@Salvadore
I am sorry to hear about the challenge that you are facing.
While I wouldn't have recommended divorce, I would have suggested you to move far away from your husband so that he would not harm you. Your mental state is important so as to worship God and love others properly. Seeing the damage is done in the fact that you have divorced your husband, and you still love him and your mother, there has to be a way you can talk to a lawyer so as to provide for them without you seeing them in person. Perhaps you can sell the house and give an allotment of money to your ex husband. But I would confess of your sin of divorce to the Lord Jesus Christ (
seeing it is a grave sin to the Lord). I would also ask the Lord Jesus to take away this harmful situation from you. Never stop praying about this, until the Lord answers.
Jesus says we are to love, pray, and do good towards our enemies. Right now your ex husband appears to be more like an enemy and not a child of God. For children of God are to love their brother (
or sister). 1 John 3:15 says,
"Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him." So we have to love all people; Especially the brethren. This does not mean we have to allow believers, or our enemies to walk all over us, and neither does it mean we have to cut them off completely from our striving to love them. You can love people from afar. I have a family member who is bad news. He keeps trying to call and talk to me. But I do not want to have anything to do with him because he has stolen from his own father, and he cusses like a sailor, and he thinks of women as disposable pleasures. Well, at least that is the last I have known of him. Perhaps he has changed today. I don't know. My point is: I will not let my family member ruin my marriage or my life. I will not associate with anyone who is acting in darkness or sin to such a wrong extreme whereby it can be harmful to me and my loved ones. If a family member sins, but it does not lead me to be horribly effected (
unlike an abusive angry person or a person who can steal from me, etc.), that is one thing, and I can be a witness to them and tell them continually of Jesus and His love. But if a family member seeks to harm me (
either mentally or physically), or they seek to be damaging to me, the best course of action is to stay away and to be more effective for God's kingdom with believers that lift you up and love you and help you to follow Jesus.
I would not stop loving your ex husband and your mother, but do it from afar. Do not be around their toxic nature that can bring down your soul and destroy you. You need to be set free from such toxic people, but you must never forget to love them each day from a long distance away. They should not know where you live if you decide to move away from them. There are many ways you can love your enemies without being in their face personally. You can pray, do good, and love them from far away. Focus on serving the Lord, and make Him the #1 of your life and be free from the toxic relationships that are dragging you down. You need peace when worshiping the Lord, and this is more conducive when we are on our own in a peaceful place (if it all possible according to God's will for our life).
I would also highly recommend not to marry this other guy, either. Romans 7:3 says this:
"So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man." (Romans 7:3).
Meaning, you cannot remarry unless your previous spouse is dead otherwise you will be called an adulteress (according to God's Word).
Anyways, getting back to the heart of the matter: You can love your enemies by emailing them (or sending a letter to them via by the lawyer's office) that you love and care for them in Christ Jesus and by giving them a small gift. But do not let your enemies control your life or to enter your home. The Bible says the enemy seeks to kill, steal, and destroy. The devil is the enemy and he can work through even people who profess to be of the faith. They are not real Christians if they hate, and or do not love in the way that your ex husband is acting. But that does not mean we should not love them. Just do it from far away. Do not let him or your mother know where you live if you move away from them. Selling the house can lead to having some profit and some of these profits can go to helping your ex husband and mother. But you should be smart with your money so that you can survive, too. The Bible says love your neighbor as yourself. This means that you put your oxygen mask on first so that you can help others. We have to care for their soul, and love them in the way we wanted to be treated and loved. If we treated someone badly, we should not expect people to keep hanging around us if we were to do that to them. Send your ex husband tracts to accept Jesus or to rededicate His life to Jesus again. Write him letters of how you are commanded to love your enemies, and you desire the best for their life, but you do not want to do that up close and in person anymore. Tell them you want to love them from far away unless they repent and accept Jesus for real.
Here is a tract that you may want to give to your ex husband:
Chick.com: This Was Your Life
Perhaps he has fallen away from walking with the Lord, or maybe he never truly met Him and he is just pretending. In either case, my advice is to run far away from him, and yet, love him with the love that Christ had. Love your enemies. Jesus commanded that of us. But do not be a doormat, either. Scripture says we are also to be as innocent as doves, and as wise as serpents, too. Do not be unwise and let your ex husband destroy your life in following Christ.
I hope that what I said here helps;
Please stay strong in the Lord Jesus Christ and the power of His might always.
With loving kindness to you in Christ,
Sincerely,
~J.