know that you've discovered the pirated software and that you are concerned because of it. Things might work out if you go to him...which is what we are to do biblically when we have a problem with someone, we go to them first.

LilLamb, read the post right above yours. It answers some of your questions.

Let me try to clarify my stance. I don't feel disgusted by software pirating. I'm not saying I'm sickened by his sins and want to be away from that person. Some of you are completely misunderstanding what I'm saying. If God allowed me to software pirate I would. I'm not convicted of this sin and want to run away in anger at my boss. No. I'm afraid that in staying with that job I am essentially selling y soul. It has nothing to do with some moral compass. Even though he didn't want to preach, when Jonah did go to that city chances are he felt for what he was preaching, even though he didn't like the people he was preaching to. I'm not sickened by my boss, I don't care if he software pirates, I would probably do the same, and if I preached to him it would be such an empty preach. Imagine being told drinking water is sinful and then having to go preach about it. Would that be a very heartfelt preach? I know it wouldn't be for me. How would I ever feel drinking water is sinful, even if I was told it is??? That's more or less how I feel about software pirating.

And don't think I "discovered" he's using pirated software. It's out in the open. In fact yesterday he burned me a copy of the pirated software. And yes he knows its illegal. He's not five or something like that.

So what do I have to do to feel repentance for all this? What? Sometimes I feel I just need to go on a sin streak for a few years. Really see what's so bad about this stuff. It seems those are the only people that get forgiven in the Bible. Like the prodigal son, do I have to sin to the point where I'm disgusted by it? So that I can finally repent? I try not to use pirated software, not because I feel its wrong and repent, but because I'm afraid. But the fear makes me bitter, so maybe I just need to spend some time in jail for some serious stuff so I can finally repent.

And I want to believe salvation is free, and you all say that. But then you say that you need to come humbly and in repentance, and some of you say that I need to speak in tongues, and that "well, you still need to try not to sin". So how can I ever be convinced that it's free with all this? What if I don't speak in tongues, or don't come to God after a long life of sin and it's not easy for me to be humble and repent? Is it even really free. I've been asking for the holy spirit for a while now. Do I not have what it takes?

 

[AllTalkNoAction]

And I want to believe salvation is free, and you all say that. But then you say that you need to come humbly and in repentance, and some of you say that I need to speak in tongues, and that "well, you still need to try not to sin". So how can I ever be convinced that it's free with all this? What if I don't speak in tongues, or don't come to God after a long life of sin and it's not easy for me to be humble and repent? Is it even really free. I've been asking for the holy spirit for a while now. Do I not have what it takes?

When Jesus says "ask" in Luke 11:5-13 the parable shows it means crave - the woman accepts that she has nothing to offer until she receives..

I'm with an international church who have all received what all the disciples received . . . God has no favourites, my best advice is to visit if at all possible.

Audio testimonies

Local contacts.

 

[bliz]

Who told you that God wouldn't test you beyond your limits? That's totally un-biblical. Nowhere does it say anything of the sort. It says when you are tempted he will provide a way out.

1Cor. 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

God says both - we will not be tempted beyond what we are able, and He will provide an escape. Perhaps the escape is so that we will not be tempted beyond what we are able, but it does not matter. we are clearly told that we will not be tempted beyond what we are able.