Think I'll sit down here for a bit... (9)

[mrshoperose]

They're so cute! Unfortunately, the dumb crows chase them away if I try to feed them!

 

[WildStrawberry]

It's 6:30 am here and I haven't been to sleep.

I don't even know what I came in here to say. I'm pretty much a mess right now. Every molecule in my body aches to hold Aggie right now. To pet on her and to play fetch with her. Even to have her flick water from her water bowl onto my freshly cleaned mirror.

We're considering hiring a pet detective. I have ads in all over the place. I don't know anything else to do.

And yet...I feel so helpless. And if I'm honest, I feel like God isn't even listening to me. Which I know, deep down, isn't true...but sometimes I really REALLY hate that He won't talk to us directly anymore. Just doesn't seem fair. All those Old Testament guys got to talk to God...sometimes even FACE TO FACE! *WE* are stuck with a Book.

I KNOW I'm ranting and raving. I KNOW that that Book is wonderful and full of wisdom and love and peace and...and...and...

But sometimes you NEED to have that face to face conversation. Sometimes all the Scripture in the world doesn't HELP. You need to have HIS arms PHYSICALLY around you. To HEAR HIS voice telling you that it's going to be okay.

I mean...HE IS GOD for heaven's sake!!! WHY can't HE just do what I want this time? Right now? Ease my pain. Heal my broken heart. Wipe away my tears. Why do I have to sit by and spout things like "He'll take care of us. Even if Aggie never comes back, it'll be okay..."

Bull. It WON'T be okay. It DOESN'T make me feel better. He feels so dang far away right now. I've prayed. I've confessed. I've asked for guidance and faith and healing...

and I hurt. Darn it. I HURT. I want to scream all sorts of obscenities and flip the bird to the heavens and break things and throw things and punch things. To punch Him, if I'm completely honest.

Some of you reading this might be thinking "sheesh, Kae! It's just a cat! People are losing their HUMAN children everyday and you're going on and on and on about a dang cat. Get a GRIP!"

But my cats aren't "just" cats. They're my family. They're the ones that greet me every morning, curl up with me every night. The ones that make me laugh and cry and yell and scold and praise...they're my children. My friends. My companions.

And I've lost 3 of them in the last 3 years. Clio, Emmy and Oscar. It hasn't even been a whole year since Oscar has been gone. I've only just taken down the last IV bag from the bathroom lights where I put it so I could have easy access when Oscar needed his fluids.

Now Aggie is missing and my heart is being ripped from my chest and shredded yet again. And I feel like, if He really loved me, if He really wanted me to be happy and joyful and whatever, He would get off his butt and make everything all better. To *poof* Aggie back into my arms, safe, sound, protected.

There are coyotes out there. Yes, even in Ohio we have coyotes. My parent's cat barely escaped one. Aggie has no teeth. I'm so scared for her.

I feel like I should delete this. To not even post it at all. But I'm going to post it. I need you all to read it. I need my friends to hear me. I need you guys to pray hard for me. Not just about Aggie, but about everything I've said above. I feel so scared that, even as I've spoken everything He already knows and He can handle, He'll be mad at me...

And I need someone, anyone, to tell me that's not true. To hold my hand, even if it's metaphorically, and to remind me of all His promises.

Because I'm just not getting it right now. And that makes me saddest of all.

 

[latebloomer]

Oh, Kae, hugs and prayers for you and Aggie. Once several years ago, we lost our Copper Cat. My husband was in the hospital and Copper scooted out the door when his mother was letting our dog out. I even tried to follow his tracks in the snow. We thought he was gone for good, then we found him sitting on our front step on Christmas morning. He'd been gone for 2 weeks. I understand your hurting. We've lost our dog and Copper and his littermate Stormy in the last couple years and I still miss them.I hope she comes home soon.

 

[joyfulthanks]

And I need someone, anyone, to tell me that's not true. To hold my hand, even if it's metaphorically, and to remind me of all His promises.

Because I'm just not getting it right now. And that makes me saddest of all.

Dear Kae,

I receive a daily scripture email with about three scripture readings, and when I read your post, I thought, "I'm going to go see what today's scripture is, and see if it might help Kae."

When I read it, I thought that even though it wasn't the scripture that I would have thought of in these circumstances, in God's providence, I think it may, in many ways, be the right one.

Here's what it says:

The reading is from St. Paul's Letter to the Hebrews 4:14-16; 5:1-6

BRETHREN, since we have a high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we have not a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

The part about receiving "mercy and grace to help in time of need" is not about God jumping through hoops to do what we want Him to in a given situation, but rather is letting us know that He can sympathize with our weaknesses, and is will be there to help us in our time of temptation, so that in all our human despair and weakness, we do not stumble.

This is about more than Aggie, Kae. It is about you. Go to your heavenly Father with confidence through the sacrifice of His Son Jesus, and keep seeking His mercy and grace to help you not fall into sin in this time of temptation. He loves you, Kae, and is continually there to receive you.

