tired of going to church

[Musician4Jesus]

If you want to know why I'm fed up I will summarize....

1.Yes the hypocrisy.

2.The church being treated as a social club; this aggravates me to no end because that's not what the church is, and that's not what real fellowship is. Yes socializing is a part of fellowship, but it's only ONE aspect of fellowship; there is so much more to to real fellowship than merely socializing.

3.How selfish and shallow mainstream Christianity has become, and also how shallow and self-absorbed the majority of Christians are. This is going to sound harsh, but if you want to live life for yourself, then you should NOT BECOME A CHRISTIAN. I am not trying to dissuade people from coming to faith in Christ when I say this, I am being honest. Yes there are parts of your relationship with God that are personal and intimate; however for the most part when you become a Christian you put your wants and your desires last. God goes first, followed by others. However Christians are so focused on 'God's plan for [my] life' that it doesn't occur to them that a large part of God's plan for their life is serving and loving others; that the whole purpose of life is love....loving others, loving God, and being loved. It's also being like Christ which means loving like he does, and serving like he did. When you ditch somebody and/or start treating them like crap because they're not nice to be around like you want, that's not how Jesus acts, and that's who we're supposed to strive to be. Then you get this litany of 'we're humans we make mistakes too'. Yeah I don't expect perfection, but when you use that line incessantly, you're just using at as an excuse to be complacent. You can't live life how you want and follow God at the same time.....yes God has a plan, hope, and future for everybody but there's a reason that the concept of dying to yourself is in the Bible, and Jesus Himself said 'that whoever wants to save his life will lose it'. Christians are so obsessed with doing what they want to do, and yet half of them are miserable and empty by doing this.



4.That you try exposing the issues that are such huge issues in the body of Christ today, and you try doing so, and you immediately get accused of 'judging and bashing' because it's not nice and happy like they want to here, because it's not stroking their ego like they want. Saving face with their pride and ego and doing what they want to do is more important than knowing God, and that makes my blood boil. The Truth hurts and most of the time it's not going to be 'fluffy and nice'. The Bible Says that the word of God pierces the soul to the marrow. Yeah I could do a better job of expressing the issues I have, I admit that; however the reality is that many times as I just stated previously, the truth isn't nice and no matter how nice you try to package the message it's still not going to be nice to receive.


5.Narrow mindedness. That if you conform to how they think and act, and think and act like they want you to, you'll be accepted and get time, help, love, and attention. That any view that is different than their view is wrong, and then they try to shove their view down your throat. Having different perspectives as long as it aligns with the Bible isn't wrong.

6.The Hypocrisy with serving. America is all about convenience and this attitude has infiltrated the church and it's totally ruined the church. Serving isn't always going to be nice, and real service requires sacrifice. If you're only going to serve when it's convenient for you, it totally defeats the purpose of doing so. Add to that Christ says whatever you do unto the least of these you do unto me.

 

[AllThingsWorkForGood]

I don't mean to be curt but it sounds like maybe you need to find a new church or at least take a break for a while, because it seems to be actually affecting your faith and that shouldn't be.

If your faith in God is as solid as a rock then you will not be seriously affected by others because you know that it's only God that matters at the end of the day.

Seek God and Christ first and deepen your relationship with the Father and do not let all this stuff cause you to turn away from God. Learn to see that people more often than not do not reflect God but that is their problem between them and God and God will hold everyone to account one day for how they have behaved.

God rights all wrongs eventually but He is in no rush because He is eternal and it all happens in His time.

I think you need to seek the Father and not allow these people to affect you like this. It's not worth it.

Pray and read the Word on your own until you have a breakthrough and learn to wear that word like armour, as St Paul instructs in Ephesians.

Read that entire epistle.

Let the Word transform your mind and strengthen you so that you can stand firm against the Enemy's schemes.

Guard your faith and heart in Christ so that you don't become like one of those mentioned in the Parable of the Sower.

Forget other people and focus on your relationship with God and Jesus because, ultimately, that really and truly is all that matters. Put God first above everything - yes even people and your church - and your mind will be transformed to a more peaceful disposition.

 

[Musician4Jesus]

Going to a new church isn't going to change anything. I've been a Christian half my life and the issues I discussed have happened at every single church I've ever gone to.

You keep assuming that the issue I am having is with God and not with people and that because of having bad experiences relationship with people it has adversely effected my relationship with God. That's not true and the reasons I am angry with God are for completely separate reasons that have nothing to do with people.

