Virginity

[RonnyRulz]

He already has, you need to forgive yourself now.

Its not something you have to hope for, its something you just have to realize and accept.

Amen! God forgives the moment you ask to be covered in the blood of christ. You repent once, and it's forgiven once and for all time. Sin is erased forever by the acid-like blood of jesus.

 

[kingoffools13]

I think this thread would be more telling, if people would say whether or not they actually are a virgin before casting their opinions ... I'm thinking the results would be quite interesting.

I personally am a virgin, I choose to be so despite numerous opportunities to change the fact, because i thought it was the right thing to do at the time. Now that I've reached this point, I pretty much feel as if I've been repaid for my faithfulness with a kick to the jewels. I know a precious few women that have bothered to keep it, and that bothers me. Not because peoples past can be forgiven, but because everyone is using the same "i was young and stupid excuse"

... reality check ...

we were all young and stupid at the same time ... you don't get a free pass on that excuses when everyone is using it.

People that have kids, have been married, and ended up divorced or widowed ... its a different story and I can understand it. People that are well beyond me in years (I'm talking like 10 or more at least) don't have a better excuse, but at least I can understand how over time they ended up having different experiences etc (please note that it doesn't make it better just a bit more understandable)...

but people my age an younger? if you couldn't keep it in your pants its simply because you didn't want to ... end of story.

I consider myself fairly young at 25, i have another 75 years in front of me at least (yes I'm gonna be 100 with God's blessing ) so when I see that a majority of the crowd around me has simply thrown it away just because it felt right in the moment, it is become greatly disturbing and discouraging to me. Beyond discouraging, it simply baffles the mind because you have so much time in front of you, but you had to go and run and jump on one of the few precious things out there and use it like a cheap paper plate before you even get going in life

Of course like I said before, love will give you the ability to forgive past transgressions, but that isn't the point. People shouldn't be going around getting laid expecting that whoever they are with in the future will either: 1. forgive them or 2. are simply to shallow to be worth it. this is a selfish and self centered approach to life, and in effect negates actual love(as selfishness pretty much removes the possibility of love)

Bottom line, it wont make me turn down love, but I would far rather another virgin, and I am greatly let down by my generation in this matter.

K
O
F

 

[Luther073082]

I think this thread would be more telling, if people would say whether or not they actually are a virgin before casting their opinions ... I'm thinking the results would be quite interesting.

I personally am a virgin, I choose to be so despite numerous opportunities to change the fact, because i thought it was the right thing to do at the time. Now that I've reached this point, I pretty much feel as if I've been repaid for my faithfulness with a kick to the jewels. I know a precious few women that have bothered to keep it, and that bothers me. Not because peoples past can be forgiven, but because everyone is using the same "i was young and stupid excuse"

... reality check ...

we were all young and stupid at the same time ... you don't get a free pass on that excuses when everyone is using it.

People that have kids, have been married, and ended up divorced or widowed ... its a different story and I can understand it. People that are well beyond me in years (I'm talking like 10 or more at least) don't have a better excuse, but at least I can understand how over time they ended up having different experiences etc (please note that it doesn't make it better just a bit more understandable)...

but people my age an younger? if you couldn't keep it in your pants its simply because you didn't want to ... end of story.

I consider myself fairly young at 25, i have another 75 years in front of me at least (yes I'm gonna be 100 with God's blessing ) so when I see that a majority of the crowd around me has simply thrown it away just because it felt right in the moment, it is become greatly disturbing and discouraging to me. Beyond discouraging, it simply baffles the mind because you have so much time in front of you, but you had to go and run and jump on one of the few precious things out there and use it like a cheap paper plate before you even get going in life

Of course like I said before, love will give you the ability to forgive past transgressions, but that isn't the point. People shouldn't be going around getting laid expecting that whoever they are with in the future will either: 1. forgive them or 2. are simply to shallow to be worth it. this is a selfish and self centered approach to life, and in effect negates actual love(as selfishness pretty much removes the possibility of love)

Bottom line, it wont make me turn down love, but I would far rather another virgin, and I am greatly let down by my generation in this matter.

