understanding each other

[blackribbon]

Yup, I know all that, tho I did think hsp1 was a STD since its always talked about in that context.

Tho I don't get the impression that the authorities are to worried about older women getting cervical cancer as they only give the vaccine to young women.

Vaccine only works on virgins (...and is only good for 4 strains).

 

[blackribbon]

Vaccine only works on virgins (...and is only good for 4 strains).

The median age for getting diagnosed with cervical cancer is 48...the median age for dying of it is 57.

45% of women who die of cervical cancer will be between the ages of 45 and 64.

Cancer of the Cervix Uteri - SEER Stat Fact Sheets

 

[blackribbon]

Hey
Blackribbon, and all.
I am sorry if I misinterpreted some things. In my second post I thought I was being pretty nice and said I was over doing it a little and said you were all very understanding. I hope you can forgive me.

Yes like I said I do know I am a hard worker and faithful. I do think I have a lot of love to offer a woman. I do think I could make a woman very happy if she would let me.

Like you say I do have down moments. Right now I am feeling very down as I type this. So again please forgive me.

My focus shifts. Right now as I write this I am focused on the negative and it is getting me down. But I do go long stretches where I do focus on improving and being a better man so that when it happens I can be a good Christian husband. That was actually what I was focused on when I first posted. It is just frustrating to feel I am making good progress but then read some things and feel women desire so much more. But again that was my feeling. I take responsibility for it. Like I said I over did it a little.

And I do focus in my relationship with Christ too. Believe me I have lived long stretches where that is really all I have had as I had completely given up on the idea of being with anyone.

It is a strange time for me, because I actually have had a little hope now that a woman could love me! That is reason I am focused on the topic at all I have had faith that I am at a point where I am ready and it was possible for me!!!

You are right! It is hard for me to believe that I am so awful too! Love should be possible. I am a good kind loving person. I have many faults this is true. But I am willing to work on them and improve. I just can not work on them all at once! That is kind of what makes it frustrating when there is hope and a feeling that things can be different than they are now!

I would like to be friends with you and your brother! As a man it is easy for ones eye to gravitate towards beauty. I can understand what you describe. As I posted before though, I might not be much better, but I truly believe I do have an open mind about initial attraction and that I do keep open the possibility for love with just about anyone. I wish so much I had a sister like you and that she would point out the ones I was ignoring if there were such people in my life !!!

For me I have bad skills. Social anxiety has taken a bad toll on my life. It is easy to think of it as a minor thing. But really when you look at the effects it can have over a long period of time on a life it can be DEVISTATING! Not to be sexist, but I think especially for a guy. I am going to keep up the struggle as I have always done. Some days I vent my frustrations. Some days I despair. Most days I am working on getting better and trusting in the Lord!

I really don't want to be hard on you in any way. I have my share of down moments too. I am sorry that this thread added to your grief.

I wish I understood why God does things a certain way...why my kids lost a good father and there are trash guys out there who continue to survive and abuse their babies and other people's babies too. I also don't know why some people who are terrible at relationships keep finding mates while some of the cream of the crop sits on the sidelines. I know that God has a perfect purpose...but sometimes I wish I could get a little peek at the future.

From what I read I suspect that you are one of the good guys. Don't give up all hope because anything is possible through God...but continue to keep fighting to find happiness within the life you have been given.

And keep talking to us. You have a lot to offer and I know I appreciate my "online" friends because I'm kind of living a life where some days I only talk to other adults as I drop off or pick up my kids at their activities. Sometimes the deepest conversation might be with the lady in front of me at the grocery store while we are waiting.

You more than measure up here.

 

[blackribbon]

Article on STDs & older adults

STDs & older adults - JSOnline

 

[dayhiker]

Vaccine only works on virgins (...and is only good for 4 strains).

This makes no sense to me at all. I don't see how being a virgin or not would change how a vaccination works. I think one could say the vaccine only works if taken before one gets the virus.

So I guess the reason one doesn't get vaccinated till later in life is because one would die of natural causes before the cervical cancer has time to kill one. Kinda diminishes the worry over that STD.

Good article on STD and older people. So as I read the numbers in article I have about the same change to less of getting and STD as dying in a car accident. So to be consistent, if one doesn't have sex for fear of an STD, then one shouldn't drive/ride in a car either.

Plus I would.have always used a condom with I've found to always be very effective. So that would mean I'm something like 10x more likely to be in a car accident than get an STD ... So again the data confirms to me that most of these things are just about putting fear in peoples hearts. We know the Holy Spirit isn't a spirit of fear.

