Unaffectionate Wife

[Benjamin Hirt]

I did listen to what he was saying. All I’m saying is when you tell a wife her work is no different than a maid or a nanny, then demand to know why she isn’t affectionate... Well, lack of affection begets lack of affection.

When a wife tells a husband for years time and again that affection doesn't matter and he is not important enough for her to try - really. You said it yourself. Lack begets Lack. Who started?

I am literally living this right now in my life - word for word what he said. Even the sex part, I told my therapist I could pay for that. It isn't about that. It is about connection. She refuses to connect, refuses to see it is important and all he is saying is that IT IS IMPORTANT FOR MY WIFE TO BE FULLY CONNECTED TO ME IN EVERY WAY, ADDRESSING MY NEEDS TOO.

Example: She gets the smallest headache. I bust my butt to help her feel better. Need anything? Can I Do anything? You rest, I'll take care of the kids and clean.
I get sick, go on leave - every time: "I cannot trust you to provide for my family." yet I have done exactly that with exceptional success with serious affluence, and there is no appreciation for what I did, but I am off for a while now, and she cannot pick up the slack but instead guilts me for needing time to get well.

See my point? Open your eyes, please.

UPDATE: We see what she does. But she does it so grudgingly and does not see when we do our part. And more. (understand, my wife is working on correcting this - she is begin honest and open - though for her this is very difficult, and my heart breaks for her)

 

[Benjamin Hirt]

lol fair enough - usually my chain deductions are more accurate - but clearly sometimes not!

I like you DZ!

 

[Tropical Wilds]

When a wife tells a husband for years time and again that affection doesn't matter and he is not important enough for her to try - really. You said it yourself. Lack begets Lack. Who started?

I am literally living this right now in my life - word for word what he said. Even the sex part, I told my therapist I could pay for that. It isn't about that. It is about connection. She refuses to connect, refuses to see it is important and all he is saying is that IT IS IMPORTANT FOR MY WIFE TO BE FULLY CONNECTED TO ME IN EVERY WAY, ADDRESSING MY NEEDS TOO.

Example: She gets the smallest headache. I bust my butt to help her feel better. Need anything? Can I Do anything? You rest, I'll take care of the kids and clean.
I get sick, go on leave - every time: "I cannot trust you to provide for my family." yet I have done exactly that with exceptional success with serious affluence, and there is no appreciation for what I did, but I am off for a while now, and she cannot pick up the slack but instead guilts me for needing time to get well.

See my point? Open your eyes, please.

Oh trust me, my eyes are quite open and not missing a single thing.

Affection isn’t something to be demanded, like taking out the trash or fixing a light bulb. You can pound and demand affection all you want, but that will not bring it around. That just isn’t how it works.

So you help her when she has a headache... I mean, that’s not really a huge deal. That’s the easy stuff. That’s not really an anything to distinguish you when she’s feeling disconnected. It’s a baseline behavior.

You getting sick and going on leave and her “every time” questioning it... Well, first of all, it implies it has happened more than once. If a partner is going on long-term leave more than once, I’d think asking some questions about your ability to work isn’t exactly unfounded. I mean, I’d have a few questions if it were my husband. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t appreciate what you did, it just means that the past is the past and the future looks a bit more compromised.

But saying you helped her out with a headache and now you’re out of work again for awhile, so she needs to “pick up the slack,” be affectionate like you want, do the stuff she’s already doing as part of her normal routine... I mean... There’s kind of a big difference in demands there.

Even If she’s being impatient with you and your issues for no reason other than she’s just being a witch, considering how impatient you are with her, I’m still not surprised she’s not being affectionate or attentive.

And I’m going to go ahead and issue a pro-tip to the husbands out there... If you tell any woman (or I dare say person) that what they do for their family can be easily replaced with hired help and their marital services replaced with a hooker, your chances of getting sex will take a sharp nosedive for a very, very long time. That’s one of those comments an apology doesn’t fix. It stays with you for a bit. I don’t think anybody likes hearing they’re cheaper than hiring maids, nannies, and hookers so that’s why they’re around.