K
O
F

I don't understand how you can differentiate the mistake of marrying and then getting divorced from the mistake of fornication. Unless of course the woman was abused and then, I more then understand. But no I don't understand divorces if they don't involve adultry or abuse. Maybe its because I've already done it and that has become. . . too public that I can say I understand why it happens, especially in teenagers.

I agree with you, I don't belive in people who are young and stupid, but I belive in people who do stupid things because anyone who thinks they havn't ever done anything stupid is a arrogent fool.

With your second to last paragraph you need to realize that all people are selfish, some are more selfish then others but all are. My pastor in regards to marriage even said "Marriage is not even unconditional love, its just a very strong love. The only unconditional love comes from God."

And if you think about it he is right though. . . Would you love your wife and not even consider a divorce if she tried to kill you? Most people wouldn't. But a lot of people tried and succeeded to kill Jesus. . . and he loved them anyways.

This isn't to disagree with anything you say but you do seem a little harsh.

 

[kingoffools13]

I don't understand how you can differentiate the mistake of marrying and then getting divorced from the mistake of fornication.

Simply because the issue of discussion was virginity, not morality of divorce, and because you would not expect a married person to remain a virgin.

Unless of course the woman was abused and then, I more then understand. But no I don't understand divorces if they don't involve adultry or abuse. Maybe its because I've already done it and that has become. . . too public that I can say I understand why it happens, especially in teenagers.

Not to hijack and make it a divorce thread but my purpose was not to excuse divorce, or make it ok. However sometimes you don't choose to divorce, either spouse can choose to do it, leave you or cheat on you and end it w/ out your consent.

You really took a big rabbit trail with it because what i said didn't imply in anyway that divorce was ok, simply that a divorced person would be expected to be a non-virgin.

I agree with you, I don't belive in people who are young and stupid, but I belive in people who do stupid things because anyone who thinks they havn't ever done anything stupid is a arrogent fool.

1. I didn't say i "don't" believe in people being 'young and stupid', what i said was essentially everyone is, so it's no excuse.

2. we can rabbit trail all day, and talk about how everyone does bad stuff; but the topic is virginity, and brining up the imperfections of humanity doesn't add or apply to the conversation.

If I had said "they cant be forgiven for what they did" or something like that, then, maybe, you could bring that up as a rebuttal, but just because other people sin doesn't make this sin ok. It still has to be dealt with on its own for its own merits.

With your second to last paragraph you need to realize that all people are selfish, some are more selfish then others but all are. My pastor in regards to marriage even said "Marriage is not even unconditional love, its just a very strong love. The only unconditional love comes from God."

You need to re-read the paragraph. This was not a reference to selfishness in general, and i understand completely the difference between eros and agape. In this specific case however i made mention of a particular stream of actions and reactions, specifically: people having sex, and then how they want others to react to it.

If you have sex and then go around the the attitude that expects others to simply get over it and forgive you or else there is something wrong with them, then you are being selfish, you are wrong in your approach, and it diminishes what love there could be.

And if you think about it he is right though. . . Would you love your wife and not even consider a divorce if she tried to kill you? Most people wouldn't. But a lot of people tried and succeeded to kill Jesus. . . and he loved them anyways.

hypothetical aside you are comparing apples to oranges and missing the point. there is a specific example that i was talking about, and if you don't keep it to that specific example, then it loses its meaning.

This isn't to disagree with anything you say but you do seem a little harsh.

I think you may have thought i was making blanket statement when i was simply stating that a specific action like disobeying God and having premarital sex should not be followed by an attitude of a entitlement ... a feeling that they have the right to demand forgiveness from potential future spouses.

Instead it should be an attitude of apology; contrite pleading for the forgiveness of the person that they cheated.

It sounds harsh? ... sorry, maybe thats because i didn't sugar coat it, i see everyone excusing it as if that makes it ok, and talking about how it "shouldn't matter" blah blah "its in the past" blah blah ...

I think it does matter, and I further think its wrong not only to do it, but to apathetically allow a society that thinks its acceptable. The more we excuse it and allow it, and say its all ok and let everyone do as they please; the more it will hurt and ruin the lives of people in the future. At the rate we are going now by the time i have kids the amount of people waiting will be in the negatives and i don't want that kind of thing to ruin the potentially beautiful love life of my future son or daughter. They should be able to find good mates who have waited patiently for them and who will love them and only them.

