Thoughts ...

[Noxot]

so there are some things that i don't know and this could prevent me from running to God. lets say I die and then I see God and then I wanted to repent and God provides a way. then it was a bit of compulsion and fear and shame and pain because I had to see myself compared to God. I had to witness the contrast of perfect with that of imperfection, the contrast of corruption with that of which is incorruptible. is it not enough that instead of wanting to repent that i desire to not be? and so I run and live in lower realities where i can forget my pain but the realities never come out right because they are so imperfect and full of corruption and suffering, because I died and fell into parts of myself. so one of Gods children had died and had fallen from his eternal state into a state of death and maybe all he wants now is to not be.

the compulsion of his mercy and his love are nothing but torture and 'process' is hell. but God had to react, he had to let me become in this state of weakness because he can't just let me destroy myself and so he put me in a prison, in a mental asylum and in weakness of this disgusting reality we call our fallen universe, with fallen humans, fallen man that Christ joined his nature with our own, but I can die away even from this or freedom is not.

don't you think it was a natural outcome for the possibility of some to fall further away from God after their half restoration to himself? because God so values each of our own freedoms, but this also means I could react to his goodness in an wicked manner. I could go on a search and see how I can become the most fallen of all beings and this is just a stop in the eternal death of myself. while some go home others run further away. cause every second of this reality kills me, every moment of myself murders me, but God forces me to go on, which is reason enough to hate him, is it not? because I already hate myself anyways and so why not hate the one who made me too? after all, he is the one who keeps on making me exist when I could instead be annihilated, which would be my choice and yet he wants to restore me and so in this process I suffer.

it seems this kind of evil can only be when i'm not whole but then how could you say that God fills me when i'm not complete and I don't want him to, but I just want him to snuff me out and I don't want there to be a me, not in him and not anywhere, because my very nature is to not be since my original being fell away into death and now I see things I did not see before and I don't want that one who is me before I fell to exist, because I hate him. so God thinks he can destroy me and then his little child will be restored, but I am his dead little child and I don't want to be.

but God does not care about what I want, because God does not love evil!

 

[Noxot]

so sort out the reasoning of a devil! and say that God fills it, when IT very well knows that it is not filled by God because God loves it so much that he wants it to makes its own decision even when it feels nothing of goodness to him, but I have found no point in existing without feeling his love. and I get sick of never being enough, of nothing ever being enough.

and I don't want pleasure. I don't want to feel happy. and I don't know God. so all of you are cursed, who only feels happiness and joy and are so completed by pleasure and light and the easy burden of walking in the garden all at ease. but me, I was tortured by all manners of evil insects and diseases and I see differently than you who are at ease see. yet some of you suffer and still choose God, but that is not the choice I made recently now is it?

because I refuse to be fake when I can't see, taste, or feel who God is. when I don't know him there is no reason to exist, but he tortures me because he hides and all I want is to end myself but he won't let me die. no one else will do it for him and so my gift to him is evil. yet he does not accept cains gift but he accepted abels? just because i'm imperfect just like abel is. God is the only one making me be, don't you get why some people would hate that? the endless tortures, the having to endure weakness and suffering just because HE did?

 

[Noxot]

not one of you can make me see because it's the same old process. new bosses on new levels but i'm sick of this game. but God is nowhere to be found, only this pathetic reality with all it's flaws and this me who is dead and weak in sin. and God wants to make a game out of it, a test to see if we will love him when we are in a wasteland. so I took a dump in the wrong place and he rubs my face in it, who here could ever deny that God did not do such a thing? cause it's my word against his and all you pleasure lovers pick him and I don't even want any of you. cause i'm not satan, i'm me.

the very fact that this place exist gives me enough reason to not want to be with God. as long as this place is, I don't want to be. I don't like imperfection. I don't like me. and I don't like all the things the various good saints have about God and how I should do this or that because it's good for me, when i have never for a moment been able to love God correctly nor to know him, since he is so far away and everything always repeats itself. this life was never enough, it's just another hell to go through. I don't want to repent, I just want to be loved, but he keeps on refusing to love me. and that's how I feel and think atm. it changes and later I will think good things, but what does it matter if all I am is chaos and can't even find myself or God? it should not have to be so hard to be what i am and for the eternal reality to be as it always has been, but it's not here.

nothing matters.

