The worst mistake of my life

Hazelelponi

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In may last year I met a nice girl, we had an instant connection and I wanted to share the gospel with her, at the time I met her I'd been in rebellion against God for a few years, God spoke to me 3 times in the space of 2 weeks after meeting her

the first thing he said was "I am the source of peace and joy"

secondly, he showed me an image of her walking in a beautiful garden, alone, looking intoxicated with the love of an invisible being

thirdly, he reminded me of the story of abraham and isaac, i hadnt read or thought about that story for years but I suddenly remembered it

I began fornicating with this woman and impregated her

shortly after becoming pregnant she came to church with me and was so moved by the presence of the spirit she burst into tears, and from then on said she was a believer, and she showed evidence of repentance

yet I continued fornicating and began to mistreat her, after 6 more months she left me, and cut off contact completely

its been 4 months since we spoke, and I feel that I potentially ruined Gods beautiful plan for me and her. it was like a beautiful marriage with her was Gods plan A for me, and now I have to settle for some kind of Plan D

how does one cope, when they have thrown away Gods greatest earthly blessing of a partner?

God doesn't run around telling anyone to knock up young women then dump them leaving your child a bastard. That's not God at all...

I'd rethink your faith altogether.
 
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Petros2015

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Im not sure what God intended when he reminded me of abraham and isaac, any idea?

Just what I said - God was Abraham's God, and God said to Abraham

2 Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you.”

Abraham made ready, for God was his God, but then God said

12 “Do not lay a hand on the boy,” he said. “Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.”

And so Abraham proved his faith and devotion he did not sacrifice his son that he loved, but rather the ram that God provided.

Other idols and "Gods" are not quite so kind.
Lust or selfishness may say "sacrifice this relationship that you love to me".
But they will not stay your hand at the end.
They will simply say "Next"
Often before the blood has dried on the first

Whatever it is we cross lines for, that's our God
 
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Sketcher

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In may last year I met a nice girl, we had an instant connection and I wanted to share the gospel with her, at the time I met her I'd been in rebellion against God for a few years, God spoke to me 3 times in the space of 2 weeks after meeting her

the first thing he said was "I am the source of peace and joy"

secondly, he showed me an image of her walking in a beautiful garden, alone, looking intoxicated with the love of an invisible being

thirdly, he reminded me of the story of abraham and isaac, i hadnt read or thought about that story for years but I suddenly remembered it

I began fornicating with this woman and impregated her

shortly after becoming pregnant she came to church with me and was so moved by the presence of the spirit she burst into tears, and from then on said she was a believer, and she showed evidence of repentance

yet I continued fornicating and began to mistreat her, after 6 more months she left me, and cut off contact completely

its been 4 months since we spoke, and I feel that I potentially ruined Gods beautiful plan for me and her. it was like a beautiful marriage with her was Gods plan A for me, and now I have to settle for some kind of Plan D

how does one cope, when they have thrown away Gods greatest earthly blessing of a partner?
Since when I am led by my feelings I tend to make things worse, I try to detach myself and look at the situation as objectively as possible. I'm not the most reliable person to do that when I'm hurt, but here's the principle: stop feeding the fire.

In the interest of this, when I review the situation as described, it doesn't sound to me like God had her as a future wife for you to begin with. It may well have been a warning. God is the source of peace and joy, not any one person. The story of Abraham and Isaac, I'm not sure which one you're referring to. If it's the promise earlier in his life that he would get Issac, I would say just because Issac was promised doesn't mean that a wife was promised to you. If it's what happened at the altar, it could be highlighting the need to give her up (NOT harm her) to demonstrate that God is first in your life, a warning against idolizing her.

Either way, God saw this coming. I don't know his priorities for your life, but whatever they are, he probably planned for this. Pray for her to be healed and redeemed. Apologize to her squarely and without excuse. Trust that God will do what he wants to do, whether you're in the picture anymore or not.
 
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d taylor

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I'd be inclined to agree. But there's a lot of posts like this. I've replied to several. People get an idea and run with it and add God to the picture. They convince themselves their carnal desire is blessed by Him.

In 99% of the scenarios one person is hung up on the other. Either they don't reciprocate or they've moved on. The other is clinging, crying, and hoping for divine intervention. I've yet to see an update to say it happened.

You can't build a future on a one-sided love. Just because you want them doesn't mean God's in it. What they really want isn't consensual. They want Him to make the other feel the same. That crosses a line for me.

I have notice that about the internet people feel free to bare it all. That can be a difficult decision to make a post like i did, if a person is really being sincere. But i try to read between the lines sometimes. When post have a, how do you say, a seeming purposeful attempt to add in a somewhat exaggerated situations. But outside of my world (which is fairly calm) i am sure life like this happens most everyday. So i never really know is it true or not.

