Very depressed

[jennyjohn]

Well according to my point of view, I think that depression is different from normal sadness in that it engulfs your day-to-day life, interfering with your ability to work, study, eat, sleep, and have fun, it is a medical illness that involves the mind and body.

 

[razzelflabben]

may you anchor yourself in Christ, keeping your eyes firmly fixed on His lighthouse of hope.

 

[southernwonder]

Thank you for your encouraging words. I want to clarify that I do indeed have clinical depression, a medical condition, and I am also grieving the loss of my husband, marriage, the life we had and our future together.

I am seeing both a christian therapist and a very good psychiatrist, who does prescribe me medication. I have been on an antidepressant since I was about 16 y/o.

I could use your prayers as I deal with this divorce and the heartbreak of it all. I am struggling.

 

[razzelflabben]

Thank you for your encouraging words. I want to clarify that I do indeed have clinical depression, a medical condition, and I am also grieving the loss of my husband, marriage, the life we had and our future together.

I am seeing both a christian therapist and a very good psychiatrist, who does prescribe me medication. I have been on an antidepressant since I was about 16 y/o.

I could use your prayers as I deal with this divorce and the heartbreak of it all. I am struggling.

May you find stength beyond your dreams, joy in the midst of storm and a trust in our Lord beyond compare.

 

[Javanwarbler]

Southernwonder,

I can relate to having depression! I've struggled with it since I was in my late teens and I'm now in my 30's. I've had many times where it's been hard to just exist, function. That stinks you've had to go through that kind of divorce! I don't know what that is like. I pray for God's best for you!

Take care,
Javanwarbler

 

[southernwonder]

I feel like I am at the end of my rope. I am so sick of everything.

 

[TomCS]

I feel like I am at the end of my rope. I am so sick of everything.

I can relate to that, even though my troubles are different than yours. I pray that our risen Lord Jesus Christ will help you and ease your sufferings, amen.

 

[nautical999]

when walking through so many storms in life and seeing no end, one needs to sit back close there eyes and pray that the Lord calm the storm. when all the wind and rain fell crashing upon the boat The disciples seen Jesus come across the water. When it was made known who it was then and only then did Peter have the great amount of faith to step out and walk towards his savior. Yes in the face of such a storm he faltered he even started to sink, but the son of God reached out his hand and lifted him up. Without having the faith to step out Peter would never had been the only man to walk on water. In your storm he is there. Ask the Lord to take away the waves and the rain and the wind and even the noise and in that stillness you will see he has never left.

 

[razzelflabben]

Thurs. was an especially dark day for me. If it hadn't been for my children, I would not have gotten out of bed at all. In fact, yesterday, I wanted to shrink back and disappear into the world, a world that has shown itself to be cruel and heartless.

I had a similar day right after our sons death, a day in which all I could see the was cruelty of this world. This is what I found that day as I searched for God in the dark places of this life.



This world is a harsh and hostile place, showing no mercy, knowing no compassion, owning no grace. And if these things do not exist in this world, then where do they come from? How big, how massive must the source of compassion, grace, mercy, love be? If it can hold enough to furnish the entire world? As I ponder the death of our Jonathan, I realize that the heigths and depths; the lengths and breths of God's love are enveloped in and by and through this world, this earth. It would not be enough for God to be so large, but His compassion, His grace, His mercy, His love must also be beyond our comprehension.


May we look to the Lord today, as we struggle to find compassion and grace in a cruel world.

 

[Jeshu]

Thurs. was an especially dark day for me. If it hadn't been for my children, I would not have gotten out of bed at all. In fact, yesterday, I wanted to shrink back and disappear into the world, a world that has shown itself to be cruel and heartless.

I had a similar day right after our sons death, a day in which all I could see the was cruelty of this world. This is what I found that day as I searched for God in the dark places of this life.



This world is a harsh and hostile place, showing no mercy, knowing no compassion, owning no grace. And if these things do not exist in this world, then where do they come from? How big, how massive must the source of compassion, grace, mercy, love be? If it can hold enough to furnish the entire world? As I ponder the death of our Jonathan, I realize that the heigths and depths; the lengths and breths of God's love are enveloped in and by and through this world, this earth. It would not be enough for God to be so large, but His compassion, His grace, His mercy, His love must also be beyond our comprehension.


May we look to the Lord today, as we struggle to find compassion and grace in a cruel world.

Dear sister as you struggle with death and bereavement - I can also see how God's loving compassion, strength and ability to cope is descending into your heart. For you may know if you love your own as much as you do and have done, how much will He not love him and you and us all?

