This will take GUTS.............

Can abusers change?


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I'm_Sorry

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Hey, bud! Congratulations on your new avatar pic, btw. If I can be so bold, you now appear quite dashing and debonair. :)

LOL thanks mate,

That's me unkempt.

The way I like it!
 
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Solomons Porch

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I didn't have expectations, only limitations on what I could take. And as far as tolerating too much, I think it's a foolish move to try holding in emotions when one has already passed into an extremely angry state. Some of it has to be released as a warning sign to the one you love that things are getting very troubling. I think it needs to be expressed before something really, really bad happens, and I could list horror stories from the news about what you could guess I'm referring to.
True, I hate to refer to my previous work in law enforcement but I saw a repeat pattern, and truly a lot about each person was so different. Most of the time the person that had them locked up was the very one to instantly call and check on them to see if they are ok, and back then I was always blown away by this action. It was as if "some" of them were obsessed and lost without the abuser, it was a sad cycle to witness.

But many times the people were almost proud and very very very few admitted that they were wrong. I found that a lot of abusers were very wooing "if you will" and was able to charm their way back to any grace needed. I would see such potential in them, yet there was this one thing that was sometimes deadly about them.
 
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Solomons Porch

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Now don't get me wrong I witnessed a plenty of women that were abusers as well, trust me they do exist. I'm saying this for the purpose that men do not feel as if I am singling them out, I am not just as in the OP I stated both sexes.
 
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Hidden In Him

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Most of the time the person that had them locked up was the very one to instantly call and check on them to see if they are ok, and back then I was always blown away by this action. It was as if "some" of them were obsessed and lost without the abuser

Yes. This is the abused hoping against hope that the relationship can be saved.
But many times the people were almost proud and very very very few admitted that they were wrong. I found that a lot of abusers were very wooing "if you will" and was able to charm their way back to any grace needed.

And this is the abuser begging for one more chance, honestly wanting to do better.
I would see such potential in them, yet there was this one thing that was sometimes deadly about them.

And this is unfortunately the danger. The problems are still there, which is why it takes God intervening in some way, to show them both the errors of their ways.
 
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Solomons Porch

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And this is the abuser begging for one more chance, honestly wanting to do better.
Its sad to be that nice and then flip a switch which is what the victim is really wanting, for the abuser to be genuine and true to being sorry and changing. I wished there was some sort of counseling provided by those in domestic violence such as a pastor coming to the jail during lock up and trying to help them in some way, but of course not trying to cost taxpayers any more money and also part of their release is based on seeing the pastor/counsel, make it mandatory.

BUT I will add there are a lot of people out there they scream abuse when there is none and this is even more tragic.
 
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Hidden In Him

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The devil wants to keep things hidden?
I think we've all got something to hide. Those who profess to be completely transparent are deluded. I think as long as we don't hide the fact from ourselves and God, that is all that matters.

Paul, something came to mind in prayer just a few minutes ago about what you were saying. I understand your argument here that honesty with God should be the primary focus, but the scriptures actually teach that we are supposed to be open and transparent with each other as well (Colossians 3:9-10; James 5:16). How are you supposed to pray for me if I do not recognize and confess my weaknesses to you, so you know how to care for me and watch out for me, lest the Devil trick me and potentially even destroy me?
 
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Hidden In Him

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Its sad to be that nice and then flip a switch which is what the victim is really wanting, for the abuser to be genuine and true to being sorry and changing. I wished there was some sort of counseling provided by those in domestic violence such as a pastor coming to the jail during lock up and trying to help them in some way, but of course not trying to cost taxpayers any more money and also part of their release is based on seeing the pastor/counsel, make it mandatory

I just don't think counseling, unless it is of an extremely godly and wise sort, with Divine insight from God Himself into the complexities of every specific relationship, is gonna do much good. Relationships are EXTREMELY complex, and I believe ultimately God Himself or words specifically from Him are the only things that can and will heal really worst case scenarios.... barring the grace of God in some other form.
 
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Waggles

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My question is: Do these people change? If you once did this "how" and or "what" caused you to change?
My abusive and violent behaviours within my defacto marriage of some 15 years were like a
prison that I was unable to break out of. My wife was pretty abusive back to me as we were
both junkies. No drugs caused pain.
No amount of good intentions brought about any change. Alcohol and drugs were our masters,
and we both lived to scrounge more supplies by whatever means.
The word dysfunctional was the best description for our 'marriage' and family life. Oh yes,
we had children in the middle of all this.

Although I had gone back to attending Sunday Mass because I was seeking for Jesus to save me,
nothing changed and I ended up attempting suicide. It almost worked.
But God had his hand upon me and the very first person who pulled up in a car next to my body
said "Don't worry, I'm a doctor." It was unbelievable, I should have been killed by that truck and yet
I survived with minimal injuries; no broken bones.

When I was 41 years of age I was challenged one day in a shopping mall by the Pentecostal gospel
of Mark 16:15-18 and Acts 2:38-39.
I kept on going to my RC church on Sunday mornings and started checking out this Pentecostal Church
that had its meetings on Sunday afternoons (how convenient).
Eventually, I got water baptized by full immersion and confessed my faith in Jesus as my Lord and Saviour.
And then something wonderful and marvellous happened to me.
I was baptized in the Holy Spirit and spoke out in a new tongue as the scriptures said that I would.