And i have seen relationships/advice/help are an interest of yours and you know that area and give good advice.
 
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bèlla

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But i try to read between the lines sometimes. When post have a, how do you say, a seeming purposeful attempt to add in a somewhat exaggerated situations.

I did as well. He still desires her. You see it in his comments.

But outside of my world (which is fairly calm) i am sure life like this happens most everyday. So i never really know is it true or not.

I've been on the receiving end thanks to the Internet. Yes, it happens.

And i have seen relationships/advice/help are an interest of yours and you know that area and give good advice.

Thank you sweets. I hope you're enjoying your tomatoes! :)
 
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BenCollyer91

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There's no guarantee God intended you to be together. That's your perception and it's probably wrong. You keep mentioning unbelievers. But your conduct is worse. You want Him to redeem this. But I wouldn't take you back. I doubt anyone is advising the same.

Focus on your healing and spiritual growth. Allow the Lord to teach you how to be a better man and father. Stop trying to control her and say what she should and shouldn't do. Talking like that will result in limited visitation.

No judge will listen to a rant about unsaved men when you've abused her.

~bella

theres nothing to be proud of having a blended family, God didn't intend for people to have children and then seperate

yes, she would be sinning if she married an unbeliever, she can't use my mistreatment of her as an excuse to disregard scripture, the slate is clean now, where do we go from here
 
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BenCollyer91

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Since when I am led by my feelings I tend to make things worse, I try to detach myself and look at the situation as objectively as possible. I'm not the most reliable person to do that when I'm hurt, but here's the principle: stop feeding the fire.

In the interest of this, when I review the situation as described, it doesn't sound to me like God had her as a future wife for you to begin with. It may well have been a warning. God is the source of peace and joy, not any one person. The story of Abraham and Isaac, I'm not sure which one you're referring to. If it's the promise earlier in his life that he would get Issac, I would say just because Issac was promised doesn't mean that a wife was promised to you. If it's what happened at the altar, it could be highlighting the need to give her up (NOT harm her) to demonstrate that God is first in your life, a warning against idolizing her.

Either way, God saw this coming. I don't know his priorities for your life, but whatever they are, he probably planned for this. Pray for her to be healed and redeemed. Apologize to her squarely and without excuse. Trust that God will do what he wants to do, whether you're in the picture anymore or not.

this is a well rounded comment, its encouraging and assumes my repentance, and offers advice on how to move forward from what is a very painful situation

most other comments have just been used as opportunities to bash me or point out my wrongs, essentially stating the obvious, im familiar with scripture
 
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bèlla

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theres nothing to be proud of having a blended family, God didn't intend for people to have children and then seperate

yes, she would be sinning if she married an unbeliever, she can't use my mistreatment of her as an excuse to disregard scripture, the slate is clean now, where do we go from here

You don't get it. Your sin created the situation. You're not together because of the mistreatment. If you'd been kinder the circumstances might have differed.

She's not your wife. You can't dictate her dating life. That's between her and God. You share a child. But you can't control her.

Given the past, you should avoid making statements along those lines. They'll be interpreted as behavior associated with abusers. Don't force her hand. You'll lose.
 
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Gregory Thompson

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how does one cope, when they have thrown away Gods greatest earthly blessing of a partner?
Face reality that the social situation cannot be fixed.

Look into the depths of your heart and determine what needs to change. Take concrete steps to change whatever inspired the actions you took.

After you have changed, give up on trying to fix the social situation, apologize for how you treated her but do not ask for anything.

After that is done, start again.
 
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BenCollyer91

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You don't get it. Your sin created the situation. You're not together because of the mistreatment. If you'd been kinder the circumstances might have differed.

She's not your wife. You can't dictate her dating life. That's between her and God. You share a child. But you can't control her.

Given the past, you should avoid making statements along those lines. They'll be interpreted as behavior associated with abusers. Don't force her hand. You'll lose.

ofcourse she doesn't have to give me another chance, but then, Jesus didn't have to go to the cross

there is a higher love
 
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bèlla

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ofcourse she doesn't have to give me another chance, but then, Jesus didn't have to go to the cross

there is a higher love

I'm a mother and I've raised a child. I'm speaking from experience. My suggestion of dialing things down is for your benefit. Aggressiveness isn't the answer. It will only remind her of the past.

You're focusing so much on her it will be difficult to convince someone you're interested in your daughter. They'll assume she's a means to an end. You need to shift your attention.

If I can tell you're interested through a computer. It would be brutally evident in person. You can't heal and grow with your mind on her. You need to put it on God and let Him handle this.

Betterment can't be contingent on reconciliation. You have seek it as a child of God, father, and a man. That has to be your reason above all. That's unchangeable.

