Top 10 Weirdest Statements

[Snowy]

(Made by prospective employees during an interview)

10. "Once a week, I usually feel hot all over."

9. "People are always watching me."

8. "My legs are really hairy."

7. "I think I'm going to throw up."

6. "I have no difficulty in starting or holding my bowel movement."

5. "I feel uneasy indoors."

4. "Sometimes I feel like smashing things."

3. "I get excited very easily."

2. "At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking."

1. "I am fascinated by fire."

 

[Snowy]

10. Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're all present.

9. Schedule meetings for 4:14 PM.

8. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers or tape dispensers.

7. "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.

6. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive".

5. When co-worker walks by motion him over, lean forward as if you are about to say something then go back to work.

4. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)

3. Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathroom."

2. Include a personal note on every email that you send. "On a personal note, I'm feeling a bit tired and grumpy today." "On a personal note, I'm pleased to announce that I got my highest score ever on Tetris last night."

1. Every time you enter the room, sit in a chair, lean back too far, and fall over backwards. Laugh hysterically for about ten minutes. Then, one day, repeat the falling-over exercise, but instead of laughing, get up, look at the chair sternly, and say, "It's not funny anymore."

 

[Snowy]

20. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in

19. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

18. The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

17. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

16. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

15. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

14. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

13. bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

12. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

11. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

10. The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy."

9. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

8. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

7. The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service, we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

6. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his private study.

5. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

4. The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

3. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

2. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.

1. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.