 

[dayhiker]

Now to the other topic ... how we view other selves.

I guess I was very lucky in that I always liked what was inside of me. I knew from a very young age that I didn't want to hurt people. So while I was conscious of falling short in doing good, I knew I wasn't hurting people.

But that is only half the story. I had no dialogue that was saying I was good. I had no way of communicating to people the goodness that was in my heart. Even today I have very limited ability to do that. I've not learned that skill. It also goes against the "don't toot your own horn" thing. But the more I think about this issue and being honest, I think if we only speak of our faults and not our good points we aren't truly being honest.

The Gospel of John has Jesus saying these types of positive things about Himself. I am the bread of life, I am the resurrection, I am the good Shepard, etc. So I'm starting to think that some of the teaching I received growing up wasn't as good as it should have been.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I really don't want to be hard on you in any way. I have my share of down moments too. I am sorry that this thread added to your grief.

I wish I understood why God does things a certain way...why my kids lost a good father and there are trash guys out there who continue to survive and abuse their babies and other people's babies too. I also don't know why some people who are terrible at relationships keep finding mates while some of the cream of the crop sits on the sidelines. I know that God has a perfect purpose...but sometimes I wish I could get a little peek at the future.

From what I read I suspect that you are one of the good guys. Don't give up all hope because anything is possible through God...but continue to keep fighting to find happiness within the life you have been given.

And keep talking to us. You have a lot to offer and I know I appreciate my "online" friends because I'm kind of living a life where some days I only talk to other adults as I drop off or pick up my kids at their activities. Sometimes the deepest conversation might be with the lady in front of me at the grocery store while we are waiting.

You more than measure up here.

I agree! Also we ALL have down moments. The devil would like nothing more than for all of us to just give up. But you can't lose if you don't quit. That's my motto.
About the comments of realizing things in ourselves, Plato said:

"Self conquest is the greatest of victories"

This is true because conquering your fears is the greatest victory you can have. The battle within one self is a constant one.
We all have our wish lists of qualities or material things or whatever, but what we end up with, if we focus on God is usually FAR better than we can ask or think according to the scriptures. So while we can have our lists etc, we still need to keep an open mind and be about our Father's business which is sharing about HIM and what he has done for us, and why everyone needs Him as their Savior.
And as a side note, maybe edwardfsmith and Javanwarbler should get together?

 

[dayhiker]

you match maker, Michelle!

 

[Javanwarbler]

I just hope that Edward doesn't feel so alone! I can relate to some of what he goes through. I know I'd write more here but I spend too much time online and I don't get enough "in person" time with people. I have been away from CF for a while to try and battle this online addiction. There's just not very many 'in person' options here in Montana for older single christian women without kids.

I 'm not good at posting on forums I guess as I never seem to get on the 'inside' of things, like the others do, and make fulfilling friendships like most people here seem to do. They get closer and closer (as much as online will allow!) and I'm just hitting a wall. I'm doing something wrong. i feel I don't know which threads to be in since i am so scattered and unsure of the best place to start. It's like there's so many of those sub-forums that would be good, and for a long time I've had no discernment. I don't post but I read. It's addictive and I'm really ashamed of it. Very unlike me, so my depression has been really bad (worst ever in my life).

I do post mostly on the 'depression' and 'singles threads' and occasionally the art and music types ones.
Gosh, this post is more and more sounding like it should be moved to the depression forum. But I just typed all this, and it would waste much time starting over. So I apologize about that! That's what happens. when I have a lot to say, it could invariably fit into several threads and sub-forums here.

I also only type like 40/50 words a minute and it takes me forever just to write a paragraph because my mind is so cluttered (depression and lack of expressing things) and I either have nothing to say, or have a lot and then it all comes out and either turns people off or they dont' know what to say. I'm sorry if I did this here!!! :o
Being computer un-saavy doesnt' help either.

Yes, I'm looking to meet more people with similar beliefs and interests that just isn't happening right now. I think im only ready for having more friends, the idea of dating anyone right now is overwhelming. It's a relief to be in a place where I'm not immediately always looking for that someone! I've been there and done that!
So I am hoping that just starting somewhere posting in an area where i think other people can relate and are talking about similar things and then we become better friends. Just know I end up spending way more time than I should taking away from the other things I should be doing. Ahhhgg I can't find a good balance with that! You all seem like really neat people (and wise when it comes to life matters and how it relates to God's plan!) to get to know. Please bear with me

 

[blackribbon]

This makes no sense to me at all. I don't see how being a virgin or not would change how a vaccination works. I think one could say the vaccine only works if taken before one gets the virus.