I am sick of having to be forced to be something I'm not. There is a bias against you if you are introvert in the United States; most people immediately think something is wrong (i.e. they jump to the conclusion that you're sad/depressed etc.) if you're quiet and introvert. People don't say outright that 'you're inferior' because you're introvert, but the characteristics and attitudes of extroverts are prized and seen as superior in United States. That's great if you're extrovert but if you're introvert it sucks.


I know exactly what type of people that churches in mainstream America go for; those who are bubbly and gregarious. Those who are constantly saying how great and wonderful life is and always saying how much God has blessed them. Yeah you should be grateful, but I don't care how deep your faith and love for God is, life is not always wonderful and I'm sick of having to put on this act that my life is great when life sucks right now.

 

[AllThingsWorkForGood]

I am not assuming anything. I have been going by your posts ranting about the people in your church. I have consistently tried to point you towards the Father.

In your last post you urged people not to become Christians for reasons that were not clear. In this post you have said you are angry at God.

Clearly you have a problem with God but I have tried to be diplomatic in my responses to your tirades until now.

I am obviously not the right person to try to offer advice as it appears to be falling on deaf ears and is not speaking to your situation.

I hope you find peace and that someone helps you work this out.

 

[YanKee Gal]

You are at the right place. This forum is made for people like us. People who are not cookie cutters, that do not serve the church agenda. Be free in yourself. God is rearranging his people. He is moving them where he needs them, taking them out of bad situations. I only know most churches want the parish members to do all the work. They would say, you have depression? start a depression group. stuff like that is well and good but it is not the answer. you want genuine people who care in the flesh, real person. Pray and ask God to send people into your life he wants for you to have. I did that and i live in a nasty complex with people i cannot stand. Why? God is pruning me. I am being shaped and molded. Joseph in Potiphar's jail was being shaped and molded. He was developing his character so when the right timing came he could walk in the office God had for him. I found when i was depressed to pray for others. I bypassed my feelings and just did it. The depression lifted. It works. I will pray for you. Blessings

 

[bèlla]

There was a time when I sought fellowship with other believers. But there were elements of dysfunction that I couldn't stomach. For the sake of my sanity and peace of mind I form connections with those with similar dispositions and shared interests. It may sound selfish and discriminating. But I had my fill.

I don't want to recall problems. I don't want to commiserate over woe and that is a common subject. I don't marinate over my problems and I don't want to replay anyone's every day or whatever measure of frequency they choose. There were countless instances where my spirits were high and a call had me rebuking a spirit of heaviness.

I don't like the sense of entitlement, demands, or clinginess I encountered. I am a not a surrogate companion or anything else the individual is lacking. There's nothing worse then being stuffed in someone's wound or gaping hole. It's suffocating.

As an unmarried woman my purpose is foremost. It's the thing that commands my time and focus in this season. And the last time I checked, no one was offering me the $100K I need to study overseas. That doesn't include my living expenses either. It's solely the visa requirements and tuition for one year. I have to earn the money for five years elsewhere. I don't have time for drama. My mind is on heavenly matters.

I have never looked to the church to fill my social needs or expected to find friends. It was a place of worship. I maintained an open mind and trusted the Lord to bring people beside me. I didn't limit Him.

I don't believe I owe anyone my presence. I don't believe I am required to develop a bond with someone because they're alone or want companionship. There must be a level of agreement. Otherwise, it's imbalanced and difficulties arise.

My connections cannot thrive if we're unaware of our place and the appropriate behavior and boundaries it entails. I will not keep company with anyone whose expectations are more akin to a partner's than an acquaintance or friend. I do not assign that measure of entitlement to anyone save my spouse.

 

[Hishandmaiden]

I had not been going to church for many months, due to my mental illness.
I miss church fellowship.
Sure, the friendship in church can be pretty shallow at times, but Christians aren't perfect people.
I wish I will be cured of my mental illness and can go to church again.

 

[YanKee Gal]

I had not been going to church for many months, due to my mental illness.
I miss church fellowship.
Sure, the friendship in church can be pretty shallow at times, but Christians aren't perfect people.
I wish I will be cured of my mental illness and can go to church again.

Handmaiden, i am disabled so i do not go anymore. All i can say is life happens for whatever reason. I am grateful there is this forum so we can encourage one another in the Lord. As long as we walk this earth we all will fall and stumble from time to time. I have never met a perfect christian or a perfect church. I think that is why the Lineage of Christ is in the gospels to show how God used imperfect people to bring about the Saviour. I will pray for you. Blessings

 

[Albion]

IMO, when we speak of fellowship, it means being part of the community that is truly worshipping God and growing in the faith. It doesn't primarily mean finding new friends to associate with outside of church. It often happens that powerful friendships grow from contacts made in the church, but that is not the church's reason for being.

