This Is My Fireproof Thread

[JaneFW]

Lastly, you have bigger fish to fry than submitting and committing to your husband? Okay.

That's not what she meant. You really should find out more about people's experiences before assuming such things. In fact, this poster lived through a rollercoaster in her marriage, and through her strength and perseverance, and God's goodness, and Him changing her h's heart and her h overcoming some huge sin issues, the marriage survived. God takes the credit, but Dreamer could have ditched and run, and she did not. She fought and she trusted in God, and - trust me - you have no idea about her level of commitment.

Sorry to answer for you Dreamer. I usually don't do this - especially not when it comes to telling someone else's testimony, but this just made me see red.

 

[JaneFW]

It's a fair challenge. One which was not answered.

I will just do what some do and say that there's no point.

 

[I Art Laughing]

"Fireproof" It's a great movie that I'm willing to argue the merits of ad infinitum, because it is full of awesome Christian inspiration. How did it inspire me to be a better Christian? I cannot and will not say, but this I know, it was an awesome, inspirational life changing film.


Credible review?

 

[Romanseight2005]

"Fireproof" It's a great movie that I'm willing to argue the merits of ad infinitum, because it is full of awesome Christian inspiration. How did it inspire me to be a better Christian? I cannot and will not say, but this I know, it was an awesome, inspirational life changing film.


Credible review?

Why would a person not be able to say? It's inspiring because it's a changed heart by God, submission to God, and love in action. You said something awhile back that I didn't have time to respond to because,gasp, I was at work! But it was something like, should a man devote all of his time to his wife, or something like that. Well he did have a job, so much of his time went there, but frankly, that is what my life looks like most of the time, until I burn out. In my case, as with many women, it's the family as a whole that their entire existence revolves around, but apparently that's more acceptable to you, since you think it's an atrocity that women work outside of the home.

 

[hijklmnop]

That's not what she meant. You really should find out more about people's experiences before assuming such things. In fact, this poster lived through a rollercoaster in her marriage, and through her strength and perseverance, and God's goodness, and Him changing her h's heart and her h overcoming some huge sin issues, the marriage survived. God takes the credit, but Dreamer could have ditched and run, and she did not. She fought and she trusted in God, and - trust me - you have no idea about her level of commitment.

Sorry to answer for you Dreamer. I usually don't do this - especially not when it comes to telling someone else's testimony, but this just made me see red.

Thanks Jane.

 

[Romanseight2005]

I got the idea that God can change people’s lives. That nobody need be lost to addiction (of any sort) if they turn to God. And that we need to sometimes violently cut away the sins that bind us. So, I found it very encouraging. I’m not sure if it was supposed to make me a better wife. Perhaps a better person, yes. Why would I want it, necessarily to only focus on one area of my life? –Hmm. Seems like a little bit of tunnel vision going on – where if something doesn’t directly benefit the man then it’s of no use to the woman. (weird thinking, imo). Seems like just another way to discard something because it’s not necessarily focused on making your wife more subservient to you.

My question: Why wouldn’t you find it inspiring for someone in the grip of sin to overcome that sin in a very real and profound way? – Why would any Christian distain that message?

I agree, but I think it did benefit the man because he got his wife back. He fought for her, and I am not sure why a man fighting for his wife is so horrendous around here. Furthermore, his mother applied the principles before in the story, so the principles were meant to be applied to women as well.

 

[hijklmnop]

First, there is nothing "now" about it. I called this movie unrealistic from my first post. That is what makes it chick-porn.

Second, did he do anything right before his conversion? Did he do anything wrong after it??


Lastly, you have bigger fish to fry than submitting and committing to your husband? Okay.