 

[brinny]

It's 6:30 am here and I haven't been to sleep.

I don't even know what I came in here to say. I'm pretty much a mess right now. Every molecule in my body aches to hold Aggie right now. To pet on her and to play fetch with her. Even to have her flick water from her water bowl onto my freshly cleaned mirror.

We're considering hiring a pet detective. I have ads in all over the place. I don't know anything else to do.

And yet...I feel so helpless. And if I'm honest, I feel like God isn't even listening to me. Which I know, deep down, isn't true...but sometimes I really REALLY hate that He won't talk to us directly anymore. Just doesn't seem fair. All those Old Testament guys got to talk to God...sometimes even FACE TO FACE! *WE* are stuck with a Book.

I KNOW I'm ranting and raving. I KNOW that that Book is wonderful and full of wisdom and love and peace and...and...and...

But sometimes you NEED to have that face to face conversation. Sometimes all the Scripture in the world doesn't HELP. You need to have HIS arms PHYSICALLY around you. To HEAR HIS voice telling you that it's going to be okay.

I mean...HE IS GOD for heaven's sake!!! WHY can't HE just do what I want this time? Right now? Ease my pain. Heal my broken heart. Wipe away my tears. Why do I have to sit by and spout things like "He'll take care of us. Even if Aggie never comes back, it'll be okay..."

Bull. It WON'T be okay. It DOESN'T make me feel better. He feels so dang far away right now. I've prayed. I've confessed. I've asked for guidance and faith and healing...

and I hurt. Darn it. I HURT. I want to scream all sorts of obscenities and flip the bird to the heavens and break things and throw things and punch things. To punch Him, if I'm completely honest.

Some of you reading this might be thinking "sheesh, Kae! It's just a cat! People are losing their HUMAN children everyday and you're going on and on and on about a dang cat. Get a GRIP!"

But my cats aren't "just" cats. They're my family. They're the ones that greet me every morning, curl up with me every night. The ones that make me laugh and cry and yell and scold and praise...they're my children. My friends. My companions.

And I've lost 3 of them in the last 3 years. Clio, Emmy and Oscar. It hasn't even been a whole year since Oscar has been gone. I've only just taken down the last IV bag from the bathroom lights where I put it so I could have easy access when Oscar needed his fluids.

Now Aggie is missing and my heart is being ripped from my chest and shredded yet again. And I feel like, if He really loved me, if He really wanted me to be happy and joyful and whatever, He would get off his butt and make everything all better. To *poof* Aggie back into my arms, safe, sound, protected.

There are coyotes out there. Yes, even in Ohio we have coyotes. My parent's cat barely escaped one. Aggie has no teeth. I'm so scared for her.

I feel like I should delete this. To not even post it at all. But I'm going to post it. I need you all to read it. I need my friends to hear me. I need you guys to pray hard for me. Not just about Aggie, but about everything I've said above. I feel so scared that, even as I've spoken everything He already knows and He can handle, He'll be mad at me...

And I need someone, anyone, to tell me that's not true. To hold my hand, even if it's metaphorically, and to remind me of all His promises.

Because I'm just not getting it right now. And that makes me saddest of all.

awwwwwww i'm soooooo sorry.....i'm lifting Aggie and you up to Abba as we speak....there are no words that will take away the inexplicable pain you're feeling right now.......He's not mad at you, dear heart. The powerful feelings you're experiencing are not foreign to Him, nor do they shock Him.....I'm thankful you posted.....we are to pour out our whole heart and soul and all that is within us to Abba...David did, and God used him as an example and called him the apple of His eye....nothing we say or do shocks our Abba....I'm lifting you up now as we speak.....and yes, He's big enough to hear the intensity of our pain.....

(((((hug))))))

 

[LilLamb219]

Kae, I know how you feel. I do hope that she finds her way back to you very soon! If there are neighborhood children, appeal to them for your search! I always loved helping out when I knew a neighbor lost a pet!

 

[WildStrawberry]

Thanks everyone! I knew you all would kick me back into having sense again! *G*

I went to Church and sniffled my way through the service. It was, of course, perfectly *there* for me. Reminding me that God isn't a vending machine. Which I KNOW perfectly well...it's just hard sometimes when you WANT Him to be what YOU want instead of what HE is.

So, I'm better now.

We're calling a Pet Detective. Mike called earlier and the guy is on another case but he'll be coming home around 2:30 eastern and Mike will call him back. The guy says he has lots of luck with indoor only cats. I'll keep everyone apprised.

 

[LilLamb219]

Happy Birthday to DaRev! It's a cool stained glass cake!

 

[joyfulthanks]

Here's to your birthday, DaRev!!! http://www.dreamstime.com/mug-of-beer-image6366286

I thought you might enjoy this to go with your cake (maybe a bit later in the day, though!)

