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This Is My Fireproof Thread

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Conservativation

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There is not a gap where men are not ministering to men. Not even close. Men hold men to account one to one, men dont say "follow your heart sweety I will support you"
one on one. Men excoriate other men who cheat or beat or substance abuse and will not own it. When they own it, then men hold them to owning it. Maybe mens lack of as much empathy helps, because empathy makes people go "hmmm, I can see why they are doing that so Id better not be too hard on them"

Im not sure why womens (yours here) objections so often use self as data to posit. Is is, and Im asking, is it a bit narcissistic to respond to almost any issue with "I" data?
Or worse to have that as the basis for even seeing truth or its lack in something?

The thread you say to start shows that you miss the larger point and Im sorry Im not better at making it.
 
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Conservativation

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I also want to remind everyone that in this movie, the Love Dare was first done by Caleb's mother to his father. In no way was it saying that it's only, or always the man's job to love sacrificially first.

Oh, and to answer someone's question awhile back who ask if we went out and got the Love Dar. Yes, I did go out and get it.


missing the point
 
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Romanseight2005

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I can't believe this thread has gone so far that a few men are actually equating sexual porn and lust to romance and hope for a spouse's positive change. RIDICULOUS. So if I watch the Notebook and feel all mushy inside about the cuteness of the romance I'm JUST AS GUILTY OF ADULTERY as if I would have watched XXX porn and masturbated to it, or closed my eyes during sex and pictured another man instead of my h? I honestly can't believe the twisting of morality going on in this thread. And if I hope for my h to change dramatically as a husband and father through Christ....that's FLIRTING WITH ADULTERY? What in the world? Unreal. Basically, any woman that hopes for better from her HUSBAND is just as much of an adulterer as her husband who's watching and masturbating to porn on a regular basis? I've never seen such crazy leaps of logic and justifications...oh wait...yes I have. Unfortunately. Luckily I don't have to hear them from anyone IRL anymore. :thumbsup:



Right. and as far as I can tell, no one has responded to my assertion that their logic is flawed because we could read about Jesus Christ, and focus on His attributes, and see a man who sets the bar high.

A person can see that, and be inspired by it, or they can see it and wish others were inspired by it, without applying it to themselves. That doesn't mean that Christ is bad, but the state of one's heart is the issues there.

On the other hand, porn is never good. It isn;t some good thing, that some watchers turn into a bad thing. And any lust is bad, not just gluttonous lust.
 
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Romanseight2005

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This mildly amazes me. So you are saying that if a spouse watches porn that it is literally the equivalent of bringing an extra someone to bed with you? I don't think that there is even a remote chance that you can back that up scripturally.

You tell me? Have you ever struggled to keep thoughts of other women out of your head while making love to your wife? Many men do have this problem due to thjeir consistent porn use, even with the most beautiful wife.


How about the piles and piles of "Christian" pulp-fiction being cranked out that has dastardly stereotypical masculine male villains and completely emasculated feminized male paramours?

Too vague to even guess at what you actually are referring to here.


When a wife sits down with a "good book" and dreams about a completely fictional man and longs for that in her life isn't she committing the same adultery in her heart as when a man fantasizes about some completely fictional women?

This is where you are leaping. You are presuming that if a woman reads a book, and that book has a character in it with good traits that happens to be male, she must be wanting him in her life. Sorry, not even close.



When women commit adultery in their hearts, such as pining over life with some windswept paperback cover model are they bringing someone extra to bed with them?

Who does this?
Are they now subject to being summarily divorced? Should men start making sure that their wives don't have tempting "chick flicks" like "The Notebook", "Hope Floats", or "Sleepless in Seattle" lying about? I guess watching stuff like that should basically be grounds for divorce. I certainly don't want to have my wife bringing Jake Gosling or or James Garner into our marriage bed (how disgusting).