One explanation for why this is not the view that everyone holds may relate to the trend of churches going away from the liturgy of historic Christianity (check it out) and moving instead towards a very sterile format that consists mainly of instruction (sermon) with intervals of music.

 

[bèlla]

IMO, when we speak of fellowship, it means being part of the community that is truly worshipping God and growing in the faith. It doesn't primarily mean finding new friends to associate with outside of church. It often happens that powerful friendships grow from contacts made in the church, but that is not the church's reason for being.

You hit the nail on the head. I think that's why there's a lot of disgruntlement and I believe expectation is at the root of it.

I met someone at church years ago and we struck up a friendship. But she'd call me all the time. She wanted to see me frequently and was upset if I had other plans or wasn't in the mood for socializing. She had an unhappy marriage and preferred to be out of the house. But the Lord addressed her behavior. She confessed the Holy Spirit told her she was smothering me and to give me some space. She said He reminded her that we didn't need to be together all the time.

There were many occasions when she would ring and I had just finished my quiet time. She'd dump all her problems in my lap and my pleasant mood was gone. I stopped answering the phone. It was really draining.

 

[SkyWriting]

I realize that the church is more than a building, I know it's the body of Christ; as a result it doesn't where the body of Christ meets.

However I basically feel forgotten. I have a cell phone, but I honestly don't know why I have it: the only phone calls I get are spam calls (about paying off student loans) and my cell phone provider reminding me that my bill is due. Other than those calls, nobody ever calls me.

I am tired of receiving the typical suggestions. These typical suggestions are:

*Go to a small group/lifegroup (a.k.a. a Bible study)
*Try doing volunteer work
*Get involved with a local church

I AM going to a local church AND I AM going to weekly Bible study. Unfortunately, fellowship at my church is centered around church stuff (the aforementioned Bible study and church on Sundays) but the fellowship doesn't carry over into real life. If I didn't go to church on Sundays and didn't go to Bible study during the week, I wouldn't see anybody from my church in real life, because as I said, fellowship at my church is relegated to the aforementioned church stuff.


I have chronic depression and have suffered with it since I was 17 (34 now). It's true that volunteering would somewhat alleviate my depression and I do volunteer weekly at the humane society (I pet and cuddle cats; the socializing helps get them used to humans for when they're adopted). However the reality is that most people my age are married, living on their own and providing for their families via working at a job. I'm an older single and spend most of my time alone. Any volunteer work I do, I'd be doing by myself. I don't mind doing volunteer work alone in and of itself. However when you do everything by yourself it becomes very lonely and very depressing, and I pretty much do everything by myself.
I am also struggling in regards to making friends with Christians. Pretty much every Christian friend I've ever befriended, I do all the work from a communication standpoint; if I don't initiate I don't hear from them. I don't have an issue initiating in and of itself; the problem I have is when I am doing all the work with communicating, and they never take the initiative to reciprocate with communicating.

I also don't expect the friendship to monopolize all their time nor do I expect it to monopolize their lives as I understand they have their own lives. I'd be content if they would just initiate once a week with a call, text, or sending me a message via facebook, but I don't even get THAT much.

To me with a friendship, it's a two-way street with communication; both people in the friendship should be initiating with communication and it's not fair to stick one person with the work with communicating in a friendship. I expect a friend to initiate with communication cause that's what I think should happen in a real friendship, and I get accused of 'you're having an entitlement mentality'.

I

I am tired of reaching out and trying to make friendships/social connections when when I do I get stuck doing all the work in regards to communicating. I am tired of doing everything by myself and I am very frustrated with fellowship at my church being relegated to the aforementioned church stuff. Unfortunately the problem with fellowship being centered around church stuff (Bible study, church on Sundays) and not carrying over into real life isn't just exclusive to my church, it's a problem in mainstream Christian culture as a whole, at least in the United States.

I don't trust that when I make new friends that anything is going to change. Why should I believe and trust that a new friend I make is going to actually initiate with contact, when literally every friend I've ever made I do all the work with communicating. Different people feel loved in different ways and for me it's quality time; if you cannot take 5 minutes to initiate with communicating with the friendship you have with me, then no I don't think you care about me as a person, nor do I think you care about my life.

People ask 'what am I going to do about it'? The reality is that I don't know what the solution is. However I know two things to be true:

1.I cannot even begin to make improvements with this fellowship issue without God's help.

