Truths

[bèlla]

It's so bad right now I can't be married. I'm trying to turn to God but it still feels so bad. It's an ongoing problem. It's not just something you work at & you achieve your goal after a few or several years. It goes on and on. Nothing I try to meet one has helped.

Things are slowing across the board and most are taking longer to find someone and remaining unattached. It's affecting various ages, ethnicities and income groups across the spectrum. The problem isn't more prominent in christian circles than others. It's simply a waiting game.

From an observational standpoint there's a sea of competing ideals. Gen Z is prioritizing friendships over dating and connecting differently. The economy has made people less accommodating or guarded. Dating apps are a thing for some and loathed by others. Some are opting out or throwing in the towel. You have smaller numbers on the same page which lessens connections.

I saw a few profiles last week and it wasn't anything out of the norm. But they were written with a hint of rigidity which connotes an all or nothing mindset. They didn't appear flexible and there's a sense they're holding out for that or nothing at all.

While I didn't hear it directly I get the sense we're tired. Tired of talking, declining, being disappointed, waiting, and one another to some degree. I don't mean that in the negative. But engagement is tiring. The highs and lows have run their course and many are digging their heels in the sand and drawing a line.

I spoke with an old acquaintance who's been looking for four years and he has a lot of the qualities women seek but he's fairly selective. I think most of the dating pool is a lot like him though they say otherwise. Several messages arrived during my visit and I honestly groaned. The notion of replying or saying anything was taxing and that wasn't always the case but I felt it nonetheless.

If I had to start again I don't know if I would. My energy dropped just from the thought and that's when I knew things were different. It wasn't like that when we met. We were more enthused and expectant. That might explain the rise in ghosting and related incivilities. We're tired of one another.

I think we'll be in this place for a while and a time out might be needed. We've been on warp speed relationally and that isn't sustainable. We were never meant to interact that way and maybe we'll find a happy medium in years to come. But the current one isn't it.

Join a private club in your area if you can. The pacing is different in those settings. You have to go in environments where dating isn't the focus. Gallery nights and things along those lines. There's less instances of burnout and disappointment.

~bella

 

[DragonFox91]

There’s nothing Singles are being robbed of.

 

[DragonFox91]

It is hard this morning

 

[DragonFox91]

Its sad today. It goes on and on

 

[DragonFox91]

For a long time whenever I heard songs about romantic love, it’d upset me. It made me feel like I was being ‘cheated.’ But it’s all just an illustration of Christ’s love. Some say they’re applicable for any kinds of human love you have, but that never helped me.

 

[DragonFox91]

When you’re married, you lose your call to be single. Bible says being single has a unique missional calling, there’s thing singles can do marrieds cannot. And vice versa. So neither more unique then the other.

 

[DragonFox91]

I was reviewing Proverbs 3 last week. My translation says something like 'his confidence is with the righteous.' I don't know what that means, have you ever said 'my confidence is with you.'? So I had to look it up. Other translations say 'his secret is with the righteous', 'he's intimate with the righteous.'

I've found this verse very helpful these past couple weeks. I've been returning to it every time I start to get discouraged about marriage. He calls you righteous. You have something private with him. You have something hidden. You have something valuable. And it's good. And it's not just another human being, it's the Lord himself. How can you be discouraged! It's not who you are but who he is.

The context is wisdom. He tells you his mysteries. His Light & Spirit reveal them. It is the Spirit of Truth, Jesus says, but it's given to all he calls righteous too. He enables you. It comes with responsibilities.

But the intimacy is only shadow of what it will be. The trumpet shall sound.

 

[DragonFox91]

Maybe it’s best being single. No matter the relationship, generally it’s all sacrifice, you always have to do what the other person wants and if you don’t, the problem is you. People try to be flexible but they have an idea of what being flexible is and it doesn’t match you. "You can have any color car you want as long as it's a black car." You push back, the problem is you. They don't try to understand you. They have an idea of who you are but as you reveal more of yourself, it's a problem. This is elevated when you’re married. It’s why a lot of people just don’t want to get married at all. So then the church calls it being selfish. So you’re options are all sacrifice for someone being selfish themself, or being selfish yourself.

It's like that comedian I was sharing the other day: 'It didn't work b/c we're different people. It's like, well yeah, that's what it is. It's why you take vows b/c it gets hard." The church says it's still 2 sinful people.

 

[angelsaroundme]

So you’re options are all sacrifice for someone being selfish themself, or being selfish yourself.

It might help to ask yourself what you would want to do with a woman. Would you enjoy going to concerts together? How about going to restaurants, taking trips, etc.? What interests or hobbies would you hope to share?

