Thing's you shouldn't say...

[lucypevensie]

Don't bother asking me a hundred questions today. If you can't tell me what's wrong, you're not that good a doctor.

When your kid's teacher phones to let you know your kid is failing science.

 

[Susie~Q]

Wow, and my husband worked so hard on that project.

When talking to a bank teller

 

[lucypevensie]

I'll take that in 20s please. No, wait, make it 50s. Sorry, I meant 3 20's, 4 10s, 6 5s, and the rest in singles. Plus the 2 100s. You better not mess this up!

Your son's friend who wants to come over for a play date.

 

[americanvet]

I'll take that in 20s please. No, wait, make it 50s. Sorry, I meant 3 20's, 4 10s, 6 5s, and the rest in singles. Plus the 2 100s. You better not mess this up!

Your son's friend who wants to come over for a play date.

No Johnny you can't come over Billy hates you.

To you're child how just got braces.

 

[lucypevensie]

Haha - you look funny. Your lips stick out like a duck beak.

Your server at the restaurant who comes to take your order.

 

[sculleywr]

"I'm sorry. You have the wrong table."

The firefighter quelling the fire in your empty apartment.

 

[Lioness901]

Why'd you do that for I was about to get some marshmallows!?

To someone who's about to be baptized for the first time and has a phobia of water

 

[lucypevensie]

Did I ever tell you my baptism experience? Yeah, the pastor accidentally slipped and fell while dipping me down in the water, then we were both under water, he was pulling me down and I was pulling him down, and we were just a mass of splashing, gasping, choking and sputtering for about 10 seconds, but worst thing was everyone watching this just sat there and laughed. Hope that doesn't happen to you!

Your weight loss coach at weigh in and you gained instead of lost.

 

[forest flower]

What a failure you are!

Teacher who failed you?

 

[lucypevensie]

Teachers who let students fail are failures themselves.

Someone phones to ask if you'd be willing to take a meal to a needy family.

 

[jsimms615]

They need to suck it up and get a job.


A relative of yours needs a ride to work

 

[Susie~Q]

Well, I was going to call in sick today myself, but, I guess I can give you a lift by taking the back roads.

A person who is lost in a new city.

 

[lucypevensie]

Go straight ahead until you come to the second stop sign - or is it the third? Pretty sure it's the second. Turn left. Well, actually if you turn right you'll get there faster, but left is easier. Go to the traffic light and turn left. Wait, no, that's what you'd do if you'd turned right at the light after the third stop sign I was mistaken about. Anyway, there's a gas station there where you have to turn. Turn at the Speedway, but there are 2 Speedways there on that road. Make sure you turn at the one with 8 pumps, not 6.I guess technically they both have 6 pumps because number 7 and 8 at the one are out of order. Go to that one and turn east. You'll know it's east because the sun will be overhead but slightly to your right - toward the south. Just drive around in that area for a while, and you'll probably find what you're looking for.

A friend invites you over to watch basketball on TV.

 

[Susie~Q]

Go straight ahead until you come to the second stop sign - or is it the third? Pretty sure it's the second. Turn left. Well, actually if you turn right you'll get there faster, but left is easier. Go to the traffic light and turn left. Wait, no, that's what you'd do if you'd turned right at the light after the third stop sign I was mistaken about. Anyway, there's a gas station there where you have to turn. Turn at the Speedway, but there are 2 Speedways there on that road. Make sure you turn at the one with 8 pumps, not 6.I guess technically they both have 6 pumps because number 7 and 8 at the one are out of order. Go to that one and turn east. You'll know it's east because the sun will be overhead but slightly to your right - toward the south. Just drive around in that area for a while, and you'll probably find what you're looking for.

A friend invites you over to watch basketball on TV.

^well, I am confused now and I did not even ask for directions, LOL.


I don't like basket ball, I am going to a game tomorrow night.

Someone who wants your favorite recipe?

 

[lucypevensie]

I don't share my recipes because I don't want anyone to be as good a chef as I am.

Would you be willing to chaperone your child's field trip to Six Flags?

 

[Susie~Q]

Sorry, busy that day, my boyfriend and I are spending the night together in a romantic motel.

If you want a new style at the hairdressers

 

[sculleywr]

Surprise me.

To a child who has lost her pet.

 

[lucypevensie]

Honey, your pet ran away because he obviously wanted to live with someone else. Don't cry.

JW comes to your door and asks if you have a couple minutes to talk.

 

[sculleywr]

Honey, your pet ran away because he obviously wanted to live with someone else. Don't cry.

JW comes to your door and asks if you have a couple minutes to talk.

"Come in! Come in! You're just in time to meet our master." In living room, hooded men stand in a circle chanting: "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn"

To the Avon Representative demonstrating her wares in the mall.

 

[lucypevensie]

Oh wow! I love this stuff! I'll take a couple bottles of this perfume - for gifts, a makeup kit for my daughter, 5 sets of the necklace and earrings for my sisters, the manly smelling soap - 7 of them for my brothers in law, husband, and dad. Throw in a couple bubble baths for my kids, the cute lady bug earrings - I'm sure someone can use them, the skin care set, a couple of them, one for oily skin and one for dry, the coconut scented lotion, the peppermint foot cream, the nail polish set in pastels, and the hair clip. You got all that? Good, because I was just kidding, HAHAHA, I use Mary Kay!

(Ok, that was kind of dumb)

Your son asks you if you can drive him to his friend's house.