By the way, sex is the sacred act that must be kept between married partners, and can not be compared with an admiration of character traits, which is what you seem to be saying. Sorry. you don't get to say that apples are for men, what oranges are for women. It doesn't work that way. Apples are apples for men and women. Oranges are oranges for men and women.

If you want to thrash on porn, why not thrash on the things that women are prone to do that are just as disgusting to God? Is it because you feel you have a God directed mission to minister to those overcoming pornography? Is it because you have or are overcoming pornography yourself? Is your ministry to women who have husbands with that addiction? If so, do you recommend to all of them that it is adultery and therefore grounds for a divorce?

This sounds like serious rationalizing.
In short, how are you helping?


:prayer:
 
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Romanseight2005

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I'm sorry, your post is chock full of strawmen.

As a movie for men, it was on the low end of mediocre if I were showing it to a mens group. It doesn't provide a realistic approach to actually overcoming pornography. Its characterization of the main character, Caleb, is ridiculously oversimplified. It so oversimplifies him that it is unintentionally funny. The writers hit on almost every male chauvinist stereotype inside of the first 10 minutes. The guy is 100% jerk and 5 minutes after he finds Jesus he is transformed to 100% Christ-hunk 24/7. As a man I realize that the transformation alone is completely ridiculous, nobody gets sanctified inside of the 5 seconds allotted to Caleb in "Fireproof". At a mens retreat I would be hard pressed to come up with a valid substantial teaching point.

As a movie for couples, it's garbage. Nobodies conversion ever works like this. I've seen 100's of men come to Christ, so far exactly zero of them were converted in this manner. Everyone suffers temptation (even Jesus) and everyone will also struggle with failure for the rest of their lives. While they might not fail they will always be struggling, even Paul did. This conversion does nothing but dangle a carrot and a stick for women to express unrealistic expectations of their husbands. It's worthless in this regard.

As a movie for women to watch alone or with other women it is chick porn. Dreaming that your husband is going to be transformed in this manner is the worst sort of "pie-in-the-sky" tripe imaginable. Unless they run out and grab a copy of "The Love Dare" so that they can start selflessly submitting to their husband at God's direction, it is simply flirting with adultery. In this frame it is destructive.

Men need to overcome their addictions (as do women), I've seen God miraculously move and deliver people from seemingly impossible addictions overnight, which shows just how awesome He is. What I have never seen is for God to pave the path in front of us with gold brinks wrapped in silk, clearing every temptation (and thus potential for failure) out of our paths. Our walk with Him IS a path. It's a journey and we need to totally depend on Him.....He is the only way we get there, not some magical transformation into "Wondersaint". Anyone who expects their spouse to be magically transformed into "Wondersaint" is in for a major life setback/letdown. Please guard your hearts ladies.



You will see more clearly the moment you can stop seeing everything through a lens of male or female. If we are to have the mind of Christ, we will see the same way that we are IN Christ.

Galatians 3:26-29

For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. 27 For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29 And if you are Christ's, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise.
NKJV


Or is this passage only referring to men since it refers to sons?
 
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I Art Laughing

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It's not about woman's ministering to men. It's women who think that their sin don't stink and the perpetual need for them to rub men/their husbands sins in what they see as "divorcable" sin. They want to call one PORN and the other, cuddly, bunny, GODLY romance (cue the tears and tissue). Meanwhile, back at home they are using "tools" that are the equivalent to neutron bombs (that is that mens sin will cause a divorce or sexual reciprocity) to turn their husbands into their romantic "dreams". I don't need to draw many men a road map. To even suggest that this is going on is to draw the ire of every women who has a compulsion with their husbands sexual/spiritual well being while having next to zero interest in acting like Godly wives and protecting him from temptation (by having actual sex with him). Somehow they have twisted the scriptures to transform their role as "PASTOR TO ALL MEN" while ignoring their clear ministry to their husbands. They want to make sure they are romanced before doing it, that hubby is squeaky clean, in short they MUST beat submission from their men with the only tool they apparently have left.