I find the term "chick-porn" revolting, especially in this amazingly convoluted leap of logic you've come up with. I can't believe you're trying to equate a Christian movie about a marriage that is restored and reconciled thanks to a husband's submission to Christ to ACTUAL pornography, which is about lustfully watching other strangers fornicate to get sexual pleasure. It blows my mind that you are equating hoping for better in one's marriage or from one's spouse to lusting after and masturbating to strangers. And it saddens me to see you so emphatically insisting that dramatic change is SINFUL or adulterous to hope for...especially among Christians, whose hope is in the Lord, in whom all things are possible.

 

[Romanseight2005]

I find the term "chick-porn" revolting, especially in this amazingly convoluted leap of logic you've come up with. I can't believe you're trying to equate a Christian movie about a marriage that is restored and reconciled thanks to a husband's submission to Christ to ACTUAL pornography, which is about lustfully watching other strangers fornicate to get sexual pleasure. It blows my mind that you are equating hoping for better in one's marriage or from one's spouse to lusting after and masturbating to strangers. And it saddens me to see you so emphatically insisting that dramatic change is SINFUL or adulterous to hope for...especially among Christians, whose hope is in the Lord, in whom all things are possible.

 

[hijklmnop]

I agree, but I think it did benefit the man because he got his wife back. He fought for her, and I am not sure why a man fighting for his wife is so horrendous around here. Furthermore, his mother applied the principles before in the story, so the principles were meant to be applied to women as well.

My guess is that some men don't like feeling put upon or pressured to also be amazingly loving husbands. They would prefer their wife be put under the microscope. They fear the "unrealistic" expectations they THINK their wife is developing as she watches a movie where the husband is a great example of someone who, after surrendering to Christ, fights against and conquers sinful patterns for the sake of his wife and marriage. They feel they can't measure up and they resent their wives being told that they can hope for more.

It's funny, they hypocritically demand that WE prove to THEM that we applied the principles taught in the movie to better ourselves as Christian wives, but instead of just applying the principles to themselves as husbands, (you know, plank in your own eye and all that jazz) as they harp at us to do as wives, they spend all their time instead arguing about why it's all so bad, wrong, sinful and adulterous to even watch a movie like that in the first place. It's such a wierd merry-go-round of logic IMO.

That's why it's not a "fair challenge", McScribe...it's a loaded question asked in an unbelievably rude manner and I'm not going to throw my "pearls to pigs" as the Biblical phrase goes by trying to genuinely share things about my life to an audience that seems so hostile and so eager to jump on anything about my testimony that might prove their point about women in general. Not my idea of an edifyingly good time. I'll share my testimony when I feel it's appropriate, not when someone demands I do so so they can shoot their little angry argument arrows at it. Blech. Until then I have every right to state my thoughts and opinions about a movie without inviting any further personal attack.

 

[Romanseight2005]

My guess is that some men don't like feeling put upon or pressured to also be amazingly loving husbands. They would prefer their wife be put under the microscope. They fear the "unrealistic" expectations they THINK their wife is developing as she watches a movie where the husband is a great example of someone who, after surrendering to Christ, fights against and conquers sinful patterns for the sake of his wife and marriage. They feel they can't measure up and they resent their wives being told that they can hope for more.

It's funny, they hypocritically demand that WE prove to THEM that we applied the principles taught in the movie to better ourselves as Christian wives, but instead of just applying the principles to themselves as husbands, (you know, plank in your own eye and all that jazz) as they harp at us to do as wives, they spend all their time instead arguing about why it's all so bad, wrong, sinful and adulterous to even watch a movie like that in the first place. It's such a wierd merry-go-round of logic IMO.

That's why it's not a "fair challenge", McScribe...it's a loaded question asked in an unbelievably rude manner and I'm not going to throw my "pearls to pigs" as the Biblical phrase goes by trying to genuinely share things about my life to an audience that seems so hostile and so eager to jump on anything about my testimony that might prove their point about women in general. Not my idea of an edifyingly good time. I'll share my testimony when I feel it's appropriate, not when someone demands I do so so they can shoot their little angry argument arrows at it. Blech. Until then I have every right to state my thoughts and opinions about a movie without inviting any further personal attack.

