Unhappy Marriage

[Daniel Marsh]

What does the Bible teach about a wife being abused?

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Miamited, I appreciate your response. I spoke with my ex-husband yesterday. I do not want to be in a husband/wife relationship with him and will not remarry, but I am considering not leaving him. He does not want to be alone and says he still has feelings for me. My son will be happier to have us together in one house. Nobody is guaranteed the next day. He has treated me better since I filed for divorce. It is too bad it took something drastic to make him understand that I will not be berated any longer. I can find happiness in my church group, art, petting animals at the humane society, etc. There are so many places to involve myself. I can find happiness and contribute to society. I do not want to hurt my ex-husband or son. I just have to have some relief from his and my mother's verbal abuse. God knows my heart and mind. I don't know how much experience you have had with verbally abusive people. I have had a lifetime. It makes you want to run, dig a hole and hide for a time. P.S. My brother manages my mother's finances. My sister chooses to not be around my mother. My mother berates her. My father asked me to care for her before he died. My father was gone quite a bit as we were growing up and after we left home he visited us for long periods of time when mother had episodes. Maybe I shouldn't feel responsibility toward her, but I do. I sometimes resent that my sister doesn't help, but try to remember how my mom makes her feel. My sister probably has a healthier attitude toward my mother because she never sees her. You made a good point. My expectations ARE too high of others and myself. This is why I like this forum. Other people can point out things about you that your jumbled-up mind won't allow you to see. Thank you so much! I will focus on this and consider talking with my siblings about how to help Mom without feeling bitter. I have much growing to do; even at my age.

Being treated better is not the end of abuse, it is part of the cycle of it. As you stated, he treats you better but still regularly abuses you.

Get out, with your adult child, and find a domestic violence shelter. They will help you find safety but also guide you on how to get this guy out of your home.

 

[Salvadore]

But not in the new.

The scripture talks more about remarriage and the adultery that occurs. Is adultery forgivable?

 

[Euodius]

The scripture talks more about remarriage and the adultery that occurs. Is adultery forgivable?

All sins are forgivable except the 'blasphemy of the Holy Spirit' (not entirely sure what that is, but it is not adultery.)

 

[Kenny'sID]

The scripture talks more about remarriage and the adultery that occurs. Is adultery forgivable?

I'm not condemning you, but I think the mindset there is if we remarry, we will be living in adultery, and that would be the problem, "practicing sin" as a lifestyle.

As I've mentioned before, I'm just not sure about this situation. Seems so harsh to not be able to remarry in an abusive situation, but at the same time, the bible "seems" to indicate that is how it is.

I would ask one to consider the fact Jesus did mention, in the days of Noah, in spite of the fact it was meant to be a one time forever marriage, still, a letter of divorce was all that was needed, and they were allowed that divorce and remarriage because of the hardness of their hearts. Do we not clearly have hardness of the hearts today? And if they were meant to be with one spouse all their lives but were not back then, did they not commit adultery then as well? Yet remarriage was allowed and they were not condemned to hell because of it.

Those are some of the reasons, something doesn't seem right about the general interpretation of all this.

 

[Euodius]

A big issue of this thread is that there is no shared hermeneutic for the interpretation of scriptures. Everyone here is being their own Pope. It isn't helpful at all.

 

[Blade]

Theses things are so very personal. Some of us KNOW exactly how you feel and what your going through and for SOME its flipped if you know what I mean. Jesus never told this woman .. Ok I want you to stop doing.. go do this or that. He said "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more."

There is no condemnation to them in Christ Jesus. What I did or others that know your pain.. God does not expect you to act like feel like talk like us or any other. So... He would ask with a smile and open arms. Reminding you.. He NEVER ONCE let you go! He was there...a truth said to me.. to you "your tears are golden to Him". So.. "what do you want?" Pray.. listen.. He will always give you a peace.

