Was I rude to my teacher?

[littlestmartian]

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[Inkachu]

We weren't there. We didn't hear the conversation. We don't know your teacher.

We can't tell you what went wrong, because we weren't there.

Perhaps you could approach your teacher sometime and ask if there's anything you've said or done to make her think you don't like or respect her.

 

[littlestmartian]

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[Angelfrog]

It's really hard to say if you were rude or not, littlestmartian, because it's one of those things that, if you look at the actual words spoken, doesn't look rude. But we weren't there to hear the tone of your voice, or see your facial expression or body language.

I mean, the word 'Hello' is a harmles, even polite word- but I'm sure you've heard people use it in that drawn out 'Hellooooo' tone that's plain rude and sarcastic.
Then if someone gets annoyed, they say 'All I said was 'hello'- how is that rude?'

See what I mean?

I'm not saying you were using a rude tone of voice- it seems very clear that you weren't deliberately trying to be rude. It could be several things.

Maybe your teacher was tired and had a bad day and her patience was thin. I had a teacher (years ago, of course!) in my early teens at school who snapped at me when I asked her a question- genuinely politely and it upset me a lot because I was never the type to be rude to an adult. My friends were making 'Wow! What's wrong with her?" comments about the teacher. In the afternoon, the teacher apologised.
It was announced in school a week later that she was expecting her first baby- so she was probably feeling tired, nauseous, hormonal, whatever. She may have had pregnancy worries- who knows.

It could be that your teacher misinterpreted your tone of voice. Or that you came across as a bit confrontational without realising.

My son (same age as you) has had this happen a lot. He'll reply in what he thinks is a perfectly acceptable factual manner- only to have me tell him he was just very rude. It's not what he says- it's the tone. I know he doesn't mean it- but it does sound very rude at times.

Maybe a different approach may have helped more. No adult appreciates a kid (and teens count as kids, trust me!!) starting a conversation with 'Erm , so and so, you're wrong.' -(Which is basically what you said- even if you were justified.)- even less so if they're in a position of authority over you.

The "Do I?" could also seem sarcastic, depending on the tone, expression etc.

Perhaps, "Excuse me, J" would have helped a bit- and wait for their acknowledgement-then something like "I was wondering if you'd check something for me? I still don't seem to have got the email, so would you be able to just check the address it was sent to, please?"

Said in an everyday, conversational tone- that shouldn't sound rude at all. That old adage about 'Please and Thank you'- True. Gets you a long way.

So - were you rude?

I don't know. Impossible to say without being there.

The words you used don't seem to have been terribly rude.

Did you mean to be rude?

Clearly not.

I'd put it down to just one of those things. You seem quite sensitive, and it may feel horrible, but I'd let it go- and put it down to miscommunication- either she misread, was in a weird mood or you didn't quite come over as you thought you did.


Chalk it down to experience and just keep in mind how you approach teachers. At least then you'll know it wasn't you!

I woudn't waste time worrying about it, hon. Let it go and enjoy the weekend

 

[Angelfrog]

I said exactly what happened in my OP.

I think there's a clue there, hon.

We can't see your expression when you typed that, nor know how you meant it- but, trust me, that response can very easliy be taken as a bit rude.

To you, you're pointing out that you typed the facts above already.

To someone reading it, it comes across as Inkachu made a very valid and correct statement- but you've reacted badly. It comes across as telling her 'Duh! I already told you!' You didn't say that- but you'd be amazed what can be implied.

It implies impatience and a bit of a confrontational attitude.

Now, I've no doubt you didn't mean it like that at all. I bet you may even be wondering how the heck that seems rude- but, believe me, it wasn't a very mature response.

It says 'I didn't really read what you typed (about us not being there to see your face/ hear your voice, etc) but I'm going to react with an attitude to what I've misunderstood.

See how easy it is?

 

[PaladinValer]

So in class today my teacher sent me a document but she sent it to the wrong e-mail address because I hadn't received it. I sent her an e-mail saying "Hi (let's call her J), I think you sent it to the wrong e-mail address. This is my e-mail. (let's call me F)." I waited for around fifteen minutes for a reply back but I didn't get one. I then actually went up to her in the class and said "Erm, J, you sent it to the wrong e-mail." She then said to me, "you have an interesting tone don't you?" To which I replied, "do I?" Then she said, "yes". I don't understand what I did wrong? When I went back to my seat I had to try and stop myself from crying because I feel as if she picks on me a lot. Was what I said rude? I actually cried in my room when I got home. I just want a Christian perspective on this.

