understanding each other

[blackribbon]

Ok...the consensus so far seems to be...none of us are looking for "perfect"...(which is good uses for all us "matures" who have flaws)...and we aren't all looking for the same person...I could hang out with all these ladies and we wouldn't fight over the same man.

So what is the point?....simply that if we haven't met "the ONE", it doesn't mean that hope is gone or that everyone out there is bitter or shallow...just that we haven't happened to meet him/her yet.

So is the solution to become bitter and give up? ... or complain about everyone else out there looking? ... or MAYBE do something about increasing the number of people that you meet (and not necessarily from a dating site). Volunteer, take a class, participate in community events...they don't have to be big events because you might help one older woman shovel her walk or just visit for a bit and she has a niece/nephew or a neighbor who notices you after she sings your praises....

Time is a gift that once is has past it is gone forever. Don't waste it while waiting to see who God has waiting in your future. If you ever sit down and watch a tv show, then you have time available (or else you really don't have time to date).

However, I'd like to see this thread continue with more additions. Admitting to our own preferences helps us learn about ourselves a bit ... and see that the opposite sex might not have unreasonable expectations. This gives me courage so maybe I might be willing to acknowledge someone taking notice without assuming that my slightly rounder belly is more important that my heart, laughter, and smile.

And as much as I'd love to be partnered again...I am approaching life with the goal to find a way to be content and maybe even happy as just being me...(and I am a single).

 

[dayhiker]

I think its good to be happy single. I know I am. But if I didn't have a GF I'm sure I'd be out and going to things happening in my area. I don't know of any single Christian activities around here. But I'd be hanging out at church a little more. I'd be on a wen dating site. I'd be mostly going to meetup groups activities. And probably a few dances as I love to dance.

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

And as much as I'd love to be partnered again...I am approaching life with the goal to find a way to be content and maybe even happy as just being me...(and I am a single).

This is my goal. I pray for contentment on a daily basis. I love my life but sometimes I get to feeling down or sorry for myself and it's all depressing. I've started back praying that God will remove the desire for a relationship from my life. It's obvious to me that I'm not ready.

How long have you been single?

 

[blackribbon]

It will be 3 years on the 27th of this month.

That is the day I had to let my husband go to heaven ahead of me. :'(

Being content is going to have to be enough for right now. I'm not there but I am trying.

 

[edwardfsmith]

I am very sorry for your loss.

And I am sorry but this thread makes me feel worse if anything.

I need to have good hair. Better than I have now. Look into products I guess like Rogaine or something to keep it very thick??? I have no idea.
Dress neatly and be put together and have a fashion sense that I do not have now. Spend a lot more money on clothes I guess and keep them better. And replace more often?
I need to be taller than I am now. Not sure how I do this? Maybe growth hormones or something dangerous. In Gatica he breaks his legs and gets implants and heals for a year.
I need to smell different and better than I do now. I need to know about scents and buy them and know how to use them
I need have more muscles than I have now and learn how to work out and build those muscles… I have tried that before too, but I should probably look into steroids or some kind of protein to help me
I need to just spend a lot of money and get veneers or something done with my teeth so they are a lot better than they are now.

I need to have a confidence that has always been a stuggle for me. Be agressive which is not so much my nature but I need to keep struggleing with this.

I have a hard time going back to school especially when my father was dying and now when I am helping my mother, but I guess I need to be smart enough for a woman. Because I have to be smarter than her, I have to be more religious able to guide her and I have to be taller of course.

I need to worship in “just the right way” that is attractive and not the way that has been comfortable to me.


No I am sorry
Reading the thread makes me feel very anxious and worse
Like it is never going to happen for me and this proves the reasons why.
I do not have what it takes and probably never will no matter how much I try.

In the end I guess it is survival of the fittest and I am just not fit.

 

[exitstageright]

Well some women like to be pursued a little. I don't mind as long as wants to get caught eventually.

If a woman wants me,she should TELL me so. If she does not want me,she should tell me so,....THEN I can GO.

 

[blackribbon]

Edward...you only have to be all those things if you want to date ALL of us women at the same time. I already said I kinda of like balding men (or even bald)...and smelling good is only necessary if you want me following you places...and have you seen how a redneck dresses? (though I do kind of prefer that my men still have their sleeves attached to their shirt)...and I don't think I had an extreme height preference? So obviously you ruled me out while you skipped over to the ones wanting all the things that you believe yourself to be lacking. (And just in case you think I "match" that redneck, I don't wear cowboy boots (unless I'm going two-stepping then I have to dig them out of the bottom of my closet)...I have a degree in medical engineering and am working toward my RN license...and although I prefer casual, I can wear a dress or a suit with the best of them...okay, minus stilletos and feet killing shoes.

The truth is that I believe everyone has someone who finds even the strangest characteristics kind of "cute" and attractive. Go sit in the mall or outside a movie theater for a few hours...you will quickly see that there is someone out there for every single type. Just be the best you that God made you to be.