Yep I think you hit the nail on the head. It's weird too, because I can watch a movie, and be inspired by it, to live it out, which is generally what watching movies does to people. This is also why it's not like porn because while I can watch Fireproof, and be inspired to live sacrificially, and show Christlike love to my family, and a person can watch porn and likewise be inspired to live it out, the fruit born out of living out each of the scenarios is exponentially different, even in opposition to each other.

 

[McScribe]

I'd offer this then: challenge US as to whether or not we have risen to the task of demonstrating greater love to our wives and what it was that inspired us to do so. Go ahead and try and see what you get. Then say that we have no right to dislike this film after you have done that.

 

[Conservativation]

Someone in this thread said plainly, no, I will not commit to being married to my husband no matter what......and I dont expect he do so to me


Tell me, how is that a wits different from unbelievers views? How it is not celebratory of serial monogamy in place of holy matrimony?

 

[I Art Laughing]

At times I feel like I have a "hostage" collar on. Attached to it is 15 lbs of C-4. When I go about my day and come into inevitable temptation I am faced with the possibility of it going off. The enemy is right their to let me know I'm going to fail, that being tempted alone is failure and that I'm ALL alone. As I'm averting my eyes, or leaving the place, or turning off the T.V. (fleeing temptation) I struggle with "the line", have I crossed it? Did I just commit "adultery"? Was there a part of me that wanted to see that?

BOOOM!

Does that make me insecure? You bet it does. If I tell my wife (and I have) that I'm struggling it makes HER insecure. "Aren't I good enough?" So I talk with a brother and pour my inflamed (or infected) guts out on someone I love and respect (or he does with me). No matter what we do though, we can't remove that collar. It's just part of life as a Christian husband.

I know that the blood of Jesus covers all of my sins. That he will provide a way of escape and that I can flee all temptation. I know that when I fall that I can get back up and He can restore me and that I can receive forgiveness and that I can be restored in fellowship with Him. He loves me and is committed to me.

Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ: Even as it is meet for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart; inasmuch as both in my bonds, and in the defence and confirmation of the gospel, ye all are partakers of my grace.
(Php 1:6-7)

I can have a confidence that even though I'm prone to sin and that in me dwells no good thing that He is able to keep me and that He will never forsake me. That in Him I'm a new creature. That His mercies are new every morning. He is faithful when I am not. I need to guard against an evil heart of departing from the Living God, yes, but HE WON'T LEAVE ME!

So whose collar is that around my neck?

In contrast to Christ, in the Christian home there exists a new concept. The concept has nothing to do with grace or faithfulness. It has nothing to do with commitment or a realization of our sin nature. It doesn't acknowledge God's provision for sin, the blood of Jesus Christ. Instead it wants to expose, judge, condemn, and separate. It says that you had better never even let on that you are struggling or you are on the fast track to a divorce. You had better lie, obfuscate, hide and pretend like you are perfect and the sin that you may struggle with daily will never furl your brow. If you let on.

BOOOM!

Divorce. Women have their finger on the detonator. It's a twitchy finger. Do they feel sufficiently loved themselves today? Where you checking that woman out (the one with the nice legs and short skirt)? Are you secretly viewing porn on the computer? All things that strike at the HEART of her security as a wife. Is my husband committed to me? Given what goes on all around us, how can she be sure? Will he leave when she gets older, fatter, saggier? Isn't being tempted prima facia evidence that he will leave? So they cling to that detonator. I have to be able to hurt him if he hurts me.

Mutually assured condemnation.