I cannot comment, nor can anyone else because we're talking about a potential inflection that cannot be ascertained in written words. We would have needed to be there. It therefore isn't possible for anyone here to give an honest answer.

Sometimes we say things in ways that make what we say sound different; these inflections can make a well-meaning sentence turn into something far less pleasant. However, without actually hearing you say those words, I cannot tell if you were being rude or not.

My suggestion is to remember my words about inflection and intonation and be mindful of not only what you say but also how you say it. Both matter.

 

[littlestmartian]

It's really hard to say if you were rude or not, littlestmartian, because it's one of those things that, if you look at the actual words spoken, doesn't look rude. But we weren't there to hear the tone of your voice, or see your facial expression or body language.

I mean, the word 'Hello' is a harmles, even polite word- but I'm sure you've heard people use it in that drawn out 'Hellooooo' tone that's plain rude and sarcastic.
Then if someone gets annoyed, they say 'All I said was 'hello'- how is that rude?'

See what I mean?

I'm not saying you were using a rude tone of voice- it seems very clear that you weren't deliberately trying to be rude. It could be several things.

Maybe your teacher was tired and had a bad day and her patience was thin. I had a teacher (years ago, of course!) in my early teens at school who snapped at me when I asked her a question- genuinely politely and it upset me a lot because I was never the type to be rude to an adult. My friends were making 'Wow! What's wrong with her?" comments about the teacher. In the afternoon, the teacher apologised.
It was announced in school a week later that she was expecting her first baby- so she was probably feeling tired, nauseous, hormonal, whatever. She may have had pregnancy worries- who knows.

It could be that your teacher misinterpreted your tone of voice. Or that you came across as a bit confrontational without realising.

My son (same age as you) has had this happen a lot. He'll reply in what he thinks is a perfectly acceptable factual manner- only to have me tell him he was just very rude. It's not what he says- it's the tone. I know he doesn't mean it- but it does sound very rude at times.

Maybe a different approach may have helped more. No adult appreciates a kid (and teens count as kids, trust me!!) starting a conversation with 'Erm , so and so, you're wrong.' -(Which is basically what you said- even if you were justified.)- even less so if they're in a position of authority over you.

The "Do I?" could also seem sarcastic, depending on the tone, expression etc.

Perhaps, "Excuse me, J" would have helped a bit- and wait for their acknowledgement-then something like "I was wondering if you'd check something for me? I still don't seem to have got the email, so would you be able to just check the address it was sent to, please?"

Said in an everyday, conversational tone- that shouldn't sound rude at all. That old adage about 'Please and Thank you'- True. Gets you a long way.

So - were you rude?

I don't know. Impossible to say without being there.

The words you used don't seem to have been terribly rude.

Did you mean to be rude?

Clearly not.

I'd put it down to just one of those things. You seem quite sensitive, and it may feel horrible, but I'd let it go- and put it down to miscommunication- either she misread, was in a weird mood or you didn't quite come over as you thought you did.


Chalk it down to experience and just keep in mind how you approach teachers. At least then you'll know it wasn't you!

I woudn't waste time worrying about it, hon. Let it go and enjoy the weekend

I'm pretty sure she just doesn't like me. She tries to embarrass me in front of the class a lot. One time I came into her lesson late and she shouted at me, "don't ever walk into my class late again!" Lots of other people have walked in late to her lesson and she has never said that to them. Another time I walked into her class late and she was teaching. She stopped briefly and I said, "hi." because I didn't want to disrupt the lesson to explain why I was late and she was like, "ugh, rude" so the whole class could hear. She's done so many other things but it'll just turn this reply into a long paragraph.

I'm the only black person and black female in my class as well if that makes a difference. I know it's hard for us out there, lol.

 

[littlestmartian]

It seems like everyone's taking the teacher's side over mine... I'm a 17 year old Christian girl and the teacher is a non-believer who said the "S" word in class today. But I guess adults know best, right?

 

[littlestmartian]

I think there's a clue there, hon.

We can't see your expression when you typed that, nor know how you meant it- but, trust me, that response can very easliy be taken as a bit rude.

To you, you're pointing out that you typed the facts above already.

To someone reading it, it comes across as Inkachu made a very valid and correct statement- but you've reacted badly. It comes across as telling her 'Duh! I already told you!' You didn't say that- but you'd be amazed what can be implied.

It implies impatience and a bit of a confrontational attitude.

Now, I've no doubt you didn't mean it like that at all. I bet you may even be wondering how the heck that seems rude- but, believe me, it wasn't a very mature response.