2.Sadly most Christians in America don't see fellowship only being centered around church stuff and not carrying over into real life as an issue; they're content with the fellowship setup the way it currently is. The truth is that since they don't see it as a problem to begin with they're not going to try and make changes towards a solution. However I look at the new church and how fellowship was intertwined into daily life, and I look at fellowship in mainstream Christianity here in the United States, and realize there IS an issue with the way fellowship is in the United States.

3. This is such a major issue that it's going to take more than one person to make changes with this. I am only one person, and yes I can 'be the change I wish to see in the world' however the reality is I AM ONLY ONE PERSON, and sometimes an issue is so big that it takes more than one person to fix it and such is the case with this problem.

I have become really 'hung up' with this because I could deal with it from people from the secular world, it's the type of treatment I'd expect to receive. However I thought when I became saved I would find my niche in church, and find a place where I feel I truly belong. However I've always felt like I'm on the outside looking in for as long as I can remember, and I don't even feel like there's a place for me even in the body of Christ. The reality is that most of my congregation is made up of married people raising young families and the others are retirees. Most people my age are raising families and working jobs to provide for those families. I am not, so while I feel accepted, I don't feel included. Most Christians at my church also don't struggle with depression, at least not chronically; depression varies in severity and somebody who has never had depression or who has only had a mild form of it IS NOT going to be able to relate to somebody who struggles with it chronically because chronic depression is completely different than mild depression and effects you more badly than mild depression does.

Volunteer helping people instead.

 

[Musician4Jesus]

I'm not asking anybody to be a 'surrogate companion'. I never implied in any shape or form that the reason the church exists is for fellowship; I know that's not the reason the church exists-the church exists to worship God. However the reality is that worshiping God is obeying Him-if you love Him, you'll obey Him, and there are so many verses in the Bible that say how important fellowship is. I get tired of people making this assumption that because I want fellowship that isn't watered down and isn't lukewarm, which I'm not doing that I'm placing it as more important than my relationship with God-I then try to clarify this, and people twist around what I said into something I never said! It's either that or they don't even bother to read the entire post-they just read what they want and take it completely out of context, which gets really annoying.

I try addressing that it bothers me when they this, and half the time they get defensive and annoyed. There are so many Christians who have this callous attitude of 'you're not always nice to be around, you don't deserve my time help, love, and attention', and this is so superficial to me. Jesus said we're supposed to love one another and to bare the burdens of one another; if you ditch somebody because they're not pleasant to be around, that's doing the exact opposite of what the Bible says. The Bible and JESUS himself said to love those who are not loving to be around.

I'm not saying that means you should be a doormat, but if all you do is love those are loving and kind to you, how are you acting any different than a person living in the secular world? Jesus said that those who do this aren't any better than a pharisee if you only love those who love you.

 

[bèlla]

I get tired of people making this assumption that because I want fellowship that isn't watered down and isn't lukewarm,

Why the negative descriptor? Are we at a point where differences are wrong? You clearly want a different level of relating than some. That isn't good or bad. It's who you are.

You'll find that resonates with some church members and less so with others. Why is that a problem? God's diversity is evident throughout the world. We're not doppelgangers.

 

[Hazelelponi]

Yes I haven't actually replied to the responses people in this thread have posted in ages, but I didn't know what to say initially; part of this is because I'm introvert and I have to THINK about what I am going to say (or rather type in this case) BEFORE I say it.

Another reason for not responding in ages is because lots of people responded to this thread, and there are lots of different perspectives regarding what I said, so I needed to figure out how to respond.

This is my response in regards to what people have said....

Somebody said 'why can't you just enjoy the time you have to fellowship when you go to church on Sundays' well this is my response to that...

I feel like I am putting on a facade, and I'm tired of the masquerade. I have to put on this masquerade and facade at church every sunday, and it's to the point where I HATE going to church now, that I DREAD going to church. The typical thing that happens is people say hi and ask 'how are you'. I get so sick of people asking me how I am; the reason for this is they're not asking because they actually care how you are, they're only asking to be polite. It's just inferred that your response should be that you're fine, and that you're just supposed to hide your pain, sorrow, and problems; that if you do so, 'nobody wants to be around somebody who is always negative'. I get so sick of this attitude because it completely contradicts what the Bible says....the Bible says to bare one another's burdens, to love one another, and that when one person in the body of Christ mourns/grieves, the others in the body of Christ do so as well.

