Very depressed

[Jeshu]

I am having a difficult time. On top of the usual depression and grief over the divorce, I am dealing with the painful effects of my childhood. That pain has never gone away. My husband is the only person besides a therapist who knows how they hurt me. Letting go of him means that I have to face that alone and I am very scared.

All of the terrible things that my mother said to me have stuck and have been the source of my depression. She said things like, "You are worthless," "You are selfish," You may be smart but you won't be able to hold a regular job," and "You wont make it in the real world."

I believe all of the things she said about me, especially that I won't be able to make it in the real world (told me that in high school)...since I lost my training position after professional school.



I finally talked to my therapist today about how angry and hurt I was because of my childhood and told her some examples. She was apalled. She also said that talking to Janice about those traumatic things during medical school was not something she would have suggested. She said that most people who go through that kind of crap and open up to talk about it are unable to function in their life because of all the stress of it. She said people who work part time at Wal Mart have to stay home because they are almost comatose from the trauma of it all. She said the stress of professional school plus the therapy I did with that therapist made me so much worse. She said I was grieving my lost childhood and lack of not having loving parents during that time.

Just talking about it today made me so upset. I have felt exhausted and ill to my stomach since I got home. She said that I had "learned helplessness" - that during my childhood, I could never do the right thing, that it was always a double bind. For example, if I studied hard to make good grades, my mom would say I was lazy and didn't help her enough. They were never proud of me or came to my award ceremonies. If I would not have got good grades, perfect grades, they would have said I was not studying hard enough. I could never make them happy with me, no matter how hard I tried.

I just feel very afraid. I have pent up anger at my parents. I feel afraid. I feel afraid that I won't get better.

I feel numb. It is hard to be around them. I am not able to live anywhere else right now.

I need to know that I am not a failure or worthless or unable to make it. I am broken. I feel like I can't be put together again.

My therapist said I have to reject the lies my parents told me...It is hard. They are deeply rooted in my depression.

I could use some encouragement and prayer.

Oh my dear I know where you must be - desolation - I suffered like you did - I was always rejected by my Mum and Dad, though I loved them so at first - I lost it!

Yet Jesus gave it back to me when He brought me to our Dad Upstairs and I could finally truly be loved in His loving arms

You are also invited by Jesus - all us hurting ones firstly of all!



This are the steps I took - time and again until all the bricks were in the right place.

The hurt you are feeling now is what was put into you by sin, other peoples sin and also your own.

You feeling so bad is therefore The Truth of your down trodden love - this is why you must feel so bad.

step 1

Forgive God for the pain that The Truth of your Life down here hurt you so, not That our Heavenly Father is guilty - but often we have it in us to think like so!

step 2

Forgive Yourself for being loveless and having carried such a burden for so long!

Step 3

Lay your hurting life before Jesus - just lay down on bed comfortably and let all the pain come - just cry it into His arms.

I found psalm 51 The Best Word to help me with this!


YouTube - ‪Sons Of Korah Psalm 51‬‎


It took me quiet some time to get all the hurt out, so don't despair, but let His Loving Truth grow in you - until you are whole!

(If possible have a fully trusted and informed loved one(s) with you - if things are very deep down!. To pray, and encourage you onwards.)

Often The Lord takes smallish bites, so you don't perish in your terrible inner misery - for years of loveless treatment has incredible stores hidden within us. (Rev 2)

However our Father is a VERY GRACIOUS God.

He hates it that The Wicked who hurt you so bad are still walking free hurting others as well. Yet He wants to save you and all who caused this terrible desolation to be alive within.

So GRACEFUL TRUTHFUL LOVE is The first Word to know - Alive within you - The Living Word - get to know Him really well.

I read The Bible in love for God, myself (for otherwise how can I love others?) and others and His love grew as the years went past setting me free from my agony!

Best of Journey beloved of The Lord, please don't tarry longer than you have to!

Please sister we don't want other people to suffer your kind of lovelessness - but we do want The wicked to receive their due reward - those horrible loveless lying thoughts and feelings which loveless evil have used to hurt so.

Jesus has His eyes on THEM

 

[razzelflabben]

May you this day know truth, and have the grace to cling to truth and discard the lies, for in this, you have taken the first steps to defeating satan's hold over your life.