What form does it really take? From the wife's perspective. He has to be committed to me as Christ is committed to me, he has to be a leader and model Christ to me unconditionally, even though I don't deserve it. I have to be somewhat committed and be Christlike in some ways unless I don't feel like it. If husband makes a mistake I have OPTIONS. Even though I know the freedom and security that unconditional love brings me, I will love conditionally, the "church" says I can. I have a verse in the Bible that says I don't have to love (although I'm not sure exactly where) and that I don't have to be fully committed to my spouse. He knows it too. A few pixels or a stray thought and I can bail, thank you Jesus!

Furthermore, if I'm frustrated with him I can just pull back and watch him burn. Why do you need a wife? Just man up and avoid temptation like your suppose to, sexual sin is different, it's "divorcable". I sin, but it is different, that is what the Bible says and buddy you'd better stop playing with that collar.

So let's take stock again. The man generally feels like he'd better keep his mouth shut and his eyes on the ceiling. He's not sure how well grace works because he is walking a tight-rope with the person who is closest to him. She's watching him for any sign of a slip because he might commit the "unpardonable sin" which will make the "Good News" null and void. Both of them are literally in bondage. He's hiding while she is waiting in the wings with condemnation and forgiveness.

The question is, is she committed or isn't she? Does the blood of Christ apply or doesn't it?

To me, it feels like a very slippery highly insecure slope. Without commitment how can there be security? What value is limited commitment?

I think this is a core issue in marriage that was addressed very poorly in "Fireproof". Yes, Caleb committed completely, but he's the second class citizen, the husband. The wife didn't commit completely and she never has to (according to the doctrine of some). Her adultery wasn't "divorcable", yet somehow his pornography was. The double standard shrieks FAILURE!

Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt. So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.
(Mat 18:23-35)

 

[Conservativation]

At times I feel like I have a "hostage" collar on. Attached to it is 15 lbs of C-4. When I go about my day and come into inevitable temptation I am faced with the possibility of it going off. The enemy is right their to let me know I'm going to fail, that being tempted alone is failure and that I'm ALL alone. As I'm averting my eyes, or leaving the place, or turning off the T.V. (fleeing temptation) I struggle with "the line", have I crossed it? Did I just commit "adultery"? Was there a part of me that wanted to see that?

BOOOM!

Does that make me insecure? You bet it does. If I tell my wife (and I have) that I'm struggling it makes HER insecure. "Aren't I good enough?" So I talk with a brother and pour my inflamed (or infected) guts out on someone I love and respect (or he does with me). No matter what we do though, we can't remove that collar. It's just part of life as a Christian husband.

I know that the blood of Jesus covers all of my sins. That he will provide a way of escape and that I can flee all temptation. I know that when I fall that I can get back up and He can restore me and that I can receive forgiveness and that I can be restored in fellowship with Him. He loves me and is committed to me.

Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ: Even as it is meet for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart; inasmuch as both in my bonds, and in the defence and confirmation of the gospel, ye all are partakers of my grace.
(Php 1:6-7)

I can have a confidence that even though I'm prone to sin and that in me dwells no good thing that He is able to keep me and that He will never forsake me. That in Him I'm a new creature. That His mercies are new every morning. He is faithful when I am not. I need to guard against an evil heart of departing from the Living God, yes, but HE WON'T LEAVE ME!

So whose collar is that around my neck?

In contrast to Christ, in the Christian home there exists a new concept. The concept has nothing to do with grace or faithfulness. It has nothing to do with commitment or a realization of our sin nature. It doesn't acknowledge God's provision for sin, the blood of Jesus Christ. Instead it wants to expose, judge, condemn, and separate. It says that you had better never even let on that you are struggling or you are on the fast track to a divorce. You had better lie, obfuscate, hide and pretend like you are perfect and the sin that you may struggle with daily will never furl your brow. If you let on.

BOOOM!

Divorce. Women have their finger on the detonator. It's a twitchy finger. Do they feel sufficiently loved themselves today? Where you checking that woman out (the one with the nice legs and short skirt)? Are you secretly viewing porn on the computer? All things that strike at the HEART of her security as a wife. Is my husband committed to me? Given what goes on all around us, how can she be sure? Will he leave when she gets older, fatter, saggier? Isn't being tempted prima facia evidence that he will leave? So they cling to that detonator. I have to be able to hurt him if he hurts me.