So I guess the reason one doesn't get vaccinated till later in life is because one would die of natural causes before the cervical cancer has time to kill one. Kinda diminishes the worry over that STD.

Good article on STD and older people. So as I read the numbers in article I have about the same change to less of getting and STD as dying in a car accident. So to be consistent, if one doesn't have sex for fear of an STD, then one shouldn't drive/ride in a car either.

Plus I would.have always used a condom with I've found to always be very effective. So that would mean I'm something like 10x more likely to be in a car accident than get an STD ... So again the data confirms to me that most of these things are just about putting fear in peoples hearts. We know the Holy Spirit isn't a spirit of fear.

Yeah...but I have been in few car accidents?...haven't you. And even if I hadn't been, I'd still wear my seat belt. As for condoms, they are kind of like the way my kids used to wear their seatbelts if I didn't moniter them...as loose as they could get them and still look buckled in. This was better than nothing...but really won't protect them from many of the deadly situations that a car could be place in.

The chances of my husband getting melonoma at age 36 were low...the chances of him getting the most aggressive form was even lower...and the chances of him getting the most agrressive form that spread to the spinal fluid brought him into the .001% chance within all the people who get diagnosed with melanoma. He was extremely special...and he died in spite of the stastics that said he should be alive and raising his children. Live in fear, no....understand the risks...and who also may suffer from your willingness to take a gamble.

Spirit of fear maybe should exist if we are living outside of God's will...and sex outside of marriage is pretty concretely outside of God's will for our lives. However, that said, I am NOT telling you how to live. The plank in my eye is where I really want to focus...but I do believe that this information needs to be out there. I am educated and have a somewhat medical background and yet, there was some statistics that I didn't realized and some stuff that, well, I just plain forgot.

I don't expect anyone to change their behavior because of anything I have said. I just want people to have the facts that are out there. "Free love" is far from free. It can and does cost people their lives.

PS: Probably the vaccine does not work if you have been EXPOSED to the virus...because you can build up antibodies without necessarily "getting" the disease. And since there is not way but through virginity to guarantee the lack of exposure, that might be why they say this.

I personally don't consider dying of cervical cancer between ages 45 and 64 to have lived to "old age". Many more of us middle lifers are losing their female parts because of this virus. This is not the same as a man being "snipped" or even a female sterilization procedure. This is having major organs removed from the body that serve a vital role in our endocrine system even after child bearing years. Yes, we can replace these hormones...but it is not the same any more than living with insulin shots is the same as those who live with functioning pacreases.

 

[dayhiker]

Java,
I think you express yourself very well in the posts I've read. If your not in the couple of bigger cities in Montana, I can see how it would be hard to find freinds that have the same interests that you do. That's why I'm kinds thankful that I'm living near Boston. There is so much to choose from here. Be it Christian or otherwise.
I can relate to spending too much time on the web. I try to spend a little time doing something and then get up and do something around the house before I get back online again. It seems to work so so ... LOL
I can't relate to your depression .. but that sounds like one of the things that can really affect your whole life. I pray that becomes history.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

you match maker, Michelle!

Well their only 3 little states away

I just hope that Edward doesn't feel so alone! I can relate to some of what he goes through. I know I'd write more here but I spend too much time online and I don't get enough "in person" time with people. I have been away from CF for a while to try and battle this online addiction. There's just not very many 'in person' options here in Montana for older single christian women without kids.

I 'm not good at posting on forums I guess as I never seem to get on the 'inside' of things, like the others do, and make fulfilling friendships like most people here seem to do. They get closer and closer (as much as online will allow!) and I'm just hitting a wall. I'm doing something wrong. i feel I don't know which threads to be in since i am so scattered and unsure of the best place to start. It's like there's so many of those sub-forums that would be good, and for a long time I've had no discernment. I don't post but I read. It's addictive and I'm really ashamed of it. Very unlike me, so my depression has been really bad (worst ever in my life).

I do post mostly on the 'depression' and 'singles threads' and occasionally the art and music types ones.
Gosh, this post is more and more sounding like it should be moved to the depression forum. But I just typed all this, and it would waste much time starting over. So I apologize about that! That's what happens. when I have a lot to say, it could invariably fit into several threads and sub-forums here.

I also only type like 40/50 words a minute and it takes me forever just to write a paragraph because my mind is so cluttered (depression and lack of expressing things) and I either have nothing to say, or have a lot and then it all comes out and either turns people off or they dont' know what to say. I'm sorry if I did this here!!! :o
Being computer un-saavy doesnt' help either.