 

[Noxot]

when there is no love there is no answer. for me to not be would end this torture of the beauty of what can be. 

evil self-implodes on itself. after it's gone everything is fine. but freedom gives the possibility for evil to occur and a reality of suffering and weakness, of limitations and blindness fuels those not fully established in eternal beauty to want to perish. there are so many more truly beautiful and eternal things we could be, but instead we continue to exist for a moment of a human lifetime in this incomplete reality! it bothers me because I don't know what to do and I have nothing to give and it feels like i'm trapped in a prison where nothing will ever change.

 

[x141]

We can give our eye to whatever we want to or our eye can become single, it most certainly is our choice, but I for myself have come out of this wilderness, and choose not even to choose.

 

[x141]

The living soul judges all things so its worth is judged by God and men. The dead do not judge, yet because they live they judge all things.

 

[x141]

I like that but what do you say to this:

if evil is the distortion of being into something less than what it could be then how could you say that God fills that which does not exist since if he filled it, it would not be because evil is a lack of a thing. it is not being, it is death. evil can be because without freedom there could be no choice which means there is no option to rebel against God which means no one would murder one another and there would be no such thing as suffering by incomplete realities in a fallen cosmos.

we are in some respects limited souls and we make mistakes. I have done things that I later regret and I can see that God can do good to the evils I create but that does not mean that God desires evil to be or else why would he tell us to not eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil? what 'tree of knowledge of evil' could be when evil can only be by the degeneration of good to a lesser state since pure evil would mean no knowledge and it can't reveal itself due to it only being possible to exist because of the good. but goodness has no need of evil even if evil needs goodness to produce effects of death/corruption within life. or first a truth must be and then you can lie about things but you can't lie as a foundation of reality because the nature of truth is that it is real and the nature of lies is that they are not real.

if the dead cosmos is not beauty then it is ugly. if evils only purpose is its rejection as something unworthy of God then how could you say God is where the evil is at? it points to God and it exist within him in the sense that he allows it to be for the sake of freedom and goodness but he does not want evil to be or he himself would have become evil but he has always prevailed over evil unlike me.

even right now I am in some sense Gods adversary because I prefer to attempt to be honest and real rather than to pretend and be fake. when i'm not satisfied and I can't feel goodness and love and hope or joy it becomes hard to cling to to God because i'm so imperfect and weak and double-minded. the devil would very well not exist if he was completely evil. or lets say he could exist if he was completely evil, this means that God has mercy on him, which by it's very act is torture to the pure evil since all he wants is to not be and yet he has to exist due to mercy and love and hope. maybe the devils very rebellion against God has some iota of goodness in it, no matter how distorted it could become or how covered over and hidden it became ( or something added to goodness 'defects' the perfection of what was given at the beginning ).

and so since the eternal foundation of all being is good it means that evil being by their very half-existence suffer and are tortured by the good. this keeps fallen beings in a condition of hell and weeping and gnashing of teeth. what evil wants is complete destruction, i know this very well because I have recently wanted nothing but to not be and thus God becomes my enemy since he is by his very nature, being and life.

(I could look at it this way) What would I say if I am left only to my own thought, to come up with a light of my own making which I have already found to have been deceptive in nature, even in the bassist of forms. And by this thought shall I now measure God’s workmanship based on what my limited capacity found in what my five senses can perceive in this spectrum of matter that by gift (or through no fault of my own) I am conscious that I inhabit.

My experience is God is, but I have found this to not be of any thought of my own and to which my thoughts are contrary, even to the extent that I oppose myself as a creature found when left to its design, to be the most miserable of them all, having a hunger that is never satisfied, and this at the wreck less expense of everything, and everyone around me; my soul is no more than a bag with holes, continually hungry but never filled.

I refuse to eat (for myself) in all things of my own reasoning concerning truth of self/God knowing what end it leads me to, having tested its futility, and having lived long enough with life and death to see that the fate of a star (like all things) is no more different then the fate of the tiniest microbe, and who I thought I was no more than a lie or fleeting glory, having by thought added nothing to me that remains.