 

[southernwonder]

I am struggling with discarding the lies. I feel my whole self is just lies. Bad things about me. I feel like a failure, unlovable, uncared for, alone, unable to change. This is me. This is all I have known myself to be - how can I believe anything else?

I am so sick and tired of feeling this way.

 

[Jeshu]

I am struggling with discarding the lies. I feel my whole self is just lies. Bad things about me. I feel like a failure, unlovable, uncared for, alone, unable to change. This is me. This is all I have known myself to be - how can I believe anything else?

I am so sick and tired of feeling this way.

Yes sister The LOrd is close - Remember He is on The Bottom, that is where IU fond Him.

When I understood The Lie had used my illness to drag me into The Pit.

To learn not to heed the lie but give it to Jesus - needed a bit of love, faith and hope.

I know down there is little love - but Jesus died for that!

So if you love Him even though you are so down and the lies are so bad!

He will bring The Seed alive inside of you.

And take you up in His Kingdom - each day a little more of the lie dead and a little more Good Life back.

Honestly TRUE!

ponder on this beloved of The LORD!!!!

Psalm 1

BOOK I : Psalms 1-41

Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.



(so just let The Wicked hurting you go down where you are now and all be Good Life again!)


Not so the wicked!
They are like chaff
that the wind blows away.

Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.






Be strong beloved I know a little how bad it can get!

 

[Jeshu]

Please pray with me - ALL - of you this is - THE WAY - out of - The Pit!


Heed The Word - Jesus is awesome




YouTube - "A Prayer for Guidance, Protection and Pardon"

 

[razzelflabben]

I am struggling with discarding the lies. I feel my whole self is just lies. Bad things about me. I feel like a failure, unlovable, uncared for, alone, unable to change. This is me. This is all I have known myself to be - how can I believe anything else?

I am so sick and tired of feeling this way.

You can believe the truths by redirecting your mind away from the lies and onto the truth.

May you today see the truth of who you are in Christ, a princess of the King of Kings...a princess of great worth...a princess bought with a great price, ransomed from death into life...a princess that have been favored by the KIng, to come before Him whenever you want. You are a favored child of the King...may you today, see that and know it in the depths of your heart where they can never be taken from you. May you cherish these truths so passionately that the lies begin to fade away, and the truths begin to take hold of your every thought.

 

[Jeshu]

You can believe the truths by redirecting your mind away from the lies and onto the truth.

May you today see the truth of who you are in Christ, a princess of the King of Kings...a princess of great worth...a princess bought with a great price, ransomed from death into life...a princess that have been favored by the KIng, to come before Him whenever you want. You are a favored child of the King...may you today, see that and know it in the depths of your heart where they can never be taken from you. May you cherish these truths so passionately that the lies begin to fade away, and the truths begin to take hold of your every thought.

Amen, Amen,Amen!

I testify that have God's Loving Truth - Jesus Christ in my heart and mind - instead of that big selfish lie stealing Good Life and bringing misery - is unspeakably better even when I'm at my very lowest He loves me like anything.

Faith is a sure knowledge in things not seen - so Faith - is no feeling - so our illness cannot rob it away - Faith in The Word Alive in Love and Hope Within - Is The Way to Jesus and Heavenly Bliss.


Just praise Him for -Faith, Love and Hope - regardless of how you are feeling! His Loving Truth will grow like well watered plant.

Do this and you will soon be fine!


(The Wicked hurting you within will hate This Word.)



Psalm 1

Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.


He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.


Not so the wicked!
They are like chaff
that the wind blows away.
Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.



For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.

 

[razzelflabben]

In the midst of my pain this day, I see with my eyes of faith, that our son is safe and happy. He need not ever suffer again, oh, how I miss him, but to know He is safe, is a great joy to my heart. Today, as hard as it will be, we will celebrate the time we did have with our son, we will celebrate who he was to this world, to our lives, and we will know as we celebrate him, the joy of knowing that he is safe in the arms of our Lord. That God loved him enough to give him the treasure of heaven, as a very young man.

Where can you find God in your pain this day?

 

[Jeshu]

Beloved I found one of our biggest enemies - A WICKED ONE!

As people who suffer from depression - mental illness - Jesus can and will save you when you are stuck with self-pity!

Simply deny self-pity the right to claim your life - and give all thoughts and feelings in self-pity to Jesus, thanking God for grace, forgiving yourself being weak, and asking Him to take such bad life away.