Evidence? Lets see, how about when they role into a thread discussing a movie very clearly aimed at men and insist that it is a useful movie for men to watch. How abouts I start picking movies for women? What motivates a woman to come into this thread and argue with men about the spiritual value of a movie clearly aimed at men? What is their dog in this fight? I can see only one, domination. They are right and will confront anyone with another opinion anywhere until the cows are dead and in the ground. They are here to extend and confirm their rectitude.

When asked what THEY personally got out of this movie, how it made them a better Christian they dodge. Why not go and talk about something that actually applies to you then? I've seen enough to know the futility of actually engaging certain ones here, that doesn't mean I will not keep posting however. While all of this sounds harsh I've seen a few throw out the red herring of Caleb's mother "doing" the Love Dare (see it applies to women too) while never remotely dreaming that they would actually do it with their husband. He's ungodly, he's the "leader", he needs to do it with me (or I'll leave), I'll get him the book. Here hubby, here's a sermon YOU should listen to. ;)
 
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I Art Laughing

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You will see more clearly the moment you can stop seeing everything through a lens of male or female. If we are to have the mind of Christ, we will see the same way that we are IN Christ.

Galatians 3:26-29

For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. 27 For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29 And if you are Christ's, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise.
NKJV


Or is this passage only referring to men since it refers to sons?

So what did you get out of the film? How did it make you a better wife to your husband? Did it convince you to submit your whole life to your husband the way Caleb did to his ungodly wife?


 
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I Art Laughing

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This site really helped me while I was struggling with the frequency/interest issue. It really opened my eyes on a lot of what was going on in my heart. I would recommend read the articles on lust and sex here far ahead of watching "Fireproof".

A search index of inspirational biblical teaching, help and encouragement for born again Christians: Theologically sound spiritual resources exalting the Lord Jesus Christ

Specifically, here is a good place to start:

http://www.net-burst.net/help/problems.htm
 
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Conservativation

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It's not about woman's ministering to men. It's women who think that their sin don't stink and the perpetual need for them to rub men/their husbands sins in what they see as "divorcable" sin. They want to call one PORN and the other, cuddly, bunny, GODLY romance (cue the tears and tissue). Meanwhile, back at home they are using "tools" that are the equivalent to neutron bombs (that is that mens sin will cause a divorce or sexual reciprocity) to turn their husbands into their romantic "dreams". I don't need to draw many men a road map. To even suggest that this is going on is to draw the ire of every women who has a compulsion with their husbands sexual/spiritual well being while having next to zero interest in acting like Godly wives and protecting him from temptation (by having actual sex with him). Somehow they have twisted the scriptures to transform their role as "PASTOR TO ALL MEN" while ignoring their clear ministry to their husbands. They want to make sure they are romanced before doing it, that hubby is squeaky clean, in short they MUST beat submission from their men with the only tool they apparently have left.

Evidence? Lets see, how about when they role into a thread discussing a movie very clearly aimed at men and insist that it is a useful movie for men to watch.

This is what Promise Keepers was too. There were 2 main female camps about PK, one, maybe the more silly one, was that it was for men only and discriminated. Im actually less bothered by that because its so goofy. The other though was that PK was seen as another tool tnat was going to fix men, women had flurries of talks about did you know Jill's husband went to a PK and he came back and she says he is a changed man, praise the Lord!!!Que giant video of mucus covered husband who cant eek a word out through quivering lips and wife talking for him (imagine that) of how changed he was, how wrong he had been and how new his was now and how sorry he was for the past. One of many issues with bringing this up is the one predictable response is" hey cons are you saying men dont need to do better?"...sheesh please refrain thats never been the point.

Try this, imagine that video, with a wife weepy and the husband boasting how changed she was, how she was realizing her potential as a Christian wife, she was remorseful of the wrong she had done....it cannot even be imagined.