Show don't tell is powerful. Show the world who you are through your character and the way you interact with others. That's more believable than words. If you want her to consider you husband material. That's what you must become.

Get plugged in with a men's group. Not a bunch of cuddle bunnies. Men who walk their talk and call things out. It will be difficult in the beginning. But they'll rub off on you. Strengthen your prayer life and start fasting. One day per week until you see a breakthrough in yourself and your circumstances.

Ask the Lord to make you better servant, man, and father. If you've got all three the fourth is a given. :)
 
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RaymondG

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ofcourse she doesn't have to give me another chance, but then, Jesus didn't have to go to the cross

there is a higher love
Seems like you are not willing to hear the truth... you would like for us to just tell you the best way to get what you desire....

yet "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful."

And I find no fault in this......But let's be truthful.....God is not in this at all.

You should just ask us for the best way to get this woman to forgive your flaws and take you back....

The truth shall set you free.....
 
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Petros2015

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ofcourse she doesn't have to give me another chance

Well, you will be (or perhaps already are?) a father - it may change things and open the doors to positive participation in your child's life; make the most of that at least as the opportunity presents itself, and it probably will. It will be your chance to show agape love in the situation. And "to those who do well with little, more will be given". Over the course of weeks, months and years, do well - that's my wish for you. Your life, the child's life, the mother's life, any other lives you cross paths with - they can only be better for it if you do.

"Show me how to love" is a good prayer for starters. It begins with an admission that we really haven't a clue about something so fundamentally important. If you are anything like me, you may have to pray it more than once.

A day. ;)
 
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BenCollyer91

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I'm a mother and I've raised a child. I'm speaking from experience. My suggestion of dialing things down is for your benefit. Aggressiveness isn't the answer. It will only remind her of the past.

You're focusing so much on her it will be difficult to convince someone you're interested in your daughter. They'll assume she's a means to an end. You need to shift your attention.

If I can tell you're interested through a computer. It would be brutally evident in person. You can't heal and grow with your mind on her. You need to put it on God and let Him handle this.

Betterment can't be contingent on reconciliation. You have seek it as a child of God, father, and a man. That has to be your reason above all. That's unchangeable.

Show don't tell is powerful. Show the world who you are through your character and the way you interact with others. That's more believable than words. If you want her to consider you husband material. That's what you must become.

Get plugged in with a men's group. Not a bunch of cuddle bunnies. Men who walk their talk and call things out. It will be difficult in the beginning. But they'll rub off on you. Strengthen your prayer life and start fasting. One day per week until you see a breakthrough in yourself and your circumstances.

Ask the Lord to make you better servant, man, and father. If you've got all three the fourth is a given. :)

the reason I struggle to take my focus from her is due to attachment trauma, my childhood was abusive and neglectful, I never had a safe and secure connection with either of my parents or anyone for that matter, so my ex is like a projection, an avatar representing the missing pieces of my childhood, my mind is spinning trying to make sense of why my nearest and dearest has abandoned me

only therapy can help me move past this, but for now theres little I can do apart from distracting myself
 
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Petros2015

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so my ex is like a projection, an avatar representing the missing pieces of my childhood, my mind is spinning trying to make sense of why my nearest and dearest has abandoned me.
... only therapy can help me move past this

What you said there sounds familiar to me.
Does this sound familiar to you?

"12. We assign magical qualities to others. We idealize and pursue them, then blame them for not fulfilling our fantasies and expectations."

If it does, google it and see where it came from and if you see a lot of things that are familiar to you and have been causing you pain, you might find some additional help for those things. Everybody does these things and it causes them pain, and then they find ways to grow out of them. For some of us, it causes an increasing amount of pain to ourselves and others and we need some help not growing but getting out of them. I'm putting it here as an additional resource for you to add to your therapy and faith if you need it because I know that it's one that helped me and others.

It may not be "bullseye!" for you, but... to the degree that it's Bullseye!, shoot for the Bullseye. And then you'll kill the Bull.

Heh. Like Abraham.
 
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bèlla

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the reason I struggle to take my focus from her is due to attachment trauma, my childhood was abusive and neglectful, I never had a safe and secure connection with either of my parents or anyone for that matter, so my ex is like a projection, an avatar representing the missing pieces of my childhood, my mind is spinning trying to make sense of why my nearest and dearest has abandoned me

only therapy can help me move past this, but for now theres little I can do apart from distracting myself

I'm sorry you were hurt and poorly treated during your childhood. Thank you for your honesty. That helps put things in the proper perspective. I don't have the professional knowledge to speak adequately on the subject. But we do have counselors here and that could be a good starting point in the healing process.
 
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