Mutually assured condemnation.

What form does it really take? From the wife's perspective. He has to be committed to me as Christ is committed to me, he has to be a leader and model Christ to me unconditionally, even though I don't deserve it. I have to be somewhat committed and be Christlike in some ways unless I don't feel like it. If husband makes a mistake I have OPTIONS. Even though I know the freedom and security that unconditional love brings me, I will love conditionally, the "church" says I can. I have a verse in the Bible that says I don't have to love (although I'm not sure exactly where) and that I don't have to be fully committed to my spouse. He knows it too. A few pixels or a stray thought and I can bail, thank you Jesus!

Furthermore, if I'm frustrated with him I can just pull back and watch him burn. Why do you need a wife? Just man up and avoid temptation like your suppose to, sexual sin is different, it's "divorcable". I sin, but it is different, that is what the Bible says and buddy you'd better stop playing with that collar.

So let's take stock again. The man generally feels like he'd better keep his mouth shut and his eyes on the ceiling. He's not sure how well grace works because he is walking a tight-rope with the person who is closest to him. She's watching him for any sign of a slip because he might commit the "unpardonable sin" which will make the "Good News" null and void. Both of them are literally in bondage. He's hiding while she is waiting in the wings with condemnation and forgiveness.

The question is, is she committed or isn't she? Does the blood of Christ apply or doesn't it?

To me, it feels like a very slippery highly insecure slope. Without commitment how can there be security? What value is limited commitment?

I think this is a core issue in marriage that was addressed very poorly in "Fireproof". Yes, Caleb committed completely, but he's the second class citizen, the husband. The wife didn't commit completely and she never has to (according to the doctrine of some). Her adultery wasn't "divorcable", yet somehow his pornography was. The double standard shrieks FAILURE!

Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt. So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.
(Mat 18:23-35)

One popular view is that to admit the struggle is to excuse the sin. Thats a big one with one or two posters, they see men making the statement thats this is ok because we cant help it its our nature so its ok. Thats the feedback you get if you allow for the fact that you struggle. This kind of thing makes a huge incentive to lie about innocent things, to avoid the interrogation that goes something like this....husband comes home after a business dinner


W-were there women there?
H-yes
W did you talk to them
H well, in the group dynamic yea
w- were they pretty
H- ok what to say here....yes...if they were
W-so you liked the way they looked
H thats not what i said, its no big deal
W-why are you being defensive Im just asking

etc etc. for years I was unable to find a proper response, no matter what and how its said she would say ah ha! see, you are lying because you are

too quiet
too talkative
wont look me in the eyes
keep staring in my eyes
too long of answers
too short of answers
you are irritated
you are too nice

That's in the past for me thankfully. Tell me its uncommon and I will not believe it.

In that environment, what man would be comfortable saying he had a struggle on a given day?
What will the reaction be if a man says he has a struggle?

he will be treated as if he gave in and did something

intimacy (sex and other forms)will stop until he is sufficiently "healed" of that struggle

he will be interogated relentlessly for days after, until he says, disingenuously, that he has gotten his struggle under control PTL!

These are all there in Fireproof, actually all these reactions are shown to be the good reaction of a poor suffering godly wife.

then, the ladies the wife associates with encourage more distance she should NOT put up with any man like Caleb (sweety)

Could Caleb, after the dust settled, even raise the topic of the wifes flirtations with the Dr? Yea, right.....lead balloons fly. This is where the circular CONDITIONAL rationale takes over. Of course he cant, how long would that topic last? he tells her he was hurt by that Dr thing, how ficused would that conversation stay on that? Not even one complete sentence until it was BUT YOU DID XYZ.

