The Virgin Thread

[Tink]

I am not a virgin, in society's sense of the word. At a young age I was molested and also raped twice. There is a difference between the two. If you don't know the difference, ask. I'll explain it to you. These circumstances caused me to become someone who slept with people (ten of them) who were not my husband. While I regret all of these things, I can't do anything to change your view on it.

I go on to say that your opinion on it does not matter to me. As I accepted the salvation Christ Jesus provided to me, I repented of my "unclean" past. I'm happy to say that in the eyes of God (the only eyes that really matter), I'm clean. I've never had sex. I was not raped, nor molested. I'm pure. White. Holy. Set apart. Reserved for my husband.

I would marry either a virgin or non-virgin. If the person wasn't still a virgin, I would want him to have been abstinent (as I have been) since the day he received Jesus as Lord and Savior of his life.

Who I marry is not my choice, but His alone. Whatever You ask of me, Abba, I WILL DO!

Thanks everyone for allowing me to throw in my humble opinion.

In His love,
Tink

 

[Sketcher]

Yes there would. The point to "saving yourself" is to obey God's laws.

And what is the point of obedience if there is no blessing that comes with obedience? The fact is, God blesses those He obeys and punishes those who don't. It's called sowing and reaping.

The point of it is not to place limits on who your spouse will be.

I didn't think that was a bad thing. After all, we need to be discriminating if we're going to marry the right person.

Where in the Bible does it say that? In fact, I have never even heard of the concept of a "virginity exchange" in Scripture before.

The Bible didn't tell me that. My father did, and since he and my mother are still together, thank God, I take him as a credible source.

You just spat in the face of every virgin in this world who's searching for true love.

Chastity is not virginity. I don't care what anyone else says. Someone who's already had sex has already gone down that road and should've most certainly enjoyed it with their partner. Why must you suffer through your virginity until marriage while your partner didn't have to? What's the point of being a virgin if you can't find another virgin to be with?

It's easy as that.

I agree with this. The church gives us umpteen reasons to save ourselves for marraige, including the blessings of two virgins together - and those of us who take this to heart and *gasp* follow the teachings of the Bible on who to marry are being spat on by the church because we listened! I might as well get a piece tonight and ask forgiveness - after all, if anyone discriminated against me, that would be unloving and sinful! It's not my problem anymore, even though I literally screwed up. If I can just sin, repent, and be no worse for wear, then why not? But if there are consequences to my actions, and if it would hurt my future wife if I did this then there are at least two very good reasons for me to not bring this down on myself, and two very good reasons for me to only want to marry a virgin.

Could it be because when you look at things biblically (which is what all believers should be doing) sex is something that is reserved for marriage.

You hit the nail on the head.

I am not a virgin, in society's sense of the word. At a young age I was molested and also raped twice. There is a difference between the two. If you don't know the difference, ask. I'll explain it to you. These circumstances caused me to become someone who slept with people (ten of them) who were not my husband. While I regret all of these things, I can't do anything to change your view on it.

I go on to say that your opinion on it does not matter to me. As I accepted the salvation Christ Jesus provided to me, I repented of my "unclean" past. I'm happy to say that in the eyes of God (the only eyes that really matter), I'm clean. I've never had sex. I was not raped, nor molested. I'm pure. White. Holy. Set apart. Reserved for my husband.

That's good. I'm glad my opinion does not matter to you because you're not judging me. You're being more mature about this than a lot of people in this thread. And that rape and molestation was not your fault, BTW.

 

[Tink]

Right on, Twisted. We wonder why the world doesn't respect Christians when some of us Christians have a hard time doing it ourselves. (Self included, on occasion. Not pointing fingers. Just a statement.)

I am glad for everyone who waits. It's good to be holy, acceptable, and set apart for the Lord! I think we should stop preaching to each other about our opinions on the matter and ENCOURAGE each other. As we follow Jesus, all things will fall into place. Virgins and non-virgins alike, who repent under the Lord, are clean. Whether or not you want to marry someone who is a virgin or not, is very similar to choosing whether or not you will marry someone who has a different view on abortion, politics, homosexuals, and the like. Of course, this is just my opinion. For what it's worth.

So...I encourage all of you to follow your hearts and follow our Lord. Sound like a good time?