Then things began to change immediately in my life. No more cigarettes, no more marijuana, no more
heroin and speed, no more alcohol.
But also as I went on praying in the Spirit and reading about becoming a new person in Christ Jesus
the power of the Holy Spirit transformed me from within.
The Lord healed my heart and my soul, he healed my mind and body. The violence and the abuse and
my previous lifestyle all diminished. I am still a work in progress.
Now after 20 years of the Spirit-filled life, I understand what it means to walk with the Lord; to walk in the Spirit.

9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,
10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom
of God.
11 And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11
 
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Hidden In Him

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My abusive and violent behaviours within my defacto marriage of some 15 years were like a
prison that I was unable to break out of. My wife was pretty abusive back to me as we were
both junkies. No drugs caused pain.
No amount of good intentions brought about any change. Alcohol and drugs were our masters,
and we both lived to scrounge more supplies by whatever means.
The word dysfunctional was the best description for our 'marriage' and family life. Oh yes,
we had children in the middle of all this.

Although I had gone back to attending Sunday Mass because I was seeking for Jesus to save me,
nothing changed and I ended up attempting suicide. It almost worked.
But God had his hand upon me and the very first person who pulled up in a car next to my body
said "Don't worry, I'm a doctor." It was unbelievable, I should have been killed by that truck and yet
I survived with minimal injuries; no broken bones.

When I was 41 years of age I was challenged one day in a shopping mall by the Pentecostal gospel
of Mark 16:15-18 and Acts 2:38-39.
I kept on going to my RC church on Sunday mornings and started checking out this Pentecostal Church
that had its meetings on Sunday afternoons (how convenient).
Eventually, I got water baptized by full immersion and confessed my faith in Jesus as my Lord and Saviour.
And then something wonderful and marvellous happened to me.
I was baptized in the Holy Spirit and spoke out in a new tongue as the scriptures said that I would.

Then things began to change immediately in my life. No more cigarettes, no more marijuana, no more
heroin and speed, no more alcohol.
But also as I went on praying in the Spirit and reading about becoming a new person in Christ Jesus
the power of the Holy Spirit transformed me from within.
The Lord healed my heart and my soul, he healed my mind and body. The violence and the abuse and
my previous lifestyle all diminished. I am still a work in progress.
Now after 20 years of the Spirit-filled life, I understand what it means to walk with the Lord; to walk in the Spirit.

9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,
10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom
of God.
11 And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11

Hey Waggles! I'm so glad to hear your testimony. That's a wonderful thing, and reminds us all about the power of our Loving God.

Thank you very much for your encouraging words!! :oldthumbsup:
 
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Solomons Porch

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My abusive and violent behaviours within my defacto marriage of some 15 years were like a
prison that I was unable to break out of. My wife was pretty abusive back to me as we were
both junkies. No drugs caused pain.
No amount of good intentions brought about any change. Alcohol and drugs were our masters,
and we both lived to scrounge more supplies by whatever means.
The word dysfunctional was the best description for our 'marriage' and family life. Oh yes,
we had children in the middle of all this.

Although I had gone back to attending Sunday Mass because I was seeking for Jesus to save me,
nothing changed and I ended up attempting suicide. It almost worked.
But God had his hand upon me and the very first person who pulled up in a car next to my body
said "Don't worry, I'm a doctor." It was unbelievable, I should have been killed by that truck and yet
I survived with minimal injuries; no broken bones.

When I was 41 years of age I was challenged one day in a shopping mall by the Pentecostal gospel
of Mark 16:15-18 and Acts 2:38-39.
I kept on going to my RC church on Sunday mornings and started checking out this Pentecostal Church
that had its meetings on Sunday afternoons (how convenient).
Eventually, I got water baptized by full immersion and confessed my faith in Jesus as my Lord and Saviour.
And then something wonderful and marvellous happened to me.
I was baptized in the Holy Spirit and spoke out in a new tongue as the scriptures said that I would.

Then things began to change immediately in my life. No more cigarettes, no more marijuana, no more
heroin and speed, no more alcohol.
But also as I went on praying in the Spirit and reading about becoming a new person in Christ Jesus
the power of the Holy Spirit transformed me from within.
The Lord healed my heart and my soul, he healed my mind and body. The violence and the abuse and
my previous lifestyle all diminished. I am still a work in progress.
Now after 20 years of the Spirit-filled life, I understand what it means to walk with the Lord; to walk in the Spirit.

9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,
10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom
of God.
11 And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11
WONDERFUL testimony thank you for sharing that GOD BLESS :)
 
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Waggles

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@Solomons Porch @Hidden In Him
It is why Jesus came into the world - to save us from ourselves.

17 And there was delivered unto him the book of the prophet Esaias. And when he had opened the book, he found the place where it was written,
18 The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor;
he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of
sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,
19 To preach the acceptable year of the Lord.
Luke 4:17-19
 
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Solomons Porch

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@Solomons Porch @Hidden In Him
It is why Jesus came into the world - to save us from ourselves.

17 And there was delivered unto him the book of the prophet Esaias. And when he had opened the book, he found the place where it was written,
18 The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor;
he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of
sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,
19 To preach the acceptable year of the Lord.
Luke 4:17-19
:amen:
 
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Lulav

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