So maybe it should be a little harsh? The truth is seldom easy to begin with, so maybe thats what people need is a jolt of reality instead of the "everybody is ok no matter what they do" mentality that is spread so rampantly today.

K
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[Luther073082]

Simply because the issue of discussion was virginity, not morality of divorce, and because you would not expect a married person to remain a virgin.



Not to hijack and make it a divorce thread but my purpose was not to excuse divorce, or make it ok. However sometimes you don't choose to divorce, either spouse can choose to do it, leave you or cheat on you and end it w/ out your consent.

You really took a big rabbit trail with it because what i said didn't imply in anyway that divorce was ok, simply that a divorced person would be expected to be a non-virgin.

Oh ok got it, I thought you where saying, I don't understand fornication but I understand divorce. . . I can understand why someone would commit fornication better then I could understand why 80% of divorces happen.

1. I didn't say i "don't" believe in people being 'young and stupid', what i said was essentially everyone is, so it's no excuse.

Well nothing is an excuse, but its a consideration. But there are a lot of things to consider in this. Mine was not my youth but a lot more of it had to do with my lack of youth.

If I had said "they cant be forgiven for what they did" or something like that, then, maybe, you could bring that up as a rebuttal, but just because other people sin doesn't make this sin ok. It still has to be dealt with on its own for its own merits.

I agree, nothing makes it ok but Christ. But nothing makes any sin ok.

If you have sex and then go around the the attitude that expects others to simply get over it and forgive you or else there is something wrong with them, then you are being selfish, you are wrong in your approach, and it diminishes what love there could be.

I don't expect other people to have to forgive me, I didn't sin against them. So yes I will counter that there is something wrong with someone who belives that they need to forgive me when they where not involved. The only entities that are in this are, God, me, my partner, and my future wife. No one else should ever have to forgive me.

hypothetical aside you are comparing apples to oranges and missing the point. there is a specific example that i was talking about, and if you don't keep it to that specific example, then it loses its meaning.

Then are you talking about the act of trying to excuse something.

I think you may have thought i was making blanket statement when i was simply stating that a specific action like disobeying God and having premarital sex should not be followed by an attitude of a entitlement ... a feeling that they have the right to demand forgiveness from potential future spouses.

Instead it should be an attitude of apology; contrite pleading for the forgiveness of the person that they cheated.

Oh I agree with you here. You can't demand forgivness from anyone, it must be given.

It sounds harsh? ... sorry, maybe thats because i didn't sugar coat it, i see everyone excusing it as if that makes it ok, and talking about how it "shouldn't matter" blah blah "its in the past" blah blah ...

Well it never makes it an excuse but it is in fact in the past.

I think it does matter, and I further think its wrong not only to do it, but to apathetically allow a society that thinks its acceptable. The more we excuse it and allow it, and say its all ok and let everyone do as they please; the more it will hurt and ruin the lives of people in the future. At the rate we are going now by the time i have kids the amount of people waiting will be in the negatives and i don't want that kind of thing to ruin the potentially beautiful love life of my future son or daughter. They should be able to find good mates who have waited patiently for them and who will love them and only them.

I both agree and I disagree. The culture is harming our children and that is probably the worst thing about it. However no one can totally isolate themselves or their children from culture unless they form a cult. You can only try to downplay the culture.

So maybe it should be a little harsh? The truth is seldom easy to begin with, so maybe thats what people need is a jolt of reality instead of the "everybody is ok no matter what they do" mentality that is spread so rampantly today.

Realistically the case needs to be made against it. But what I'm concerned about is condemnation of people. I've seen way too many evangelical preachers who are way too good at condmening people and not sins that kept me away from Christianity for way too many years.

And when someone is afraid of Christianity and Christ, most of the time it is our fault, not theirs.

The reason I'm concerned is it sounds like you are laying judgement on people who have already claimed and admited it was a mistake. If someone says to you that they made a mistake, would you say to them "Well that is no exuse." Thats a bad spirit to handle it.

