Totally new to the bi-polar world

[thewifeof]

Hello to all! I too am very new to the bi-polar world. My husband has finally been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder although I don't know if it's one or two. I need a place that can help "me" get through this. I also feel someddays that I am going crazy....
A little background, I am 31, my hubby is 32. We have an almost one year old daughter. His symptoms started showing up aroud the middle of my pregnancy and just recently took a turn for the worse. He started getting manic in his thoughts and actions. He didn't remember anything that I said and blamed me for not keeping him informed. He has got so mad at me at one point that he grabbed my face and told me that I had better not ever make him that mad again. I didn't know what to do. I love him very much, or at least I love the man that I married. I don't know who this new guy is. God put us together, I believe that with all my heart, but I am starting to lose hope that there can be any normal future with him.
I went to a marriage counselor who recommend that hubby see a brain doc to be diagnosed. They put him on lamactil? He has been on it almost two weeks and we have had one "normal" day since. Every day I get up I am walking on glass eggshells with my thoughts, my words, my actions, because I never know when or why or how he will go off on me. Just a simple sniffle will turn him against me and make him think that I am mad at him or out to get him. Help! I am at my wits end on what to do or how to live with this guy that I married. any advice?
Oh yeah, we are also keeping in close contact with our pastor. He is a very good friend of ours and is very willing to let me stay with him and his wife and daughter if anything gets to the point that I can't stay in the house anymore.

Thanks in advance!

 

[I'ddie4him]

Hello to all! I too am very new to the bi-polar world. My husband has finally been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder although I don't know if it's one or two. I need a place that can help "me" get through this. I also feel someddays that I am going crazy....
A little background, I am 31, my hubby is 32. We have an almost one year old daughter. His symptoms started showing up aroud the middle of my pregnancy and just recently took a turn for the worse. He started getting manic in his thoughts and actions. He didn't remember anything that I said and blamed me for not keeping him informed. He has got so mad at me at one point that he grabbed my face and told me that I had better not ever make him that mad again. I didn't know what to do. I love him very much, or at least I love the man that I married. I don't know who this new guy is. God put us together, I believe that with all my heart, but I am starting to lose hope that there can be any normal future with him.
I went to a marriage counselor who recommend that hubby see a brain doc to be diagnosed. They put him on lamactil? He has been on it almost two weeks and we have had one "normal" day since. Every day I get up I am walking on glass eggshells with my thoughts, my words, my actions, because I never know when or why or how he will go off on me. Just a simple sniffle will turn him against me and make him think that I am mad at him or out to get him. Help! I am at my wits end on what to do or how to live with this guy that I married. any advice?
Oh yeah, we are also keeping in close contact with our pastor. He is a very good friend of ours and is very willing to let me stay with him and his wife and daughter if anything gets to the point that I can't stay in the house anymore.

Thanks in advance!

You have my deepest sympathies. I put my ex wife thru the same thing for about 2 years before I was diagnosed with rapid cycling BP2.
I am now on my 2nd marriage, Doing fine. I take 1500 to 1800 mgs of lithium daily. It was the only thing that worked for me.
Anyhow, Enough about me for now.

It is a hard thing to deal with a person who is bp. You never know what type of mood they will be in from one day to the next. It will also take some time to get used to the meds and that will take anywhere from 2 weeks to a month or so. The manic highs can manifest by large spending sprees, extreme sleeplessness, endless energy, and a list of many others.
Anger and outbursts are the worst thing to deal with. You aren't sure what to say or do. You feel like hiding in a corner and trying not to be seen.
I am in here from time to time and realized I have been gone for sometime now. I would like to help in anyway I can even if it's just listening.
I have several im things and you could even pm me.
I hope things get better as he gets used to the meds.

 

[4childofgod]

Hi is anyone out there on Seroquel for Bipolar? Please write me!

