Virginity

[JonMiller]

I think that STDs are diseases that can be spread sexually. Not diseases that are only spread sexually.

Men are generally presented in society as much more protective of their woman then women are of men (at least, protective from other men, as has been pointed out elsewhere they are less so from other women). This is especially true physically.

This might be related to biological issues, men are stronger and would need to protect their family. This protection makes them want to protect from other men.. and the way to do that best is if she is a virgin.

Additionally, it is a much more sure way to make sure she is carrying your child if she was a virgin. Remember, men don't carry children, but are still driven biologically to procreate. As such, there is a strong need to be sure it is the man's child.

I think that there has been some research done on this. The virgin in some shape or form (for a female) is exciting in most cultures.

JM

 

[Aquamarine81]

How important is it that your spouse is a virgin when you get married? Do you think that you could "deal" with it if that had made a mistake in the past and weren't...or would you feel like you had been "cheated" out of something with that person?

It really isn't important to me. The past is in the past. As long as he loved me, it wouldn't be a big deal.

 

[Sketcher]

I think that STDs are diseases that can be spread sexually. Not diseases that are only spread sexually.

For the intents and purposes of determining who we are going to get together with, it makes the most sense to view it this way. If a girl gets any incurable disease that can be spread sexually, whether she got it sexually or not, it's a deal breaker.

 

[Trashionista]

For all intents & purposes, I'm not trying to argue the semantics of how one contracts a disease...

But the term is now Sexually Transmitted Infections. STI has replaced STD.

You're taking a risk regardless. I can get herpes by kissing someone. Its a risk we all take - providing someone is responsible & upfront in regards to something like a herpes diagnosis, they can enjoy a frequent sex life without infecting their partner.

 

[Niels]

From what I've gathered:

STD = symptoms present
STI = symptoms not present

I use STD as an umbrella term because it's what I heard all through sex ed.

 

[Luther073082]

But this makes me wonder, too... Are women generally more forgiving in this area than men are? I've seen a couple guys in this thread suggest that they would feel like something was "stolen" from them if their future wife was not a virgin. I gotta wonder how much of that is a gender issue. How many women would feel that something was stolen from them? Ok, I'll stop now before I go into a rant about females as property and other feminist stuff.

Well I think you have to look at this in a lot of different ways.

First of all history may be a role, back in history it was quite often women who where suppose to be the gate keepers of sexuality. And so often it was considered ok for a guy to do something like that but not for a girl. I mean just look at WW2 . . . in Hawaii where troops would stay for a little while before shipping off to the front the military took over the whole state. One of the very first things they did was suspend prostitution laws. The public knew about this and most of them where pretty fine with it, not a lot of complaining. Now one could argue that it had to do with the fact that these kids where going off to face possible death so people figured it would be ok if we let them get laid a bit before they did, but I think a lot of it had to do with culture and expectations of men and women.

Second of all is the method of thinking, I tend to belive that men are at the very least raised to place a higher importance on sex then a woman is. So I think a lot of guys who waited might feel robbed if they had to marry a woman who hasn't.

Also think about this in terms of culture. Imagine a father with his daughter. . . very protective, he really wants his daughter to be sexually pure til marriage. I mean thats why there is the joke about father's cleaning their shotguns when their daughter's date comes in to meet them.

But no one ever considers mothers to be the same way with their sons. And really that is because they arn't the same way at all. My mom was ok with my dad buying me a condom when I went off to college, and she was further ok in telling me that I was being stupid in trying to wait, and even once offered to pay for me to see a prostitue. (Yes this surprised me too, because I've had great parents they just never where Christians.)

I honestly don't know what it is but culturally speaking men have almost no discouragement from having sex and while women have only a little they do have some. So I think this may lead to that attitude. . .

And I also wonder if the actual physicality of the sex act and the woman being the "receiver" doesn't have something to do with it.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

I think there are ideals and God's best and then there's the reality of the people we come into contact with in this life.
I guess you have to determine if you can live with anothers experiences. Certainly it wouldn't be as inticing if her numbers climbed anywhere near double digits. I HAD a friend who kept a list of the girls he'd been with. Turned out his wife found the list and she wasn't the last name on it. He was near triple digit numbers.
I'd rather be single than travel that road.