 

[traingosorry]

Now that I've reached this point, I pretty much feel as if I've been repaid for my faithfulness with a kick to the jewels. I know a precious few women that have bothered to keep it, and that bothers me.

This part stood out the most to me, KOF.

Before I lost my virginity, I had no concept of what the value of sharing intimacy with my husband for the first time would be; it never crossed my mind that my virginity was something valuable that I could offer the person I love most. Of course, it wasn't until I matured a little several years later that it started to stir in me. I think that was what made me start thinking about God, who he was and why I was created. Once I finally 'got it' and understood that virginity was so special I was so let down by myself that I would not be able to offer it to my future husband as I hoped he would be able to do for me.

I don't blame you at all KOF for being frustrated by the fact that it seems so few people these days view sex the way you do - I felt that way AFTER it was already too late. So I can only hope that somehow something will stir in you, that if you meet a girl you love so much but find out she is not a virgin that you realize she could very well be in the same boat I was and that you won't even think twice about the fact that she is no longer a virgin, because somehow it won't matter.


Hope that all made sense.

 

[kingoffools13]

Oh ok got it, I thought you where saying, I don't understand fornication but I understand divorce. . . I can understand why someone would commit fornication better then I could understand why 80% of divorces happen.

agreed ... fornication is simple, people just want to do it, satisfy an urge (sometimes looking for love through the act as well)

divorce? man who knows ... divorces are always complicated and never any good no matter what.

Well nothing is an excuse, but its a consideration. But there are a lot of things to consider in this. Mine was not my youth but a lot more of it had to do with my lack of youth.

it may help to explain it, but its being used as an excuse ... and while i have already conceded that it is forgivable, it is not excusable. People need to just take one on the jaw, admit it is what it is and move on.

I agree, nothing makes it ok but Christ. But nothing makes any sin ok.

again sticking to the one issue though

I don't expect other people to have to forgive me, I didn't sin against them. So yes I will counter that there is something wrong with someone who belives that they need to forgive me when they where not involved. The only entities that are in this are, God, me, my partner, and my future wife. No one else should ever have to forgive me.

perhaps i was not clear enough ... but i was speaking in general not about you specifically, and i was speaking about people having a attitude of entitlement for their potential SO (i listed this specifically)

I by no means implied that you owed the rest of us an apology, that is a different issue all together which i wont talk about either way, because its not what i said.

Then are you talking about the act of trying to excuse something.

that an the act that begs excusing, yes.

Oh I agree with you here. You can't demand forgivness from anyone, it must be given.

its just that you cannot demand it ...but on top of that its that they expect it, like its entitled to them ... and beyond just that if someone where to have a hard time with it, then they would go so far as to imply there is something wrong with that person (having done nothing) for having an issue with them (having done the actual bad thing)

Well it never makes it an excuse but it is in fact in the past.

the past directly affects and is the foundation for the present and the future, in this case specifically the future of a relationship etc. You may say its in the past all you want, but it does in fact affect the future, and as such means you cant simply sweep it under the rug under the heading of "past"

I both agree and I disagree. The culture is harming our children and that is probably the worst thing about it. However no one can totally isolate themselves or their children from culture unless they form a cult. You can only try to downplay the culture.

wrong, you can try to change the culture and have the guts to stand up when no one else does. And yes it is true that aside from drastic measures there is very little you can do to isolate them from the culture, but thats why i say change the culture do not accept it, do not be apathetic.

Realistically the case needs to be made against it. But what I'm concerned about is condemnation of people. I've seen way too many evangelical preachers who are way too good at condmening people and not sins that kept me away from Christianity for way too many years.

two way street ... you see people condemning people, i see people excusing actions, both are wrong, however ... seeing as i have only condemned the actions and the excuses however you should really not bring up whatever evangelical preachers you are thinking of as an example or their corresponding faults, it only confuses the issue seeing as i have not condemned a soul.

And when someone is afraid of Christianity and Christ, most of the time it is our fault, not theirs.

again we can talk about how Christians are the basis for everyone being afriad of Christ but aside from the fact that it does not factor into the issue of virginity, i further renounce the idea that this is true.

