dayknee.....i strongly suggest you seek counceling....i would also suggest christian counseling.
you are compassionate and loving and obviously attempted to set boundaries.
however you can't neglect you. so again i strongly encourage you to seek counsel....i also encourage you to seek people who will support you, encourage you, share with your sorrows and accomplishments......instead of people shaming and blaming you.
please brothers and sister stand in agreement with me that God will bring healing to dayknee and draw her closer to Him.
I ask you Lord Jesus to bring into dayknee's life people who are solid on the mighty Rock You are....those You have gifted with compassion, exhortation, wisdom, and insight.
You, O Lord, You alone can break through gates of iron and bronze and i invoke You Holy God of Israel to reach down upon dayknee's situation and bring Your glory and purpose forward.
Holy Spirit move upon dayknee today....give her Your peace and quiet her spirit. move within her blessed Spirit of the living God and flow into her the mighty waters of the living God. bring forth the bounty of Your fruit in the midst of this trial she is facing.
open the eyes of everyone involved, Lord, mighty King, and bring Your everlasting fruit to bear in the midst of the barren desert. anoint anoint, my Lord, my God, almighty Savior, with oil...oil of healing balm...oil of strength....oil of restoration.
glory be to You...You, O God, who knows all about every detail of dayknees situation and those involved. bring forth everything that stands opposed to you Most High....let no shadow hide from Your glorious light.
leave not one thing unturned, Yahweh, for nothing can withstand Your mighty strength, power, and zeal. protect Your beloved child, dayknee and all she holds dear to her. bring her to Your presence and keep her close day and night.
glory be to You our Lord and Savior and with many thanksgivings and knowing that You have already finished this trial for dayknee, i praise You. i petition this to You, Father, in the name of my Lord and Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen
Thank you for uplifting me today. It really means so much to me.
I have been in counseling for over a year now. He had not gone for the first 8months of our seperation. He goes now, but he also made it clear that he will go on his own schedual and time and that he was not going to have someone tell him that he needed to be there every single week. He feels that counselors are only there to take your money. My counselor is a great christian women who is much older and has so much Godly councel for me. She has helped me so much overcome the "its me" feeling about his porn use. She has taught me to stand up to my husband and his emotional abuse and to do it in a way that is glorifying the Lord.
For instance..yesterday I had to go to the bank..he forgot to leave me money again this week for gas. He said that I could go ot the bank and take it out.
So yesterday I did that. When he called later in the afternoon he asked if I did indeed go to the bank. I said yes. He asked where I took the money from and I told him his savings. He became irrate and said "how is it fair that you can take money out of my account and I cant get into yours" I said what are you talking about..you told me I could take money out of the bank..he said "yeah I did, but why did you take it out of that account" I said you did not specify which account to take it out of so I went to the nearest bank so that I could get money to get gas in the truck..
He is angry becuase in the begining of our seperation I split the savings account and opened my own due to some illegal things he has been doing that I dont want to be apart of. So now, I get berated for taking money out when he told me I could. and this is what Im talking about..he wants to control the bank I go to where I get money and he certainly doesnt want me to have my own accounts..he see's it as something married people do not do. He keeps yelling and I tell him that there is nothing I can do to help him get over his anger right now and that I was going to hang up. Then he started in about how he is out of the house and how I kicked him out and how "i should just get over it now, I got the point..I will change..I am changed"..
I have been reading a book about repentence and sorrow. Mostly becuase I don't really know what true repentance looks like..and I am told that true repentence is someone who realizes the hurts theyve caused to another person and that they will do ANYTHING to get that marriage back on track without the promise of reconcilling.
The only reason he goes to counseling is to show that he's going. he hasnt gotton anything out of it.
I dont know you guys. Im struggling in a big way and it really comes down, for me, to just either ignor it and continue working on myself or file for divorce..this has been going on for two years now...Longer for the abuse and porn.
Im tired and weary..I feel so far away from God.
Hmphf..my dad says that it isnt good when a situation brings you farther away from God and there is obviously a problem with that.
I am a work in progress I guess.
My kids are doing better..my son misses his dad but still knows things are not good. My daughter who is 16 has a not so good relationship with him and feels like she needs to be my defeder.
I am doing the best I can to keep them happy and safe even without their dad..and Im doing my best to not let them see or hear those things that happen between us.