Add to that we're supposed to love like Jesus does, and Jesus lets you be REAL about your pain sorrow and problems; he accepts you as you are. It's agape love, and that's the type of love we're supposed to emulate. Yet does this happen with the church I go to? No, and the sad reality is it's been this way with every church I've ever gone to, and I've been saved 17 years.

You know how many people in my church I can actually confide in, actually BE REAL WITH about my problems and my depression? Who actually help me and take an interest in my life? Three, that's it. Even though I go to a small group, I don't feel comfortable at all confiding in them about my depression, or about being an older single. The reason I don't want to open up to them (the people in my small group) about this stuff is because....

1.Most of them are older (in their 50s, and 60s); I don't have a problem being friends with somebody who is older that's not the issue. However with the exception of one other person, everybody in my small group but me is married. Most of them were married when they were young (early to mid 20s); since they were married when they were young they don't know how difficult it is to be an older single, since when they were my age (I'm in my mid 30s) they were married and raising a family.

2. None of them have chronic depression, and as I far as I know of, none of them have depression (if they do it's a milder form, and they're doing a really good job of hiding it). THAT in and of itself aggravates me to no end, that you cannot be open about depression in the church. You know how many sermons have been preached about specifically focusing on depression?! NONE, and it SHOULD NOT be that way, because there are SO MANY CHRISTIANS AT CHURCH WHO STRUGGLE WITH IT. However what's the 'solution' that we're just supposed to put on this masquerade of everything is great, even though we're devastated and broken inside.

Somebody posted this on the thread, and it really aggravated me....

Hello, M4J, when I read that you had depression for seventeen years, I thought to myself, that sounds like something that should be treated by a professional rather than resolved by well-meaning advice from your peers. Have you considered approaching a doctor or therapist rather than taking suggestions from laypeople?

I don't know where the hell in the post I put that I EVER ONCE IMPLIED that I am expecting people at my church to be my therapist/counselor. THAT IS NOT what I am expecting of them. I'm obviously not a psychologist, but I have a very good idea of how depression works, because I've lived with it for so long; as a result I know what makes it better, and what makes it worse. If you have a support system, it makes it better, and I feel like I don't have that; I have people from aforementioned small group claiming to love and care about me, yet those SAME people, I'm just expected to say I'm great and put on a smile and facade. Those same people, NONE of them so much as ever initiate with a phone call or text outside of small group and church on Sundays, AND NONE OF THEM ever lift a finger to help in a practical way; all they say is "I'll pray for you". None of them ever invite me out to do something, or offer to hang out. I don't do so either, but it's because I have become so tired of doing all the work from a communication stand point with friendships, sick of putting on this facade and masquerade, and sick of being forgotten.

The reality is that that primary focus and emphasis with mainstream Christian culture and Christian churches in america is FAMILY; that's great if you're in that demographic but if you're not it SUCKS ASS, and you fall through the cracks.

How Am I possibly supposed to believe that being myself is good enough?! That it's enough?! How am I supposed to believe this, when the emphasis in American culture is on being extrovert, and if you're an introvert you are seen as inferior, as a liability. I am sick of being forced to be something I am not; I don't force extroverts to be introverts, but with american culture if you're introvert, it's immediately seen that something is wrong with you, and it drives me absolutely insane and makes my blood boil.

I am not stupid, the whole attitude with contemporary Christian churches is you're just supposed to be encouraging and edifying and uplifting. That as long as you're nice and happy and positive to be around, constantly saying how great life is, that you deserve love, help, time, and attention. However if you don't fit that mold, then you just deserve to be snubbed, and ostracized; or if you are acknowledged, you're judged in a condemning way and people play the comparison game with your life and problems....that somebody else has it worse off that makes your problems and life inferior. It's this whole gist of 'there are millions of people around the world in poverty, you could be a lot worse off' That's minimizing, and it aggravates me so much. Then people here wonder why I don't trust people, why I don't like them, they wonder why I am so resentful and angry.

This aggravates me because it's NOT WHAT JESUS DOES and again totally contradicts the Bible. Jesus himself said that ...

Matthew 5:46-48 New International Version (NIV)
46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

The bottom line is we're not just supposed to love those who love us that we're supposed to love those who are not loving. However contemporary Christian churches say 'being real about your problems is taboo, nobody wants to be around somebody who is always negative, you're real about your problems and you're whining and complaining'

I have a chronic pain disease and there isn't even much medical research done on it because it's a rare disease, meaning fewer than 20,000 people have it in the US, so its not really a priority to research.

Thing is, there IS what is acceptable socially to say in social situations..