The reason I'm concerned is it sounds like you are laying judgement on people who have already claimed and admited it was a mistake. If someone says to you that they made a mistake, would you say to them "Well that is no exuse." Thats a bad spirit to handle it.

I actually have seen almost nobody if not no one at all that has openly said "it was a mistake, its my fault"

I have seen people say ... "well i was confused and young and stupid" and use this as an excuse, and then go on to talk about how it shouldn't matter because its in the past.

And lets not fling around terms like "laying judgment" when this simply has not been done.

All that I have said is 1. premarital sex is wrong 2. its not only wrong but further harmful to excuse it.

K
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[kingoffools13]

This part stood out the most to me, KOF.

Before I lost my virginity, I had no concept of what the value of sharing intimacy with my husband for the first time would be; it never crossed my mind that my virginity was something valuable that I could offer the person I love most. Of course, it wasn't until I matured a little several years later that it started to stir in me. I think that was what made me start thinking about God, who he was and why I was created. Once I finally 'got it' and understood that virginity was so special I was so let down by myself that I would not be able to offer it to my future husband as I hoped he would be able to do for me.

I don't blame you at all KOF for being frustrated by the fact that it seems so few people these days view sex the way you do - I felt that way AFTER it was already too late. So I can only hope that somehow something will stir in you, that if you meet a girl you love so much but find out she is not a virgin that you realize she could very well be in the same boat I was and that you won't even think twice about the fact that she is no longer a virgin, because somehow it won't matter.


Hope that all made sense.

It all made perfect sense (and it was very well thought out too i might add).

Please let me be clear again about something, if I were to meet a girl, and she had not waited as I have, but I felt as if I could love her, I would struggle through the feelings and make it work. I have in fact dated girls who have had much more experience than I would even like to think about, I know only that 1. I felt that she was worth the time and effort and 2. it hurt deeply when ever i did think about it (so i tried to keep this to a minimum)

I highly doubt that anyone who does not experience it will understand, but when you are a virgin, not just a young kid that never had experience, but a person who has chosen purposefully to wait for the right thing and you find someone that is seemingly perfect, except for this one area ... it can actually cause quite a bit of emotional turmoil.

Aside from the knowledge that other people have been places and done things that should belong only to you, it weighs on you in other ways. One of the worst for me has been the feeling of loss, missing out.

It crosses your mind that "hey they were out having fun and living their life and experiencing things and i was being a good little boy at home missing out" ... you feel like "if they got to sow their wild oats then why not me?"; and whether or not it should be, its worse for guys, because to us, in a way, its emasculating. The thought that you have been with others, exorcised your sexual prowess etc not to mention the flood of concern it would cause to be compared to other people.

And i know people always say 'i dont compare' yeah ya do ... everyone does, either conscientiously or subconsciously they compare. We as human beings compare and can tell the difference between everything from how food is prepared, to how different cars feel to drive, to being able to tell that so&so across the office who you never talk to or even know their whole name has changed their hair. So something as important and intense and intimate as sex will have its little comparisons try or not.

All I'm saying is, don't feel as if everything is messed up because of what happened, and don't feel like I'm condemning you or saying that you are no good because of it; but you have to understand what you will put your partner through should you end up with a virgin ... in fact do a Google search for "mad at girlfriends sexual history" and you will find that even non-virgins have a problem with it ... its not a double standard, people are naturally going to be hurt by this simply because of the nature of the thing.

I thank you for what you said and i pray that what you said may come true, that if ever i find myself wanting to be with a non-virgin that God will grant me the grace and peace in my heart to forget about it and just be able to love her completely ... However short of His intervention, all of the above listed emotions and more are things that i am going to have to face again and deal with and I'd be more than willing to do so for the right girl, but what i cannot abide is when people try to excuse it(not referring to you at all just anyone in general), or have an attitude that says "you owe me forgiveness (directed at their SO)" that just rubs me and i hope others the wrong way.

K
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phew ... long winded i am

 

[Luther073082]

It all made perfect sense (and it was very well thought out too i might add).

Please let me be clear again about something, if I were to meet a girl, and she had not waited as I have, but I felt as if I could love her, I would struggle through the feelings and make it work. I have in fact dated girls who have had much more experience than I would even like to think about, I know only that 1. I felt that she was worth the time and effort and 2. it hurt deeply when ever i did think about it (so i tried to keep this to a minimum)

I highly doubt that anyone who does not experience it will understand, but when you are a virgin, not just a young kid that never had experience, but a person who has chosen purposefully to wait for the right thing and you find someone that is seemingly perfect, except for this one area ... it can actually cause quite a bit of emotional turmoil.

Aside from the knowledge that other people have been places and done things that should belong only to you, it weighs on you in other ways. One of the worst for me has been the feeling of loss, missing out.

It crosses your mind that "hey they were out having fun and living their life and experiencing things and i was being a good little boy at home missing out" ... you feel like "if they got to sow their wild oats then why not me?"; and whether or not it should be, its worse for guys, because to us, in a way, its emasculating. The thought that you have been with others, exorcised your sexual prowess etc not to mention the flood of concern it would cause to be compared to other people.

And i know people always say 'i dont compare' yeah ya do ... everyone does, either conscientiously or subconsciously they compare. We as human beings compare and can tell the difference between everything from how food is prepared, to how different cars feel to drive, to being able to tell that so&so across the office who you never talk to or even know their whole name has changed their hair. So something as important and intense and intimate as sex will have its little comparisons try or not.

All I'm saying is, don't feel as if everything is messed up because of what happened, and don't feel like I'm condemning you or saying that you are no good because of it; but you have to understand what you will put your partner through should you end up with a virgin ... in fact do a Google search for "mad at girlfriends sexual history" and you will find that even non-virgins have a problem with it ... its not a double standard, people are naturally going to be hurt by this simply because of the nature of the thing.

I thank you for what you said and i pray that what you said may come true, that if ever i find myself wanting to be with a non-virgin that God will grant me the grace and peace in my heart to forget about it and just be able to love her completely ... However short of His intervention, all of the above listed emotions and more are things that i am going to have to face again and deal with and I'd be more than willing to do so for the right girl, but what i cannot abide is when people try to excuse it(not referring to you at all just anyone in general), or have an attitude that says "you owe me forgiveness (directed at their SO)" that just rubs me and i hope others the wrong way.

K
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phew ... long winded i am

KOF, I just need to say that your line of thinking is the same place I was before I was stupid. I totally understand your line of thinking unfortunutly all too well.

 

[kingoffools13]

KOF, I just need to say that your line of thinking is the same place I was before I was stupid. I totally understand your line of thinking unfortunutly all too well.

please explain?

K
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*announcer voice* the king of fools sits and waits ... is he fated for stupid? *dramatic pause* tune in next time to find out (er sorry, just finished lunch and i'm in a funny mood, not making fun )

 

[Luther073082]

please explain?

K
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*announcer voice* the king of fools sits and waits ... is he fated for stupid? *dramatic pause* tune in next time to find out (er sorry, just finished lunch and i'm in a funny mood, not making fun )

Lets just say that line of thinking motivated me a lot to do something about it. Without resurrecting this issue too much, it wasn't much about lust, lust isn't a powerful enough motivator for me. I had the same lust when I was 17 and I turned down my chance then without even considering it. (Mind you that I turned it down cause I thought I was too young, not for religious reasons as I was atheist at the time.) Feeling like I was missing out on something . . . that was. My parents having a ridiculously good time at making fun of me for it. . . that was too.

Just don't let it motivate you.

 

[Museman]

I have read this thread with a huge deal of interest, because I gave my life to God less than a year ago, and am not a virgin. Over the past few months I have wondered what the general consensus is amongst women but, of course, it has been difficult for me to find out since it's not the sort of thing you can just slip into a conversation!!

All I can say is this - we all fall so far short of the glory of God. We are all sinners. It warms my heart to see youg women who would not rule out being with me out of principle because of my past. I have had 2 partners and both were long-term relationships; don't get me wrong, I know now that marriage is the only place for sex, but I have said sorry for my mistakes and, now at 22 years of age, I am a new man.