Who am I to dispute that God fills heaven and earth, or that God really ever even said that to someone, or that the word God is remotely definitive of his person in any sense of the measure; in my judgment I find myself unqualified by thought to make such an assessment. If he does not reveal himself there is no way that I might find him, and if he does not show me himself then there is no way that I might see the invisible image that he is.

Like all, I am at his mercy, and with that thought, my thoughts are concluded.

 

[x141]

I envision a time where we will live in ourselves and the truth of what we live will become what we live outside of us, and the first form of creation will be as something that is not to us, even though it remains constantly in its current form recreating itself forever.

We must remember, we are being called up, we are ascending, or being gathered, it is the returning of the captivity of the land, or our soul as it was at the first time he was building us. It is happening now; the call of the bridegroom has gone forth, he is covering us, enclosing us that we as pillars go no more out of this house we are, which truths could always be found in the moment, as a truth to the individual that always was (in this is reflected the two (which is one of many such pictures of two) things (the Word of God, and the testimony of Jesus Christ speaking respectively to spirit and soul), that cause us to overcome this image of the man who tills the ground (even though it is this image that does exactly this for us, which in one view of the woman, side, thorn, as it relates to process) which relates to self as the son of God.

 

[Noxot]

it's too hard to resist God when you know how simple and good he is. but it's easy to hate him when you don't know him. I think he delights in us. I mean, if I can so easily love someone who messed up, I know that God is so much better than me.

 

[x141]

it's too hard to resist God when you know how simple and good he is. but it's easy to hate him when you don't know him. I think he delights in us. I mean, if I can so easily love someone who messed up, I know that God is so much better than me.

I would call that reasoning with God ... or Love.

To forgive an enemy, no ... to love an enemy, is where truth of self is found.

 

[x141]

... don't you think it was a natural outcome for the possibility of some to fall further away from God after their half restoration to himself?

This is what you see in picture of those who view the land from the second forty, which causes them not to enter in to what is their's. It is a truth on the whole of the process in us, and not a possibility, but a surety.

The picture's of perception or the law our reasoning becomes to us is a there and back again scenario (And Isaiah said, This sign shalt thou have of the LORD, that the LORD will do the thing that he hath spoken: shall the shadow go forward ten degrees, or go back ten degrees? And Hezekiah answered, It is a light thing for the shadow to go down ten degrees: nay, but let the shadow return backward ten degrees).

I've been very busy of late and haven't had much time to write, but I am reading everything that is written on this sort a thread.

It never ceases to amaze me how knowledge from the most high comes as something that wells up in me in picture form in an endless fashion. It is all around us, in everything we say and do, it's source unlimited and unabridged. Christians look at the Bible as a source of revelational truth, unknowingly limiting God to this one form of communication/relationship.

 

[Norah63]

Wow, that last post said a lot! #611.
Just reading along on this thread.

 

[Noxot]

the bible is all we would need just like when the disciples asked Jesus if those few swords they had was enough. Hezekiah is definitely one of my fav. kings. it is better to remain with God than to start to beat the servants though. I don't wanna gnash my teeth any longer ( weeping would be fine ) and it would be nice to not have to cut my eye out just because all it sees is hell ( I know God would replace the eye in heaven ). it would be better to see God with all my eyes ( and to not have to cut anything out to begin with imo ).

well I did not mean to spam so much words when i was bothered about things. I find it harder and harder to be that way though. it's futile to think that God is my enemy. even in times of darkness I think it is very good for a person to be as honest as they can be. it helps with searching for the light. this song amazed me so much and it came at the right time.

youtube.com/watch?v=mP3cx-YQfvM

 

[Noxot]

and to choose not to choose is still a choice. though it is good to be at peace in whatever we find ourselves. I just know it's hard to be at peace in a ugly wasteland. but God wants us to be good no matter the situation. it is not good to be blown back and forth by the winds. but God has to reveal all our faults and sins. every defect must be taken care of. every wound made better, except the wounds God gives to us that are incurable.

