Virginity

[JonMiller]

Okay I missed it. Sorry.

Just agreeing with you.

JM

 

[Flashlight]

If I ever get married then sure that would be great if she was but if not I could look past it.

 

[Sanctuaryandbliss]

How important is it that your spouse is a virgin when you get married? Do you think that you could "deal" with it if that had made a mistake in the past and weren't...or would you feel like you had been "cheated" out of something with that person?

Ill admit my mistake. I wished I had kept it. I kept it till I was 19. thought I was in love an the whole bit. marriage, kids, ya know "THE DREAM".

I was foolish and I admit that now, Because I wished I had saved it for the one who wants my hand.

But I hope, since I am not going around having sex, and I havnt had since that person. I hope that God forgives me.

I wouldnt judge my spouse on it, we were all young, and in some cases we only thought we were in Love.

~Blessed Be.

 

[Sanctuaryandbliss]

Is it a deal breaker? No. I understand that people make mistakes, or poor choices in their past. Would it be a bonus? Absolutely. But I am not going to overlook a girl because of some poor choices in her past, as long as she is making good choices now and has been forgiven and, just as importantly, has forgiven herself.

I realize that at my age, it is going to be more and more uncommon to find a girl that is a virgin. I am not worried about her past, but her present and future.

I used to think I would NEVER date a girl that was divorced or had children. But, again, that would be judging their past. I am not going to miss out on a wonderful girl that God has for me because I am unwilling to give someone a chance based on prior mistakes. Maybe if I had never made a poor choice in my life, I could hold others to that standard. But as I am flawed and forgiven, I must be accepting of others who are the same.

Coach

That deserves a hug

 

[alfrodull]

It wouldn't be an absolute dealbreaker, but I know it's something I'd never really get past. I'm honestly not sure I could take the constant pressure of being compared to someone else, or multiple others.

 

[Braticus]

Ill admit my mistake. I wished I had kept it. I kept it till I was 19. thought I was in love an the whole bit. marriage, kids, ya know "THE DREAM".

I was foolish and I admit that now, Because I wished I had saved it for the one who wants my hand.

But I hope, since I am not going around having sex, and I havnt had since that person. I hope that God forgives me.

I wouldnt judge my spouse on it, we were all young, and in some cases we only thought we were in Love.

~Blessed Be.

Sweetie, God always forgives if we ask for forgiveness! There is no need to 'hope' that he will. If you ahve repented and changes, which it sounds like you have, there is no need to worry. God is a gracious God.

 

[Sanctuaryandbliss]

It wouldn't be an absolute dealbreaker, but I know it's something I'd never really get past. I'm honestly not sure I could take the constant pressure of being compared to someone else, or multiple others.

If he loves you you wont be compared. Because the difference between them and you is, your "the one".

Have faith sister.

~Blessed be.

 

[Sanctuaryandbliss]

Sweetie, God always forgives if we ask for forgiveness! There is no need to 'hope' that he will. If you ahve repented and changes, which it sounds like you have, there is no need to worry. God is a gracious God.

Thank you, that means a lot.

~Blessed Be.

 

[Sindyan]

I'm ok with her not being a virgin if she has no STDs, and she has moved on in her life. If she understands the deep meaning behind sex, and see it in a healthy way....is not running away from it because "your naked", but not lustfully obsessive with it. There is a very big balance.
-Anthony

 

[Hack]

Humm I haven't really thought about it before. I would prefer it. I mean I've waited this long and it hasn't been that hard. But I guess it wouldn't matter so long as it's in the past. Besides I suppose one of us should be good at it

 

[Annova]

Besides I suppose one of us should be good at it

Lol!!

 

[ido]

I'm not a virgin (obviously - seeing as how I have two children). I'm not ashamed that I'm divorced and I would hope the right guy would understand and agree that my divorce was necessary.

I have remained pure since my divorce and won't be changing that any time soon. I doubt at my age a guy I would end up with would be a virgin, but if he was I would admire and respect that about him.

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

It wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me as long as the repented and aren't continuing to do so now. I also wouldn't want to be pressured so if they wanted it from me they'd have to find someone else. That said, I'd still prefer to marry a virgin.

 

[Niels]

It depends. People abstain from sex for various reasons. They also lose their virginity for various reasons. Unless I know more about her as an individual, then I really can't say. It's not a deal-breaker, if that's what you're getting at.

In fact, her virginity could either work for her or against her. If she has abstained from sex for similar reasons as why I have (ie: learned from the mistakes of others), then it is a plus. However, if she has abstained because she's legalistic, because she feels holier than others, because she couldn't have sex if she wanted to, or because she thinks sex is dirty, then it's a negative.

I really need to know more about her first. Only then, will I be able to ascertain the appropriate level of importance to give it. Without knowing the whole story, it's difficult, if not impossible, to say.

 

[Manda_24]

It wouldn't be a deal breaker. I'm sure it would take a little time to get over but I wouldn't hold his past against him. We all make mistakes.

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

I would not want to be physically intimate with a non-virgin.

 

[Sanctuaryandbliss]

I would not want to be physically intimate with a non-virgin.

Could you say why?

I mean to each their own of course. Just curious.

~Blessed Be.

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

Could you say why?...

Only if I am guaranteed immunity from being criticized, vilified, pathologized, etc.

It is for personal reasons that I would not want to be physically intimate with a non-virgin.

I have learned that in this forum one had best plead the Fifth.

But if enough people assure me that they will keep an open mind and not make it personal, I will answer your question.

 

[Annova]

I won't take it personal. I also have thoughts on this which I choose not to say.

 

[Sanctuaryandbliss]

Only if I am guaranteed immunity from being criticized, vilified, pathologized, etc.

It is for personal reasons that I would not want to be physically intimate with a non-virgin.

I have learned that in this forum one had best plead the Fifth.

But if enough people assure me that they will keep an open mind and not make it personal, I will answer your question.

I would not critisize you friend. I am not here for that. I just want to understand another point of view. If you like you can send me a PM. i will not disclose the answer to anyone. you can use this post. quote it however you like for your assurance that I will respect confidentiality.

~Blessed Be.