Conditional, deflection, do not own any unilateral sin, ever, only admit to sin after building a case that of course you sinned in the weakness that your husband created, after all your personal Jesus said it was ok

 

[JanniGirl]

So, you serially cheat on your wife and it's all her fault you feel bad about it (that collar around your neck, Chaz)?

What kind of collar do you think you've placed around her neck? -- by consistently cheating and turning to her with the expectation that she will continue to dutifully give you sex whenever you feel the desire to have it, be faithful herself, respect you (because your a man) and on and on and on ....

It's so sad that you don't actually see what you're doing to her while you go to seek self-gratification.

 

[JaneFW]

I'd offer this then: challenge US as to whether or not we have risen to the task of demonstrating greater love to our wives and what it was that inspired us to do so. Go ahead and try and see what you get. Then say that we have no right to dislike this film after you have done that.

Where did anyone say that anyone had no right to dislike the movie? I don't like it myself. I don't hate it, but I don't love it. I don't recall anyone saying that they were removing the rights of others to feel however they feel.

I think that most people are responding to the hysteria of some posters in calling it pornography. That's so incredibly extreme it's almost laughable.

I don't challenge anyone to do anything. I think that's the difference here. I don't think it's my place to challenge a member on an online forum to "prove" anything or "do" anything at all.

 

[McScribe]

Where did anyone say that anyone had no right to dislike the movie? I don't like it myself. I don't hate it, but I don't love it. I don't recall anyone saying that they were removing the rights of others to feel however they feel.

I think that most people are responding to the hysteria of some posters in calling it pornography. That's so incredibly extreme it's almost laughable.

I don't challenge anyone to do anything. I think that's the difference here. I don't think it's my place to challenge a member on an online forum to "prove" anything or "do" anything at all.

There's no hysteria actually. It's simply true--idolatry is a sin. So whatever would lure us from commitment to marriage is as well. No, the hysteria actually lies in the denial and mockery.

As for it not being your place--I hope it is realized that that is a strange thing to say. If someone claims something and you don't agree with it, challenging them to prove it is perfectly reasonable.

 

[Psalm63]

So, you serially cheat on your wife and it's all her fault you feel bad about it (that collar around your neck, Chaz)?

What kind of collar do you think you've placed around her neck? -- by consistently cheating and turning to her with the expectation that she will continue to dutifully give you sex whenever you feel the desire to have it, be faithful herself, respect you (because your a man) and on and on and on ....

It's so sad that you don't actually see what you're doing to her while you go to seek self-gratification.

Thank you for the nice summary of that very looooooooong post!

What with the musical names, I suggest Psalm 38 (NKJV) as a very nice fit for someone with that testimony!

The feelings of his wife are covered nicely in verse 11. I'd love to post a medical illustration of what I imagine verses 5 and 7 look like, but I'd best refrain.

 

[Conservativation]

So, you serially cheat on your wife and it's all her fault you feel bad about it (that collar around your neck, Chaz)?

What kind of collar do you think you've placed around her neck? -- by consistently cheating and turning to her with the expectation that she will continue to dutifully give you sex whenever you feel the desire to have it, be faithful herself, respect you (because your a man) and on and on and on ....

It's so sad that you don't actually see what you're doing to her while you go to seek self-gratification.

Whats the point of this post?

Is it an accusation?

Chaz isnt even here at the moment.

This is cheap and dirty.

Talking in the hypothetical realm about issues doesn't deserve such cheap accusatory responses. Its not an effective tactic for discussion, and in this case its just plain bizarre as the member isnt even here.

 

[Psalm63]

As a devoted Christian wife, it is my responsibility to pray for my husband that the LORD would be merciful to him and cut off anything in his life that is causing him to sin.

Which raises a question? You know how the Bible says the husband is THE HEAD? Suppose his "extracurricular activity" is causing his wife to stumble? Perhaps there are times when divorce becomes a necessary surgery?