As you said, when people ask how you are, "fine" is the socially acceptable answer, and you learn to say it with a smile even if that's not the truth. "Oh just another day in living hell", isn't socially acceptable - church or no.

In church you can be more truthful, without overburdening whoever your speaking to, for example, "I'm still persevering in Christ through my trials, as are we all" can be seen to be a truthful, yet socially acceptable answer for church.

Saying something similar to the above leaves the door open if someone feels inclined to ask you for more specifics so they can pray for you etc. they can, but if they don't want to they don't have to ask for more information.

Everyone in church has struggled, or is struggling. They may not be able to relate to your specific issues, but that doesn't mean they can't relate to struggling in the flesh in some way.

An older person might not know what it's like to be unmarried in one's 30's, but even a married person knows what loneliness or lack of freindship can feel like. Someone may not know the specific struggles of depression, but illness or disability can affect many, and disabilites have commonalities in a general sense.

Try looking to widen your circle of trust. Look perhaps to the elderly instead of people your age, to fulfill the friendship role in your life. And instead of just saying "fine" when people ask how you are, try looking for a way you can be truthful without giving too much information.. opening the door for real sharing.

 

[UnprofitableServant]

I realize that the church is more than a building, I know it's the body of Christ; as a result it doesn't where the body of Christ meets.

However I basically feel forgotten. I have a cell phone, but I honestly don't know why I have it: the only phone calls I get are spam calls (about paying off student loans) and my cell phone provider reminding me that my bill is due. Other than those calls, nobody ever calls me.

I am tired of receiving the typical suggestions. These typical suggestions are:

*Go to a small group/lifegroup (a.k.a. a Bible study)
*Try doing volunteer work
*Get involved with a local church

I AM going to a local church AND I AM going to weekly Bible study. Unfortunately, fellowship at my church is centered around church stuff (the aforementioned Bible study and church on Sundays) but the fellowship doesn't carry over into real life. If I didn't go to church on Sundays and didn't go to Bible study during the week, I wouldn't see anybody from my church in real life, because as I said, fellowship at my church is relegated to the aforementioned church stuff.


I have chronic depression and have suffered with it since I was 17 (34 now). It's true that volunteering would somewhat alleviate my depression and I do volunteer weekly at the humane society (I pet and cuddle cats; the socializing helps get them used to humans for when they're adopted). However the reality is that most people my age are married, living on their own and providing for their families via working at a job. I'm an older single and spend most of my time alone. Any volunteer work I do, I'd be doing by myself. I don't mind doing volunteer work alone in and of itself. However when you do everything by yourself it becomes very lonely and very depressing, and I pretty much do everything by myself.
I am also struggling in regards to making friends with Christians. Pretty much every Christian friend I've ever befriended, I do all the work from a communication standpoint; if I don't initiate I don't hear from them. I don't have an issue initiating in and of itself; the problem I have is when I am doing all the work with communicating, and they never take the initiative to reciprocate with communicating.

I also don't expect the friendship to monopolize all their time nor do I expect it to monopolize their lives as I understand they have their own lives. I'd be content if they would just initiate once a week with a call, text, or sending me a message via facebook, but I don't even get THAT much.

To me with a friendship, it's a two-way street with communication; both people in the friendship should be initiating with communication and it's not fair to stick one person with the work with communicating in a friendship. I expect a friend to initiate with communication cause that's what I think should happen in a real friendship, and I get accused of 'you're having an entitlement mentality'.

I

I am tired of reaching out and trying to make friendships/social connections when when I do I get stuck doing all the work in regards to communicating. I am tired of doing everything by myself and I am very frustrated with fellowship at my church being relegated to the aforementioned church stuff. Unfortunately the problem with fellowship being centered around church stuff (Bible study, church on Sundays) and not carrying over into real life isn't just exclusive to my church, it's a problem in mainstream Christian culture as a whole, at least in the United States.

I don't trust that when I make new friends that anything is going to change. Why should I believe and trust that a new friend I make is going to actually initiate with contact, when literally every friend I've ever made I do all the work with communicating. Different people feel loved in different ways and for me it's quality time; if you cannot take 5 minutes to initiate with communicating with the friendship you have with me, then no I don't think you care about me as a person, nor do I think you care about my life.

People ask 'what am I going to do about it'? The reality is that I don't know what the solution is. However I know two things to be true:

1.I cannot even begin to make improvements with this fellowship issue without God's help.