Please keep doing that till The Wicked die.

Depression is much easier managed without that brawler within!


Christ's ability fights our continuing downs heaps better that's for sure!

So beloved of The Lord - please hold tightly to Jesus' love for you when self-pity tries to rape you!


Enjoy!


No Pity Has Self-Pity.

Those pity lies isolate Me in your pain.
Yet who can find Me over there?
Life down that miserable pit again,
hurting agony with no one to care?

Are you so important to your life?
Eating misery instead of My Bread?
Why continue Pitiful Painful Strife?
Love Good Life out of self-pity instead.

 

[razzelflabben]

May you have today, a strength that is not your own, a strength that allows you to trust God, even when all seems lost.........................................sorry, having my own struggle tonight.

 

[Jeshu]

May you have today, a strength that is not your own, a strength that allows you to trust God, even when all seems lost.........................................sorry, having my own struggle tonight.

So blessed you are that Jesus helps you through your battles

 

[dmkimbley]

Are you taking medication for your depresion? I have had to take anti depression medicine a big portion of my life. its genetic with me. you're just as sick as if you had cancer, and you need meds to help you. If I go off them I get depressed again. You don't think right when you are depressed. If you could get the right meds for your depession you could handle your problems better.I speak from experience. most depressions can be succesfully treated. it is good to trust the Lord but if you had a broken leg you would go to a doctor to have it set. You need meds for clinical depression just like you need a doctor for phisical diseases. I will be praying for you. dee

 

[Jeshu]

friends here another dangerous Wicked one - a viscous killer this one!


Unbelief.

Your voice turned me utterly insane,
believing your suggestions
thinking there is no God.
For you betrayed my Good Life,
pushing me into that bottomless pit,
into fiery Hell for years on end.

Flying right through my reality,
your miserable voice dividing
myself against myself,
your taunts attacking faithful self,
hopelessness cutting me up,
your lies barring access to true Life!

No faith feeding my starving soul,
instead doubt, confusion and terror,
false evidence locking my hopes away,
devoid from true self or any good thing,
torturing me in those dark dungeons,
you only ever set out to murder me!

 

[razzelflabben]

Well, the end of Aug. is another round of attacks for us. With some days so deep it felt like we could not pull out, and yet, with great effort, capturing our thoughts and renewing our minds, we have found relief, we have found small victories and expect to find more.

May you see the wisdom of God as you fight your own battles. May you know the joy of the little victories, no matter where they are found and how hard to come by.

 

[Jeshu]

Awake beloved of The Lord.


From The Grave Arise!

Do the dead praise God almighty,
heavy hearts enlighten souls?
Awaken, leave corrupt flesh rotting
anew God shall dress praising heart.

Why laying down in painful anguish?
Why all alone and down hearted be?
Deeply breath in Christ's love for you,
God's salvation freeing you Today.

Arise, arise, raise your voice on high!
Praise His glorious Name above all.
Adoring God who can tear you down?
Who dares interrupt Angels song?

Praising our Heavenly Father on high,
Heavenly abstinence from deepest low.
And so flying on Eagle wings means,
you're high above deepest valley!

***​

 

[razzelflabben]

this week has been an especially difficult one around here. the likes of which words cannot express. Even today, I want to vanish into my bed, no light, no noise, no one around, but I know this is not right, and so I search for my God in the midst of that pain, and I see....a God who cries with us, who groans with us, who sits with us while we morn.

May you feel the tears He sheds for you, as they wash over you. May you hear His groaning as He shares your pain. May you know His presence and Love as He sits with you this very day, this very moment in time, holding you and loving you with an eternal, unshakable love.

 

[razzelflabben]

May you find within yourself the strength to fight the lies, the wisdom to know what is lie and what is truth, and someone who reminds you that you are special in more ways than you can fathom.

 

[nicktrick123]

may you find peace

im praying

 

[kpyng]

Legendary actress Rosalind Russell once composed a poem that you might be familiar with, but is worth sharing to let you know that God is with you in the midst of your struggle with depression:

"Trust Him, when darkest doubts assail thee.
Trust Him, when thy faith is small.
Trust Him, when to trust Him
Seems the hardest thing of all."

 

[razzelflabben]

May you look up and see the God that loves you...