Unequally yoked... maybe someone can learn from my experience.

[Esile35]

When I married into this union... I had been to what I felt was hell and back, and thought this had to be the one God finally brought for me. I never let my feelings attach to him, though he had the looks, until I heard him talking about Jesus and I took that as a sign... he identified as bi-sexual but claimed to have a preference towards women and also brought a child into this world where, because of hardships he couldnt father. But his desire to be one made me think this guy deserves a second chance right? I too at the time had one child. Before we even got together he helped me with her, and I saw him being the father he said he was. Well attraction led to "going out" and then me thinking he talks about Jesus so he sa gotta be safe. I'm learning much later how naive I was. How I should have been in the word day in day out... talked to Jesus day in and day out. Maybe even gone to church a bit more, even though my work schedule full time as it s is, would leave me exhausted Sunday morning and that was IF I got sunday and preferably Saturday off... theres alot more to the story, but I met him through my ex's nephew and he needed a place to stay so he could start work and stuff so that's how we got to talking...

I'm sorry this is so long, it's just I feel a deep need to share my experience here, I've been holding this dark secret for quite some time now, and the pain does go away, but then comes back now and again to haunt me and it's been almost more than five years since I was made aware of an encounter my husband had... AFTER our wedding.

I was well off work one evening when I was driving my husband to a hospital about half an hour away "he doesn't have a license yet" for some workers comp stuff he needed done. My husband then told me he gave oral sex to this guy (my ex's nephew) and it broke my heart into smithereens... though other guy did nothing back and they did nothing else, it shocked me and still affects me to this day, on and off... husband was very remorseful and ex's nephew, seemed slightly to be, but he apologized as well. My husband to this day STILL apologizes for it every now and then because he knows how much it hurt me. I pray and pray but it still comes back. Not that the reasoning mattered for sure, it was basically unfinished business... and trade for illegal drugs that I was not a part in at all btw. Since then he has stopped those drugs... we are still married because despite the returning ocean waves of pain, disbelief, and curiosity... I know that God hates divorce and I still love him. We just had our second child and hes an amazing helpful father who is there when I need him. Again I'm sorry about the length of this... again it's been years and I havent told a soul, feel like no one could ever understand going through something like this because... it's just weird, but also being affected in the same way that I am. Maybe I should be happy because it wasn't another woman, but the fact that it's a guy almost makes it worse because I know I couldn't even fathom how great it must've been
The guy who was my husbands friend has been outta town for years also but I keep fearing hes gonna come back and want to make amends... with "us" again But i dont know if i can take it. Last I seen the guy he was still doing drugs, and throwing out "taunts" to my husband when we had to hang out... which i feel were directed more towards me, references to the um... act of fornication that happened between them, these remarks which felt like a hot knife cutting through me. And never an apology, no remorse... he has a history of mostly taking advantage of me and constantly needing to borrow my money and getting angry and scary if I couldn't give it... which I've mostly forgiven him for... I dont know what to do now other than bring it into some kind of light and ask for more prayer on those awful dark feelings to dissipate so I can continue with our lives and stop feeling so negative. Because long story shorter, he has been reading the bible, reminding ME to read the bible, and desiring and making himself go to church more nowadays, when before he didn't care too much for it. And hope that someone could see this and put the brakes up before entering into something the Lord may not have set up in their future... comments, prayers, advice welcome...)

 

[GaveMeJoy]

That’s really heavy. I’m so sorry you have had to experience this heartbreak and feel like it’s a weight and a sorrow to have to think of it.

I can’t relate to this completely, but my wife was unfaithful, walked away from the Lord into atheism and is now dating that guy, so I definitely understand what it feels like to be betrayed.

All I can tell you is to pray and ask God to give you the joy and peace that can only come from him. When I feel sad or angry or discouraged I often read this ENTIRE list of verses I have compiled through my divorce and by the time I’m half way through, I feel peace from the Lord. I would encourage you to read through them when you have bad thoughts, or you feel overwhelmed or angry or sad.
I prayed that Jesus would grant you leave and forgiveness. You should definitely seek counseling from the elders and counselors of your church though. This type of issue is something that you and your husband need to pray over and work through with scriptural guidance and you can usually get this kind of free help from Christian churches.

i hope these verses are a balm to your soul in darkness as they have been for me.
JOY verses


The holy grail of joy verses first!


Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:4-7


Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18


20 However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.”

Luke 10:20


9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

John 15:9- 11


You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Psalm 16:11


Psalm 94:19 "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy."


May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13


I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me.

Philippians 1:23-26



(Paul says that continuing to inspire progress and joy in the church was one of the only reasons he was still even alive on earth.)


Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

Habakkuk 3:17-18


And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more GLADLY about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10


When the members of the Sanhedrin heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him. But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. “Look,” he said, “I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.”