2.Sadly most Christians in America don't see fellowship only being centered around church stuff and not carrying over into real life as an issue; they're content with the fellowship setup the way it currently is. The truth is that since they don't see it as a problem to begin with they're not going to try and make changes towards a solution. However I look at the new church and how fellowship was intertwined into daily life, and I look at fellowship in mainstream Christianity here in the United States, and realize there IS an issue with the way fellowship is in the United States.

3. This is such a major issue that it's going to take more than one person to make changes with this. I am only one person, and yes I can 'be the change I wish to see in the world' however the reality is I AM ONLY ONE PERSON, and sometimes an issue is so big that it takes more than one person to fix it and such is the case with this problem.

I have become really 'hung up' with this because I could deal with it from people from the secular world, it's the type of treatment I'd expect to receive. However I thought when I became saved I would find my niche in church, and find a place where I feel I truly belong. However I've always felt like I'm on the outside looking in for as long as I can remember, and I don't even feel like there's a place for me even in the body of Christ. The reality is that most of my congregation is made up of married people raising young families and the others are retirees. Most people my age are raising families and working jobs to provide for those families. I am not, so while I feel accepted, I don't feel included. Most Christians at my church also don't struggle with depression, at least not chronically; depression varies in severity and somebody who has never had depression or who has only had a mild form of it IS NOT going to be able to relate to somebody who struggles with it chronically because chronic depression is completely different than mild depression and effects you more badly than mild depression does.

The fellowship you are seeking is deeper than what mainstream Christianity offers. Mainstream Christianity has people going to church with plastic smiles on their face and pretend to be loving and caring. This has been your only experience with Christians thus far.

This is a disappointing reality when Jesus said this: They will know we are Christians by our love we have for one another... Where is this found in the churches we attend? Do we really feel the love that Jesus showed us in the churches we attend? Or do we feel the falseness radiating from those around us? An honest answer to these questions is crucial to understanding what God is calling us to do.

I found from experience that the further away I moved from mainstream Christianity, the closer I came to Jesus. The more I studied His words, the more closer I felt to Him, yet distant from my old Christian "friends". I wasn't sure why this happened, but I am sure God will reveal it to me in His time.

I take comfort in Jesus saying, "Keep on knocking and the door will be opened; keep on seeking and you will find..." This gives me hope. Hope I will find the same love that the early Christians showed each other during the early years. Love that will cause church to not be a Sunday only thing, rather a lifestyle. I have yet to find it; I am certain God is leading me closer to such a lifestyle, however.

Don't give up, bro! Take courage that I won't give up either!

In peace

 

[bèlla]

The fellowship you are seeking is deeper than what mainstream Christianity offers. Mainstream Christianity has people going to church with plastic smiles on their face and pretend to be loving and caring. This has been your only experience with Christians thus far.

I don't agree with your statement. You have surmised that his experiences are the result of mainstream Christianity rather than the probable cause of something closer. The common denominator in all of this is him. You don't need to be a follower of Jesus to question if there are other reasons why he's struggling. Social awkwardness comes to mind.

And while I empathize with his struggle, the continued focus on himself in his account is hard to ignore. He expects a lot from other Christians and feels let down. His expectation is clear. And I don't believe it's correct.

If God didn't force us to accept His Beloved Son. I have difficulty believing He'd impose the same in this instance. This isn't about mainstream Christianity or its failings. It's free will plain and simple.

You can't twist someone's arm to make them accept you. Nor can you generalize against other believers because you've struggled to make a connection. This is akin to the child who approaches her parent in tears because the other kids won't play with her. Or someone in particular refuses to do so. Their response will have a greater impact than most realize.

Some will criticize their behavior. Painting them as the bad guys and speak ill of them. Others will dry the child's tears and offer reassurance of friends to come. And a few will explain that rejection happens. It's a fact of life. We all experience it some time. Even in the Church.

 

[UnprofitableServant]

I don't agree with your statement. You have surmised that his experiences are the result of mainstream Christianity rather than the probable cause of something closer. The common denominator in all of this is him. You don't need to be a follower of Jesus to question if there are other reasons why he's struggling. Social awkwardness comes to mind.

And while I empathize with his struggle, the continued focus on himself in his account is hard to ignore. He expects a lot from other Christians and feels let down. His expectation is clear. And I don't believe it's correct.

If God didn't force us to accept His Beloved Son. I have difficulty believing He'd impose the same in this instance. This isn't about mainstream Christianity or its failings. It's free will plain and simple.

You can't twist someone's arm to make them accept you. Nor can you generalize against other believers because you've struggled to make a connection. This is akin to the child who approaches her parent in tears because the other kids won't play with her. Or someone in particular refuses to do so. Their response will have a greater impact than most realize.