Maybe the prayer ought to be "Please let me notice the one who is noticing me."

 

[blackribbon]

If a woman wants me,she should TELL me so. If she does not want me,she should tell me so,....THEN I can GO.

I don't want to chase or be chased. I don't have that kind of energy. I want all energy to be going inward.

I was dating a guy when he was contacted by an old high school crush. He went out with her and didn't tell me until afterwards. I walked away. I think he maybe wanted me to chase him and have the thrill of having two women fighting for him. I couldn't play that game. I only want to be with someone who wants to be with me just as much. I don't ever want to doubt if I'm valued and I don't ever want him to doubt it either. Even if I "won", I'd always wonder if I was the booby prize.

No games...fun yes, intentional mind games, nope. Life is too short and I'm too old.

 

[dayhiker]

Edward,
I can see how you could read the comments above and take it as a downer. But I say for get these comments. You are to sell yourself. A salesman can't spend much time looking at what others are selling or saying they want to buy. You only have yourself to sell. So you sell that. Most people buy a bunch of stuff they don't need because of the sales pitch. So sell yourself. She will love you and you will get what you want. If she doesn't buy you can't quit your job and get another product ... you only have yourself. God has made you and loves you and she will to. Of course if you can't sell yourself, then she wouldn't want you either. I suspect you have a lot of things that a woman would be thrilled with. So get out there and sell. When you get a door shut in your face, there is a house one lot over, go there and sell again. We don't live in a society that arranges marriages, so go sell what you have. I want to see a sales report each week. After all I got to fill in the charts for corporate! lol I don't want to be fired.

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

If a woman wants me,she should TELL me so. If she does not want me,she should tell me so,....THEN I can GO.

Amen to that! Let's don't play games already.

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

Edward, we ALL like different things. I'm sure I wouldn't meet your standards. lol I have a friend on here who likes a totally different type man than I do. I was shocked when I told her who I thought she *might* be interested in and I was totally off the mark. It's so amazing the differences in each of us. Besides, just because we are attracted to certain things doesn't mean if you don't have those qualities we won't find you attractive.

I like a sensitive, caring person. Most of the time you won't know whether a person meets those needs until you get to know them. TBH I have met a person that fits most of my requirements (I would have never even dreamed it) but even though he believes in God, we still have alot of differences in that area as well as some other differences. My mind tried to force it to happen. God showed me to let it go and let Him work in my life. If it doesn't work, I've gained a GREAT friend and I trust that I can be happy with that. If there is no one for me, I trust I can be happy with that.

Truly I'm not ready to be attracted to anyone. lol What I need right now is a friend. I suppose what I am telling you is NOT to be discouraged by this thread. Tell us what you like. We are not trying to match each other up. We are trying to help each other and enjoy ourselves. And if you can't grow taller then OFF with you. rofl

 

[GodsHandiwork]

Dayhiker and Ribbon have given you some good input. I'm gonna add some.

I am very sorry for your loss.

And I am sorry but this thread makes me feel worse if anything.

I need to have good hair. Better than I have now. Look into products I guess like Rogaine or something to keep it very thick??? I have no idea. (for whom?)

Dress neatly and be put together and have a fashion sense that I do not have now. Spend a lot more money on clothes I guess and keep them better. And replace more often? (for whom?)

I need to be taller than I am now. Not sure how I do this? Maybe growth hormones or something dangerous. In Gatica he breaks his legs and gets implants and heals for a year. (for whom?)

I need to smell different and better than I do now. I need to know about scents and buy them and know how to use them (for whom?)

I need have more muscles than I have now and learn how to work out and build those muscles… I have tried that before too, but I should probably look into steroids or some kind of protein to help me (for whom?)

I need to just spend a lot of money and get veneers or something done with my teeth so they are a lot better than they are now. (for whom?)

I need to have a confidence that has always been a stuggle for me. Be agressive which is not so much my nature but I need to keep struggleing with this. (for whom?)

I have a hard time going back to school especially when my father was dying and now when I am helping my mother, but I guess I need to be smart enough for a woman. Because I have to be smarter than her, I have to be more religious able to guide her and I have to be taller of course. (for whom? - also, education, intelligence, and being smart do not mean the same thing.

I need to worship in “just the right way” that is attractive and not the way that has been comfortable to me. (for whom?...who are you worshiping?)


No I am sorry
Reading the thread makes me feel very anxious and worse
Like it is never going to happen for me and this proves the reasons why. What this thread proves is that there are a myriad of different types of people out there who have different tastes in what attracts them and different desires in what they're looking for in a mate. It proves nothing about you! I do not have what it takes and probably never will no matter how much I try. Of course you have what it takes...you don't need to try - just be you. Just being you is confidence.