 

[ido]

I think there are ideals and God's best and then there's the reality of the people we come into contact with in this life.
I guess you have to determine if you can live with anothers experiences. Certainly it wouldn't be as inticing if her numbers climbed anywhere near double digits. I HAD a friend who kept a list of the girls he'd been with. Turned out his wife found the list and she wasn't the last name on it. He was near triple digit numbers.
I'd rather be single than travel that road.

Dude - your friend has issues...and I will be praying for his (ex?) wife.

 

[Sanctuaryandbliss]

I think there are ideals and God's best and then there's the reality of the people we come into contact with in this life.
I guess you have to determine if you can live with anothers experiences. Certainly it wouldn't be as inticing if her numbers climbed anywhere near double digits. I HAD a friend who kept a list of the girls he'd been with. Turned out his wife found the list and she wasn't the last name on it. He was near triple digit numbers.
I'd rather be single than travel that road.

Yikes but ya know to each their own. a bit harsh yes. but I will pray he finds something more to fulfill his life with. and that his (ex) wife? will be ok in all this. I dunno how I would react in her shoes to be honest.

~Blessed be

 

[Gwendolyn]

I will be very honest with you guys. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. And in all honesty, I would feel as though something had been stolen from me if the person I marry were not a virgin. Purity is such a beautiful and meaningful gift... just to think that my husband and been waiting for me to give his whole self to, it is really mind-blowing.

The unfortunate reality is that once you get into your twenties, there aren't many virgins to be found. That thought makes me sad, because I see how sneaky and treacherous the Evil One is. But if I were to meet someone who had made the mistake of giving himself away before marriage, and he were truly repentant, then I would consider him:

It's a definite plus, but if he made a mistake and has repented and is living in purity now, that is what would be important to me.

Precisely. If he repented and has resolved to live in purity, that is beautiful. If God forgave the man his sins, I would be wrong to judge him for them as well.

But the desire to confess one's sins and amend one's life is key here.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

Dude - your friend has issues...and I will be praying for his (ex?) wife.

Former friend... I think my ex may have been on that list.
His wife was a great catch. He blew it big time. I lost touch with her.

 

[ido]

Former friend... I think my ex may have been on that list.
His wife was a great catch. He blew it big time. I lost touch with her.

My ex is now dating one of the girls that I'm pretty sure was on his list.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

My ex is now dating one of the girls that I'm pretty sure was on his list.

 

[JonMiller]

A lot of men like the hunt. Those are generally the ones that are better at hunting... and yet lots of nice girls go for them without recognising it.

JM

 

[ido]

His loss entirely - he had a great thing and didn't cherish it.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

His loss entirely - he had a great thing and didn't cherish it.

You're absolutely right!

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

His loss entirely - he had a great thing and didn't cherish it.

I can see that.

 

[ido]

You're absolutely right!

I can see that.

 

[lunalinda]

Well, it certainly would be great if he'd be a virgin, not just because his body was his own (and God's) before giving himself to me, but also because that means that I won't have that fear of being compared to his past conquests, even if they ARE the past. Though sins are forgiven, it doesn't mean that the memory of being sexual with women is forever obliterated. It doesn't mean that he can't think or remember what it was like to have sex with Susie over there, and Katie over there. I would hate to "bump" into an ex of his that had the opportunity be sexual with him before I did. It'd be nice to look at him and or any ex we'd stumble upon and know that I, and only *I* know what's it like to be sexually intimate.

But alas, it's unrealistic nowadays to demand my man be a virgin. All I can hope and pray for is that he chooses to remain pure and abstinent after repenting of any past mistakes, plus be patient and understanding with me and my own insecurities. Regardless if the man's a virgin or not, though, I do hope he'd be grateful that I'M a virgin, because that's definitely one luxury I'll proudly give my husband. The lack of any past men who have had me first, and the lack of anyone to compare him to. He'd be my first and only, forever and ever.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Virginity in and of itself would be a non-issue for me. I think the church tends to turn virginity into a god of its own right. God is my god, not virginity, and far be it from me not to accept someone who's already been accepted into the Book of Life by God.