How abouts I start picking movies for women? What motivates a woman to come into this thread and argue with men about the spiritual value of a movie clearly aimed at men? (Id like an answer to this question, because whatever is the motive is the problem here) What is their dog in this fight? I can see only one, domination. They are right and will confront anyone with another opinion anywhere until the cows are dead and in the ground. They are here to extend and confirm their rectitude.

How DO women get to be such experts on men's minds, saying :many men think this and that?"

When asked what THEY personally got out of this movie, how it made them a better Christian they dodge.

This question is universally dodged, and it doesnt seem unusual TO dodge it. In fact to even ask them what did they get personally is seen as an affront, a rationale for porn addiction, or some similar relativistic man sin vs woman sin thing. All the while the attempt is being made to hold each up to a divine standard, not against each other as men and women. But its via using men vs women, and the visceral reaction to porn, that that spiritual superiority and busy body babysitting of mens morality persists.

In fact that line of questioning has never existed in any group dynamic Ive ever seen. Please no one try and sell me on Beth Moore type women's conferences, those being compared to PK or Fireproof is beyond apples and oranges.

Why not go and talk about something that actually applies to you then? I've seen enough to know the futility of actually engaging certain ones here, that doesn't mean I will not keep posting however. While all of this sounds harsh I've seen a few throw out the red herring of Caleb's mother "doing" the Love Dare (see it applies to women too) while never remotely dreaming that they would actually do it with their husband. He's ungodly, he's the "leader", he needs to do it with me (or I'll leave), I'll get him the book. Here hubby, here's a sermon YOU should listen too. ;)

Or, "dear, Jill told me her husband listened to such and such or read this and he was *blessed* (code) by it"
 
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JaneFW

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There is not a gap where men are not ministering to men. Not even close. Men hold men to account one to one, men dont say "follow your heart sweety I will support you"
What is your evidence that women say that to each other? Other than your opinion of women?

one on one. Men excoriate other men who cheat or beat or substance abuse and will not own it. When they own it, then men hold them to owning it.
When and where? Never seen it IRL. If it was true, there would be no porn users or abusers in the church.

Maybe mens lack of as much empathy helps, because empathy makes people go "hmmm, I can see why they are doing that so Id better not be too hard on them"
Actually, that would be mercy and understanding that we all sin.

Im not sure why womens (yours here) objections so often use self as data to posit. Is is, and Im asking, is it a bit narcissistic to respond to almost any issue with "I" data?
My husband was/is addicted to porn. Of course I'm going to use that as an example when discussing men and porn use. I have also, believe it or not, read lots of posts made here by former porn users. I never saw you call them narcissistic. Oh but then they're men.

Or worse to have that as the basis for even seeing truth or its lack in something?
You made a statement that was incorrect. I showed you HOW it's incorrect according to evidence given by men themselves, and you call it not seeing truth. LOL. Okay .. that's kind of why it's pointless posting to the men here who are utterly hostile.

The thread you say to start shows that you miss the larger point and Im sorry Im not better at making it.
You specifically said ".. where is this type of female self condemnation and redemption thread .." So, I said okay, I'll make one. Then you say I missed the point. I am just literally LOLing at that.
 
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I Art Laughing

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"Originally Posted by Conservativation
There is not a gap where men are not ministering to men. Not even close. Men hold men to account one to one, men dont say "follow your heart sweety I will support you"
What is your evidence that women say that to each other? Other than your opinion of women?
one on one. Men excoriate other men who cheat or beat or substance abuse and will not own it. When they own it, then men hold them to owning it.
When and where? Never seen it IRL. If it was true, there would be no porn users or abusers in the church."

That right there is all the evidence I need. When I have this discussion with men women are never remotely in ear shot. The shame is so great and the fear that men have that their women would feel unloved if their struggle was ever fully known to them they usually have a hard time even bringing the subject up to a brother that they can trust.