 

[I'ddie4him]

Here is a site that might be able to offer some advice also,

http://www.nmha.org/bipolar/public/signs.cfm

 

[thewifeof]

Thank you for your reply. My husband has been on Lamactal for 2 weeks now and just doubled his dose today. So far it has been one heck of a roller coaster ride with him. The first week was Ok, then he crashed and went manic on me and even though I would tell him something, he would look me right in my face a second later and tell me I was crazy that I never told him anything. For another few days, I totally avoided being around him too much. I didn't like my every move and breathe analyzed to the point that if I sniffed he thought I was after him. UGH!!! This last few days have been a little better. The mornings before he takes his meds are a little rough. However a coupla days ago, he approached me and said, gee, I think i'm a jerk in the mornings. I looked at him and laughed. Probably not the best thing to do, but it was nice of him to finally acknowledge that he was feeling bad. I would call that a good milestone, AND he didn't get mad at me for laughing (not that I wasn't cringing inside waiting for the explosion).
Soooo, my next question(s). How am I supposed to live with this day to day? Does it eventually get better? How do I keep myself from going insane? Does someone who is bipolar really feel bad or even remember the things that they do?

Thanks!

 

[I'ddie4him]

Thank you for your reply. My husband has been on Lamactal for 2 weeks now and just doubled his dose today. So far it has been one heck of a roller coaster ride with him. The first week was Ok, then he crashed and went manic on me and even though I would tell him something, he would look me right in my face a second later and tell me I was crazy that I never told him anything. For another few days, I totally avoided being around him too much. I didn't like my every move and breathe analyzed to the point that if I sniffed he thought I was after him. UGH!!! This last few days have been a little better. The mornings before he takes his meds are a little rough. However a coupla days ago, he approached me and said, gee, I think i'm a jerk in the mornings. I looked at him and laughed. Probably not the best thing to do, but it was nice of him to finally acknowledge that he was feeling bad. I would call that a good milestone, AND he didn't get mad at me for laughing (not that I wasn't cringing inside waiting for the explosion).
Soooo, my next question(s). How am I supposed to live with this day to day? Does it eventually get better? How do I keep myself from going insane? Does someone who is bipolar really feel bad or even remember the things that they do?

Thanks!

Yes, It will get better. Give it another 2-4 weeks and he should be well adjusted to the meds.

It is a good sign that he even noticed the behaviour. He will realize more what has happened and most likely apologize for it later. Just try to be patient and hang in there.

 

[Jeshu]

Living with a bipolar person is hard - as it is hard to be bipolar. My wife has struggled with me for more than 10 years before I realized that everything had gone badly wrong. Luckily God has kept us together and she has been my best supporter and my closest friend - but the things I got that woman through. So I commend you for loving him and encourage you to love him even now when he is hard to get on with. If the medication works you should find more of the old husband back over time.
And yes we bipolar people can feel really bad, so bad that quite a few of us end up committing suicide.

God bless.

 

[BlondieLashes]

Wow! You are going through alot! I will pray for you and your hubby!!!!

Stay strong in the Lord. Read your Bible every chance you get and keep in Christian fellowship.

-BlondieLashes

 

[thewifeof]

Thanks to all, I can use all the prayer I can get, so can hubby.

This week he is up, like on a high. I dred him coming back down. Will it be like before?

Sigh....I wish he were well.

 

[NewCovenant]

I am Bipolar Type II. I was diagnosed in 1991 after driving my family crazy and nearly killing myself more than once. It takes a while to get stabilized on medication. I found that medication alone didn't do it for me... For me, it took the miraculous intervention of Christ. I was on meds for 3 or 4 years before, and I still wasn't right. But that's me, and I don't know what your husband's spiritual condition is. I know I didn't stop acting out until I had Christ in my life.

Nonetheless, I have never stopped taking my medication. At this time, after almost 15 years of psychiatric/medical treatment, I am on 4 psychiatric drugs and I am a devout Christian, and I have to say the drugs are VERY helpful (but secondary to my faith).

It will take time for the drugs to take effect and time to find the right drugs and the right dosages for your husband. It took years for me. I know that doesn't sound encouraging, but there were a lot of factors in my life. If your husband is willing to take his medication and is listening to his treatment team, and is getting the right drugs in the right dosages, he will start to feel some comfort soon. So will you. In the meantime, be supportive, pray, and take care of yourself and your child. Keep going to church, keep a support team around you, and don't isolate yourself. This is a lonely business sometimes.

