Truths

[DragonFox91]

That isn't true. Don't agree with lies.

It is harder than being single tho, isn't it?

 

[bèlla]

It is harder than being single tho, isn't it?

When you're standing at the altar with your beloved what will you think? Will you focus on the difficulties or the blessings?

Life is a parable and marriage is as challenging as its components. If both understand the first they'll handle the other differently. You've been given the tools to unravel the parables and the more you apply them the clearer they become.

There's the Christian perspective of singleness and the Kingdom approach. If you lean on the latter you'll broach singleness and marriage as a son of the King and priest. You're not looking for a Christian. You're seeking a daughter of the King and priestess. That's your complement.

Remember the order: Father, Son, husband, wife, child and community.

Where does God require you in His Kingdom? What has He equipped you to do or laid on your heart as a passion or burden? That's what she assists you with (amongst other things). That's what you need to focus on. It's the magnet.

You have a passion for the word. I've seen it in your posts and threads. You may have a teaching gift and should explore it. I don't recommend inductive bible study to everyone but I sense it would bless you. It requires more discipline and a willingness to dig and open-mindedness. When there's too much tradition and religion you'll read both into scripture.

They have online groups on the Precepts site if a local one isn't available. And you can take leadership training online to learn the method and instruct others. That wasn't always the case. You had to travel in the past. All you need is a workbook and a video. You do one lesson a week and you'll work your way through the bible. I prefer the videos by Wayne Barber and would study those books or get them while you can. He passed away and his knowledge of Greek is foremost.

If you walk down this road you're going to encounter others. Your beloved may have a gift for teaching or shepherding. Those pairings are common. There's a point in our journey when repositioning is required. God moves us to the next thing. Teaching may be your next step.

And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose.

It wouldn't surprise me to hear you're ministering to men or singles down the road. It makes a lot sense. Your struggle has a purpose. It's greater than your inability to meet her. If a work will result from the union the devil will oppose it. He'll convince you to throw in the towel, get down on yourself or be afraid. The Lord permits his interference to birth something greater.

Who would have the deepest compassion for singles? The one who had it easy or one like yourself? You've lived the struggle and agony. They can't relate. Endurance is a must in this period. Those are the ones he's raising up. You had a moment. Don't despair. He isn't finished.

Consider what I said and take a photo of the post and email it to yourself. You'll want to reference it later on. Lean into your gift. There are doors that won't open until we do. Connections that occur when we take a leap of faith. Look at @venksta's posts on the mind thread. He's going through it now and sharing his experiences.

And remember you're okay.

~bella

 

[DragonFox91]

I'm too quiet & serious to be married. It's not 'attractive'. It makes sense. When life gets hard, you want someone who can make you smile & laugh. & it's more fun in general.

It's the way God made it & it's good that way.

"It is to whom it has been given."

 

[bèlla]

I'm too quiet & serious to be married. It's not 'attractive'. It makes sense. When life gets hard, you want someone who can make you smile & laugh. & it's more fun in general.

It's the way God made it & it's good that way.

"It is to whom it has been given."

When will you reach the point where you'll admit your desire for marriage and want for companionship is harder some days than others? Now you're courting delusions when you have a million posts that say otherwise.

The truth is you're afraid your personality isn't charismatic enough to garner notice. Do you see the difference between that statement and what you said?

Sometimes I could shake you. Lovingly of course. There's a lot of men wishing they were in your shoes and bigging themselves up to feel good. You've got everything going for you save the girl and feel less than. The majority would rather your plenty and find a girl than be without it and do the same.

It is demonstratively easier to meet a woman when you're successful and well paid.
It is demonstratively easier to meet a man when you're attractive.

Failing to do either for a time doesn't nullify the truth. The biggest thing you have working in your favor is age and kindheartedness. You're not bitter and that goes a long way in attracting someone. You're not a project either.

So it's really a question of the long game over a right now perspective. Do you know how long it took me to find the one I sought? Do you realize I told the Lord I'd remain single before I'd ever settle? And I meant it. Are you looking for ordinary or something special? Don't allow your loneliness to mislead you.

I don't know you personally but from what you've shared I have a good idea of the one you need and she isn't plentiful. She isn't your average church girl or single. And maybe there's a reason for that as I mentioned earlier. But I'm pretty certain you'll find her. I've never felt otherwise nor do I tell everyone the same if you've noticed. I know my sex.

You don't see yourself through a woman's eyes. You're analyzing yourself like a man and we don't think that way. Have you taken this test? It's pretty insightful. The first time I did I got words of affirmation and it was the dominant answer for many years. But something changed a few years ago around my homecoming. I didn't need it anymore. Every now and then is fine but God has given me a knowing I lacked in the past.

It still appears but my top three have changed in recognition of my growth. I score low in quality time and physical touch. They're a given and won't be neglected. Now I embrace my desire to be spoiled and cared for (gifts and acts of service). I don't have to do it all and it feels nice when someone takes it from me.

Take the test and see where you land. Don't pay for the upgrade. The top 3 are evident. That's what you want in return but the other wants something different. My dear one loves acts of service and I'm naturally helpful and an encourager. While I value the same I don't need it from his hand. Household help is an act of service as are professionals in other areas. They make things easier. Understand?

Give yourself a break and stop being so fatalistic. It's not the end of the world. You'll meet a lot of women before you find her or if you're lucky you won't and the right one will be evident. But don't get despondent if it takes a little time. Enjoy the journey and use this period to your advantage. Once it's gone you'll never get it back.

Make a bucket list of the things you'd like to do before marriage. You'll have to negotiate later on and she may feel differently. A few adventures would do you good. Go see the world. Take a cruise and have some fun. You can afford it.

No more doldrums. It's okay. You'll find her. *hugs*

~bella