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Trigger warning. Struggling with suicidal thoughts

Discussion in 'Depression Disorders' started by J0SHUA, Jul 30, 2018.

  1. J0SHUA

    J0SHUA

    671
    +50
    Christian
    Single
    US-Republican
    I'm in desperate need of some kind heart on here to give me advice. I really need some help changing beliefs about myself and my life. I work 45 hours a week alone, come home to a silent house of no social contact, go to sleep early (to cope with chronic fatigue) and wake up for it to start all over. I recently went though a breakup and have no one reaching out to support me. Every night I am fighting off suicidal thoughts after painfully trying to cope with my isolation. I feel that if I were to die right now, no one would care or really notice. The ones that do would quickly get over it as I don't have much significance in their life. I try to contact and catch up with old friends and they seem completely disinterested.

    I thank God for the challenges he gives me that bring me closer to Him. And I keep telling myself he will bring me out of this situation. But these overwhelming thoughts still take over on a daily basis. I get stuck in thought patterns of past bullying, neglect from my mother, and other emotional damaging experiences and feel overwhelmed with hopelessness.

    I need friendship badly. I probably need self-fulfillment more than that. I need family. I need connection, love, and togetherness. Please pray for me that God would give these things to me and carry me through this overwhelming darkness. Please pray I find some kind of assurance that someone out there genuinely loves me and appreciates the life I live and have to offer to this world.

    God bless all of you
     
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  2. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

    +7,230
    Australia
    Christian
    Married
    i know how hard it is to be depressed and suicidal and know how hard it can be down there. Thanks for reaching out and deeming yourself worthy enough of attention, so many perish remaining silent.

    i want to offer you my support. i life in Western Australia and am up when it is your evening (assuming you live in America.) and don't mind staying in contact with you to support you through your down times and have someone to contact when things are going badly.

    God bless you with His loving peace even now.

    :hug:

    To God's Depressed Child,

    To think less of yourself then God's own
    Brings you much pain and suffering.
    Your worth is an incredible high price
    Also for you did Jesus die on the cross.

    Depression is also what devil's lies brings inside
    letting a low-self-esteem your good life rob
    Untruths roaming freely through heart and mind
    Evil lies extinguishing all happiness and fun.

    His loving truth brings you His good life
    While to believe lies brings pain and grief
    So hold onto the promises Jesus made to you
    and don't let Satan your good life squander.

    Take hold of God's precious loving truth.
    A life in Him stays safe from lies that hurt.
    Jesus' truth will comfort your bleeding heart
    Lovingly remaking your fallen life anew.
     
  3. Par5

    Par5 Well-Known Member

    +643
    United Kingdom
    Atheist
    Married
    <staff edit> Everyone's life has meaning, yours included. You need to seek professional help, someone who can help you deal with all your negative thoughts about yourself.
    I don't know what age you are, but there are things you can do to help yourself. Exercise is good for helping you overcome depression. If your friends are not helping you, get new friends. Joining a charity organization as a volunteer is a good way to meet new people and it will also show you that there are people suffering much more than you.
    If you belong to a church I am sure they have various secular activities for its members. Taking part in one of those activities could help you.
    At the end of the day though, you can receive all the advice in the world, but it is up to you to try and help yourself and start feeling that you are a person of worth.
    I wish you well.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 31, 2018
  4. Kristen.NewCreation

    Kristen.NewCreation Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,930
    United States
    Christian
    Private
    This thread has been cleaned. Posts that are discussing spiritual warfare, that are unhelpful or in other ways outside of the guidelines of the recovery section have been removed.

    Please read the Statement of Purpose & Recovery Guidelines to post here.
    Depressive Disorders Statement of Purpose

    Depressive Disorders is a supportive forum for members who are struggling with various symptoms of depression. This may include SAD, dysthymia postpartum depression clinical depression as well as situational depressions.

    As a support forum, we provide encouragement and support, however, we are not professionals providing counseling or diagnosing the various types of depression that exist. Posts should be for those with depression or who have a loved one struggling with depression, asking for help or advice with their depression. There are a few feel good threads that are already in the forum. Please use those for general encouragement outside of asking for help. Professionals posting here agree to do so only as supportive purposes.

    As CF does not offer counseling, our forums are not equipped to provide counseling nor diagnosis. Christian Forums does however, offer ordained ministers to provide spiritual counseling, and this can be obtained by posting a thread in Ask a Chaplain that only you and the chaplains can see.