In His love,
Tink

PS. Twisted, I know that none of those things were my fault. Now. It just took me a while to learn that. Thank you, though, for saying so. God bless you.

 

[thrach]

Have you ever masterbated?

Have you ever masterbated? Have you ever looked at pornography? Have you ever masterbated while looking at pornography or while thinking of partaking in the act of sex?

I was talking about someone with another person, not by themselves.

 

[waterbear]

Various responses:

- Men and women definately seem to treat virginity differently. I see with most of the women a virginity preference is a result of worries about "comparision" - hinting more to insecurity than an intimacy violation. I haven't found a singular reason why men seem to have a deeper value for virginity, though I imagine it has todo with the effects of adultry in a relationship (which are obviously quite different for the different genders).

- Fiscal responsibilty is something women seem to value that men don't. I'm very investment driven in my money, but I'd have no problems dating who didn't understand the concept of interest. Perhaps women want providers, and men want someone who will bear their children - and the past is the best indicator of future behavior.

- Close-minded isn't necessarily bad. It simply means you aren't using circumstances to influence your decisions - you've already made your decision. On any given topic, people typically start out pretty open-minded since they don't know much on this new subject. Eventually they become more knowledgable, form their own understandings/views, and decide that a lot of people giving advice know less than they do. Commitments are also inherently closed-minded, e.g. you aren't open to doing anything that contradicts the commitment. The reason why close-mindedness is so disliked is that it prevents other people from manipulating you - people like to manipulate each other, and they usually believe their puppets are being made better for their manipulating efforts. Open-mindedness on an issue is vulnerability to peer pressure, confusion, and possibly immorality.

 

[JPPT1974]

I am not a virgin, in society's sense of the word. At a young age I was molested and also raped twice. There is a difference between the two. If you don't know the difference, ask. I'll explain it to you. These circumstances caused me to become someone who slept with people (ten of them) who were not my husband. While I regret all of these things, I can't do anything to change your view on it.

I go on to say that your opinion on it does not matter to me. As I accepted the salvation Christ Jesus provided to me, I repented of my "unclean" past. I'm happy to say that in the eyes of God (the only eyes that really matter), I'm clean. I've never had sex. I was not raped, nor molested. I'm pure. White. Holy. Set apart. Reserved for my husband.

I would marry either a virgin or non-virgin. If the person wasn't still a virgin, I would want him to have been abstinent (as I have been) since the day he received Jesus as Lord and Savior of his life.

Who I marry is not my choice, but His alone. Whatever You ask of me, Abba, I WILL DO!

Thanks everyone for allowing me to throw in my humble opinion.

In His love,
Tink

I am glad that you did accepted Christ as your Savior & Lord as He does and will cleanse you of any and all sin, wrongdoings, and everything else not of His from your heart, mind, and soul. That you will lean on Him as you do according to His will and way. Have you talked about this to a counselor or your pastor because there are rape crisis centers that you could talk to. Also it is good to marry not in our choice but in the Lord's alone. God bless you!!

 

[Sketcher]

- Fiscal responsibilty is something women seem to value that men don't. I'm very investment driven in my money, but I'd have no problems dating who didn't understand the concept of interest. Perhaps women want providers, and men want someone who will bear their children - and the past is the best indicator of future behavior.

I do value fiscal responsibility in women. Since most divorce has money issues as the root cause, you can bet I'll be looking for a saver like myself.

 

[waterbear]

I do value fiscal responsibility in women. Since most divorce has money issues as the root cause, you can bet I'll be looking for a saver like myself.

But it's probably not a make or break issue Eh, everyone's different. If I were to marry someone fiscally challenged, I'd get her to agree to a split account where she couldn't do too much damage.

 

[Sketcher]

Heh heh, you could give her a monthly allowance

But in all honesty, I think the second best thing a woman could give me is no debt. Think about it, who'd want to pay off $10,000 that you didn't spend? Virgin marrying a non-virgin, one who's responsible marrying one who's deep in debt - I see a parallel here.

 

[waterbear]

I can see the parallel to, but once the debt is gone, no harm done. She could become fiscally responsible, and even even if she never did I could make more money to offset the issue. I'd try to think of it as incentive to pursue secondary income sources

 

[Sketcher]

That is true. But I'd rather see that change happen before the marraige as opposed to trying to deal with it after.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Is it me, or is virginity grossly overemphasized and idealized in the Christian subculture?