Some will criticize their behavior. Painting them as the bad guys and speak ill of them. Others will dry the child's tears and offer reassurance of friends to come. And a few will explain that rejection happens. It's a fact of life. We all experience it some time. Even in the Church.

It is fine to have disagreement with me. Considering the purpose of me writing was for his benefit.
In peace

 

[Musician4Jesus]

I am tired of being told I am making generalizations when I am not; I am speaking from 17 years of experience of going to various churches, and every single one of them has been exactly like what I described in my initial post.

I am also tired of being accused of having 'selfish expectations'. The only thing I want is to be accepted as I am; extroverts can grate on my nerves but I don't force them to be something they're not (introverted). The only other thing I want is to be loved and t9 be remembered, I am tired of being forgotten.

I have been rejected and received stigma for most of my life. I thought when I went to church I would find a place I belong where I could be accepted for who I am. Instead being myself isn't good enough, and I have to put on a facade. I expect this type of treatment from the secular world, and can deal with it. However when I get this kind of treatment from the body of Christ it sucks and it hurts. Yet this happened to me incessantly and then you wonder why I am angry, bitter, and negative?!

I don't think it's fair when society and the church forces you into a mold that you don't fit into; then you try to be something you're not and fail miserably because it's not your personality.

You can think whatever you want, but just because I desire for fellowship to extend into real life does not mean I expect it to monopolize Christians lives as I know and realize they have their own lives. That's never what I asked for. I just don't think the church should be treated as a social club nor as a source of entertainment, as neither are primary reasons for why the church exists.

I am tired of Christians being seen as inferior for having mental problems, and tired that you cannot talk about such things openly. To add insult to injury, most of the time they're not even taken seriously, not even seen as real illnesses, even though they are. I am not expecting anybody to be my counselor, nor do I expect people who don't struggle with mental problems/disabilities to understand them, but I never asked them to. All I want is for them to make the effort to attempt to understand it; if they do that much it's good enough for me.

 

[Hazelelponi]

I am tired of being told I am making generalizations when I am not; I am speaking from 17 years of experience of going to various churches, and every single one of them has been exactly like what I described in my initial post.

I am also tired of being accused of having 'selfish expectations'. The only thing I want is to be accepted as I am; extroverts can grate on my nerves but I don't force them to be something they're not (introverted). The only other thing I want is to be loved and t9 be remembered, I am tired of being forgotten.

I have been rejected and received stigma for most of my life. I thought when I went to church I would find a place I belong where I could be accepted for who I am. Instead being myself isn't good enough, and I have to put on a facade. I expect this type of treatment from the secular world, and can deal with it. However when I get this kind of treatment from the body of Christ it sucks and it hurts. Yet this happened to me incessantly and then you wonder why I am angry, bitter, and negative?!

I don't think it's fair when society and the church forces you into a mold that you don't fit into; then you try to be something you're not and fail miserably because it's not your personality.

You can think whatever you want, but just because I desire for fellowship to extend into real life does not mean I expect it to monopolize Christians lives as I know and realize they have their own lives. That's never what I asked for. I just don't think the church should be treated as a social club nor as a source of entertainment, as neither are primary reasons for why the church exists.

I am tired of Christians being seen as inferior for having mental problems, and tired that you cannot talk about such things openly. To add insult to injury, most of the time they're not even taken seriously, not even seen as real illnesses, even though they are. I am not expecting anybody to be my counselor, nor do I expect people who don't struggle with mental problems/disabilities to understand them, but I never asked them to. All I want is for them to make the effort to attempt to understand it; if they do that much it's good enough for me.

Did you read my reply to you?

 

[FireDragon76]

I have found as a single woman going to church on my own, I threaten some people for some reason. As you mentioned, the vast majority of people in churches are there with others in families. .

I go to congregation in a relatively liberal US mainline denomination and I encounter similar things. Church people can be conventional and bourgeois in their attitudes, regardless of denomination. Even well-meaning people can be insensitive to the diversity and inclusiveness that churches ought to exhibit.

Churches do focus alot on family and its become ingrained in the culture, even since the Protestant reformation. It sort of perpetuates itself as far as religion goes, it's "good for business". But Jesus was a single man that hung out mostly with other men. Hardly a family man.

Me and my partner are both disabled and we have both been hoping to find more friends in a church and it just hasn't played out. We both are poor and bohemian and the people at church are mostly middle class and conventional. We just aren't a good fit. Many, many people in our demographic in Orlando would simply be unchurched.