This will take GUTS.............

[Solomons Porch]

Yes God can change us.

I remember my final anger bust and I was praying through it screaming to God "I cant do this!", "I cant be like this anymore"

Fighting against my body which wanted the result of anger in the heart.

My body just wanted it all to stop, but my love wanted her at peace, in love, happy with God.

God changed our situation by calling home my partner.

Legally I was in an adulterous relationship with her as my previous wife up and left me.

I really wouldn't recommend people continue to suffer in a relationship like I lived.

And let me bring some perspective here, even the psych wards didn't want to help her.

They kept releasing her into my care.

On one occasion she was taken to hospital after a suicide attempt and was screaming my name and acting uncontrollably in hospital and she was restrained!

How would you suggest praying for them?

 

[Solomons Porch]

Try pet a lizard and see their emotion once you handle them

So men need time and space when they are presented with alot of emotion? Or is it just anger emotion ONLY

 

[I'm_Sorry]

How would you suggest praying for them?

I'd pray for God to please intervene and start to show how unjustified both parties are in a relationship.

Humility is essential, control over another needs the axe.

All the inner issues need to be worked on with God of each party.

E.g. Sexual desires, unrealistic expectations, hurt, anger, etc.

 

[Solomons Porch]

And let me bring some perspective here, even the psych wards didn't want to help her.

They kept releasing her into my care.

On one occasion she was taken to hospital after a suicide attempt and was screaming my name and acting uncontrollably in hospital and she was restrained!

That is tough to witness

 

[I'm_Sorry]

So men need time and space when they are presented with alot of emotion? Or is it just anger emotion ONLY

I can only speak for me.

I need space.

 

[I'm_Sorry]

BTW,

IF a relationship is currently emotional and physically abusive, on both accounts (which is likely the case), and you have access to support facilities (Church or Psychologists, prior is better) use them.

There will be much resentment towards each other to work through and will most likely require a middle man so that conversation maintains sobriety and not emotional explosivity.

If you both desire happiness in marriage in the love of Christ there is much work to be done.

"I'm right, you're wrong" leads to fighting.

"You did this, and you're not sorry" leads to fighting.

"Stop everything and listen to me" leads to fighting.

Passive aggressiveness leads to fighting.

Some e.g. 10 Things Passive-Aggressive People Say

 

[Hidden In Him]

This is a hard question to answer I am well aware. For those that DO answer this question, first, let me commend you for replying because this takes a lot of guts. First I am asking any males or females that have been IN THE PAST been abusive with their spouse or significant other. My question is: Do these people change?

I was once involved in a 13 year relationship with a woman God never called me to. During one particularly bad argument, I took her by the throat and put her up against a closet door. The intent was not to harm her, but most certainly to let her know in no uncertain terms that she was crossing boundaries I would not tolerate.

Would I change if I were involved in such a relationship still? Not without the power of God somehow opening my eyes to understand her better. It often boils down to seeing things from the other person's perspective, to see how they are suffering and in pain, too, and why they are. But in the natural, sometimes all we can see is why we are hurting.

What about the person you were abusing, did you feel bad about it?

No remorse. To this day.

What caused you to be abusive (physically)?

Pushed past the level of tolerance.

Did you truly love them?

Yes.

What could someone have done for you or to you that would've helped you change this behavior?

No person could have helped. As stated, only God Himself revealing her heart to me and the pain she was also experiencing could have stopped me.

Maybe someone reading this thread right now is going thru this type of abuse, what would you say to them?

Step back from the behaviors that led to the confrontation. What happened is a warning sign that whatever led to it obviously was not a smart move on either of your parts. Try to back up from the arguing - both of you - and stop trying to force one another to change. Try to accept each other as you are, and accept that you will have to leave the rest in God's hands.

I don't expect this thread to explode with open confessions due to its sensitive nature.

Honestly, I find no problem with this. It's actually an extremely good thing to discuss openly. The Devil wants to keep all things hidden. It is our God who desires to bring all things to light. Only when we do so can He work to minister healing and deliverance, not only to we ourselves, but to all those around us who might be struggling with the same issues.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

 

[Solomons Porch]

Pushed past the level of tolerance.

In all honesty do you think your tolerance level was out of reach? Meaning did you expect too much or were you actually tolerating way more than one could handle and "she" knew it.

 

[Solomons Porch]

I was once involved in a 13 year relationship with a woman God never called me to. During one particularly bad argument, I took her by the throat and put her up against a closet door. The intent was not to harm her, but most certainly to let her know in no uncertain terms that she was crossing boundaries I would not tolerate.