    Support is considered encouragement, relating support through your experience with similar symptoms, praying for each other if desired, sharing non-graphic experienced

    As only a licensed physician or licensed mental health clinician may diagnose Mental Health Disorders, including Depression, the following limitations are now set up in the Depressive Disorders Forum.

    Diagnosing or continuing to ask symptoms of a suspected diagnosis is not appropriate, as this is the job of a therapist.

    If you have similar symptoms to what another member is going through, you may share you relate to these symptoms, but you may not share that you think they may have “x depression.”

    Spiritual warfare is considered off topic in all recovery support forums, as well as links to those who do or teach on spiritual warfare. While some members may be oppressed in their lives, it is a pastor or priests job to decide if someone is possessed. Psychiatric disorders are not demonic, and on CF should not be referred to as being cured through spiritual warfare. While spiritual warfare has a place, it’s not an online option here.

    Personally authored books, websites, blogs, etc. outside of CF may not be self-referred here except in your profile page.

    Threats of suicide or self-harm will be taken seriously and will be removed from view. Threats are those statements that say “I am going to” or “I swallowed…” or “ I cut”. These are different from suicidal thoughts where a person has thoughts of dying, but no plan and no intent and is clearly states they are not planning to do this.

    Repeated threats of suicide or self-injury may result in restrictions for the protection of yourself and other members in the forum. If you are needing to vent a bit, please go to the Recovery Team Support Desk where you can speak with a Recovery Team Member without triggering your supportive peers.

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    The site wide rules give the outline for what is and what is not acceptable in the Recovery, Mental Health, and Physical Health forums. These Forum-specific guidelines clarify those rules specifically for this area of the site.

    Recovery is a place for member peer support and encouragement, not as a substitute for professional care, nor a place for ethical/moral discussions. Only those who are seeking help may start threads in the recovery forums. Informational posts may be submitted to the recovery library for review to be posted.

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    Promoting yourself as an expert in your posts, or in your user title

    Diagnosing anyone's symptoms

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    Any posts dealing with, instructing or suggesting the need for spiritual warfare will be removed. Insinuating that members are possessed or that their Mental, Emotional or Physical health issues are caused by demonic or spiritual issues are not permitted. This includes the "devil is the whole problem" or "You need to get right with God" or "You do not have enough faith" type of statements would be examples of these types of posts. Linking to sites offline that address spiritual warfare are not permitted as well.

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    Because of the risk of triggering suicidal thoughts in others, we remove threats and/or endorsements of suicide. This includes posting that another member others know have killed him/herself. If you are having thoughts about suicide but have no immediate plans or intentions your posts may be able to show. Make sure to **Trigger Warn** the title and the top of your post. If you are having serious issues, log off now and contact 800-SUICIDE in the US, www.imalive.org online in the US, or www.befrienders.org for international crisis centers (found in the upper right hand corner of their site).

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    When Staff remove these suicidal posts or self harm posts of any threat or description from view we are encouraging the members to seek professional services in their local area and provide phone numbers to local crisis lines if available. Christian Forums is NOT a crisis center, nor are the Recovery Team members trained in Suicidal Intervention. Members continuing to post outside these guidelines may be banned temporarily to seek help offline.

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    Thanks!
     
  5. Tempura

    Tempura Noob Supporter

    +2,007
    Finland
    Lutheran
    Single
    Said a prayer for you. One thing that was hard for me to see when I was under severe depression for many years, is that I can connect to the love I was yearning for by also giving it, in small mundane ways, wherever I would meet someone or whenever I could help someone. If we can't get the feeling of being loved, or if we feel like we have so much love to give but nobody there to take it, we can often blind ourselves from the small mundane encounters.

    The other hard thing was learning how to NOT believe those thought of depression and the fears and sorrows they evoke. They will come, but one can learn to reject them. You feel it, but they aren't controlling you. It almost becomes like a deep-rooted, strong principle after some time when you're actively rejecting the depression.

    I too had a tough break-up, and although there was plenty of things "wrong" with me already, that break-up was the last straw and I dived deep into depression, anxiety, hopelessness and such loneliness that I thought it would kill me. At some point I was sure that it would, or that I would have to end it myself in order to stop the pain. But I didn't, when the "moment" came, I just broke down and prayed instead. That was a turning point for me, although I didn't realize it until later. I also got plenty of professional help - some of which worked, some didn't, but some of it still helped. I thought I was doomed, but here I am. I am much better now, have been for quite some time, and my faith has grown from occasional bouts of fear to something else, to something more calm and forgiving, to something that withstands suffering. You'll get there too. God is stronger than we are, and love is stronger than all out darkest feelings and thoughts.

    Carry on, friend. God bless you.
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2018
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