The fact that there are "porn users" in the church is very encouraging to me, they might be able to get some help there (if they manage to keep away from the Jezebel faction). I think some people need to do some remedial Romans 7 reading (and read Romans 8 for the answer):

Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth? For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man. Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God. For when we were in the flesh, the motions of sins, which were by the law, did work in our members to bring forth fruit unto death. But now we are delivered from the law, that being dead wherein we were held; that we should serve in newness of spirit, and not in the oldness of the letter. What shall we say then? Is the law sin? God forbid. Nay, I had not known sin, but by the law: for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet. But sin, taking occasion by the commandment, wrought in me all manner of concupiscence. For without the law sin was dead. For I was alive without the law once: but when the commandment came, sin revived, and I died. And the commandment, which was ordained to life, I found to be unto death. For sin, taking occasion by the commandment, deceived me, and by it slew me. Wherefore the law is holy, and the commandment holy, and just, and good. Was then that which is good made death unto me? God forbid. But sin, that it might appear sin, working death in me by that which is good; that sin by the commandment might become exceeding sinful. For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin. For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I. If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good. Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do. Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me. For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.
(Rom 7:1-25)


I know, I know! My wife withdrawing from me sexually will fix me!


 
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Conservativation

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What is your evidence that women say that to each other? Other than your opinion of women?

When and where? Never seen it IRL. If it was true, there would be no porn users or abusers in the church.

Actually, that would be mercy and understanding that we all sin.

My husband was/is addicted to porn. Of course I'm going to use that as an example when discussing men and porn use. I have also, believe it or not, read lots of posts made here by former porn users. I never saw you call them narcissistic. Oh but then they're men.

You made a statement that was incorrect. I showed you HOW it's incorrect according to evidence given by men themselves, and you call it not seeing truth. LOL. Okay .. that's kind of why it's pointless posting to the men here who are utterly hostile.

You specifically said ".. where is this type of female self condemnation and redemption thread .." So, I said okay, I'll make one. Then you say I missed the point. I am just literally LOLing at that.


Funny you ask for evidence, I even have written evidence of it in the form of cards and letters, not just hearing it, a lot. I refuse to believe its not ubiquitous, maybe not using those exact words, but I just will not believe its not the default state of most accountability in women's groups.....EXCEPT....being held accountable to having low self esteem, failing to forgive self, trusting God, things like that.

Its so ubiquitous it seems like it isnt there, back to the thing where the fish is saying "water, what water?"
 
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JaneFW

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Funny you ask for evidence, I even have written evidence of it in the form of cards and letters, not just hearing it, a lot. I refuse to believe its not ubiquitous, maybe not using those exact words, but I just will not believe its not the default state of most accountability in women's groups.....EXCEPT....being held accountable to having low self esteem, failing to forgive self, trusting God, things like that.

Its so ubiquitous it seems like it isnt there, back to the thing where the fish is saying "water, what water?"
You have cards and letters - I have personal experience of women holding me to account. No, we don't excoriate each other, although it's interesting that a few pages ago I stated that women communicate differently, and was told that I'm trying to make it sound like women are better than men. But here you are saying that women do communicate differently, but it's actually bad, and men communicate differently (and better). Laughing again. You guys kill me.
 
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Luther073082

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Honestly I don't think this thread should continue for one more post until at least 3 women directly answer the below question.

Their failure to answer said question proves the entire point of the thread.

So what did you get out of the film? How did it make you a better wife to your husband? Did it convince you to submit your whole life to your husband the way Caleb did to his ungodly wife?
 
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Conservativation

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I agree Luther. Men have been rerererererererererererere self examining and rererererere doubling our commitments for decades, and rerererererererere hearing this "messages of inspiration" to do those things, and weeping and gnashing and nodding and laughing and recommending programs to one another, and trying to out-man each other as to who can self efface the biggest and best when supplicating to movies and ministries etc such as this.

I'd like that answer too.
 