Lamectal is a good drug if he doesn't get "the rash." I was on it, had great success and then I got the rash (ended up in the hospital). It's one of those side effects you have to look out for. I had to go off of it, which was a shame, because it was working great for me.

And yes, I'm taking Seroquel right now, and I find it to be quite helpful

 

[jonwsj]

I am also bipolar. It can take a long time to find the perfect set of meds. But the important thing for your husband is that it has finally been diagnosed. Now that the problem has been identified, it can be treated.

I would say for now you should put more stock into what your doctor says than what your pastor says about the disorder. This may sound strange coming from a Christian, but bipolar disorder is a _physical_ problem, not a spiritual one. If it were spiritual, how come there are physical drugs that can remedy the problem? Bipolar disorder may _lead_ to spiritual problems, but it is physical at its core and your pyschiatrist/psychologist, even if he is a non-Christian, is better equipped to deal with it than your pastor. You can't heal mania or depression with Bible verses. Believe me, I've tried. My advice is to treat the physical issues first, then once they are under control, work on any spiritual issues with your pastor. If a person breaks his arm (a physical problem), it may lead to anger (a spiritual problem) about his arm being broken. You should have a doctor treat the physical problem first, and then maybe a pastor if there's still a spiritual problem afterwards.
Same with bipolar disorder. Once the meds fully work, the anger and outbursts caused by the disorder should start to go away. Ever since I was stabilized on meds four years ago, I haven't needed any pastoral counseling. I hope your husband comes to that point as well. Keep us posted and God bless,

--Jon

 

[NewCovenant]

Jon, I don't think you understood what I said. I was speaking of my own illnesss, I was not telling this lady to listen to her pastor and not her husband's physician. In fact, I told her that 1) I was on medication for years before I became a Christian, and 2) I never stopped my medication or stopped my treatment. What I am saying is that my problem was physical as well as spiritual, and that I never completely became stable until I dealt with both. If you read my post, you will see that I never once mentioned a pastor or listening to a pastor and not listening to a physician. I DO work very carefully with my physician.

To the lady who wrote the original post:

Another very important thing to do is to become an informed patient and spouse. Ask a lot of questions and read a lot. There are excellent materials available to lay people out there. Look for the books that Mary Ellen Copeland wrote on living with Bipolar Disorder. Your husband can work through them; there are some excellent resources there, including what she calls a "WRAP," which is a Wellness Recovery Action Plan (I think). These are great for when he's in crisis and for when he's coming out of a crisis. Here's the site:

http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/bipolar/related/recovery_2.asp

And poke around, there's lots of stuff there. There are two more books you should know about: The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide by David Miklowitz (EXCELLENT) and Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder by Julie Fast and John Preston. These are both excellent resources for someone who has been around the block yet.

God bless you.
Gladys

 

[thewifeof]

Ok, thank you all for your replys. I think I need to update you all as to where we stand right now...I, my pastor, and out marriage counseler talked my hubby into checking in to a behavioral health facility. Things did crash, and they got ugly. My hubby got to the point that he scared me badly.

Now as far as the comment about me going through my pastor. I go through the pastor because my hubby listens to reason when the pastor speaks to him. The pastor is working very closely with our marriage counselor and I value both of their opinions. Of course I will go with the counselors suggestion over the pastors suggestions because the counselor is trained in this area where as the pastor is not. It would be highly stupid of me to rely on just what the pastor says. Besides, the counselor is the one with the brain doc connections that got my hubby properly diagnosed with bipolar and started on meds.

Now, back to the update. Hubby has been in the center since sunday night, and he is getting out today. CPS is involved per my approval because of the scare this weekend. The brain doc seems to think that his anger is more than just bi-polar but it might be due to his erratic and abusive childhood. My opinion on that: DUH! So now he will be treated for bi-polar and for anger. This is a good thing. He will get counseling two times a week, plus he might be more prone to watch his temper knowing that CPS is "watching him".