It says 'I didn't really read what you typed (about us not being there to see your face/ hear your voice, etc) but I'm going to react with an attitude to what I've misunderstood.

See how easy it is?

I see, how should I have rephrased that? Maybe I should have put a "" or a "lol" at the end. That's what I normally do when I want to be sure people don't misunderstand me.

 

[PaladinValer]

I'm pretty sure she just doesn't like me. She tries to embarrass me in front of the class a lot. One time I came into her lesson late and she shouted at me, "don't ever walk into my class late again!" Lots of other people have walked in late to her lesson and she has never said that to them. Another time I walked into her class late and she was teaching. She stopped briefly and I said, "hi." because I didn't want to disrupt the lesson to explain why I was late and she was like, "ugh, rude" so the whole class could hear. She's done so many other things but it'll just turn this reply into a long paragraph.

I'm the only black person and black female in my class as well if that makes a difference. I know it's hard for us out there, lol.

...with all due respect, are you listening to what we are saying? Are you coming here looking for vindication or are you looking for advice? If you are looking for vindication, then this isn't the right place; this is the place for advice, which often means taking in constructive criticism. If you are looking for advice, then honestly, when three very different people offer your the exact same advice, you should take it seriously.

As for this example, honestly, I see nothing wrong being done by your teacher. Here, I can even see where she is coming from; saying "hi" was a foolish thing to do as it makes you look stand-offish. You should have instead apologized for being later right after class, offering no excuse, and promising not to be late again.

 

[PaladinValer]

It seems like everyone's taking the teacher's side over mine... I'm a 17 year old Christian girl and the teacher is a non-believer who said the "S" word in class today. But I guess adults know best, right?

Prove to us she isn't a Christian. Unless she doesn't believe in the Nicene Creed and you can prove that, that's incredibly rude to accuse anyone of being a non-Christian because of one swear word.

I swear on occasion too; does that mean I'm a non-Christian too? How well do you know me?

Please do not be so pietistic.

 

[littlestmartian]

I cannot comment, nor can anyone else because we're talking about a potential inflection that cannot be ascertained in written words. We would have needed to be there. It therefore isn't possible for anyone here to give an honest answer.

Sometimes we say things in ways that make what we say sound different; these inflections can make a well-meaning sentence turn into something far less pleasant. However, without actually hearing you say those words, I cannot tell if you were being rude or not.

My suggestion is to remember my words about inflection and intonation and be mindful of not only what you say but also how you say it. Both matter.

But this is implying that I was being rude. I don't know how "erm, (her name) you sent it to the wrong e-mail." Could be classed as rude if it's in the same tone as me asking to use the toilet or something.

 

[littlestmartian]

...with all due respect, are you listening to what we are saying? Are you coming here looking for vindication or are you looking for advice? If you are looking for vindication, then this isn't the right place; this is the place for advice, which often means taking in constructive criticism. If you are looking for advice, then honestly, when three very different people offer your the exact same advice, you should take it seriously.

As for this example, honestly, I see nothing wrong being done by your teacher. Here, I can even see where she is coming from; saying "hi" was a foolish thing to do as it makes you look stand-offish. You should have instead apologized for being later right after class, offering no excuse, and promising not to be late again.

Okay.

 

[PaladinValer]

But this is implying that I was being rude.

No, it doesn't. Read what I said. It was to teach you that inflections and intonations matter, not that you did something wrong. You cannot logically take a statement out of context like you did, especially when the whole post was on the subject of how things are said.

I don't know how "erm, (her name) you sent it to the wrong e-mail." Could be classed as rude if it's in the same tone as me asking to use the toilet or something.

At this point, I'm convinced vindication is what is being sought, and as such, there is no point for anyone to offer any advice. If anything, if this is how you reply back to other adults, maybe you did say it rudely.

In any event, I'm done.

 

[littlestmartian]

Prove to us she isn't a Christian. Unless she doesn't believe in the Nicene Creed and you can prove that, that's incredibly rude to accuse anyone of being a non-Christian because of one swear word.

I swear on occasion too; does that mean I'm a non-Christian too? How well do you know me?

Please do not be so pietistic.

I never said she wasn't a Christian because she swore. I know that she is not a Christian. I study media at college and I am going to be making a documentary about Christian teenagers so she knows that I'm a Christian as well.

I'm sorry but I wouldn't take someone seriously who said that they were a Christian and cursed every now and again.

But thanks for making me cry again.

 

[LilLamb219]

It's possible that the teacher does not like you. It happens.