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hijklmnop

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It's not about woman's ministering to men. It's women who think that their sin don't stink and the perpetual need for them to rub men/their husbands sins in what they see as "divorcable" sin. They want to call one PORN and the other, cuddly, bunny, GODLY romance (cue the tears and tissue). Meanwhile, back at home they are using "tools" that are the equivalent to neutron bombs (that is that mens sin will cause a divorce or sexual reciprocity) to turn their husbands into their romantic "dreams". I don't need to draw many men a road map. To even suggest that this is going on is to draw the ire of every women who has a compulsion with their husbands sexual/spiritual well being while having next to zero interest in acting like Godly wives and protecting him from temptation (by having actual sex with him). Somehow they have twisted the scriptures to transform their role as "PASTOR TO ALL MEN" while ignoring their clear ministry to their husbands. They want to make sure they are romanced before doing it, that hubby is squeaky clean, in short they MUST beat submission from their men with the only tool they apparently have left.

Evidence? Lets see, how about when they role into a thread discussing a movie very clearly aimed at men and insist that it is a useful movie for men to watch. How abouts I start picking movies for women? What motivates a woman to come into this thread and argue with men about the spiritual value of a movie clearly aimed at men? What is their dog in this fight? I can see only one, domination. They are right and will confront anyone with another opinion anywhere until the cows are dead and in the ground. They are here to extend and confirm their rectitude.

When asked what THEY personally got out of this movie, how it made them a better Christian they dodge. Why not go and talk about something that actually applies to you then? I've seen enough to know the futility of actually engaging certain ones here, that doesn't mean I will not keep posting however. While all of this sounds harsh I've seen a few throw out the red herring of Caleb's mother "doing" the Love Dare (see it applies to women too) while never remotely dreaming that they would actually do it with their husband. He's ungodly, he's the "leader", he needs to do it with me (or I'll leave), I'll get him the book. Here hubby, here's a sermon YOU should listen to. ;)

You make so many assumptions of us without asking questions. Romans already told you she got the book for herself. Guess what; after I watched that movie with my h, I got it too, and went through it, without telling him. *rolls eyes* That must shock you since we're women and are therefore apparently preachy at our husbands while doing nothing to benefit our marriages.
 
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Luther073082

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You make so many assumptions of us without asking questions. Romans already told you she got the book for herself. Guess what; after I watched that movie with my h, I got it too, and went through it, without telling him. *rolls eyes* That must shock you since we're women and are therefore apparently preachy at our husbands while doing nothing to benefit our marriages.

No no . . . lets put this back on topic. . .

Please answer this question. . . At this point nothing else but a direct answer to this question is of any use to this discussion.

So what did you get out of the film? How did it make you a better wife to your husband? Did it convince you to submit your whole life to your husband the way Caleb did to his ungodly wife?

 
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hijklmnop

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Honestly I don't think this thread should continue for one more post until at least 3 women directly answer the below question.

Their failure to answer said question proves the entire point of the thread.

Honestly I think it's incredibly rude and presumptuous to put your hands on your hips online-style and DEMAND for 3 women to answer a question before we're allowed to say anything else. Good grief. It's like you guys are just drooooling for PROOF that we are as horrible as you think!

I am not going to share my answers to those questions with an audience the likes of this one. Makes me think of the verse warning us not to throw our pearls to pigs. My thoughts, feelings and experiences regarding my marriage and spiritual life are not things I care to throw in THIS thread for people to trounce all over just to prove their point about women being one way and men being another. Assume what you want of me and ALL wives and women all you like; I doubt my personal testimony is going to change the harsh stereotypes I'm seeing here. I'm not going to play the game and be jerked around, doing what you demand like a marionette desperate to prove to a group of angry men that I am a good woman and a good wife according to THEIR standards. *vomit*

This thread IS making me incredibly grateful for my wonderful, sensitive, respectful, intelligent and humble husband!!! :thumbsup:
 
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