I do feel God working in this and I think that the whole point of this last weekend and the few days following are God's way of giving hubby a wake-up call. He doesn't realize what he is doing to me, his daughter, and our marriage. God has protected me from the beginning and I am only now seeing some of the things that God is doing for me. And hubby. Please continue to pray for our marriage and pray also that I will continue seeking God's will and hubby will come back to Christ and really see what God is trying to show him.

Thanks to all!

 

[I'ddie4him]

Ok, thank you all for your replys. I think I need to update you all as to where we stand right now...I, my pastor, and out marriage counseler talked my hubby into checking in to a behavioral health facility. Things did crash, and they got ugly. My hubby got to the point that he scared me badly.

Now as far as the comment about me going through my pastor. I go through the pastor because my hubby listens to reason when the pastor speaks to him. The pastor is working very closely with our marriage counselor and I value both of their opinions. Of course I will go with the counselors suggestion over the pastors suggestions because the counselor is trained in this area where as the pastor is not. It would be highly stupid of me to rely on just what the pastor says. Besides, the counselor is the one with the brain doc connections that got my hubby properly diagnosed with bipolar and started on meds.

Now, back to the update. Hubby has been in the center since sunday night, and he is getting out today. CPS is involved per my approval because of the scare this weekend. The brain doc seems to think that his anger is more than just bi-polar but it might be due to his erratic and abusive childhood. My opinion on that: DUH! So now he will be treated for bi-polar and for anger. This is a good thing. He will get counseling two times a week, plus he might be more prone to watch his temper knowing that CPS is "watching him".

I do feel God working in this and I think that the whole point of this last weekend and the few days following are God's way of giving hubby a wake-up call. He doesn't realize what he is doing to me, his daughter, and our marriage. God has protected me from the beginning and I am only now seeing some of the things that God is doing for me. And hubby. Please continue to pray for our marriage and pray also that I will continue seeking God's will and hubby will come back to Christ and really see what God is trying to show him.

Thanks to all!

After getting the help I needed for my bipolar, I also went to anger management counseling for months afterwards. Not because I had to, But, Because I wanted to. I had a bad temper to begin with. This just helped me look at things differently. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[Alive again]

Wife of,

You can alwasy pm me. I have been gone gettingchldren moved to 2 different staes, but my Dad had bp2, my bro had an undx'ed issue, my son has bp 2 and add and I have bp2, my hubby has anger management issues, so I have experienced this issues from "many different sides of the fence" I am available to help in anyway I can.

 

[Zita123]

There is so much help out there. Right here actually!
I have bp 3 kinds, and schizoeffective disorder.
My husband for 16 yrs had a drug and drinking problem, my son is 21 and has turrette syndrome along with depression. I also deal with fibromyalgia. the list goes on but, I find comfort here .
I pray that you do too!
GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!
Zita

Wife of,

You can alwasy pm me. I have been gone gettingchldren moved to 2 different staes, but my Dad had bp2, my bro had an undx'ed issue, my son has bp 2 and add and I have bp2, my hubby has anger management issues, so I have experienced this issues from "many different sides of the fence" I am available to help in anyway I can.

 

[thewifeof]

Again, thank you to all! I have just had another rough weekend. Does anyone here know why weekends, versus weekdays, would be so rough? Anyhow, we finally got to have a heart to heart without hubby going bullistic about having to share feelings and we found out that he has unresolved anger issues with his dad, who by the way, killed himself.... SO, tonights counseling session should be quite interesting!

 

[Alive again]

Hi, not sure, but I know that routine is one thing that helps us cope and helps to avoid triggering episodes. So same bedtimes, mealtimes, etc can help, but is not a guarantee. One possiblity is just the switch in his routine if he works during the week and is off weekends. It can get very challenging to "find" a reason for everything with bp. Sometimes there is just not a reason, very frustrating. They just happen, but you do learn to identify your own triggers-stress, less sleep, emotions/memories, etc. ONe of the things that was very helpful for my husband and I in working with my son was the NAMI-"family2family" course. check for one in your area. I'll be online for a bit if you would liek to talk pm me.