Yes, I'm looking to meet more people with similar beliefs and interests that just isn't happening right now. I think im only ready for having more friends, the idea of dating anyone right now is overwhelming. It's a relief to be in a place where I'm not immediately always looking for that someone! I've been there and done that!
So I am hoping that just starting somewhere posting in an area where i think other people can relate and are talking about similar things and then we become better friends. Just know I end up spending way more time than I should taking away from the other things I should be doing. Ahhhgg I can't find a good balance with that! You all seem like really neat people (and wise when it comes to life matters and how it relates to God's plan!) to get to know. Please bear with me

Well I hope you feel better after writing that post. And I DO hope you post here when you can. I think we ARE an understanding group and you might like hangin with us too. Sorry for your depression. I don't have it, but I have had family that dealt with it and it sure is tough. I hope you do get to meet some people in real life as well that may help with your depression too. God Bless you sister!

 

[dayhiker]

blackribbon,
I totally agree with you that these topics should be discussed. With only 20% of older people using condoms it looks like we need to go back to jr high to get the condom talk!
Your right about how statistics work. In the argrogate only a small precent get something. But to the individuals who do, they get the full thing not a precent of the disease. I've thought about that about a few things I've done in my life, like hiking Mt. Washington in the winter. For the most part I plan to do things for the experience with some planning rather than sit home. Other weight things differently and that if fine with me.
I certianly understand a woman viewing this issue differently than I do because of the way STD affect women. I'd never tell her she is is wrong for that.
Ya, I know your not tryng to tell me how to live my life. I grew up with the church telling me sex before marriage was wrong. Then they changed the Bibles to read sexual immorality instead of fornication and I being who I am had to figure out why. After hundreds of hours of study, I couldn't find where the Bible says sex before marriage is wrong. So I did what I do in love ... no sin. But here isn't the place for me to promote that!
You'll never regret your decisions I'm sure. I'd not have you live any other way!

 

[razeontherock]

And as much as I'd love to be partnered again...I am approaching life with the goal to find a way to be content and maybe even happy as just being me...(and I am a single).

This is an epiphany I've had lately: I never even considered being successful as a single to be a goal before. I was always too busy with other things. As a result I'm in no frame of mind to contribute what you're asking for here in this thread, but I "see" inner beauty and it's stronger (to me) than outer. And (again, to me) that can express itself in a number of ways, including things that were discussed earlier like make-up, perfume and dress. Anyway the OP reminds me of Scripture saying that the older women should advise younger women about those things; there certainly wasn't a lot of that going on in my youth

 

[razeontherock]

The man I married had almost zero points on my "attracted to" list. In fact, he was trying to get my roommate to go out with him and I was interested in one of his ROTC buddies. It was in our time trying to get these others to notice us that we fell in love. He was thin, red-headed and 2 years younger than me....and I thought he was the sexiest man alive. However, that was NOT my first impression. (I remember thinking he was a goofy looking kid.) However, my "attracted" to list did get me my love ... it described his buddy that allowed us to meet in the first place.

Too funny!! (I've heard lots of stories like this from women, too; in terms of their "wish list" going out the window and for the better)

 

[razeontherock]

Lucky guy. You look so happy! Very sweet picture

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

In my case my "wish list" is just that. It's not a set in stone checklist that I go over when I have someone I'm interested in (even though that hasn't happened yet).
Character is most important to me and compatibility. Opposites do attract, but they don't always make good relationships. They can, but it depends on the people.

 

[Bridgit]

The first things that attract me to a man are his attitude and language. How he reacts to what life throws at him is very important to me.

The rest comes after.

Unn, I love your picture. Congratulations!!!!!

God is great!!!!

 

[Bridgit]

The other side is that we do the opposite of what the opposite sex wants in order to prove a point....for example a woman who dresses dumpy, has a bad haircut, and never wears a lick of makeup who thinks she wants to find a man who "accepts her as she is".

However, we should be accepted as we are. If we have to hide ourselves to fit what the potential date wants, we are living a lie and won't be happy, ultimately ending hating our relationship with our date.

 

[dayhiker]

Bridgit. your so right about not being outself from the start of a relationship is a lie. The lie might never be known of we only go out with the person for a date or even a few dates. But if the relationship continues, the lies will be found out and the that creates a bad feeling that has to be dealt with. So much better to find the person that loves us for who we are and not who we think they want to fall in love with. How would we know who that is anyways!