I'm a substitute at our local high school and I hear kids complain about teachers picking on them all the time...and I hear teachers complain about kids and their attitudes all the time.

It could possibly be your voice that just annoys her no matter what you do or say. It could be that you remind her of someone she doesn't like. It could be the WAY you say things. I really don't know.

The one thing that I suppose I could advise you is that when discussing ANYTHING with this teacher, do not start off with "You", no matter what. That comes off as accusing. When you started your statement like that, it made her look like the bad guy when in reality, she just did not have your correct e-mail address in her system. A possible way of restating would have been, "Ms. J, I did not get the e-mail and I think maybe that it's not the right one in the computer system. Could you check for me, please?"

And as for cursing, yes, Christians do curse. It's not very appropriate, but we're human.

 

[amandatea]

I see, how should I have rephrased that? Maybe I should have put a "" or a "lol" at the end. That's what I normally do when I want to be sure people don't misunderstand me.

If what you posted here was exactly what you said verbatim, then I could see it coming off a little bit rude. I'm not taking the teacher's side, but just going by the evidence presented.

Tone is important but also, being humble.

Like Angelfrog suggested, I would have started the conversation with an "Excuse me, J" or "J? Can I please speak with you for a moment?" and waited for her to answer. That is a way to show respect for her (and we should respect all others) and putting the ball in her court.

Failing that, when she mentioned you having a tone, the correct type of answer would have been something like "Oh, I apologize. I didn't mean to come off that way."

And instead of saying "You sent it to the wrong email," you could rephrase it and say "I think maybe you sent it to the wrong email." There are a few different words but a MUCH different implication and again, you are showing humility.

Our tone of voice, facial expression, and body language are a very large part of our communication, so like people have said, we can't know exactly how she percieved what you said, but even the words you used were a bit presumptuous.

I hope this helps you in the future. This is what growing up is about: acknowledging when we make mistakes and using them to help us mature.

 

[Angelfrog]

Everything Amandatea just said!

littlestmartian, no one is taking the teacher's side in this. We don't know the teacher. For all we know she may be a ratbag. What we've done is to offer advice on the matter you told us about- pointing out that, no matter how innocent the comment you made was, there are reasons that it may not have been received well.

Please don't get defensive over it. I do have to say, though, that I think paladinvader's being a bit harsh on you. We have to remember that, and I don't want to sound patronising, you're not a child but you're still a 'kid' in relation to adults. I bet most of us went through stages of maybe not being as polite as we thought we were being.

You have the advantage here of people nearer to your teacher's age telling you how things sound to an adult that you may have thought were acceptable. Some of us have been in the teacher's shoes- including me. I used to teach. I'm also in a position of leadership over kids and teens now- and you'd be surprised how often I've had to give a gentle reprimand to some of them over the way they speak to people- or to me on occasion, even though I know they didn't mean to be rude as such.

We often have a bit of a hang up in our teen years, too, that certain people don't like us. Part of us is desperate to fit in and be liked and we're more sensitive at that age to anything we perceive as dislike- especially if our self esteem is a bit low, or we're not very confident.

I had a maths teacher when I was 16 who I KNEW disliked me. She never smiled at me, spoke in a very terse tone of voice to me, even if I smiled at her and tried hard to be polite. She seemed impatient with me (Maths was my worse subject- I was hopeless!!!) and had, what I felt, was a rather 'challenging' air towards me. Whatever I did was wrong. However I addressed her, she frowned or made some remark that made me feel lousy.
I was convinced she was ok with everyone else but me. I never noticed that attitude to anyone else.

Then a few of us started talking bout her- and it turned out that most of us felt the same way! We all felt that she didn't like us- that she was ok with the others but not us, that she disapproved and was impatient with us and no one else. It was just that she was that sort of person. Great at the maths side- but her people skills were not that good. Once we were aware of what others felt, we started to see that, yes, she did talk to them the same way as she did to us. I overheard two staff members talking about her once, and one of them said that she was the sweetest lady you could meet!!!!
Well, she wasn't getting THAT across in class!

It could be that your teacher has a bit of a problem- and I'd suggest asking a couple of friends their opinion of how she speaks to you. Ask what they've noticed and ask them if they could quietly take note next time and see if they notice.

Or it could be that you don't realise how you're coming over, as we've already said. Part of maturity is being able to look at responses and think 'Maybe that's true- I need to check MY attitude and approach and see if it could be the case', rather than getting a bit defensive and almost refusing to accept that it could be anything other her being the problem.

I'm not saying she's blameless- again, we don't know.

But it's always a good idea to look at how we're handling things as a starting point.