Such unbelievable safety in His love!

Such knowledge of Him lifts me of my feet in glorious joy - for with Paul we can say - even as we mourn our loss - death where is your sting? In Jesus we are all alive and well - only a river in-between - passing time keeping His Day away - yet nothing Jesus can't cross - when time runs out - we will al be re-united.


Please be much comforted - and understand that in His love your beloved dwells - so please drink deeply from the Water He gives you to drink, there is no death in Him.

 

[razzelflabben]

May we each reach across that river of time and space and there touch our God who heals, the God who loves, the God whose glorious riches are not measured in dollars, but rather in miracles, both great and small, cherished moments that seem too few, and theer find confident rest rather than bitter heartbreak and depression. May we each find hope in our Lord and grace to lift ourselves up, and face the rest of the race that is ours alone to run.

 

[southernwonder]

Thurs. was an especially dark day for me. If it hadn't been for my children, I would not have gotten out of bed at all. In fact, yesterday, I wanted to shrink back and disappear into the world, a world that has shown itself to be cruel and heartless.

I had a similar day right after our sons death, a day in which all I could see the was cruelty of this world. This is what I found that day as I searched for God in the dark places of this life.



This world is a harsh and hostile place, showing no mercy, knowing no compassion, owning no grace. And if these things do not exist in this world, then where do they come from? How big, how massive must the source of compassion, grace, mercy, love be? If it can hold enough to furnish the entire world? As I ponder the death of our Jonathan, I realize that the heigths and depths; the lengths and breths of God's love are enveloped in and by and through this world, this earth. It would not be enough for God to be so large, but His compassion, His grace, His mercy, His love must also be beyond our comprehension.


May we look to the Lord today, as we struggle to find compassion and grace in a cruel world.

You are dealing with your grief so gracefully it seems. Much more than I.
I don't experience the great intimacy with God that you seem to, but I wish that I did.

I talk to God about my situation, fears and emotions. But I don't feel peace or comfort, even when I pray so much for it.

 

[razzelflabben]

You are dealing with your grief so gracefully it seems. Much more than I.
I don't experience the great intimacy with God that you seem to, but I wish that I did.

I talk to God about my situation, fears and emotions. But I don't feel peace or comfort, even when I pray so much for it.

I don't know how gracefully I deal with it, today is another dark day for me, I just wish the pain would stop, but instead of it ending, we find ourselves in yet another fight. Another serious issue. We do however, put forth a lot of effort to find healing, to move forward to see God.

In SS a while back, one of the guys was talking about when he fell from great height (literally). The way down, he was "scared" but when he got to the bottom and "God found him"...my husband and I see him as missing the point. God didn't find him, he found God at the bottom. God was with him the whole way down, but his eyes were on himself, and his fears. When he stopped falling and figured out he was still alive, he took his eyes off himself long enough to see God there. Every time we fall, we realize that we fell because we put our eyes on ourselves and our fears and loss, and not on God who is carrying us, trying to help us through. When we purpose to find God, not wait for HIm to find us, we discover an intimacy that is beyond compare, because it is there that God waits for us. God is there, but if our eyes can only see our own pain, we cannot see the wonders He has for us.

May we have strength to look beyond our pain, may we see a God who can only been seen through the eyes of faith.

Are things any better for you dear dear one?

 

[Jeshu]

I don't know how gracefully I deal with it, today is another dark day for me, I just wish the pain would stop, but instead of it ending, we find ourselves in yet another fight. Another serious issue. We do however, put forth a lot of effort to find healing, to move forward to see God.

In SS a while back, one of the guys was talking about when he fell from great height (literally). The way down, he was "scared" but when he got to the bottom and "God found him"...my husband and I see him as missing the point. God didn't find him, he found God at the bottom. God was with him the whole way down, but his eyes were on himself, and his fears. When he stopped falling and figured out he was still alive, he took his eyes off himself long enough to see God there. Every time we fall, we realize that we fell because we put our eyes on ourselves and our fears and loss, and not on God who is carrying us, trying to help us through. When we purpose to find God, not wait for HIm to find us, we discover an intimacy that is beyond compare, because it is there that God waits for us. God is there, but if our eyes can only see our own pain, we cannot see the wonders He has for us.

May we have strength to look beyond our pain, may we see a God who can only been seen through the eyes of faith.

Are things any better for you dear dear one?

The Lord is passing truly meaningful truths to your life dear sister. See in the end death also feeds us God's good life, it just depends from what perspective we understand suffering and were we place it.

