Trigger warning. Struggling with suicidal thoughts

[J0SHUA]

I'm in desperate need of some kind heart on here to give me advice. I really need some help changing beliefs about myself and my life. I work 45 hours a week alone, come home to a silent house of no social contact, go to sleep early (to cope with chronic fatigue) and wake up for it to start all over. I recently went though a breakup and have no one reaching out to support me. Every night I am fighting off suicidal thoughts after painfully trying to cope with my isolation. I feel that if I were to die right now, no one would care or really notice. The ones that do would quickly get over it as I don't have much significance in their life. I try to contact and catch up with old friends and they seem completely disinterested.

I thank God for the challenges he gives me that bring me closer to Him. And I keep telling myself he will bring me out of this situation. But these overwhelming thoughts still take over on a daily basis. I get stuck in thought patterns of past bullying, neglect from my mother, and other emotional damaging experiences and feel overwhelmed with hopelessness.

I need friendship badly. I probably need self-fulfillment more than that. I need family. I need connection, love, and togetherness. Please pray for me that God would give these things to me and carry me through this overwhelming darkness. Please pray I find some kind of assurance that someone out there genuinely loves me and appreciates the life I live and have to offer to this world.

God bless all of you

 

[Jeshu]

i know how hard it is to be depressed and suicidal and know how hard it can be down there. Thanks for reaching out and deeming yourself worthy enough of attention, so many perish remaining silent.

i want to offer you my support. i life in Western Australia and am up when it is your evening (assuming you live in America.) and don't mind staying in contact with you to support you through your down times and have someone to contact when things are going badly.

God bless you with His loving peace even now.



To God's Depressed Child,

To think less of yourself then God's own
Brings you much pain and suffering.
Your worth is an incredible high price
Also for you did Jesus die on the cross.

Depression is also what devil's lies brings inside
letting a low-self-esteem your good life rob
Untruths roaming freely through heart and mind
Evil lies extinguishing all happiness and fun.

His loving truth brings you His good life
While to believe lies brings pain and grief
So hold onto the promises Jesus made to you
and don't let Satan your good life squander.

Take hold of God's precious loving truth.
A life in Him stays safe from lies that hurt.
Jesus' truth will comfort your bleeding heart
Lovingly remaking your fallen life anew.

 

[Par5]

<staff edit> Everyone's life has meaning, yours included. You need to seek professional help, someone who can help you deal with all your negative thoughts about yourself.
I don't know what age you are, but there are things you can do to help yourself. Exercise is good for helping you overcome depression. If your friends are not helping you, get new friends. Joining a charity organization as a volunteer is a good way to meet new people and it will also show you that there are people suffering much more than you.
If you belong to a church I am sure they have various secular activities for its members. Taking part in one of those activities could help you.
At the end of the day though, you can receive all the advice in the world, but it is up to you to try and help yourself and start feeling that you are a person of worth.
I wish you well.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

This thread has been cleaned. Posts that are discussing spiritual warfare, that are unhelpful or in other ways outside of the guidelines of the recovery section have been removed.

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Thanks!​

 

[Tempura]

Said a prayer for you. One thing that was hard for me to see when I was under severe depression for many years, is that I can connect to the love I was yearning for by also giving it, in small mundane ways, wherever I would meet someone or whenever I could help someone. If we can't get the feeling of being loved, or if we feel like we have so much love to give but nobody there to take it, we can often blind ourselves from the small mundane encounters.

The other hard thing was learning how to NOT believe those thought of depression and the fears and sorrows they evoke. They will come, but one can learn to reject them. You feel it, but they aren't controlling you. It almost becomes like a deep-rooted, strong principle after some time when you're actively rejecting the depression.

I too had a tough break-up, and although there was plenty of things "wrong" with me already, that break-up was the last straw and I dived deep into depression, anxiety, hopelessness and such loneliness that I thought it would kill me. At some point I was sure that it would, or that I would have to end it myself in order to stop the pain. But I didn't, when the "moment" came, I just broke down and prayed instead. That was a turning point for me, although I didn't realize it until later. I also got plenty of professional help - some of which worked, some didn't, but some of it still helped. I thought I was doomed, but here I am. I am much better now, have been for quite some time, and my faith has grown from occasional bouts of fear to something else, to something more calm and forgiving, to something that withstands suffering. You'll get there too. God is stronger than we are, and love is stronger than all out darkest feelings and thoughts.

Carry on, friend. God bless you.