Isa 49:2-19 (YLT)
And he maketh my mouth as a sharp sword, In the shadow of His hand He hath hid me, And He maketh me for a clear arrow, In His quiver He hath hid me. And He saith to me, `My servant Thou art, O Israel, In whom I beautify Myself.' And I said, `For a vain thing I laboured, For emptiness and vanity my power I consumed, But my judgment is with Jehovah, And my wage with my God. And now, said Jehovah, who is forming me from the belly for a servant to Him, To bring back Jacob unto Him, (Though Israel is not gathered, Yet I am honoured in the eyes of Jehovah, And my God hath been my strength.) And He saith, `It hath been a light thing That thou art to Me for a servant To raise up the tribes of Jacob, And the preserved of Israel to bring back, And I have given thee for a light of nations, To be My salvation unto the end of the earth.' Thus said Jehovah, Redeemer of Israel, His Holy One, To the despised in soul, To the abominated of a nation, To the servant of rulers: `Kings see, and have risen, princes, and worship, For the sake of Jehovah, who is faithful, The Holy of Israel, and He chooseth thee.' Thus said Jehovah: `In a time of good pleasure I answered thee, And in a day of salvation I helped thee, And I keep thee, and give thee, For a covenant of the people, To establish the earth, To cause to inherit desolate inheritances. To say to the bound, Go out, To those in darkness, Be uncovered. On the ways they feed, And in all high places is their pasture. They do not hunger, nor thirst, Nor smite them doth mirage and sun, For He who is pitying them doth lead them, And by fountains of waters doth tend them. And I have made all My mountains for a way, And My highways are lifted up. Lo, these from afar come in, And lo, these from the north, and from the sea, And these from the land of Sinim. Sing, O heavens, and joy, O earth, And break forth, O mountains, with singing, For comforted hath Jehovah His people, And His afflicted ones He doth pity. And Zion saith, `Jehovah hath forsaken me, And my Lord hath forgotten me.' Forget doth a woman her suckling, The loved one--the son of her womb? Yea, these forget--but I--I forget not thee. Lo, on the palms of the hand I have graven thee, Thy walls are before Me continually. Hastened have those building thee, Those destroying thee, and laying thee waste, go out from thee. Lift up round about thine eyes and see, All of them have been gathered, They have come to thee. I live, an affirmation of Jehovah! Surely all of them as an ornament thou puttest on, And thou bindest them on like a bride. Because thy wastes, and thy desolate places, And the land of thy ruins, Surely now are straitened because of inhabitants, And far off have been those consuming thee.

that is all I would ever need if I had believed there is a God and I only had that scripture in a world where this was the only part of the bible preserved. it takes God who spoke the word to his servant and if God won't speak to us then we are doomed. without his life what else could we be but death? I would not have it any other way though, it is not worth existing without God.

 

[x141]

To choose to have no choice is as you say a choice when it comes to soul (which in some respects becomes a pit with no bottom). I don't let my soul choose, but instead choose to keep it enclosed, therefore it continually remains without choice (if that even makes sense). She serves me, because I keep her, and tend to her; she is my eye that is single (in one view of the words pertaining to this that like God, are without measure).

 

[x141]

Wow, that last post said a lot! #611.
Just reading along on this thread.

(To say things you already know ...) The interesting thing is all things to us relate to (our) soul, or consciousness in the form of perception of self. It is where we are at in this journey of (the perception of) who God is as not only God, but Father, and who we are in relationship to him as his offspring, and what his disposition is towards us as something that does not change although to us it appears ever changing in the form of an acceptance that has always been the truth (which in this womb we walk in is the journey).

The Bible itself (in picture form) is this same truth, something that depicts this reality in us until we find ourselves in it. In this is seen how Christ is made/becomes all things to us.

 

[x141]

When he shows you who you are, it is no longer a matter of being something.

 

[x141]

If you are without sin, you do not throw the first stone.

 

[toLiJC]

If you are without sin, you do not throw the first stone.

yes, how is it possible that a man not sin by killing if he violates the Holy Commandment "Do not kill."?!

Blessings

 

[x141]

yes, how is it possible that a man not sin by killing if he violates the Holy Commandment "Do not kill."?!

Blessings

That is the conundrum of the law ... the one without did not accuse which is tantamount to throwing the first stone.