To hurt and mourn loss with Jesus brings gain in the loss and so the wounds heal and the pains lessen.

Love always mourns loss - such is good not bad - for it makes our love wish for more and better - and we must do that and not be simply content with bearing the pain. But pray for the restoration of Good Life also within the dark hole death has Created.

 

[razzelflabben]

Last night, as I was going to sleep, I had flashes of pictures (best way to describe it, not exactly right) of our two eldest. Something just doesn't seem right. I can't get ahold of our eldest to see if he is okay, and I can't separate the two of them in my mind and heart. I sit here and want to cry and am not even sure why. I keep telling myself that our eldest just needed to feel close to our second, but I can't convince myself that that is all it is. And so I come here today, to give you this blessing.

May you find within you the strength to trust God even when things feel hopeless. May you know the comfort of realizing that everything is in His capable and loving hands, even when they are out of our control.

 

[southernwonder]

Last night, as I was going to sleep, I had flashes of pictures (best way to describe it, not exactly right) of our two eldest. Something just doesn't seem right. I can't get ahold of our eldest to see if he is okay, and I can't separate the two of them in my mind and heart. I sit here and want to cry and am not even sure why. I keep telling myself that our eldest just needed to feel close to our second, but I can't convince myself that that is all it is. And so I come here today, to give you this blessing.

May you find within you the strength to trust God even when things feel hopeless. May you know the comfort of realizing that everything is in His capable and loving hands, even when they are out of our control.

Did you get ahold of your eldest child to see if he is okay?

 

[razzelflabben]

Did you get ahold of your eldest child to see if he is okay?

No, thanks for asking....the only communication I can have with him right now is snail mail, or waiting for him to call. Snail mail won't help, in fact, I have some things to send him and I need to talk to him first. He hasn't called, and so I am stuck.

 

[razzelflabben]

No news is good news, or so they say, so we will hold to that. No visit from the military, is good news.

I am trying to be open and honest about our own struggles and victories over depression, no matter how small those victories or how huge those struggles are. I hope you all don't mind the painfully honest responses to this topic.

Yesterday was such a low day. On top of the boys, we also are in a very oppressive situation, a situation that doesn't seem to be improving though we had hope for awhile. The church is also having issues that we get to be involved in, major stuff some of it. It just feels like we can't even breath sometimes. Anyway, I'm not here to cry and complain, so moving on into the story and my blessing to you all.

Yesterday, I was so low, that for a a brief few moments, I actually thought that suicide might be an answer. I haven't thought about suicide for years, since I was 6 and 7 years old. You see, when I was 6, my life was so out of control, that I would have killed myself if I had known I could. But I was too young to understand that was a possible and so one night, I lay there thinking and as I thought, I began to realize that this world couldn't just happen, that it had to be created. If it was created, the creator (who ever He was) would not create something greater then Himself. If He wouldn't create something bigger than Himself, then this, even this that I was enduring, was smaller than Him. If He was indeed bigger, all I had to do in order to survive, was to become entwined with Him, so tangled together, that it was impossible to know where He began and I ended. So that night, I began a journey to become so entwined with God, that I could survive anything this world threw at me.

Today, I am that same little girl I was all those years ago. In the midst of a battle to big for me to survive. To difficult for me to endure, and yet, somehow, by the very grace of God, God and I are becoming entangled together and in that entanglement, I am learning that in my weakness, He is made strong. The battle this week is brutal, yet by His grace, we (husband and kids included) are winning one day, one moment at a time.

May you this day feel the power of His strength, the very breath of our Living God, washing over you, giving you hope, strength, and purpose beyond what you alone can know.

 

[razzelflabben]

Got a super short note from our son, asking us to send some stuff, thanks to any and all who prayed...doesn't stop us from worrying, which is lack of trusting God....argggg, more to work on.

None the less, I wanted to thank you all and to give you this blessing

May the things hidden in the darkness be known in His light. May your strength and perseverance be an ever constant companion as you battle the depression you face.

 

[southernwonder]

My faith is so small. I am so afraid of what is going to happen to me. I feel so alone. My divorce will be finalized within a month. Lately, I have been numb or crying. I don't see a future for myself...I don't see how I can get out of this pit. And if I do get out of this pit of depression and grief. Once I am able to function again (and how will that even happen?), then what? Do I want to do my residency training and become a physician? I feel like that is impossible...but I have so much debt from medical school and I don't know what else I could do.

I feel like I am sinking in quick sand.