Things you never/really want to hear

[aaron]

Ok, this is like the "things you never want to hear" thread. I have made basically one change. In the other you said something that you never want to hear that person say, but in this one you will do that AND whay you really want them to say. After you do this then state another person. The person can be someone specific or someone general, like Erwin or webmaster.Ex.
Erwin

never: this site is closing for ever
really: this site is going to go on for an eternal time

1st one:

Teacher

 

[aaron]

Teacher-
never: You have a 10 page report due tomorrow that is worth a quarter of your grade.
really: Students today we are going to read comics for class.

Minister

 

[4jc]

Minister
never: I just spent the entire collection of tithes and put it on a horse race
really: I'm never quitting believing in God. He is my sole provider

Ship's Captain

 

[aaron]

Ship's Captain -
never: We only have one life raft aboard and I am using it.
really: (after a long journey) Today we arrive home.

architect

 

[Lbiagm]

i cant know how to build a house

cop

 

[MizDoulos]

cop

never: You got a ticket for speeding
really: This is a citation for good driving


referee

 

[onecrazycowgirl]

ref
never: The other team is free to do what they like, and I won't see it, but I'll be watching you guys like hawks
really:I can see anybody anywhere on this field - if you so much as poke anybody else on the opposing team, I'll yellow card you


electrician

 

[lucypevensie]

never: uh, sorry for that big explosion
really: I realize my fees are too high, so just for you I will work for free!

next door neighbor

 

[onecrazycowgirl]

next door neighbor

never: I think my chickens just ate most of your flower beds - do you mind if I let them come back to finish them off?

really: That fence is right on the line - nice job! 

 

your lawyer

 

[waterwizard]

Your Lawyer --

Never:  Hope you don't have any plans for the next 10 to 20 years.

Really:  I don't need to take a cut of this settlement.  It's yours.

Cleaning Lady

 

[onecrazycowgirl]

Cleaning Lady

never: You didn't need any of those papers with "Top Secret - Only Copy" written across the top, did you? - I shredded them for you

Always: I've have some extra time this week, so I'll be cleaning your house every day for you


A person who just walked in your front door

 

[NathanStinson]

never: give me all of your money or I'll kill you

Really: My name is EdMcMahon and you just won the Pulishers Clearing House Sweepstakes!

 

Best Friend

 

[lucypevensie]

Never: I LOVE, love, LOVE to gossip!
always: I hope we are good friends as long as we live!

your 5 year old

 

[onecrazycowgirl]

5-year old

Never: Mommy, Mommy! I went and got the eggs from the chicken coop for you - I even brought back the last whole one that I didn't accidently drop!

Always: You're the best Mom in the world


your plumber

 

[waterwizard]

Your Plumber -- Never - Hey, fella, does your insurance cover accidental water damage?

Always - Hey, call me anytime. I'm always available!!

Tour bus guide

 

[onecrazycowgirl]

tour bus guide -

never: ok folks, and right now we're going over a bridge with a weight limit about half of what this bus is, that's only supposed to be for foot traffic, but I feel like going for a swim today - don't you-all?

always: Hope you're having a great time - feel free to ask me any questions you may have.

Tech support - after you've described your computer's problem

 

[waterwizard]

Tech support - after you've described your computer's problem

Never:  Mouse?  You mean that oblong shaped pointer thingy?  Is that what it's called?

Really:  I know exactly what the problem is.  Let me handle it.

Football Referee

 

[robin1497]

Football Ref
Never-- bring that 92 yard touchdown all the way back!!! Redo the play!!

Really- I am in a generous mood here is 2 touchdowns for your team!

your mother

 

[4jc]

your mother
Never: you were a big mistake. We didn't really want kids at all

Really: I baked you a whole batch of your fav cookies just cause I love you. Oh, and by the way, I am raising your allowance to $500 a week just cause.

Titantic Captain:

 

[aaron]

Titanic Captain --
Never: We don't need life boats; get rid of them all.
Really: Double the amount of life boats; we want to be safe.

lifegaurd