 

[Studeclunker]

Dearest Kae, I hear this from people all the time. 'How could a loving God allow my Mother, Father, child, Brother, Sister, Wife...' We all are so focused on our grief and pain that the fact we, the human race, created this separation and problem. That isn't to say Aggie's disapperance is in any way your fault. Quite the contrary. This is just the weapon ol' Scratch loves to flog us with. All the sharp as razors edges at the end of his whip tear us to shreds. Yet, Jesus is also there taking those stripes with us. He's bleeding right along side you, Kae. I'm often glad that I can't see it.

A mother once comforted her child with the words that Jesus loves her and cares about her suffering. The child responded, "Yes, I know Jesus cares, but I need love with arms on!"
The Child's mother responded, "Darling that's what your father and I and all your relations and friends are here for. We are Jesus' arms for you."

It's very true that the Church rarely lives up to it's calling of caring one for the other. Still, there's a little comfort for you right here. We do care, we do!! Through the internet and works of the Holy Spirit we all do our best to emotionally uphold you. Here's an e-hug from another lover of his silly animals. I know it's not as good as the real thing, it's the best I can do from all the way out here in California.

God bless and uphold you whatever the outcome of this trial, Kae.

And Revrand, a happy and blessed day today. I hope your congegation appreciates that they have you for another year.

If you all please, I have a request of my own today. Bob, a good friend, has had a heart attack. He's already had open heart surgery thrice and I fear for him. If it's his time to go home, so be it, and praise the Lord for blessing me with Bob's acquaintance. If not, please uphold him in prayer. I'm really concerned for his wife's well-being. Bob's saved, his wife isn't. I would hope he isn't taken quite yet. Bob would be so happy to see Alys (eh-lee-ss) join him with the Lord.

In the meantime:

Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
Praise him all creatures here below,
Praise to the Lord you heavenly host,
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
Amen.​

 

[mrshoperose]

and for you Kae!


Happy birthday DaRev!


And last (but not least), for Studeclunker, Bob, and his family.

 

[filosofer]

Happy birthday, DaRev

 

[seajoy]

Happy birthday, DaRev

Same here!

 

[ctay]

Happy birthday DaRev

 

[WildStrawberry]

Big fat smooches and hugs to all of my wonderful friends for being here when I was at my lowest! I love you all bunches!

Rev, I sure hope your birthday was filled with wonderful things!

Stude, I'm praying for Bob and his wife! My God grant them both healing!

I updated everything over in the Please Help thread. If you need me to post it here, I will. *G*

Kae

 

[joyfulthanks]

I've prayed for Bob, Stude.

 

[DaRev]

Happy Birthday to DaRev! It's a cool stained glass cake!

Here's to your birthday, DaRev!!!

I thought you might enjoy this to go with your cake (maybe a bit later in the day, though!)

That's the second "cake and beer" wish I got today. Thanks all!

A neat thing happened at church this morning. I had just called the kids to come up for the children's message and one of the confirmation kids told me to sit down with the other kids. He then proceeded to give a lesson on our "two birthdays", our physical birth and our re-birth in holy baptism. (I was impressed by his presentation.) Then he had the kids sing to me while he disappeared into the sacristy. He came out with a small cake with a "?" candle on it. It was priceless!

Even with some of the difficulties we've faced here, this was really special. The folks at my previous parish would have never done anything like that.

 

[mrshoperose]

That's the second "cake and beer" wish I got today. Thanks all!

A neat thing happened at church this morning. I had just called the kids to come up for the children's message and one of the confirmation kids told me to sit down with the other kids. He then proceeded to give a lesson on our "two birthdays", our physical birth and our re-birth in holy baptism. (I was impressed by his presentation.) Then he had the kids sing to me while he disappeared into the sacristy. He came out with a small cake with a "?" candle on it. It was priceless!

Even with some of the difficulties we've faced here, this was really special. The folks at my previous parish would have never done anything like that.

Wow, that is really cool! Sounds like you had a wonderful birthday!

 

[ctay]

That's the second "cake and beer" wish I got today. Thanks all!

A neat thing happened at church this morning. I had just called the kids to come up for the children's message and one of the confirmation kids told me to sit down with the other kids. He then proceeded to give a lesson on our "two birthdays", our physical birth and our re-birth in holy baptism. (I was impressed by his presentation.) Then he had the kids sing to me while he disappeared into the sacristy. He came out with a small cake with a "?" candle on it. It was priceless!

Even with some of the difficulties we've faced here, this was really special. The folks at my previous parish would have never done anything like that.

Oh wow, that is priceless!!

 

[LutheranChick]

Happy B-day, one day late, Rev! (I wished you 1 day early in FB so now I've averaged it out!) That is a great story, sounds like you had a wonderful b-day!

Stude, prayers for you, Bob and his wife.

and for you Kae- I truly hope you find your kitty. I have had scares with our Lucky a few times and fortunately he is always glad to be back in the house after he has had his fill of roaming. Silly housecats don't know just how good they've got it!