 

[Benjamin Hirt]

"So you help her when she has a headache... I mean, that’s not really a huge deal. That’s the easy stuff. That’s not really an anything to distinguish you when she’s feeling disconnected. It’s a baseline behavior."

You are sick. You totally dismissed the freakin love. Go repent on your knees before you are turned over to Satan to be shown YOUR unrepentant sin. You sick and blind and deaf. And filled with evil.

You totally miss the point of love and are telling me to suck it up and coddle you, and forget how you make us feel with your vile abuse!

PRO TIP FOR WIVES LIKE YOU _ [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]!!! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! YOU have violated EVERY marriage vow.

I literally went over them with my pastor looking at both hearts.

"Affection isn’t something to be demanded, like taking out the trash or fixing a light bulb. You can pound and demand affection all you want, but that will not bring it around. That just isn’t how it works."
You are. It isn't something to be demanded. But when you withhold it from your husband in violation to the commands of God and Jesus, you are violating your vows and he has every Christian and moral right to divorce you. The pastors have confirmed this also. Marital unfaithfulness is not having sex with someone else, it is violating you vows.

"And I’m going to go ahead and issue a pro-tip to the husbands out there... If you tell any woman (or I dare say person) that what they do for their family can be easily replaced with hired help and their marital services replaced with a hooker, your chances of getting sex will take a sharp nosedive for a very, very long time. That’s one of those comments an apology doesn’t fix. It stays with you for a bit."

You vile female dog! And Hypocrite! See your dismissal of the headache love, vs the accusation that I cannot provide because I have a health issue and need to get well. In health but F sickness, right?

You need to get on your face prostrate before the Lord and confess your vile sins, and repent.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

You are sick. You totally dismissed the freakin love. Go repent on your knees before you are turned over to Satan to be shown YOUR unrepentant sin. You sick and blind and deaf. And filled with evil.

You totally miss the point of love and are telling me to suck it up and coddle you, and forget how you make us feel with your vile abuse!

Wait, what? I’m not asking you to coddle me...

PRO TIP FOR WIVES LIKE YOU _ [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]!!! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! YOU have violated EVERY marriage vow.

I literally went over them with my pastor looking at both hearts.

Do what now?

You are. It isn't something to be demanded. But when you withhold it from your husband in violation to the commands of God and Jesus, you are violating your vows and he has every Christian and moral right to divorce you. The pastors have confirmed this also. Marital unfaithfulness is not having sex with someone else, it is violating you vows.

I just ran it past the husband, he’s ok with the frequency of our sex life. So... Whew. In the clear.

You vile female dog! And Hypocrite! See your dismissal of the headache love, vs the accusation that I cannot provide because I have a health issue and need to get well. In health but F sickness, right?

You need to get on your face prostrate before the Lord and confess your vile sins, and repent.

You’re calling me out on experiences with love and managing long term illness? LoL! What’s next? Calling me out on Star Wars knowledge? Seriously, I think I’m being had here.

If you had seen, I said that helping somebody with a headache is baseline. It’s everyday stuff. Long term illness can’t be compared to that. It’s harder, more profound, and has more concerns than a headache.

Deep, calming breaths.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Wait, what? I’m not asking you to coddle me...

you totally prove my point with this. Good bye. I feel sorry for you.

What? LoL

Hey, trying to help. You asked and you have the issue. We don’t get a lot of people who share their marital woes but don’t actually want help. Or trash their wives character and then wonder why they’re not having sex as often as they’d like.

You did give me and my husband something to chuckle over this afternoon, so... Silver lining.

 

[FreeinChrist]

MOD HAT

This thread was started Oct 11, 2011 and the OP has never been back. It could have been a drive by troll wanting to get folks upset.

The thread is closed for review.

Edit - the thread is staying closed. There was profanity and flaming and it is not acceptable on this site.