Acts 7:54-56


Then Nebuchadnezzar was furious with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and his attitude toward them changed. He ordered the furnace heated seven times hotter than usual So these men, wearing their robes, trousers, turbans and other clothes, were bound and thrown into the blazing furnace. Then King Nebuchadnezzar leaped to his feet in amazement and asked his advisers, “Weren’t there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire?” They replied, “Certainly, Your Majesty.” He said, “Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods.”

Daniel 3:19,21,24-25


Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:35-39


John 16:20

Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.


So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.

John 16:22


John 16:24

Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.


33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33


1 Peter 5:10

After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

James 1:12


Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:2-4


Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.

-1 Peter 4:12-13

At this time, Emperor Nero was burning the bodies of Christians to light his gardens in the evenings


In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted,

2 Timothy 3:12



And now, brothers and sisters, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. In the midst of a very severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity.

2 Corinthians 8:1-2


I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.

Romans 8:18-19


“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.John 15:9-11


Romans 5:1-5 New International Version (NIV)

Peace and Hope

5 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.



But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.

1 Peter 2:20-21


Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

Neh 8:10


Psalm 51:12

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit.


Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfector of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1–2)


Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."



Psalm 5:11 "But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee."


The Lord has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.

Psalm 103:19 - Bible Gateway passage: Psalm 103:19 - New International Version


Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:11-12


So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.

1 Peter 4:19

Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!

Psalm 32:11

It gave me great joy when some believers came and testified about your faithfulness to the truth, telling how you continue to walk in it. I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

3 John 1:3-4 - Bible Gateway passage: 3 John 3-4 - New International Version


Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfector of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1–2)


When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart’s delight, for I bear your name, Lord God Almighty.

Jeremiah 15:16

 

[Esile35]

That’s really heavy. I’m so sorry you have had to experience this heartbreak and feel like it’s a weight and a sorrow to have to think of it.

I can’t relate to this completely, but my wife was unfaithful, walked away from the Lord into atheism and is now dating that guy, so I definitely understand what it feels like to be betrayed.

All I can tell you is to pray and ask God to give you the joy and peace that can only come from him. When I feel sad or angry or discouraged I often read this ENTIRE list of verses I have compiled through my divorce and by the time I’m half way through, I feel peace from the Lord. I would encourage you to read through them when you have bad thoughts, or you feel overwhelmed or angry or sad.
I prayed that Jesus would grant you leave and forgiveness. You should definitely seek counseling from the elders and counselors of your church though. This type of issue is something that you and your husband need to pray over and work through with scriptural guidance and you can usually get this kind of free help from Christian churches.

i hope these verses are a balm to your soul in darkness as they have been for me.
JOY verses


The holy grail of joy verses first!


Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:4-7


Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18


20 However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.”

Luke 10:20


9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

John 15:9- 11


You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Psalm 16:11


Psalm 94:19 "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy."


May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13


I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me.

Philippians 1:23-26



(Paul says that continuing to inspire progress and joy in the church was one of the only reasons he was still even alive on earth.)


Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

Habakkuk 3:17-18


And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more GLADLY about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10


When the members of the Sanhedrin heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him. But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. “Look,” he said, “I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.”

Acts 7:54-56


Then Nebuchadnezzar was furious with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and his attitude toward them changed. He ordered the furnace heated seven times hotter than usual So these men, wearing their robes, trousers, turbans and other clothes, were bound and thrown into the blazing furnace. Then King Nebuchadnezzar leaped to his feet in amazement and asked his advisers, “Weren’t there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire?” They replied, “Certainly, Your Majesty.” He said, “Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods.”

Daniel 3:19,21,24-25


Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:35-39


John 16:20

Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.


So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.

John 16:22


John 16:24

Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.


33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33


1 Peter 5:10

After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

James 1:12


Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:2-4


Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.

-1 Peter 4:12-13

At this time, Emperor Nero was burning the bodies of Christians to light his gardens in the evenings


In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted,

2 Timothy 3:12



And now, brothers and sisters, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. In the midst of a very severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity.

2 Corinthians 8:1-2


I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.

Romans 8:18-19


“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.John 15:9-11


Romans 5:1-5 New International Version (NIV)

Peace and Hope

5 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.



But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.

1 Peter 2:20-21


Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

Neh 8:10


Psalm 51:12

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit.


Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfector of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1–2)


Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."



Psalm 5:11 "But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee."


The Lord has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.

Psalm 103:19 - Bible Gateway passage: Psalm 103:19 - New International Version


Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:11-12


So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.

1 Peter 4:19

Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!

Psalm 32:11

It gave me great joy when some believers came and testified about your faithfulness to the truth, telling how you continue to walk in it. I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

3 John 1:3-4 - Bible Gateway passage: 3 John 3-4 - New International Version


Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfector of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1–2)


When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart’s delight, for I bear your name, Lord God Almighty.

Jeremiah 15:16

 

[Esile35]

Thankyou I know need to read the bible alot more, and pray more also. Those verses are very encouraging. I am also sorry you've been dealing with that pain from your marriage... I will be praying for you.

 

[Aussie Pete]

When I married into this union... I had been to what I felt was hell and back, and thought this had to be the one God finally brought for me. I never let my feelings attach to him, though he had the looks, until I heard him talking about Jesus and I took that as a sign... he identified as bi-sexual but claimed to have a preference towards women and also brought a child into this world where, because of hardships he couldnt father. But his desire to be one made me think this guy deserves a second chance right? I too at the time had one child. Before we even got together he helped me with her, and I saw him being the father he said he was. Well attraction led to "going out" and then me thinking he talks about Jesus so he sa gotta be safe. I'm learning much later how naive I was. How I should have been in the word day in day out... talked to Jesus day in and day out. Maybe even gone to church a bit more, even though my work schedule full time as it s is, would leave me exhausted Sunday morning and that was IF I got sunday and preferably Saturday off... theres alot more to the story, but I met him through my ex's nephew and he needed a place to stay so he could start work and stuff so that's how we got to talking...

I'm sorry this is so long, it's just I feel a deep need to share my experience here, I've been holding this dark secret for quite some time now, and the pain does go away, but then comes back now and again to haunt me and it's been almost more than five years since I was made aware of an encounter my husband had... AFTER our wedding.

I was well off work one evening when I was driving my husband to a hospital about half an hour away "he doesn't have a license yet" for some workers comp stuff he needed done. My husband then told me he gave oral sex to this guy (my ex's nephew) and it broke my heart into smithereens... though other guy did nothing back and they did nothing else, it shocked me and still affects me to this day, on and off... husband was very remorseful and ex's nephew, seemed slightly to be, but he apologized as well. My husband to this day STILL apologizes for it every now and then because he knows how much it hurt me. I pray and pray but it still comes back. Not that the reasoning mattered for sure, it was basically unfinished business... and trade for illegal drugs that I was not a part in at all btw. Since then he has stopped those drugs... we are still married because despite the returning ocean waves of pain, disbelief, and curiosity... I know that God hates divorce and I still love him. We just had our second child and hes an amazing helpful father who is there when I need him. Again I'm sorry about the length of this... again it's been years and I havent told a soul, feel like no one could ever understand going through something like this because... it's just weird, but also being affected in the same way that I am. Maybe I should be happy because it wasn't another woman, but the fact that it's a guy almost makes it worse because I know I couldn't even fathom how great it must've been
The guy who was my husbands friend has been outta town for years also but I keep fearing hes gonna come back and want to make amends... with "us" again But i dont know if i can take it. Last I seen the guy he was still doing drugs, and throwing out "taunts" to my husband when we had to hang out... which i feel were directed more towards me, references to the um... act of fornication that happened between them, these remarks which felt like a hot knife cutting through me. And never an apology, no remorse... he has a history of mostly taking advantage of me and constantly needing to borrow my money and getting angry and scary if I couldn't give it... which I've mostly forgiven him for... I dont know what to do now other than bring it into some kind of light and ask for more prayer on those awful dark feelings to dissipate so I can continue with our lives and stop feeling so negative. Because long story shorter, he has been reading the bible, reminding ME to read the bible, and desiring and making himself go to church more nowadays, when before he didn't care too much for it. And hope that someone could see this and put the brakes up before entering into something the Lord may not have set up in their future... comments, prayers, advice welcome...)

You need to forgive your husband for his sin and yourself for your lack of judgement. You are far from the only one to fall into the trap. At least you have woken up. Real forgiveness, from the heart, is humanly impossible. If you follow the advice in this link, you will find the secret to real forgiveness. It work. By a miracle, I met up with my ex after 15 years (she did a runner). It was as if there had never been an issue. Not the slightest interest in getting back into a relationship on either side, but no acrimony either. 15 years is how long I did not see my kids as well.

Can you forgive from your heart? - Christian Life Frankston

 

[paul1149]

I dont know what to do now other than bring it into some kind of light and ask for more prayer on those awful dark feelings to dissipate

That is exactly the winning combination. Darkness cannot withstand the light, and must flee. First, refuse to be in denial about the problem. Then, if possible, start talking to your husband about how you feel. If the two of you can get on the same page about it, untold good will be done in terms of sanctification and restoration. Again if possible, some counseling together with a mature Christian could help immensely. The other guy needs to be cut off. No more loans, no more interaction as far as possible. This is another reason your husband should be brought onboard.

Your husband made a big mistake, yes, but from what you have described, is it not possible that he is truly repentant about it? If so, the door is unlocked for the two of you to work together to heal each other. Many of us have made big mistakes, but it is not the end of the story thanks to the Lord's grace, given so liberally.

Also, feed on the Word. It will be your strength, along with prayer. Perhaps the gospel of John and 1 John would be good, because he deals so much with light and darkness. Or do a word study on "light darkness" in the New Testament.