Would I change if I were involved in such a relationship still? Not without the power of God somehow opening my eyes to understand her better. It often boils down to seeing things from the other person's perspective, to see how they are suffering and in pain, too, and why they are. But in the natural, sometimes all we can see is why we are hurting.


No remorse. To this day.


Pushed past the level of tolerance.


Yes.


No person could have helped. As stated, only God Himself revealing her heart to me and the pain she was also experiencing could have stopped me.


Step back from the behaviors that led to the confrontation. What happened is a warning sign that whatever led to it obviously was not a smart move on either of your parts. Try to back up from the arguing - both of you - and stop trying to force one another to change. Try to accept each other as you are, and accept that you will have to leave the rest in God's hands.


Honestly, I find no problem with this. It's actually an extremely good thing to discuss openly. The Devil wants to keep all things hidden. It is our God who desires to bring all things to light. Only when we do so can He work to minister healing and deliverance, not only to we ourselves, but to all those around us who might be struggling with the same issues.

Thank you for being honest HiddenInHim I appreciate it and value everyone who speaks about this sensitive matter.

 

[Hidden In Him]

You don't think any victim of domestic violence is going to judge you for parts of what you just wrote here, Hidden?

Of course I do. But I'm simply being honest. I am as God made me. Again, my intent was not to harm but to warn. I would have left before it ever came to that.

Those who profess to be completely transparent are deluded. I think as long as we don't hide the fact from ourselves and God, that is all that matters.

I can understand your point, but the truth is I'm simply not the type to be afraid of honesty. Even if it lessens my reputation in the eyes of others for a while, as you stated, what would be the point in my attempting to maintain a reputation that wasn't true, one that depicted a man that wasn't the real me?

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

 

[Solomons Porch]

I personally see the shame for both involved keeps them in a certain prison and leaves them both with a feeling of no escape.

 

[I'm_Sorry]

Meaning did you expect too much or were you actually tolerating way more than one could handle and "she" knew it.

Sometimes "she" or "he" are too far gone to know it.

My partner was acting on instinct, trying to control what she perceived as another person who will abandon her and add to her pain.

She was trying to minimize her pain but her actions in these situations caused another kind of emotional and physical pain.

"too far gone" can be very deeply rooted into a person's childhood experience.

 

[I'm_Sorry]

I personally see the shame for both involved keeps them in a certain prison and leaves them both with a feeling of no escape.

Dysfunctional love with the outlook of "this will be better soon" can also create the prison.

 

[Hidden In Him]

Meaning did you expect too much or were you actually tolerating way more than one could handle and "she" knew it.

I didn't have expectations, only limitations on what I could take. And as far as tolerating too much, I think it's a foolish move to try holding in emotions when one has already passed into an extremely angry state. Some of it has to be released as a warning sign to the one you love that things are getting very troubling. I think it needs to be expressed before something really, really bad happens, and I could list horror stories from the news about what you could guess I'm referring to.

 

[Solomons Porch]

Sometimes "she" or "he" are too far gone to know it.

My partner was acting on instinct, trying to control what she perceived as another person who will abandon her and add to the pain.

She was trying to minimize her pain but her actions in these situations caused another kind of emotional and physical pain.

"too far gone" can be very deeply rooted into a person's childhood experience.

I hate to even agree with you here, but I'm gonna have to, some people see it as 2nd nature and nothing wrong with it, and then there's those that are in denial. I can see why she did what she did, she didn't wanna be left alone and needed a lot of attention and she responded in the wrong way.

I can honestly say with my first husband back when younger I needed ALOT of confirmation due to my raising, which wasn't like your situation with her, yet I still craved attention from him beyond reason. Only now do I know that then I didn't see it and truly it was based in fear.

 

[Hidden In Him]

I can only speak for me.

I need space

Hey, bud! Congratulations on your new avatar pic, btw. If I can be so bold, you now appear quite dashing and debonair.

 

[I'm_Sorry]

I didn't have expectations, only limitations on what I could take. And as far as tolerating too much, I think it's a foolish move to try holding in emotions when one has already passed into an extremely angry state. Some of it has to be released as a warning sign to the one you love that things are getting very troubling. I think it needs to be expressed before something really, really bad happens, and I could list horror stories from the news about what you could guess I'm referring to.

Exactly, without God and His intervention I'd be in prison.

 

[Solomons Porch]

Why be a wet blanket?

I'm a victim and a victimizer.

True I can see how you are, not that it's ok, but I get your point.