Yes, it's something that matters... but is it the be-all and end-all of everything? Once someone loses his/her virginity out of marriage, is that person ruined forever?

Second (and third, fourth, etc) chances are important too. Think about it.

 

[Niels]

Is it me, or is virginity grossly overemphasized and idealized in the Christian subculture?

Yes, it's something that matters... but is it the be-all and end-all of everything? Once someone loses his/her virginity out of marriage, is that person ruined forever?

Second (and third, fourth, etc) chances are important too. Think about it.

I can see how it might come across as overemphasized and idealized, but I think that's because external pressures are bringing it to the surface. There have been times in history when it was the norm to wait until marriage. Virginity is probably more emphasized now that it's less common, then when it was expected.

 

[invisiblebabe]

I can see how it might come across as overemphasized and idealized, but I think that's because external pressures are bringing it to the surface. There have been times in history when it was the norm to wait until marriage. Virginity is probably more emphasized now that it's less common, then when it was expected.

Hmm, interesting take. I could see your point, but I'm not sure it was not emphasized then... just that the emphasis is more twisted now, because it is not the norm.

I took a 300-level women's studies class last semester, and one of the things we looked at was sexuality and women over the past one hundred years or so... and virginity was grossly emphasized when it was the norm, too. Essentially, women who were not yet married were seen as having their worth in their purity. If they did not still have their purity, and people knew this fact, then they were devalued.

(btw, I am a virgin and most definitely am waiting until my wedding in August, but I have my reasons for seeing things the way I do.)

 

[invisiblebabe]

oooops, double post

 

[StaySalty]

Is it me, or is virginity grossly overemphasized and idealized in the Christian subculture?

Second (and third, fourth, etc) chances are important too. Think about it.

I would say yes, virginity is overemphasized. I think as long as God blesses the marriage, it shouldn't matter if both were virgins or not.

 

[justasinner]

I know it should not matter, but it does in so many way.

I hope and pray that my mate will be an equal both in spirt and virginity!

 

[B®ent]

Are not two people bound together when they have sex? Or is sex meaningless such that a person can move from one to the next without consequence? Don't get me wrong - I agree there is room for repentence. Nevertheless, there are consequences to our poor decisions. 'Forgiveness' is irrelevent. IF forgiveness means no consequences as some have insisted, then we must release all repented murderers, rapists and child-molesters from prison.

I reject the no-consequence philosophy. Moreover, I believe everyone would given the proper circumstances. Would you marry a repented rapist? (Rhetorical question - I don't think anyone would say yes...)

God bless everyone.
Johannes

 

[StaySalty]

Are not two people bound together when they have sex? Or is sex meaningless such that a person can move from one to the next without consequence? Don't get me wrong - I agree there is room for repentence. Nevertheless, there are consequences to our poor decisions. 'Forgiveness' is irrelevent. IF forgiveness means no consequences as some have insisted, then we must release all repented murderers, rapists and child-molesters from prison.

I reject the no-consequence philosophy. Moreover, I believe everyone would given the proper circumstances. Would you marry a repented rapist? (Rhetorical question - I don't think anyone would say yes...)

God bless everyone.
Johannes

What does grace mean to you? What does mercy mean to you? God is rich in both. Have you ever sinned and not received the consequences? Have you ever lied and not got caught in it?

As to the rapist question, I don't know of too many female rapists , but if there was one, and I fell in love with her, and she was a repented Christian, my thinking is, if she's good enough for Christ and I love her, then she's good enough for me

So you can't relate to fornication, immoral sex, or lost virginity? Well Christ can't relate to SIN at all, he absolutely hates it, yet absolutely loves us!

 

[DanteRisen]

I'm still a virgin to this day, and up until about two months ago I was with the same woman for 5 years and she is also still a virgin.

The way I look at is this: I've gone 24 years without it, what's a couple more?

As far as dating a non-virgin, I would certainly hope she was, but once you fall for someone it's kind of hard to hold it against them. Unless ofcourse the number of men was a completely insane number. My only stand on who I wouldn't date that is non-negotiable is that I absolutley refuse to date a smoker.