The more you enjoy doing the same things, hopefully the less it ends up being a sacrifice. Even if you, for example, are both readers but like different kind of books, that should mean a mutual respect, rather than someone who doesn't get what you're into.

 

[DragonFox91]

I just feel like it's all pre-destined. You get one or you don't. And it's like that for everything. My friend says 'no, no, it's your choice, it's all your choice.' I don't think it is. I don't think anything really is. Or if pre-destined is a scary word, pre-ordained. It's all just pre-ordained. People think they have control of things but they don't. That's the whole point, understanding God is soverign & you're surrendering to him, & that's why your joyful, b/c it's all him, it's not you. So you can be joyful or not if you have or one or don't. Even the powerful who think they don't need God and are doing everything are at the mercy of the will of others. The powerful are at the mercy of God. It's all just pre-ordained. Whatever will happen will happen. If it's mean to be it'll be. What God has ordained, he has ordained. Your book has been written beginning, middle, and end.

 

[DragonFox91]

It's hard b/c I do well with the group & it just never leads to one.
That's never been the issue, tho.

I was talking to a brother about the sacrifice thing. He says it's compromise. I don't disagree, but there's sacrifice too, you need to be prepared for it at minimum. Yesterday in SS, during the lesson we learned 'if you really would die for someone you loved, you'd die everyday for that person.' We also discussed in Christ you're enslaved but set free, you die, yet you live, you're given new life.

It might help to ask yourself what you would want to do with a woman. Would you enjoy going to concerts together? How about going to restaurants, taking trips, etc.? What interests or hobbies would you hope to share?

The more you enjoy doing the same things, hopefully the less it ends up being a sacrifice. Even if you, for example, are both readers but like different kind of books, that should mean a mutual respect, rather than someone who doesn't get what you're into.

Yeah, but it's not all fun & giggles right? It's gonna get hard. There's gonna be hard days

 

[DragonFox91]

It's so sad this morning. One never happens
It feels heartbreaking. I've been struggling a long time. I never get a breakthru. I change and grow and learn but it's never enough.

 

[DragonFox91]

I was so excited for God & his promises, & being married as well last night, now it feels hopeless / impossible

 

[DragonFox91]

I was really really struggling this morning but am doing better. The kind I want is hard, so it's to be expected right? And even if not, Bible says rejoice in your testings, it's somehow working for your good.

 

[bèlla]

I just feel like it's all pre-destined. You get one or you don't. And it's like that for everything.

You can't possibly believe that nor does the comment bear witness to your posts. You go back and forth on the topic continually. One day it's pre-destined and the next you're sad because you haven't found one. Which is it? If it's predestined be content and stop fretting if it isn't stop telling yourself it is.

The mind isn't designed for this. We take a position and remain in that place until something requires a change or we receive information that makes us reconsider our stance.

But we don't have a position one day and another the next. That's double-mindedness. Either you trust the Lord for a spouse or you don't. This is the third thread you've done on the subject. What does that tell you?

You've developed a habit you need to break. It isn't healthy.

~bella

 

[DragonFox91]

Sometimes it seems he's only concerned about your eternal soul.

But eternity starts now.........? Started a long time ago..........?

I guess 'eternal soul' encompasses quite a bit!

I guess he just gives different people different blessings. But is that what he says to his children?

You can't possibly believe that nor does the comment bear witness to your posts. You go back and forth on the topic continually. One day it's pre-destined and the next you're sad because you haven't found one. Which is it? If it's predestined be content and stop fretting if it isn't stop telling yourself it is.

~bella

It makes sense to me whether I want to rejoice in it or be upset about it. So then that is the real issue: do you want to rejoice in it or be upset about it.

Being upset = no. Denies who he is. "practical atheism." You don't want to pick that b/c you know who he is.
So you pick rejoicing

 

[DragonFox91]

In Sunday School yesterday we discussed the significance of it being a wedding at Jesus’s first miracle

 

[bèlla]

It makes sense to me whether I want to rejoice in it or be upset about it. So then that is the real issue: do you want to rejoice in it or be upset about it.

Being upset = no. Denies who he is. "practical atheism." You don't want to pick that b/c you know who he is. So you pick rejoicing

I have never encountered a man who did what you've done on this thread and I find it disquieting.

 

[DragonFox91]

I've been w/ extended family on vacation & just got back. It's all very good, I have a good time, & you learn a lot & share a lot, & the Lord is showing you a lot, but I miss direct time w/ him w/ the most so it'll be good getting back into that routine.

I have never encountered a man who did what you've done on this thread and I find it disquieting.

Do what?

 

[DragonFox91]

I heard some shallow comments from the single ladies today in regards to the single men. Oh well, it is what is.

It makes me wonder if things changed or it's always been this way. It has to have always been this way.

It's all just predetermined. Glory to God anyways.