In response to the person who said they would not be able to deal with it because they'd worry about constantly being compared with past sexual partners etc - Surely the point is - certainly in my case - that despite my past experience, if i have changed my life around, repented and love Jesus, I am not going to compare my future wife to anybody else. That would be the last thing on my mind. The Bible talks about a 'transformation by the renewing of the mind'. In other words, I am not the same person that I was a few years ago when I was entering into sexual relationships. I have been transformed and I am hoping that, before long, I will find myself in a Christian relationship with someone beautiful that I can spend my life with. There will be no comparisons.

And in response to the person who said they find the idea of being with a non-virgin repulsive..... repulsive is a mighty strong word. The wording of that particular sentence was pretty offensive. I am not a virgin, but I am a figure of good health! I have been checked etc and I am as healthy/infection free as the next man. Ok, so you wouldn't be intimate with me, that's your decision, but 'repulsive' is a little bit OTT!

God bless you all.

 

[kingoffools13]

I am not going to compare my future wife to anybody else. That would be the last thing on my mind. The Bible talks about a 'transformation by the renewing of the mind'. In other words, I am not the same person that I was a few years ago when I was entering into sexual relationships. I have been transformed and I am hoping that, before long, I will find myself in a Christian relationship with someone beautiful that I can spend my life with. There will be no comparisons.

It is great that you are saved and your point of view on sex has been changed around but i wanted to say one thing.

Yes you are a new person in Christ ... in a strictly symbolic/spiritual sense ... you are still the same person in this physical world, and so there is unfortunately some lingering consequences to actions. As far as comparing people, might want to read what i wrote about comparing, even if you manage not to do it the first second or third time ... eventually you would have an understanding about what the person you were with felt like and what the people before felt like, and you would compare them ... either consciously or subconsciously it happens, its human nature.

And in response to the person who said they find the idea of being with a non-virgin repulsive..... repulsive is a mighty strong word. The wording of that particular sentence was pretty offensive.

It isnt offensive ... it was descriptive ... they were repulsed by the idea of other people being in intimate places and trading bodily fluids with someone that they would potentially be with. At the very worst it is a bit germ-a-phobic, but it is not offensive.

K
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[Luther073082]

It isnt offensive ... it was descriptive ... they were repulsed by the idea of other people being in intimate places and trading bodily fluids with someone that they would potentially be with. At the very worst it is a bit germ-a-phobic, but it is not offensive.

I find the idea of my parents being in eachother's intimate places and exhcanging bodily fluids pretty repulsive. . . But then again last time I checked, I am here. . .

Trust me I know where you are comming from though.

But let me try and put it in another way. . . .

Um I find holding a 5 gallon bucket while someone clears up a blockage of human feces from a waste pipe and letting those same feces fall into the bucket with water and then spashing some of those feces onto me very very repulsive. . .

But then again it happened, I have been spashed with human feces. . . And I still have and wear the sweater I was wearing when I did that job. Same thing with the pants.

Oh yeah and my mom's birds drop their feces on my clothes all the time. . .

 

[kingoffools13]

Lets just say that line of thinking motivated me a lot to do something about it. Without resurrecting this issue too much, it wasn't much about lust, lust isn't a powerful enough motivator for me. I had the same lust when I was 17 and I turned down my chance then without even considering it. (Mind you that I turned it down cause I thought I was too young, not for religious reasons as I was atheist at the time.) Feeling like I was missing out on something . . . that was. My parents having a ridiculously good time at making fun of me for it. . . that was too.

Just don't let it motivate you.

Hmmm It is indeed interesting that you would say this, I must be honest and admit that i struggle with the same thing now currently. There are times when i feel as if i, knowing the truth, will only be able to burn bright with it for so long, before i fail and give in.

There have been many times, including recent ones when i have considered just giving up on the whole thing ... I cannot say that I'm entirely over the idea even as we speak. Now i know it's the wrong move, but even with that in mind, part of me wants to do it, just get our there and experience it and enjoy it, and part of me knows it would solve my own problems (but then potentially cause some for others).

I do in fact honestly struggle with it, sometimes i even try to reason it way, by thinking things like "i know speeding is wrong but i've done that while driving down the road before"

For now, I pray that i do not end up allowing myself to go down the wrong path with this whole thing and end up causing myself problems down the road, but I do know one thing. No matter what i do, i hold myself to the same standard that i do others, If i were to fail in this way physically, and in fact where i have failed mentally (Jesus said if you even think it, its pretty much the same sin) That i hold myself fully responsible, not easy, its just right.

K
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[kingoffools13]

I find the idea of my parents being in eachother's intimate places and exhcanging bodily fluids pretty repulsive. . . But then again last time I checked, I am here. . .

Trust me I know where you are comming from though.

But let me try and put it in another way. . . .

Um I find holding a 5 gallon bucket while someone clears up a blockage of human feces from a waste pipe and letting those same feces fall into the bucket with water and then spashing some of those feces onto me very very repulsive. . .

But then again it happened, I have been spashed with human feces. . . And I still have and wear the sweater I was wearing when I did that job. Same thing with the pants.

Oh yeah and my mom's birds drop their feces on my clothes all the time. . .

lol ewww to much poo

but i wasn't the one who said it was repulsive ... i was simply telling that guy that to call it offensive is hyperbole because it could not be logically accepted as offensive.

K
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[Museman]

... you are still the same person in this physical world, and so there is unfortunately some lingering consequences to actions.....



It isnt offensive ... it was descriptive ... they were repulsed by the idea of other people being in intimate places and trading bodily fluids with someone that they would potentially be with. At the very worst it is a bit germ-a-phobic, but it is not offensive.

K
o
F

May I address the two quoted bits in turn. First, yes I am still the same person in the 'physical world', but what is the point you are making, and what are the 'lingering consequences' that I bear over and above those of any other sinner? Bodily, I am as sexually healthy as any virgin, and mentally I am in a good place. If we are all sinners, then your statement applies equally to every person who has ever sinned......... AKA all of us!!

As for the 'repulsive' comment, we'll have to agree to differ I"m afraid. I don't think what I said could be construed as hyperbole. To say that an act of love, created by God, would be 'repulsive' in the sort of circumstances we're talking about - for example a virgin having sex inside marriage with a sexually healthy non-virgin is a real shame, thank the Lord that he does not share this view; certainly not in any of the translations I own anyway!!

Given my situation - a converted, healthy non-virgin - surely you see that someone saying 'I would find it repulsive to have sex with you' is a little caustic?!

And to take this one step further, I wonder how many people can truly say they have never committed adultery in their mind? After all, the Bible is clear that lust in the mind is basically the same sin.

God bless.

 

[Sanctuaryandbliss]

But the only reason he said that opened up and admited that it was repulsive to him is bc I asked him why he could not sleep with a non-virgin. He is not trying to be rude, he merely answered my and anothers question. so please, if you are offended come to me for having him state his opinion.

~Blessed Be

 

[Museman]

He is not trying to be rude

~Blessed Be

Well, one can be rude without so intending. I personally find it disappointing that God's children would ever consider it repulsive to have marital relations with one another, provided both partners are verified as being healthy and infection free. I am, of course, 100% in support of the notion that partners who have previous sexual experience should get themselves checked out prior to engaging in sex in future.

In any case, I am glad that most people take the view that I had hoped that they would and that is in, most importantly, impliedly advocated in scripture; the Bible says that if we do not forgive one another God will not forgive us. I would not expect anybody to have sex with a non-virgin without the non-virgin proving that they had been tested for infections etc, but provided both partners are healthy and love each other I do not see a problem, and I"m sure the Lord will bless that relationship.

God bless you.

 

[Sketcher]

I'm still a virgin and it is important to me. Fornication carries consequences, and they would most likely bite me if I were to get with someone who had sinned like that. I don't want that. Not all the consequences are the same in nature or in severity, but it doesn't matter. If something - anything - affects my wife, it will most likely find its way to affecting me, and "past" sins are included. I do not insist on someone perfect, but I would rather have our bed be completely exclusive. Unfortunately in this day and age, more and more people are fornicating and this may be impossible. But if she has to have slept with someone else, the less people and the less often, the better. It would help if he were dead, too.