In the end I guess it is survival of the fittest and I am just not fit.Fit for what? The dating pool? LOL...you're as fit as any of the rest of us. Of course you're fit...your goal is to find the woman that is the right fit for you!

Edward, we are all attracted to what we are attracted to...nothing wrong with that. The only time it becomes problematic is when we start to devalue people that don't 'fit' our attraction list. Then, it becomes judgment. It is one thing to say 'I am not attracted to you', another to say 'you are unattractive.' God places worth and value on every living soul...that includes you, so stop devaluing yourself!

Also, God is love and love is a Spirit. It is spiritual. I may be wrong, but I don't believe that if any of these people (myself included) met someone who set their soul on fire but didn't possess a few of these physical traits...ie., the right cologne, a bald spot, not muscular enough, not tall enough, etc.,etc., etc...they would turn them away. It would be like turning away a treasure.

Now, to make you smile, I'll leave you with what my 16 yo niece and 9 yo daughter say they're looking for (must say it catches my attention too ...a man who can bait a hook!

Justin Moore - Bait A Hook - YouTube

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Yeah I thought we were all expressing what we are attracted to? That's not a bad thing. And although I have my "wish list" lol, it is NOT a checklist where I would go down the list and come to a trait said interest may not posess and say OH, He's out!
And we cannot help what we are attracted to. Some men on here want a college educated woman. Well that's not me, and that's fine by me. Some care about hair and some are like no hair, don't care lol.
We are what we are and we cannot try to fit ourselves in the wrong person's mold. It should not make you feel bad reading this thread, it should only make you think, nope she's not for me, nope not her either. But this is a forum, not real life so even if someone said hey I have all the qualities you are looking for, when we meet IRL we might not have that chemical connection that is also needed for attraction and that is something, IMO, that only God has the recipe for.

 

[dayhiker]

Not to mention that most of us a so many miles apart.

 

[blackribbon]

The man I married had almost zero points on my "attracted to" list. In fact, he was trying to get my roommate to go out with him and I was interested in one of his ROTC buddies. It was in our time trying to get these others to notice us that we fell in love. He was thin, red-headed and 2 years younger than me....and I thought he was the sexiest man alive. However, that was NOT my first impression. (I remember thinking he was a goofy looking kid.) However, my "attracted" to list did get me my love ... it described his buddy that allowed us to meet in the first place.

 

[hope_is_last_to_die]

I'll start....I've already admitted I can be affected by what a man smells like.

so a piggy man smell is def a no no for you!!

 

[blackribbon]

Do pigs stink? I don't remember thinking the pig pens smelled that bad as a kid. The cattle ones did.

However any piggy man I'd want to be around would also have need to visit the shower on a regular basis. My daddy was a hog farmer when he was young. I like ranchers and farmers so the jury is still out on this one. I'd probably work on an individual basis here.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, there is something special about being close to the soil and farm animals. I'm sure glad I had that experience as a young person.

 

[edwardfsmith]

Ok maybe I was a little over dramatic in my wording and exaggerated my post , but I stand by my basic feelings.

I might be wrong, but I think most of you do not have this kind of love in your lives but have had it at some point. So maybe there is a bit of a different perspective between how look at it and how I might look at it if I felt more that love or attraction was possible.

When I hear “we are all attracted to what we are attracted too”
To me this sounds like another way of saying survival of the fittest.

No it is not bad I guess. Unless you are me. The unfit. The one that nobody is attracted to. Then it is a little hard to hear.

Being that person that is the unfit for seemingly all women, and being older, I like to think I am a person that looks beyond initial attraction and gets to know the person a little more. I like to think I am more sensitive.
But if I am more evolved in this respect it is only a very little, because I am not free of it and some women are more attractive to me than others.
… I am not so sure you would not meet my standards though Cassie …


It is hard to read the things women are attracted too and feel lacking in every case!
I am a hard worker but I am average. I am faithful. I try hard.
I guess I am not the stuff women’s dreams are made of LOL

For whom? For my future wife. The woman I want to be attracted to me!

The thread was meant to speak in general terms and show that tastes are different and that there is hope for everyone.
I am a specific person though that is looking for specific hope in my life. I am looking for someone to be attracted to me specifically!
So I am probably taking things a little bit out of context. Forgive me for that.

You all do seem to understand where I am coming from though. And have some understanding of my frustration. You are all very kind.
I still have problems with this thread because of my personal experiences, but I thank you for it and the chance to speak and be a part of it.

I have a relationship with Christ and like you have talked about with God's earth and nature. This helps i agree.

 

[NorwayUnn]

What's in a man's heart is what matters most to me, and other qualities come further down the ''list'', though I am not a ''list'' person when it comes to men. I do believe that God is the very best match maker, and he has brought my BF and I together in an amazing way. We have been together for a little more than 2 weeks now, and we both know that this is a match made in heaven. He is 7 years older than me, but who cares about such a thing really?
We took a few pics of us together this weekend, and here is one of them: