Want to have sex but don't want to...

[Soc12]

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years now, we used to be very sexually active but about a year or so ago we stopped. We both have always been christians but more so lately than we used to be. We stopped mostly because of her beliefs. I don't think that it is wrong for us to be sexually active because I know how much we love each other and truely believe that we will be together forever, the only reason we aren't getting married is because we are still in college and think it isn't the right time, plus we know our families would think we are way too young. I want to be sexually active with her, but at the same time, if she doesn't want to be, I don't want to be either. I HATE wanting something she doesn't want and I have tried to put it in Gods hands on several occasions but it hasn't yet worked. When she first decided she didn't want to do stuff anymore I wanted her to change her mind, but now I want myself to be the one who changes. I just want to be able to make her happy without thinking about anything sexual on the back of my mind. Can anyone possibly help me?

 

[viperblue72]

you said putting it in God's hands hasn't worked...well apparently it has unless God's plan is for you to sin because any kind of sexual immorality which includes sex OUTSIDE of marriage is a sin.
God's plan was not for sex to be between two people who love each other or 2 people who are in love or whatever but between 2 people who are in love, united through marriage and are in Christ.

 

[viperblue72]

I think putting it in God's hands has worked for you because He doesn't want you to have sex before youre married even if it is with someone you love.

 

[zaire]

Keep it for mariage - where it will be much better.

If its always on your mind pray so that you will not fall into temptation.

 

[Johnnz]

It is not easy to stop sex once you have begun. That is a simple fact of life. But, it is not impossible either.

One important issue is that you don't see sex before marriage as wrong. So, you want to please your partner, which is just great, but you don't have a conviction about no sex being right. Therefore, you can always live in hope that she will change. This will fuel your desire.

John
NZ

 

[Soc12]

Thanks for the help everyone. First of all though, what I tried to put into Gods hands was my temptations. I don't want to feel the urges anymore if that's how she is going to feel. Another thing, it's not that I think that sex before marriage isn't wrong. I just think God has a different view of marriage than society does today. Papers and a celebration I don't think mean anything, I think it's what's in the heart.

 

[VivDaGurl]

It is not easy to stop sex once you have begun.

Yes, that's very, very true...once you've started to get yourself involved in any sexual activities and you want to stop it all, it's not going to be easy at all. You've been stir up sexually and the desire is very strong.

One important issue is that you don't see sex before marriage as wrong.

I want to be sexually active with her, but at the same time, if she doesn't want to be, I don't want to be either. I HATE wanting something she doesn't want...

It's very good that you are respecting your girlfriend's decision of not wanting to have sex when she doesn't want to but, do you, yourself understand the reason of not having sex before marriage? You have to understand the reason behind the whole thing before you can really stand up on not wanting sex. There's three books by the same author, Joshua Harris which I can recommend you to read it up: I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Boy Meets Girl (Hello To Courtship), and Not Even A Hint.

Temptation will always be there and one way is to avoid yourself from being in a very personal place with your girlfriend alone such as your bedroom or her bedroom, be in a house where no one's around, drive up to a place where you guys can do anything where nobody will know, etc. When you guys are going out together, you guys are in the phase to get to know each other better and understand each other better.

 

[ChristianCenturion]

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years now, we used to be very sexually active but about a year or so ago we stopped. We both have always been christians but more so lately than we used to be. We stopped mostly because of her beliefs. I don't think that it is wrong for us to be sexually active because I know how much we love each other and truely believe that we will be together forever, the only reason we aren't getting married is because we are still in college and think it isn't the right time, plus we know our families would think we are way too young. I want to be sexually active with her, but at the same time, if she doesn't want to be, I don't want to be either. I HATE wanting something she doesn't want and I have tried to put it in Gods hands on several occasions but it hasn't yet worked. When she first decided she didn't want to do stuff anymore I wanted her to change her mind, but now I want myself to be the one who changes. I just want to be able to make her happy without thinking about anything sexual on the back of my mind. Can anyone possibly help me?

It is good that you are asking others.

I have some experience that I would like to pass on to you regarding some presumptions I see in your statements.

The covenant of marriage is intended by God to be lifelong and pure. But you do not know what testing awaits you in the future. I see that you consider it being OK for sexual relations based on 'love', but that is lacking the other standards found in the scriptures. Stating love and not having committed to the other requirements is what the world declares and in that, love isn't even a requirement; we have a different path - one set by God and adheres to spiritual obedience. You also do not know if you will be tested in self-control with regards to abstinence in marriage either. I can tell you from personal experience that being married does not equate 'having sex' whenever one of you desires. There are many things that may come about that would place you in a position of not indulging in this experience... physical events, emotional rejection, disobedience in submission to the spouses needs, mental hardships, etc. all could come about and place you in a position of not partaking in sex for possibly years. What would you do then? Divorce? Seek fulfillment elsewhere? Seek the maturity and self-control you should be developing now, but only then when in the turmoil of the situation?

As you can see, I am trying to convey that even in marriage, you cannot 'control' what the other will and will not do and you may find yourself lacking in the strengths that should have been developed now. If you are to be together for the rest of your lives, take this time to discover if you truly complete each other... even without sexual content. If you have a foundation that can withstand testing without sex, you will have an even better foundation when married and enjoying the gift of sex.

May His peace be with you.

 

[MadeYouLook]

i'm tired of sex just being something you do it should be only for married people, period.

 

[Picture.Of.Obedience]

1Co 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

this is my life verse. when i get into situations where i feel tempted it helps to recite this. it is good to hold off on sex until marriage. i didnt. i am married to that same person now, but it would have been way better that we stopped doing it and waited.

 

[chilibowl]

you made a statement that, "you both were Christians for a while.... but we stopped because of her beliefs" Please, Please, don't take this the wrong way, but you should re-evaluate your relationship with god... because your girlfriend shows growth in her faith, but you seem happy where you are.. Not that I pre judged you to heaven or hell or anything like that, but if she is growing and you remain, then you will be truly unevenly yoked.. And if you do get married, you will be living in hell! A womans sexuality is more pronounced thru your connectable as partners. and a mans... well, there is nothing about a man's sexuality you don't already know.. we are all basically built the same.. As a married couple your desire will remain or grow, and because you don't grow with her "Spiritually", her desire for you will begin to deminish, and you'll be stuck where you are now, but with seemingly now ethical way out..
Like I said I'm not judging your walk, or relationship as bad, or sinful because I was in the same spot you're in now. with my walk, and my wife. I just want to show you what your pasture looks like from where I'm standing:

You both start out spiritually equal, you fall into "Loving physical relationship" one your content with. She on the other hand is not, either thru guilt, or a developing greater love for God.. Either way, her feelings for God supercedes her feelings for you. "That why it all stopped" But that's a good thing! We all should have no other gods before him, not money, not things, not girlfriends, or a wife or even kids.. it's god first. until you put him first, he won't bless your union, with what ever you hold closer to your heart. (He is a jealous God) and has every perfect right to be! So until you love him more, your going to continue to struggle with your relationship, and that fact is being cemented by your girlfriends growing faith... So as far as help goes, ask god to redirect your energy towards him and don't stop asking.. ever! even if your faith surpasses your wife's faith, cause that's the ultimate goal.. not sexual release or girlfriends or weddings or kids It's loving god with all your mind, BODY and spirit! you will never be happy, till that hole in your life, is filled with God's presents in your heart. I truly hope you find the peace that you seek, and I want you to know I will pray for you and your situation.


~Good luck and god bless