 

[St. Helens]

ADMIN HAT ON
Please direct your replies to Salvadore, the OP
From the SoP
posts that chastise or belittle another member will be deleted and the member may be banned from the thread. Posts that debate rather than advise will also be deleted and the member may be banned from the thread
ADMIN HAT OFF

 

[FutureAndAHope]

I was unhappily married for 28 years. I finally divorced my husband in December. He refuses to leave the house. It took over a year to get divorced because he would not work with me. Now he is fighting me every step of the way. My husband was mean when I married him, but I wanted a baby before I was too old and thought it would work out. I made a terrible mistake. He has a terrible temper. He yells at me if there is not a hand towel available when he needs one. I have stayed to please God. I have not committed adultery, but have met someone who is very kind to me. I have known him for a time as a good friend. My good friend wants to marry me.I feel that God would rather I just stay with my ex-husband in a roommate situation. I am unhappy, but my ex-husband does not want me to leave. My son is 27 but a very young 27 with a learning disability. I have asked God for clarity, but He has not answered. I look forward to death. We quit going on vacation together years ago because his temper made it impossible to have fun. He raised his fists to me because I could not read directions, causing us to get lost. I want to put God first. Right now, I welcome death. Any advice? We are both Christians. The church we attend is so strict. Of course he is being supported by the church members. They do not seem to see women as equals. Counseling didn't help because this has gone on so long I have no feelings left. My option now is to sell the house (my son and I were supposed to have it for 2 years) or have my husband evicted. I am sure I could stay in this situation. Look how long I have so far. I feel very confused about what to do. I believe I could have a much better life with my friend, but don't want to displease God. I take this very seriously.

The bible says regarding marriage

1Co 7:15 ... "God hath called us to peace".

That verse was regarding, the decision to stay with or leave a husband based upon conflict around the issue of belief.

Now we know there are many issues, which can cause a lack of peace. Be it aggression, domestic violence, etc. Although as a Christian it should be our desire to work hard towards maintaining our original marriage, if it is untenable, i.e the partner can not be lived with, we need to look at the bibles word "you have been called to peace". Marriage should be a peaceful place, not a battle ground.

That said no marriage is easy, and you may never find the "perfect man", for that reason you need to ask yourself, are you being fair to say the marriage has nothing left to it. Check your motives, in case you are taking an easy exit. If you can not find any shred of hope, if there is no peace at all in the situation, then feel free to leave, for God would have us have peace.

But don't be quick to just jump into another relationship. The bible actually asks divorced Christians to remain unmarried, with the goal of restoring the original relationship. However again, if there in no possibility of restoration, then we had better let sleeping dogs lie.

Ultimately it is before God that you make your decisions, and he know's our hearts. He knows what is and is not true in your situation.

 

[angelkiss]

Salvadore,
As someone who has been in this situation, I suggest you and your son finding the nearest women's shelter and let them help you. They can help with court issues, housing, counseling etc.
Considering you are already divorced, there are no more ties that bind you, legally. If it's court ordered for you to have two years in the house, he must abide by that or face the legal consequences provided by the laws in your area. If you don't want to push that issue, the women's shelter can help you with housing so you and your son don't have to reside with your ex husband in the same house.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems that you still feel obligated to him in some way. I must tell you, that is not so. The well-being of you and your son is priority and both of you need a safe haven. Abuse of any kind is a miserable life and there are many issues that can result from it, even years later.
I will be praying for your situation.

 

[Dave L]

The scripture talks more about remarriage and the adultery that occurs. Is adultery forgivable?

only with repentance.

 

[Emsmom1]

only with repentance.

Isn't that true of all sins?
Also, what if someone IS remarried and then becomes a Christian? What are they to do? Divorce the new spouse?

 

[Dave L]

Isn't that true of all sins?
Also, what if someone IS remarried and then becomes a Christian? What are they to do? Divorce the new spouse?

Yes. Many find themselves in this situation. Can you still rob banks when you get out if you got saved in prison?

 

[Salvadore]

Isn't that true of all sins?
Also, what if someone IS remarried and then becomes a Christian? What are they to do? Divorce the new spouse?

God hates divorce. Read about and pray on why Jesus had a beef with Pharisees.

 

[Salvadore]

Yes. Many find themselves in this situation. Can you still rob banks when you get out if you got saved in prison?

Yes. Many find themselves in this situation. Can you still rob banks when you get out if you got saved in prison?

You are not supposed to still rob banks. God hates divorce and He does not approve of stealing. Try not to do it again.

 

[Nancy Hale]

This is probably off topic, but don't mentally ill people know they are being hateful?

No, they don't, at least from my experience. My mom thought she could say whatever and as long as she said it in a regular tone of voice she was being "nice". She thought yelling was mean and that the words said and actions didn't matter.
I have another female relative who is forever judging, by deeming everything "loving" or "not loving", to the point I want to scream. I don't think she understands that judging something as "loving" is still judging.

 

[Cis.jd]

Any advice? We are both Christians. The church we attend is so strict. Of course he is being supported by the church members. They do not seem to see women as equals. Counseling didn't help because this has gone on so long I have no feelings left. My option now is to sell the house (my son and I were supposed to have it for 2 years) or have my husband evicted. I am sure I could stay in this situation. Look how long I have so far. I feel very confused about what to do. I believe I could have a much better life with my friend, but don't want to displease God. I take this very seriously.

First. I highly advice you to ask in a different forum/site for real life problems.

Next, You have to seek the law on this. Finally, you are an adult. Maybe God never wanted you to marry your ex, maybe he sent you signs not to marry him before but you where blinded by your own emotions towards your ex-husband during that time.

You see, marriage isn't just about going to an alter and having a church leader announce you are married. Marriage is completely internal. If there is no love or any form of care, much more abuse, between spouses then it isn't a real marriage. How can marriage be actual marriage if there is no love?

This is probably off topic, but don't mentally ill people know they are being hateful?

Probably. Probably not. If you are getting hurt, does it matter?

 

[solid_core]

I was unhappily married for 28 years. I finally divorced my husband in December. He refuses to leave the house. It took over a year to get divorced because he would not work with me. Now he is fighting me every step of the way. My husband was mean when I married him, but I wanted a baby before I was too old and thought it would work out. I made a terrible mistake. He has a terrible temper. He yells at me if there is not a hand towel available when he needs one. I have stayed to please God. I have not committed adultery, but have met someone who is very kind to me. I have known him for a time as a good friend. My good friend wants to marry me.I feel that God would rather I just stay with my ex-husband in a roommate situation. I am unhappy, but my ex-husband does not want me to leave. My son is 27 but a very young 27 with a learning disability. I have asked God for clarity, but He has not answered. I look forward to death. We quit going on vacation together years ago because his temper made it impossible to have fun. He raised his fists to me because I could not read directions, causing us to get lost. I want to put God first. Right now, I welcome death. Any advice? We are both Christians. The church we attend is so strict. Of course he is being supported by the church members. They do not seem to see women as equals. Counseling didn't help because this has gone on so long I have no feelings left. My option now is to sell the house (my son and I were supposed to have it for 2 years) or have my husband evicted. I am sure I could stay in this situation. Look how long I have so far. I feel very confused about what to do. I believe I could have a much better life with my friend, but don't want to displease God. I take this very seriously.

Move away, but do not marry another. Live a single life. It may be a happy and peaceful life.

 

[Dave L]

You are not supposed to still rob banks. God hates divorce and He does not approve of stealing. Try not to do it again.

We must also repent of adultery to be forgiven.

 

[Hannah66]

Are you a committed christian?If you are you are committing adultery. God will not honour what you are doing.Your husband has not committed adultery.I would seek counsel for your marriage and pray and fast for restoration. Start reading the book, "The Power of a praying wife" by
"Stormie Omartian".Don't give up on your husband or your marriage. You made a vow to love him for better or for worse.This is the worst. Please honour it but ask God to show you how. I have a friend who left her husband,just because he held her wrist too tightly one day. She left him and travelled to another country, divorced her husband. She suffers everyday with chronic stomach pain and drs can't find why.This is the consequence of her sin. Now she is marrying another man. God will not honour her 2nd marriage. The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence,it's where you water it.And ask God to change you, too to become a better wife. Please don't give up on your husband.